by Lacey Black
“You heard me, Danny. No. I don’t want to move to LA. I don’t want to be your co-host. I don’t want to switch jobs. I don’t even know if I want my job.”
He’s quiet for a few seconds before he asks the burning question, “What is it you want, Cricket?”
Funny he should ask that, because it’s the one answer I can give easily. The one thing I know as certain as my own name. “Rueben.”
Danny sighs, and at first, doesn’t say anything. “Talk to me, Cricket,” he finally whispers as another wave of warm tears fall from my eyes.
“I think I love him.”
Danny chuckles. “You think you love him?” I don’t reply. “Listen, Cricket, things that happened back then, I know I messed them up. I was just…young and stupid. I knew we weren’t going to last long term, and I was too chickenshit to just say it. Instead, I led you on and mapped out the move with you. I fucked that all up.”
“You got that right,” I mumble, snuffling and reaching for a tissue.
“But it’s not because I didn’t love you. I did. We just wanted different things in life. I think you could see it too,” he says.
Sighing, I know he’s right. Deep down, I knew Danny wasn’t the right one for me, but I was angry at him for blindsiding me with the graduation day breakup. “I think you’re right.”
“Oh, I know I’m right. I’m always right, baby. I’m Danny Ohara,” he replies, and I swear I hear him pound his chest through the phone line.
I snort. “Please. I couldn’t give two shits about Danny Ohara.”
“Maybe that’s true, and I’d totally deserve it. But do you know what, Cricket Hill? I still give two shits about you. That’s why I’m going to ask you this: Why are you in California?”
“What?” I ask, standing up and starting to pace.
“Why are you in California? That wasn’t your dream. It was mine, and you know it. I know you got that job at the station, which was right up your alley. I heard you were awesome and promoted up to a production director within a few years. Then what happened?”
“You screwed one of our morning show hosts and she left to join you.”
“And then you were put in her place, right?” He doesn’t wait for me to reply. “So why did you stay? Why keep doing it if it wasn’t what you wanted? Security?”
“Yeah, part of it,” I confess. “I do enjoy my job. It just isn’t…what I love.”
“And what do you love?”
Rueben.
“I don’t know,” I say instead.
“Let’s not do that, Cricket. We’re way past lying. Be honest. What do you love?”
I sit back down on the couch and close my eyes. “I love the thrill of taking something raw and making it complete. Of working on a project and putting my own spin on it. I love mountain views and bear warnings. But most of all, I love the way it feels to wake up in his arms and fall asleep against his chest.”
I realize I’m crying again, which I hate, because I’ve never been this big of a cry baby before.
“Then let me ask you this again. Why are you in California? Why are you there when he’s in Tennessee?”
Exhaling, the emotion of the past twenty-four—hell, forty-eight—hours starts to weigh me down. “Because I’m stupid.”
“Because you’re scared. What happened to the girl who called me up, chewed my ass up one side and down the other, and then loaded up a rental and drove to California the next day? Was she scared?”
“She was terrified,” I tell him honestly.
“She was brave, even if a little afraid on the inside.” Now it’s Danny’s turn to exhale. “I gotta tell ya, Cricket, when I saw you and Rueben together at Slim’s two things crossed my mind. How dare my old friend date my girl,” he says, and I’m already opening my mouth to argue. “And,” he starts, disrupting my almost-interruption, “do you know what the second thing I thought was?”
“No.”
“I thought if anyone was perfect for you, it was Rueben. He’s probably the best guy I’ve ever known, honestly. He was a good friend in school, and that’s one thing I’ve always regretted about leaving. I never really kept in touch with him.
“Cricket, I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but I do want to tell you this: if Rueben makes you happy, then go for it. Whatever the hang-up is you two have, figure it out. Because I truly believe he’s the best guy for the best girl I’ve ever known.”
I close my eyes and absorb his words. They’re kind and reassuring, two things I’d never associate with Danny Ohara anymore. But he’s shown a little piece of his decency today, and for that, I am grateful.
“Be happy, Cricket. That’s all anyone can ask for in this life.”
I’m still quiet for a few seconds, recalling those last few minutes with Rueben in the airport. It doesn’t seem possible to feel the way I do for him after only a week, but here I am, falling in love with my friend.
“So, what do you say about the offer? You know you can just stay with me if you choose to come to LA, right? My bed is nice and warm, Cricket, and doesn’t squeak like the one we had back at Carbondale.” I can practically hear him wagging his eyebrows.
I snort, a mix of disgust and laughter. “Gross. Not happening, Daniel.”
He laughs in return. “I kinda already figured that, Cricket. I was just kidding. Well, unless you’re really interested in another ride.”
I laugh hard. “Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll pass.”
“Suit yourself. I guess I’ll go ahead and tell my boss to keep looking for a new co-host,” he says with a smile.
“Yeah, that’s probably for the best. You know, if you’d stop sleeping with them, they wouldn’t get pissed off when you break it off with them and quit.”
“But what fun is that?” he asks, a relaxed and familiar chuckle fills the phone line. “I guess I’ll let you go. Oh, and Cricket? If you ever need anything, call, okay?”
“Okay,” I reply. Honestly, I don’t know if I ever will, but it’s nice to know he would be there if I needed him.
“Oh, and tell Rueben I said he’s a lucky man.” The sincerity is evident in his voice.
“Bye, Danny.”
“Bye, Cricket. Take care and be happy.”
“You too.”
Long after we’ve hung up, I sit there with my phone in my hand, trying to figure out my next move. I need a plan. I know where I am, and I know where I want to be. I just have to figure out how to get them both, without losing myself or the man I’m falling for.
Shouldn’t be too hard, right?
Chapter Twenty
Rueben
One week later
“You okay?” Royce asks between sips from his beer bottle from across the deck.
“I’m fine,” I repeat for what feels like the millionth time. Between my mom and brother, and the easy lie I keep telling myself on a regular basis, I’ve said those exact two words more times than I can count.
“You’re not fine. You’re a grumpy bastard.”
I finish off my third beer of the night and toss the bottle into the recycle bin. “I have a lot on my mind.” That’s putting it mildly. In the week since Cricket left, I’ve been a miserable fuck. I know it. Apparently, my brother knows it. That’s probably why he refused to listen to my declined invitation for tonight and just showed up with food and beer.
“Would any of it be about a beautiful brunette with pretty green eyes?”
My cheek ticks and my jaw tightens as my brother talks about Cricket. She’s been back in California for seven days. Seven days of hell on earth, missing her like crazy and wishing she would have stayed. But I also know it wasn’t the right time. She has commitments and obligations back west, which is why I didn’t just ask her to drop everything and stay.
Even though I wanted her to.
“Mind your own business,” I mumble, grabbing a fourth beer from the cooler.
“Your grumpy mood is my business.” He doesn’t continue, just look
s out over the Smoky Mountains landscape. “Why didn’t you ask her to stay?”
I take a long drink of my bottle to give myself time. Time to formulate an answer to the burning question of the week. “It’s not the right time. She has a life out there, shit to do. She couldn’t just drop everything and stay here with me,” I tell him.
“Why the hell not?” he asks, his facial features showing he’s genuinely confused.
“Because,” I start, frustration sweeping through me like a furnace, hot and fierce. “You just don’t understand,” I end up saying, even though it’s a weak retort at best.
Royce leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His eyes lock with mine and I can tell he’s not going to let this go. “Explain it to me.”
Sighing, I take another drink of my beer and end up setting it aside. “There’s all this crap stacked up against us right now. I start a new job in another week, and my free time and leisure travel isn’t going to be what it was, at least not for a while. She’s a morning show host on television, Royce. She can’t just take off whenever she wants to come to Tennessee.”
“How do you know? You made it sound like she doesn’t even like her job.”
And here’s where it gets tricky. “She doesn’t. Not really. But… I guess I just wanted her to want to make the decision on her own, ya know? I don’t want to be a major influence on this life-changing choice, and then she come to regret it down the road.” And that right there is the main reason I didn’t ask her to stay. I’m terrified she’ll hate it here, hate the life she gave up everything for, and regret her decision. Regret me.
“How is she going to make that decision if she doesn’t have all the facts? You want her to come here, right? So ask her. Lay your cards out and see where they fall. She’s hot, Rueben, but something tells me she’s not a mind reader.”
I look over at my brother, my heartbeat thumping a heavy melody in my chest. “She is hot,” I finally say with a cocky grin.
“Dude, I’m still trying to figure out what she sees in you. I mean, you’re not even the hot Rigsby brother,” he teases.
I snort my disbelief and shake my head. My smile falls from my face as I get back to more serious matters. “There’s so much to decide. Where will she work? Will she want to live with me? If not, where is she going to stay during peak tourist season?” I start firing off, and while I know how I’d answer all of those questions—she’d be with me—I don’t know that we’re exactly ready for that. That’s why I add, “It’s been like…a week.”
Royce shrugs. “What does a calendar have to do with it? You think just because you were with her a week that it means you can’t love her yet?” I feel his eyes burning into me, reading my mind and my soul. “You do love her, right?”
The answer is immediate. “Yes.”
He just smiles back across the deck. “Hearts don’t lie, little brother.”
“That’s pretty deep for a man who’s never been in love before,” I tell him and watch in fascination as something passes through his eyes. Regret, maybe? Longing? Yeah, there’s something there, but it’s pushed aside quickly and replaced with a grin. “No time for love, little brother.”
I just grin at my older brother. “You’re going to fall hard.”
“Whatever,” he mumbles, looking down at his beer. Finally, he sits up straight and gives me a pointed look. “Wanna know what I think you should do?”
“Yeah.”
“I think if you love her and want to give it a go, you should tell her. You guys can make it work long distance for a while, until you get to know each other better and maybe figure out where it’s going. I think you need to tell her how you feel, even if you’re afraid. Who cares that it’s only been a week? You’re miserable right now, right? So fucking do something about it.”
Do something about it.
I let his words soak in. Is a long-distance relationship going to be easy? Fuck no. Anything has to be better than these uncomfortable phone and text conversations we’ve been having for the last week. Every time we call, there’s awkward silence. It’s like we both have things to say, but don’t want to say them. At least, that’s how it is for me. Neither of us wants to discuss the hard stuff, so we stick to the basics. Work, weather, and television.
Fuck that.
It’s time to take what I want.
It’s time I get Cricket.
Reaching for my phone, I pull up my internet app.
“What are you doing?” Royce asks, resuming his beer drinking.
“Checking on flights to San Francisco,” I tell him, clicking on the first available flight that pops up. Yikes. Last minute flights aren’t cheap.
“Don’t go tonight,” my brother says, my fingers hovering over the purchase button.
“What?”
He shrugs. “First off, we’ve been drinking. It’s probably not a good idea for me to drive, nor you to travel. Plus, I hate to be the one to say it, but you kinda look like shit. When was the last time you shaved?” His eyes are teasing, but I can tell he means them.
Running a hand over my face, I stop and try to recall when the last time I actually shaved was. When Cricket was here? Even then, it was probably closer to our time at the reunion. “You’re probably right,” I tell him, hating to say those words to my brother. I know he’ll latch on to them and remind me that I said them as often as possible. “I should do this without beer in my system, but I don’t know about the shaving part. She seemed to really like my stubble,” I retort, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively.
Royce laughs. “TMI, little brother. Find a flight out tomorrow sometime. I’m crashing here tonight, so I can take you whenever you need.”
Not the first time he’s crashed on my couch after having a few beers on this very deck. “Fine, but it’s your turn to make breakfast in the morning,” I tell him as I resume my search for a flight to California.
“Deal.”
When I find one that doesn’t leave too early, I pay for my ticket and set down my phone. A weight has been lifted off my chest as I picture reuniting with Cricket tomorrow afternoon. I’ll have to get her exact address, but that shouldn’t be too hard with a little computer forensics work. I’m not sure what her reaction is going to be when she opens the door to find me standing there, but my brother’s right. I have to tell her how I feel and let her make the next move.
I just pray it’s a move in my favor.
Chapter Twenty-One
Cricket
“To Cricket,” Penny says, raising her glass high in the air.
“To Cricket,” a chorus of well-wishings echoes above the music as we all clink our glasses together.
“I can’t believe you quit,” my friend Kristie says, taking another sip of her margarita. “I mean, I thought you’d be the Good Morning girl forever.”
Me too.
Truth be told, I probably would have stuck it out for a while yet, maybe even until I retired. The problem with that is it wouldn’t be me living my best life or truly being happy. Funny, it took me talking to the one man I despise more than anyone to really make me see it, and act.
“I think she’s going to do great at her new job,” Rachelle adds as she licks the sugar off her own margarita glass.
Diving into the chips and salsa on our table, I say, “I’m really excited. It’s something I’d never thought I’d do, but still utilizes my communications degree.”
“Plus, all the hot guys you get to work with,” Penny adds just before shoveling her own chips and salsa in her mouth.
“Hot guys? Ummm, there’s only one guy in the office.”
“And he’s hot!” she replies, earning double nods from Rachelle and Kristie.
“Whatever,” I chuckle, sipping my peach mango margarita.
When our entrees are delivered, I switch from the chips and salsa to my taco salad and listen to the girls talk about their week. Rachelle works at a hotel and always has some juicy gossip to share, while Kristie is a bookkeeper for a law fi
rm. She’s pretty straight laced during the week, so when she goes out and cuts loose, it’s usually pretty entertaining.
“So? Tell me about the guy,” she says between bites of her chicken fajita.
“Who says there’s a guy?” I ask, thankful for the low lighting in our favorite Mexican joint so they can’t see the blush on my face.
All three of them roll their eyes. “There’s always a guy,” Rachelle chimes in. “No one just ups and moves halfway across the country for anything but a guy.”
“Not true. I moved out to San Francisco without a guy,” I argue.
“Semantics. You had a guy until he left without you and broke your heart. You may not have come out here with a guy, but he was definitely the reason you were here.”
“Yeah, it was like one final fuck-you to that jerk with an average sized penis,” Penny adds.
I snort, because I know they’re right. It was my way of saying screw you, Danny. I could do it on my own without you. “Fine, you got me there. But that doesn’t mean I’m leaving now because of one. I have my new job,” I counter.
Kristie gasps. “Watch out, ladies. Her pants are on fire!”
Rolling my eyes, I reply, “Oh, stop, they are not.”
“You’re a total liar. It’s written all over your face.” Rachelle leans in and smiles. “What’s his name.”
Clearing the taco shell from my throat, I take a quick drink of alcohol. They all stare at me eagerly, waiting for me to drop them the smallest of crumbs. “Rueben.”
“I knew it!” Kristie bellows.
“Totally called it,” Rachelle adds.
“Tell us about him,” Penny says.
In unison, they all lean forward, their eyes wide as I tell them all about my reunion and how Rueben and I crossed paths. I leave out the good stuff—you know, glossing over anything that has to do with naked bedroom aerobics—and focus on our short time together. By the time I’m done with my story, they all have those googly heart-shaped eyes and are practically picking out bridesmaid dresses.
“That’s so sweet!” Kristie exclaims, clapping her hands a little too dramatically.
“Does he know you’re coming?” Penny asks, finishing up her dinner.