“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s all right,” I said. I coughed. “But yeah, I didn’t get much sleep. There was a dog last night, trying to steal the old man’s chickens I think. I managed to chase it off but it bit me.”
“Really?” She looked at me closely. “Where?” I showed her my toe. She wrinkled her nose, as if it was the most disgusting thing she had ever seen. “You should’ve chased after it. Hit it with a rock right between the eyes.”
“I tried. Anyway, it ran off. It’s the rabies I’m worried about. I suppose I should get myself checked by a doctor when we get back to the city.” I pulled my toe out of the way. “It didn’t look rabid, though,” I assured her.
“I’m glad you weren’t hurt too bad. You should be more careful next time. A handsome guy like you...”
I laughed. “Me? Handsome? There’s something in your eyes, lady. Rachel Ann once told me if she had to look at me any more often, she’d puke. Just to make a point, you understand.”
She pressed her lips together, acknowledging my joke but refusing to find it as amusing as I did. “You listen to this Rachel Ann a lot?” she asked. I started. What the hell? I just mentioned her name once.
“She’d like it if I did,” I said. “She’s gotten pretty used to disappointment.”
“Good.” The smile returned. Her brown eyes locked into mine, searching. They were so goddamned pretty. She leaned in towards me, her hand on my arm, and then...
The door opened. Of course it would.
Becca pulled away while Rachel Ann stomped in like an angry wet cat. She looked at us. She didn’t say anything, but of course she didn’t need to. She went past us and through the kitchen. In the meantime Enrique appeared and placed a red and white plastic bag on the counter.
“We were trying to find a tricycle,” he announced, ignoring what had just obviously transpired. “There’s none. Last night’s rain had made the roads impassable. No one’s gonna brave through all that muck.”
“Oh,” Becca replied. She didn’t look sad, though. She beamed at me. “That means you’ll be staying another night, at least.”
“I suppose,” I said.
She made a face. “It probably wouldn’t hurt to take a bath. I’m sure Riko will lend you his clothes. Won’t you, my dear?”
“I’ll take you home, Becca,” Enrique said, using the same flat tone he’d used last night. “Rachel Ann will need to borrow more clothes, anyway. Come on.”
“Won’t you stay and have lunch with us?” I asked.
Before Becca could reply, Enrique came up to us and pulled her away from the table. “We don’t have enough food.”
“I’ll see you later, Pablo,” Becca said, smiling the sweetest smile a girl had ever given me.
As soon as they were gone, I went into the room, where Rachel Ann had burrowed into and conveniently forgotten to lock. “Are you still mad about yesterday?” I asked. “I told you. I didn’t know what else to do. Your dad’s pretty scary, Rachel Ann. And he’s still there, by the way.”
“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be keeping your tramp company?”
“Hey...” I started to defend Becca when I realized I didn’t need to. “What about your Enrique? You guys just sneaked off this morning like a couple of lovebirds. Don’t—”
“For your information, I asked him to accompany me so I could find us a tricycle back home. Since you obviously can’t be trusted over such a simple thing.” She glared at me before hiding behind the sheets.
“You’re being such a bitch.”
Her response to such a perfectly reasonable statement involved flinging a pillow at me. It didn’t hurt, but my pride was injured. “Great,” I said, grabbing the pillow and throwing it aside. “This is the thanks I get for scaring that pervert Ciskong away from you last night.”
“What?” she screamed. “What the hell is wrong with you, Pablo?”
“There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just saying—”
“Get out. Leave me alone.”
If she didn’t want to talk, then that was fine by me. I shut the door and walked out of the house into the rain. I didn’t have an umbrella, but I was angry and sorely in need of a smoke. I took the road towards the store.
It was the old woman there this time. She gave me a friendly smile, but said nothing while I paid for two sticks of cigarettes and a packet of corn chips. Then I went as far from the storefront as I could without leaving the shelter of the tin-roof canopy and dialled Mike’s number.
The reception was so shoddy I could barely make out his voice. “Pablo! How’re you guys making out?”
“We’re fine,” I said. “I think she’s having PMS.”
He laughed. “She and her dad both, then. Although I think he’s calming down now. Her mom came by and had a long talk with him. And your mom’s on the way back and spoke with him on the phone. I don’t know—it’s all very confusing. But you guys should start thinking about heading back, if you can.”
“Yeah, about that—”
“Yeah. I heard the roads up there are a mess. Don’t try if it’s just gonna get you into trouble. Don’t want you guys to get hurt. I saw on the news about this one jeepney that toppled over—two kids died. I mean, that was way up north, but it could happen anywhere.”
“The roads were fine yesterday,” I said. “How did you know they’d look bad today?”
There was a pause. And then he said something muffled. I asked him to repeat himself, and he said, “Ciskong told me.”
“When?”
“Last night. We were out drinking in Legazpi when the rain came. I saw him out by the market. That’s when he said...”
I tried to remain calm. “Mike. It can’t be him. Ciskong was here last night.”
“Oh,” he said. There was a long pause. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I think he was making a pass at Rachel Ann. I have to watch him from now on. Probably sleep by her door tonight or something.”
“That’s disgusting.” He gave a forced laugh. “But I suppose it wasn’t Ciskong, then. I could be wrong. It’s not like I know him all that well.”
“Well, I have to go. Keep me updated. Later.”
“Take care, Pablo.”
I checked the phone. I was down to two bars. It was probably a good idea not to call so often from here on. I thanked the old woman and made my way down the slushy path back to the hut.
Sometime later, after passing a grove of trees that eerily looked like skeletons strapped to posts, I stopped. A thought had snagged in the corner of my mind and was edging its way in. I took a cigarette and started chewing on the end. The rich scent of tobacco drifted over my lips.
“Fuck it,” I said out loud. And instead of walking straight on to the row of fences that would lead to Ciskong’s little hut, I went over to the side and into the fields.
First, let me tell you how stupid I felt a few minutes in. The rice fields didn’t actually start at the edge of the road. Instead, there was grass, which was supposed to be pasture for goats and cows and whatnot, only somebody screwed up the drainage and with the past rain it was pretty much marshland. I tried to aim for the obvious patches of grass when I walked, but once in a while I would slip into mud that went past my ankles and up to my expensive pants. It didn’t help that I was wearing Enrique’s worn rubber slippers, having left my runners back in the hut, and every time I pulled a foot up I would hear this sloshing sound followed by a heavy slap and mud would fly through the air and make dark spots on my jaw. I had to do it carefully, too (although that didn’t stop the mud from getting all over the place) because I was afraid the strap would break, and if there was anything worse than what I had just got myself into it would be having to finish it barefoot.
Eventually, though, I managed to leave that Jesus-forsaken mess behind. I crossed a bamboo bridge someone had hastily thrown over a stream and found myself on top of a rolling slope, overlooking Ciskong’s rice paddie
s.
Congratulations!
I didn’t know what else to think. I remembered that the cigarette was still clenched between my lips. I hastily retrieved the lighter from my pocket, but when I cupped it over my mouth it wouldn’t light up. All the fluid was gone.
“Here,” the old man said, moving quietly from under the tree where I hadn’t seen him sitting. He came up to me and lit a match. I didn’t lean forward to take it, but he lifted it up to the cigarette anyway.
I inhaled that sweet, sweet smoke, even though my mind was refusing to work. And then for a long, calculated moment, I breathed it out through my lips. That only really helped for so long. As soon as the smoke had left my lungs I realized that I was still standing there, staring at empty rows of soil.
Ciskong crouched beside me and I forced my head towards him. “So Lolo,” I said, trying to make light of a situation I knew I was certainly over thinking. “You lost the crops, or something?” I laughed. Maybe he was just lazy. Inherited the farm or something and didn’t really know what to do with it. So he sat around pretending he was doing something when he wasn’t. God knew I’d met enough people like that. Why the hell was I getting so worked up over this?
“Hmm,” Ciskong said.
“I mean—all the rain last night, and the typhoons, maybe...”
“You’re ready, then?”
“What?” I flicked the ashes behind me and tried to look at him, but he wouldn’t turn to me—he just sat there gazing intently at the puddle on the ground.
“To make the trip. Up to Itumayam, where I was born.” He smiled and nodded, as if participating in some secret joke. “Yes, I think you are. Tomorrow, maybe, will be perfect. Well.” He got up and placed his fingers over his forehead. “I’ll see you back home tonight, then?” And then he strode through those empty fields as if he actually meant to go somewhere.
Chapter Nine
* * *
* * *
Itumayam.
It was the name I’ve been looking for all this time. Itumayam. He wasn’t as explicit about it as I would’ve liked him to be, but then again, how much more did he need to say? Wasn’t my father his nephew, my grandfather his brother? He’d practically given it to me in a silver spoon; I just knew in my heart that this was it.
I was so excited over finally discovering this piece of the puzzle that I forgot everything else. My stubbornness had seen me through. I’d won. I could finally tear Rachel Ann away from Enrique and go back to a nice warm bed and food I didn’t have to think about. The prospect of getting beaten upside the head by her father didn’t sound so bad as long as I lived through it long enough to get on a computer. I mean, now that I’d gotten my little prize, I was actually quite positive he wasn’t really out to kill me. It was probably why Rachel Ann was so pissed at me in the first place—I made her dad seem like such a monster. Well, I could always rectify that.
I found her sitting alone in the living room pretending like she hadn’t heard me coming. “Here,” I said, before she could totally avoid me. I threw her the packet of corn chips. “I thought you might like a snack.”
She looked at me like I had just offered her a dead rat. Honestly, it wouldn’t have hurt her personality at all if she could be more grateful for things once in a while. Here I was, sacrificing food I’d bought for myself, and she was acting like—I don’t know—like she was been expecting a bouquet of roses or a diamond ring. Fuck, no wonder Mark acted like there was barbed wire up his ass all the time. I crossed my arms and gave her the sternest look I could manage. “Now look here, Rachel Ann...”
“Have you been in a pig sty?” she asked.
“Yeah, I have. The pigs are better company than you. I’ve actually named one Rachel Ann—she’s such a doll.”
“Wonderful.” She turned back to the TV.
I sat at the very end of the sofa, just so I wouldn’t offend Her Highness. “Are you ready to talk now?”
“About what?”
She sounded bored. Bored I could work with. “About going back home. It doesn’t look like it will rain so hard again, so I’m sure we can find a ride back tomorrow.”
“Not scared of my dad anymore, are you?”
I scratched the side of my head. “Look, about that. I didn’t mean to make it sound like your dad’s, I don’t know, Satan or something. I know he’s just concerned about you. And he’s not—that’s not the reason I wanted to stay here.”
She gave me a sideways glance. I thought she was giving me her approval to go on, so I did. “There’s this letter my dad sent me a while ago. It was the same old shit, but he really went at it. I don’t know—I guess it struck a nerve or something, especially after I’d just seen Joy and her boyfriend the day before. I’ve been trying to hack his email ever since.”
“By hack, you mean...?”
“Okay, just secret answer guessing. I’d gotten halfway through and then there’s this question that had me stumped. It wanted to know where his father—my grandfather—was born. Mom had no idea. And you know, the only relative on Dad’s side that I knew of, then, is Auntie Sabelle. And she didn’t know either. And then we met Ciskong and Mike gave me the idea to come here and I figured I could find out if I asked him directly. But he’s always gone and I never got the chance to talk to him until a while ago. I know the answer now. Itumayam.”
This all came out in one gush. I didn’t realize the sour look on Rachel Ann’s face until it was too late. I ducked, expecting her to slap me. Instead she headed straight for the door. “Go back to your pigs, Pablo,” she said flatly. “Because that’s what you are. A selfish pig. You’ll fit in just right.”
“Hold on—”
“No, you hold on. I’m sick of this. It’s always about you, isn’t it? About what you want, what you think you’re owed.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I snapped back. “You told me that already.”
“Did I? That’s so great. You know what else is so fucking great? That I stand for it. I let you indulge your every fucking whim like I’m supposed to be your yaya, your babysitter. Oh, Rachel Ann, let’s skip class! I’m failing anyway, and I don’t care if you fail too!” I cringed—her rendition of my voice grated my eardrums. “Oh Rachel Ann, let’s go to Bicol! You deserve a break! When in actuality you were doing it just for your own bullshit.”
“Okay, I get it,” I replied. “I’m an asshole. All right? You knew that a long time ago.”
“I did. Why the hell do I stick around, then?” She took one step towards me and pushed me.
I feigned a hurt look on my face. “Are you done?”
“Yes,” she said. “I’m done. When all of this is over, Pablo, I want nothing more to do with you. I’m done getting dragged into your messes. I’m done nursing your every little boo-boo. Do whatever you want. Run into jeepneys. Have unprotected sex with a prostitute. Hell, go kill a man—just do it alone. We’re through.”
“You can’t break up with me. We’re not even going out.”
She didn’t reply to that. She slammed the door behind her and left. I threw a fist against the wall and shuddered as the pain shot through my arm. All of that, and the realization that I was cold and wet and miserable, distracted me from the tears that flooded my wretched face.
I waited maybe two hours in silence for her to come back and apologize for making me feel like shit. Her outburst was nothing new. Jesus, our entire relationship sometimes felt like it revolved around her throwing tantrums and me poking fun at them. But it was the first time she had thrown those words against me—the first time she had ever told me to fuck off. It made me want to go outside and throw things around. I mean, what right did she have to act as if I got her into trouble all the time? As I recall, she was the one who was upset about her father. I didn’t need her help—I was the one offering her help. If anything, I was the one whose name got dragged into shit because of her. My entire family was running around like chickens with their heads cut off because I wanted to give her some peace and quiet.
The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that Rachel Ann, at her core, was nothing more than an ungrateful, insufferable bitch. She indulged my every fucking whim? Ha! If anything, it was the other way around. Oh Pablo, I don’t feel like eating rice, can we go someplace more expensive? I’m not a horse, Pablo, don’t make me walk so far! Pablo, this sun is burning my face...!
Fuck. If there’s anything I absolutely loathe, it’s finding the perfect response to something that happened hours ago.
I had broken a couple of branches out in the drizzle before I decided it was all over and done with and maybe it was best if I moved on with my life. You know, stop and consider the time, and maybe take a shower. That sort of thing. I went into the room, wondering if I could steal one of Enrique’s towels, and saw that he’d laid out a whole batch of clothes for me to borrow. I rolled them all up under one arm, went to the outside bathhouse, and went out again later smelling like laundry soap and dressed in a faded blue t-shirt and loose basketball shorts.
I guess sitting around in dry clothes and not having to smell my own sweat did me a lot of good. My anger all but went away. I strode back into the empty hut, made myself a peanut butter sandwich, and started thinking about what kind of motorcycle I’d buy as soon as I saved up enough money. I even started whistling as I put tap water in a kettle to boil. It was while I was in this incredibly good mood that Rachel Ann and Enrique chose to stroll past the fences in the distance, in full view of the window. Her hand was in his.
My first, sarcastic thought bordered on disbelief, because it wasn’t even our third night here and yet she already had him, hook, line, and sinker.
That passed really, really quickly. Before I knew it there was a crushed peanut butter sandwich in my hand. They were talking under the mango tree, oblivious to all but each other. I couldn’t guess the nature of their conversation, and I was too far away to read their lips. Before I could really wrap my head around what was happening, they fell silent long enough for her to reach over and kiss him.
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