by Skylar Heart
Lots of things have changed since that happened, we’ve become more of a family, we’ve really started to become a unit. But watching them, it scares me, because I feel like they may rip us apart, they may burst this bubble we’ve been living in.
Jake’s arm slides around my waist and he pulls me against him lightly. “What do you need from me?” His voice is warm, soft, strong, his body steady against mine. He’s here, he’ll always be here for me, I can finally believe that, I can finally let myself believe that without feeling guilty for relying on him.
I open my mouth, about to tell him that I have no idea, but something else comes out. “Keep us together. Keep us all together.” Because I know that he can do that, I know that he’s strong enough to do that, his heart big enough to fight for us all, and I need that from him right now. If things go bad, I need him to make sure it doesn’t spin out of control.
“Will do.” His voice rumbles in his chest and he tightens his arm around me before letting me go. “Now, I’ll go make sure that Mal doesn’t drop anything.” There’s a slight tease in his voice as we can both hear Mal’s shaking hands as he’s putting cups on the table and things like that, trying his best to keep busy as we’re waiting, his mask of having things under control slipping.
The guys are as nervous as I am, maybe even more nervous, which doesn’t really help me, just makes it worse.
I open the front door as my parents are just a couple of feet from the door, putting on my best smile. “Welcome.”
“Mia!” Mum smiles brightly as she comes closer. “I’d totally forgotten how beautiful this place could be when it’s not raining.”
“I know, right?” I give her a quick hug, and then Dad is also closeby, his eyes serious and I take a deep breath. “Hi, Dad.”
“Hey.” He also gives me a quick hug. “You look good. Healthier.” He tries to give me a smile, but it’s tight, like mine. Yeah, not a way to make me feel any more comfortable...
“Thank you.” I step back into the house, ready to close the door now, since it makes the house so much colder. “Coffee? Tea?”
“Coffee, please.” He smiles a little more to me now. “That drive is long, much longer than you initially expect.”
I nod. “Yeah. Everything is a lot further here. If it’s not in actual distance, then it feels that way because of the rolling hills that never seem to end. I’ve underestimated it a couple of times when we went shopping or had to go to the city.”
Jake pops up from the kitchen and he greets Mum and Dad warmly. At least they know him well and they’ve always liked him, and he offers them a place to sit and some coffee, as Mal darts out of the kitchen, looking almost freaked out.
“Forgot the cookies.” He’s about to rush past me when I stop him, wrapping my arm around him, and his eyes are wide when he meets mine.
“The only one here who really wants the cookies is Elly.” I smile and he flashes me a smile back.
“True.” He seems to breathe a little easier. “I should still get them for her, though.”
“Probably.” I nod. “Can’t forget to get everyone high on sugar.”
He smiles. “Seems to make people happier... usually.”
Then I walk into the kitchen, following my parents. Time to do this, time to find out what they’re here for and if we’ll have a house a week or two from now, specifically, if it’s going to be this house...
We mostly just talked about not-important things, until Tom and Elly came downstairs. My parents immediately fell in love with the bright little girl, so that definitely lifted the mood a lot. Just watching Elly charm them with her smile and her smart words, it made us all a lot more relaxed.
After that, we waited until Dylan finally arrived too, after he was done with his work, bringing with him some things for lunch, which of course made him look very good with my parents. It’s not like he’s not done this ‘charm the parents’ dance before, and he seems to be pretty good at it, which got him some annoyed looks from the other guys, but it just made me smile.
They’re all going all-out. Mal is wearing a good shirt and he styled his hair and he’s being all smiles and kindness. Tom is using Elly as a shield, a way to charm my parents, while also being the ‘doting dad’ he always is, just dialled to eleven. Dylan is being all smart and teacher-like, if he wasn’t so sexy, it could have been boring. And Jake, he’s being himself, his best self, but he doesn’t have to do too much, they already love him...
If this doesn’t make my parents think that these guys are great guys, especially for me, then I don’t know how to convince them of that, and that thought really makes me smile, which Dylan catches and he puts his hand on my leg, leaning close.
“What’s so funny?”
I shake my head, keeping my voice low. “I’m happy. I’m happy to have you all here. That’s all.”
“Well, of course. That’s what we’re trying here, you know? Make you happy.” He gives me a soft kiss on my shoulder.
Then Dad turns more to me, looking serious as he puts his hands on the table. “We all know that we’re not here to just chat, even though, I bet any of you would be able to talk for hours, just to keep us busy. We’re here because of the thing you asked from us last week, about buying this house.”
Here it comes...
Mum takes a deep breath. “We’re not in a position to keep this house as it is for much longer. Paying the bills for it, on top of our own bills in the city, we can’t keep up with it, and we need to make a choice, soon. We were planning on selling it, as Mia has probably told you, because we’re city people, we’re not interested in living here and we could really use the money from the sale to get something better in the city, or use the money in other ways. That was our plan.”
“Was?” My stomach is in knots and I feel like my coffee is about to come back up, maybe I shouldn’t have drunk that in all my nervousness.
Dad nods. “While we’re still planning on selling, Jake’s request made us rethink our options.”
“Yes?” Because that doesn’t sound like a yes or a no. There may yet be hope for us.
Dad looks at me directly. “How serious are you about this all? Are you going to live here, in the middle of nowhere? With all these guys? Are you going to stay, or will this be something where you’ll be here for a while before you move back to the city?”
I stare at him, not expecting those words from him and they hurt.
Does he expect me to just give up or something? Does he expect me to leave again, after I’ve finally found my guys? After I’ve finally found a situation where I feel welcome, where people love me just for me and not because they can use me to their advantage, but actually just love who I am?
I open my mouth, trying to reply, but nothing comes out.
It hurts. It hurts so much. His words hurt and I don’t know how to stop them from hurting. Am I really that unreliable? Does he really think I’ll just run off again? “I’m not leaving them.” My voice is almost a squeak and my throat is all closed up, tears in my eyes.
Elly slides from her chair and comes over to me, wrapping her little arms around me. “Where do you hurt?”
I reach out to her and put my arm around her, keeping her close for a moment. This must be so confusing for a little kid. All these adults being serious and making serious faces and she probably doesn’t even really know what it’s about. If it’s this upsetting to us, then how confusing must it be for a little kid who doesn’t even really know what this is all about? “Inside,” I whisper. “But hugs make it a lot better.”
“Okay.” She tightens her little arms around me and I feel Dylan’s hand on my back.
They’re here for me. They’re all here for me. I just wish I could show my parents how much better I am when I’m with them. I wish I could make them understand...
2
Tom
The kitchen has gone all tense after Mia’s dad asked her if she was actually going to stay here or not. Mia’s upset, Elly is trying to co
mfort her and the rest of us are looking at each other. This is not a question we can answer for Mia, simply because we know that this has to be up to her, she has to say those things herself.
Mia pulls Elly into her lap, who immediately goes for the pieces of cookie that Mia had been breaking apart in front of her instead of eating, then Mia looks up to her parents, her eyes full of tears as she takes a couple of deep breaths. “I’m not planning on leaving. I’m not planning on leaving them again.” There’s a determination in her voice, even under all the tears, and my heart does a double jump.
Mia’s mum nods, her eyes serious. “Then we’ve got an offer for you.”
That sounds good? Sort of?
“We’ll rent you the house, for a year. You pay the bills and pay rent for the amount that you’d pay for the mortgage.” Her mum looks at her first and then to each of us. “If that goes well, we can talk about buying. We feel this is a good idea, to make sure that you really want to do this, all together. No long-term obligations, but a trial period for all of you, after which you can make the choice to take on the responsibility of a mortgage.”
Mia nods, looking so relieved, but I shake my head and I see Jake and Dylan’s eyes darken too.
“No.” My voice comes out way lower than I mean it to. “No. I can’t accept that.”
Mia’s parents look at me in surprise and Mia’s eyes are all big, almost scared. I’m sorry, Mia, but this isn’t something I can accept. It has to be all or nothing, there is no in-between for me in this case.
“I’ve already got a house. Bought it, renovated it. It’s mine, just too small for all of us to live together.” And too many memories most of us wouldn’t want to be constantly reminded of, but they don’t need to know that. “I’ve been living there for years.” I look up. “Jake has been renting his place in the city for years, a place he won’t use if he lives here instead. He’d be spending a lot of money holding onto something he doesn’t need anymore.”
Jake nods. “That place is expensive and I can’t afford to pay for it if I don’t stay in it.”
“Right.” I eye Mia’s parents. “We can’t do something as uncertain as that. I can’t keep my house while paying for this too, and neither can Jake. We can’t wait a year to know for sure. If I’m selling my house to get the funds to buy something new, then there’s no reason for me to wait a year.” I look around and my eyes end on Mia and Elly, the two big loves in my life right now. “And if I’m buying something, it’s for all six of us. This house, or something else. But it will be for all six of us.”
Mia’s dad looks at me defiantly. “Don’t you think you’re too young for that? Or that this is all a little too fast to make a decision that significant?”
I shake my head. “I’m almost thirty. I’m a widower with a young kid. I’m looking to become the head of my own construction company in the next couple of years. I’ve owned my own house for most of my twenties. So, no. I’m not too young and this is definitely not too fast.” I’m getting all emotional, having to take a deep breath before I continue. “I’ve loved and lost. Time with the people we love is precious. And finding the people you love, being able to be with them... No, this is definitely not ‘too fast’.”
Mal reaches out, putting his hand on my arm, and the whole kitchen has gone very quiet.
I’m so tired of people questioning what we’re doing, if what we’re doing is right or not, or if we’re being ‘childish’ or anything. We’re not the same as many people of our age, we’ve not been for years, even before we lost Poppy. Mia and Jake had Oliver, they had to grow up quickly when he was born. And they’ve had to make different considerations than most of the people who were with them at uni, even if Oliver didn’t live with them, just because of the things they’d been through. And Mal, Dylan and I, we’ve had to support each other through a lot over the years. Even back when it was the four of us, when Poppy was still alive. Dylan’s addiction. Mal’s self-destructive behaviour. Poppy’s depression. But especially after Poppy passed, we all changed, we all became someone different, someone who had survived things that many people will never understand.
Time and love became different concepts for us.
“I agree with him,” Jake speaks up. “I can’t keep the rent up at my studio in the city while I’m living here for a year, not knowing if I’ll have to move back into it in twelve months or if I won’t be coming back at all. You know that it won’t be possible to get a new place in the city at short notice in twelve months, if we all get split up until we find something new to buy.” He takes a deep breath and looks at Mia’s parents.
Mia’s dad looks a little uncomfortable as he nods, of course, the man would know these things, since they’ve been living in the city for a long time.
Jake keeps going. “I’m staying with Mia and these guys. That will be in this house, or some other place. But we’re not waiting twelve months before we get our own house. We’ve got steady jobs, most of us anyway, we’ve got enough savings and Tom’s got his own house. For a group of millennials, we’re in a good position to buy anything. The question isn’t ‘if’ or ‘how’ but ‘where’. Where are we going to live? I’d love it if we could stay here. The house needs some work, but there’s an amazing fruit and vegetable garden out back, the rest of the garden is really nice too, and there’s a direct connection to the city. It’s a great place for us, all of us together.”
I smile at his conviction, of how sure he sounds. I guess I understand why people are so impressed with him and how he’s been able to get things to happen if he wants them to happen. He sounds very convincing if he wants to.
But when I look at Mia’s parents, I’m not so sure that they’re going to agree with him, no matter how much they seem to like him, no matter how much they seemed to listen to him before, I’m not so sure that his words make a difference this time.
The kitchen is really quiet, nobody saying a thing until Elly announces that she really needs to use the potty and I use the excuse to get out of the kitchen, get away from it all.
I know what I want, I want all of us to live in the same house, I guess it’s just a case of making it happen now and I’m just not sure how to do that.
When I get back to the kitchen, after Elly went to play in the living room, people are at least talking again. But it’s not a very upbeat conversation.
“It’s irresponsible to do something like this on a whim.” Mia’s mum frowns at Jake. “You know that you need to make these kinds of decisions carefully.”
I’m almost tempted to offer to call Mal’s parents and my parents, so they can all talk about how we’re being irresponsible together. Maybe adding in Dylan and Jake’s parents too, just for good measure.
It’s like the only thing they’re arguing is that we’re ‘too young’ or ‘too irresponsible’ or that we haven’t thought everything through well enough yet, when I think we’re all plenty aware of what we’re signing up for here. We all know that it’s no use waiting for the ‘perfect time’ when everything can fall apart in a moment, when we’ve all been waiting for even a sliver of happiness for years. And now we’ve found it, we want to hold onto it, instead of letting it pass by.
“I made this choice carefully. Very carefully.” Jake looks from Mia’s parents up at me, meeting my eyes steadily. “Ask any of them. We’ve come up with almost any situation that could go wrong, and our best bet was to do this, to stay together, to not let this chance slip through our fingers. Because there’s no guarantee for happiness, so you have to grab it when you get the chance.”
I nod, sitting down at the table again, feeling a little less overwhelmed, but also a lot more sure.
“I want to be with them.” Mia’s voice is soft, but also a little stronger. “I don’t want to have to live without them. If we’re not buying this house, Tom and Jake are right, we’ll find somewhere else to live. We’ll find another place where we can settle down. I’d love for us to live here, in Grandma’s house, it’s what I’d like b
est, but I don’t really care anymore, as long as I can be with them.”
Mia’s dad looks at her. “What if you don’t feel like that anymore, six months down the line, when you’ve got a mortgage to think about and other responsibilities? What will you do then?”
Mal lets out a laugh, but it doesn’t sound very happy, more like he’s sad. “Not a chance. We’ve loved her, and she’s loved us, since we were really young, kids, really. Our love hasn’t gone away, not in the years that we’ve known each other, or the years that Mia wasn’t here. If it has been able to endure all we’ve been through... No. Not a chance that we’ll give up just because of a couple of struggles, not a chance.”
He’s right. Everything we’ll have to face in the future can hardly be tougher than the things we’ve been through already, and if we’ve survived this long, then it’s pretty sure that we’ll keep going, that this love will last.
3
Jake
Of course, I’d hoped that Mia’s parents would just let us buy the place, but that was just hope, not reality. Listening to them question our dedication or our sincerity of what we’re doing, yeah, not happy about that. Not happy at all.
Mia’s parents have just left, on their way back to the city, and we’ve not reached any conclusion about what’s going to happen with the house. They said that they’d get back to us in a week, but I have no idea how to read that or what to even expect. I’ve known them to be mostly reasonable people, but today, I don’t know... It was different. They acted differently.
I’m outside, at the back of the house, smoking, trying to get my frustrations back under control, when the back door opens. I expect it to be Mal, but it’s Mia instead. She closes the door behind her quietly and then holds out her hand.