by Steve Wells
So what do you suppose Moses did when he heard this? Well, he fell on his face, of course. (People are always falling on their faces in the Bible.)
When Moses heard it, he fell upon his face. 16.4
And (while still on his face) offers this ingenious plan:
This do; Take you censers, Korah, and all his company; And put fire therein, and put incense in them before the LORD to morrow: and it shall be that the man whom the LORD doth choose, he shall be holy. 16.6-7
So they’re going to have an old-fashioned, incense-swinging, prayer contest, where God picks the winner. How cool is that?
They took every man his censer, and put fire in them, and laid incense thereon, and stood in the door of the tabernacle of the congregation with Moses and Aaron. 16.18
But before they start swinging their censers, God in all his glory shows up.
The glory of the LORD appeared unto all the congregation. 16.19
So God, Moses, and Aaron call a time out to talk things over.
Remember how, just a couple killings ago (18), God threatened to kill everyone for complaining? Yeah, well, he’s back at it again. He tells Moses and Aaron to stand back and get the hell out of the way because he’s going to kill everybody.
The LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying, Separate yourselves from among this congregation, that I may consume them in a moment. 16.20-21
So what do you figure Moses and Aaron do when they hear that? Well, they fell on their faces, of course.
They fell upon their faces. 16.22a
And (while still on their faces) they try to talk God out of it (again).
And said, O God, the God of the spirits of all flesh, shall one man sin, and wilt thou be wroth with all the congregation? 16.22b
It seemed to work again, too, since God came up with a whole new game plan.
The LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto the congregation, saying, Get you up from about the tabernacle of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram. 16.23-24
So they gat up from the tabernacle of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram, on every side: and Dathan and Abiram came out, and stood in the door of their tents, and their wives, and their sons, and their little children. And Moses said, Hereby ye shall know that the LORD hath sent me. 16.27-28
If these men die the common death of all men, or if they be visited after the visitation of all men; then the LORD hath not sent me. But if the LORD make a new thing, and the earth open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down quick into the pit; then ye shall understand that these men have provoked the LORD. 16:29-30
So God and Moses arrange this test. If Korah and his companions die a normal, natural death, then God didn’t send Moses. But if they (and their families) are buried alive, then Moses is God’s special friend.
The test proved to everyone that God is on Moses’ side (since the other guys were buried alive).
The earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up…. They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation. 16.32-33
And that they should get the hell away from him before he buries them alive, too.
And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also. 16.34
But how many died in this killing?
Well, there’s no way to know for sure, but there were at least three men that opposed Moses (Korah, Dathan, and Abiram), and the story makes it clear that their wives and children were buried alive with them. So if each had at least one wife and one child, that would make at least 9 victims.
21. God burns 250 people to death for burning incense
Numbers 16.35
Number Killed: 250
Incense burners
In his last killing (20), God showed whose side he’s on by opening up the ground and burying alive the leaders that opposed Moses (along with their families). And it made quite an impression on everyone.
All Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also. Numbers 16.34
But they were safe, at least for the moment, because God had his mind on other things.
Remember Moses’ original plan for dealing with Korah’s rebellion? He told him and his associates to burn incense before the Lord and let God choose who is holy.
This do; Take you censers, Korah, and all his company; And put fire therein, and put incense in them before the LORD to morrow: and it shall be that the man whom the LORD doth choose, he shall be holy. 16.6-7
But then God came up with the burying alive thing and the censer-swinging prayer contest was put on hold.
In the meantime, 250 of Korah’s followers did as Moses asked and burned some incense. So God burned them all alive to teach them a lesson or something. (If you do what he says he’ll burn you to death?)
There came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense. 16.35
At least I don’t have to guess the number of victims this time.
22. God killed 14,700 for complaining about God’s killings
Numbers 16.49
Number Killed: 14,700
Israelites
In case you haven’t been following along, here’s what has happened so far in Numbers 16.
Korah and his companions question Moses’ leadership, saying “Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD?” (Numbers 16.1-3)
Moses falls on his face. (16.4)
The glory of the Lord appears to the congregation. (16.19)
God tells Moses to get out of the way because he’s going to kill everyone. (16.20-21)
Moses and Aaron fall on their faces. (16.22)
Korah, his companions, and their families are buried alive. (16.27-33)
God burns to death 250 men for burning incense. (16.35)
So, as you might expect, the people who had witnessed all this were pretty freaked out by now.
But on the morrow all the congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron, saying, Ye have killed the people of the LORD. Numbers 16.41
Then “the glory of the Lord” appeared (again).
Behold … the glory of the LORD appeared. 16.42
And God tells Moses he’s going to kill everyone (again).
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Get you up from among this congregation, that I may consume them as in a moment. 16.44-45a
I think you can guess by now what Moses and Aaron did next.
They fell upon their faces. 16.45b
Then Moses told Aaron to burn some incense to try to stop God from killing everyone.
Moses said unto Aaron, Take a censer, and put fire therein from off the altar, and put on incense, and go quickly unto the congregation, and make an atonement for them: for there is wrath gone out from the LORD; the plague is begun. 16.46
And the incense burning worked. (Sometimes God will stop killing if you burn incense; sometimes he’ll burn you to death instead. He works in mysterious ways.) But not before 14,700 had died in the plague.
Now they that died in the plague were fourteen thousand and seven hundred, beside them that died about the matter of Korah. 16.49
So in this chapter (Numbers 16), God threatened to kill everyone twice, but settled for killing 14,959 in three separate killing events (nine or so buried alive, 250 burned to death, and 14,700 killed in a plague).
But don’t complain about it or he’ll kill you, too.
23. The massacre of the Aradites
Numbers 21.3
Estimated Number Killed: 3,000
Canaanites
Don’t you just hate God-assisted holy war massacres? I do. They’re so damned boring.
But we might as well get used to them because God likes them. A lot
. There are about 50 holy war massacres on the list of God’s 135 killings in the Bible. So there’s just no way to avoid them.
Here’s what happened in this one.
King Arad heard that the Israelites were coming, so he fought against them when they tried to invade his land.
When king Arad the Canaanite, which dwelt in the south, heard tell that Israel came by the way of the spies; then he fought against Israel, and took some of them prisoners. Numbers 21.1
So the Israelites asked God for help, promising to kill everyone in several cities.
Israel vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou wilt indeed deliver this people into my hand, then I will utterly destroy their cities. 21.2
God didn’t have to think about this one. Here’s how he responded.
The LORD hearkened to the voice of Israel, and delivered up the Canaanites. 21.3a
So the Israelites, with God’s help, killed everyone in several Canaanite cities.
And they utterly destroyed them and their cities. 21.3b
I’m glad we got this one over with. It was pretty boring, wasn’t it?
God’s next killing will be better, I promise.
The Bible doesn’t tell us the population of the Aradite cities. So I guessed there were 3 cities, each with 1000 people, for a total of 3000 victims.
24. God sent fiery serpents to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water
Numbers 21.6
Estimated Number Killed: 100
Israelites
When it comes to this Bible story, there are only two kinds of believers: those who have never heard of it, and those who are embarrassed by it.
Here’s the story.
The Israelites began to complain about the lack of food and water.
The people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread. Numbers 21.5
So God sent fiery serpents to bite the people.
The LORD sent fiery serpents among the people. 21.6a
And many of the people died.
And they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. 21.6b
Then the people apologized to Moses and God for complaining, asking Moses to do something to get rid of God’s nasty fiery serpents.
Therefore the people came to Moses, and said, We have sinned, for we have spoken against the LORD, and against thee; pray unto the LORD, that he take away the serpents from us. And Moses prayed for the people. 21.7
God told Moses what to do. Make a fiery serpent out of brass (they had lots of that lying around) and put it on a pole. Then when a bitten person looks at it, he or she won’t die. (Only God could come up with a plan like that!)
The LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live. 21.8
So Moses made a brass snake and put it on a pole. And it worked just like God said it would.
Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived. 21.9
Now that’s a lot more entertaining than a damned holy war massacre, isn’t it?
(Numbers 21.6 says that “much of the people died.” But how much is much? I guessed 100.)
25. Phinehas’ double murder: A killing to end God’s killing
Numbers 25.7-9
Number Killed: 24,002
Interracial couple and 24,000 plague victims
This is really a strange one, and I’m not sure what to do with it.
It all happens in the first few verses of Numbers 25, right after the story about Balaam’s talking donkey.
It begins with the people having sex with the daughters of Moab.
The people began to commit whoredom with the daughters of Moab. Numbers 25.1
After sex, they ate dinner with them and worshiped their gods.
They called the people unto the sacrifices of their gods: and the people did eat, and bowed down to their gods. 25.2
This angered God so much that he told Moses to kill all the leaders and hang their dead bodies up on trees so that he wouldn’t be so angry anymore.
The anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel. And the LORD said unto Moses, Take all the heads of the people, and hang them up before the LORD against the sun, that the fierce anger of the LORD may be turned away from Israel. 25.3-4
Now this probably wasn’t as bad as the King James Version makes it sound. “Take all the heads of the people, and hang them up before the Lord against the sun” sounds like God told Moses to cut off peoples’ heads and hang the heads on trees. That would be kind of nasty.
But no. God just wanted Moses to kill the leaders (“the heads of the people”) and hang their dead bodies on trees out in the sunshine so “that the fierce anger of the LORD may be turned away from Israel.” That’s not nearly so bad, now is it?
I can’t tell, though, whether Moses did what God asked. Here’s the next verse:
Moses said unto the judges of Israel, Slay ye every one his men that were joined unto Baalpeor. 25.5
Moses told the leaders (judges) to kill everyone who was “joined unto Baalpeor.” I don’t know if being joined to Baalpeor was having sex with the daughters of Moab or not. But clearly Moses wasn’t following orders here. God told him to kill the leaders and hang their bodies on trees; Moses told the leaders to kill the people who were joined to Baalpeor. Different thing entirely, I’d say.
Anyway, I guess neither God’s nor Moses’ plan was executed, because of what happened next:
Behold, one of the children of Israel came and brought unto his brethren a Midianitish woman in the sight of Moses, and in the sight of all the congregation of the children of Israel, who were weeping before the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. 25.6
And then the real hero of the story shows up. Phinehas. He sees the happy couple and sticks a spear through their bellies (while they were having sex?).
When Phinehas … saw it, he rose up from among the congregation, and took a javelin in his hand; And he went after the man of Israel into the tent, and thrust both of them through, the man of Israel, and the woman through her belly. 25.7-8a
This double murder made God so happy that he stopped killing everyone. You see, while Moses was trying to get the leaders to kill people who had sex with Moabite women and God was trying to get Moses to kill the leaders and hang their bodies on trees, God was also busy killing people with a plague.
So the plague was stayed from the children of Israel. And those that died in the plague were twenty and four thousand. 25.8b-9
Now God had planned to kill everyone, but he stopped with just 24,000 because of Phinehas’ holy double murder.
The LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Phinehas …hath turned my wrath away from the children of Israel, while he was zealous for my sake among them, that I consumed not the children of Israel in my jealousy. 25.10-11
[Paul said that only 23,000 died in the plague (1 Corinthians 10.8), but how would he know?]
So you see my problem here, don’t you? How many killings do we have here?
God told Moses to kill the leaders and hang their bodies on trees, but we don’t know whether Moses followed God’s command.
Moses told the leaders to kill whoever had sex with the Moabite women, but we don’t know if his order was carried out either.
Phinehas killed the two people having sex, but we don’t know whether God told him to or not. (Even though God was clearly pleased by the killing. So much, in fact that he quit killing after only 24,000 had died, when he’d planned to kill several million.)
And how many died in the plague? Was it 24,000 as Numbers 25:9 says or 23,000 as it says in 1 Corinthians 10.8?
So how do we keep score here? At least 24,000 people died (23,000 if we believe Paul), but
in how many separate killing events? And should God get credit for Phinehas’ double murder?
I’ve decided to count Phinehas’ double murder and God’s plague in God’s killings. God clearly deserves credit for the plague, of course, but the Phinehas’ affair is less clear.
However both Moses and God ordered people to be killed either for having sex with the Midianites or for allowing them to do so (Numbers 25:3-5), and God was so pleased with the Phinehas’ killing that he stopped his own mass murder. So I think God deserves credit for either inspiring or directly ordering Phinehas’ murder of the interracial couple.
So I’m going to ignore Paul and go with 24,002 for this killing.
26. The Midianite massacre: Have you saved all the women alive?
Numbers 31.17-18
Estimated Number Killed: 200,000
Evi, Rekem, Zur, Hur, Reba, and Balaam
This is a Bible story that everyone should know.
It begins with God telling Moses to take vengeance on the Midianites. (He doesn’t say for what, but I guess it was for the sex and dinner party that brought on God’s 25th killing.)
The LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites. Numbers 31.1-2
So Moses does what he’s told and sends off 12,000 men led by Phinehas (the guy who stopped God from killing everyone by impaling the interracial couple in the last killing) with his “holy instruments” and trumpets.
Moses spake unto the people, saying, Arm some of yourselves unto the war, and let them go against the Midianites, and avenge the LORD of Midian … So there were delivered … twelve thousand armed for war. And Moses sent them to the war, a thousand of every tribe, them and Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest, to the war, with the holy instruments, and the trumpets to blow in his hand. 31.3-6
First they killed every male “as the LORD commanded Moses.”
They warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males. 31.7
Next they killed five kings,
They slew the kings of Midian … namely, Evi, and Rekem, and Zur, and Hur, and Reba, five kings of Midian. 31.8a
along with Balaam [the nice guy with the talking ass (Numbers 22.28-30)].