“I love you, baby.” I pushed deep inside her before I pulled out again. My hips wanted to buck and I wanted to slam into the headboard with force, but my heart slowed everything down. I could only take her easy, make love to her without moving her at all. The restraint didn’t hurt the sex. It enhanced it because it made it more meaningful. I could go downtown and find a woman who would give me wild sex for the night, but that didn’t sound the least bit appealing.
It was nothing compared to what I had now.
What I had was perfect.
She came, her thighs squeezing my waist hard. “Diesel…yes.” Her cheeks filled with color and her mouth gaped open as the moans poured out. Even if she was dead silent, her pussy expressed her emotions for her. She squeezed me tightly with a grip that rivaled a snake’s.
Every time she squeezed my cock like that, I wanted to come.
I wanted to come hard.
She pulled on the panties again.
I growled in her face.
She relaxed again, riding out the rest of the orgasm. Her head rolled back, her nipples hardened, and her moans stretched on for another minute.
I watched her with fascination, feeling more like a man for making my woman come like that.
When she finished, she opened her eyes again, full of pleasure from the satisfaction of that orgasm. “I want your come, Diesel.”
“I want to make you come again.”
“You will…but I want it first. I want your seed inside me…feels so good.”
My spine tightened. All the muscles in my back shifted as they contracted against my bones. Nerves fired off as the words circulated directly in my blood. She was the only woman who had taken my come, and I loved giving it to her.
My pumps continued as my dick hardened. I thickened further, my breaths turning labored with intensity. My hand snaked into her hair, and I secured my grip on her even though she wasn’t going anywhere.
“Diesel, give it to me…”
The second I heard those words, I was done. I came inside her, stuffing her with mounds of my arousal. I breathed against her mouth as it all released, filling her tiny pussy. It felt even better every time I did it. “Tatum…”
She softened underneath me as she felt the weight of my come. “I want more.”
My come was already seeping out of her entrance and dripping onto the sheets. She couldn’t handle the amount I gave her, but she wanted to be stuffed with more—over and over. “Then I’ll give you more.”
The clock on the wall said it was four a.m.
I was in the living room, sitting in my sweatpants as I stared at the blank TV screen. A scotch was in front of me, and I took a few sips to wash away the nightmare that still burned behind my eyes.
I tried to forget it.
Nightmares didn’t happen often for me.
But now they didn’t stop.
Tatum never survived in my dreams. She wasn’t quick enough to push the gun away, and she bled out on the floor of her lobby. I always stood near the doorway and watched the scene. Not once did I try to help. I stood by and did nothing, not because I was scared, but because I couldn’t move.
I didn’t save her.
I watched Bruce Carol shoot her in the face. I watched the smoke rise from the hot gun.
And I didn’t do a damn thing.
I dragged my hands down my face before I drank my scotch again. The sleep was still behind my eyes, and if I didn’t stay awake, I feared I would slip back into the nightmare. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. The only entertainment that had no meaning was sports, so I watched a replay of a game that aired earlier that day.
And I kept drinking.
“Diesel?”
I turned to the hallway and saw Tatum standing there in my t-shirt. Her hair was messy from tossing and turning in bed, and her eyes were lidded from interrupted sleep. I’d been sitting there for a while, so she must have woken up when she realized my massive size was no longer acting as her personal heater. There was no hiding the scotch in front of me—or the disturbed look in my eyes.
She walked to the couch as she ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it away from her face so she could get a better look at me. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah…just couldn’t sleep.”
Her gaze intensified, calling my bluff without saying a single word. She had this natural ability to say her thoughts with just her expression. Her irritation filled the living room, and it continued to build as the silence stretched on.
I gave her the truth since she could see through my bullshit. “Nightmare.”
She came around the couch and sat beside me, my shirt still reaching her knees even with her body bent. All of my clothes looked like blankets around her petite frame, but she somehow looked better in them than I ever did. Her hand slid to my thigh, and she gave me a gentle squeeze. “What happened?”
“Don’t want to talk about it.”
“It might help.”
“I don’t want to scare you.” I didn’t want to put these horrific ideas in her head. She was the one who’d actually lived through my nightmare. Why would she want to be reminded of it?
“Nothing scares me, Diesel.” She took my hand and rested it on her thigh, our fingers interlocked together.
She was telling the truth. She never showed fear in the face of danger—even when it wasn’t smart to do so. “It’s about what happened…I keep having the same nightmare over and over. I jerk awake, and then I’m too afraid to go back to sleep.”
“Talking about it will help.”
I stared at the TV, feeling her powerful gaze on the side of my face. “I can always talk about it with someone else.”
“Not if the dream is about me.” She commanded me to look at her just with her tone of voice.
I turned my gaze back on her.
“I don’t lose sleep over what happened. It came and went…it’s over. I don’t look over my shoulder in fear. Bruce Carol tried to kill me, but he underestimated me. I shot him in the neck and the face, but the memory doesn’t make me shake. He tried to cross me—and he got exactly what he deserved. Life goes on, and I will go on as well. Despite my injuries and my suffering, I’m a very happy woman. I survived the ordeal, and I’ve been surrounded by the people I love. So you can tell me, Diesel. You can tell me anything.”
My eyes softened as I looked at the resilience on her face. She was the kind of light that never burned out. When dusk arrived and the sun was absent, it still shone on—it just couldn’t be seen. But with Titan, her light was everywhere. When the sun was gone, her light still reflected in the stars in the dead of night. It was my job to be the stronger partner in our relationship, to guide and protect her. But I found myself humbled by her strength. I found myself looking up to her rather than the other way around. “In my dream, he succeeds. And I’m standing there…doing nothing to stop it.” My stagnant position wasn’t caused by fear. I stood there because there was nothing else I could do. An invisible force held me back, making me useless in the situation.
I had been useless to her.
She brushed her soft fingers against my knuckles. “We both know what the dream means, Diesel.”
It was obvious to me every single time I had the nightmare.
“You aren’t responsible, Diesel. Let it go.”
“I should have been there…”
“That’s not true,” she whispered. “I don’t need a man to protect me. The only person I need is myself. You’re my partner, not my savior. I want to share my life with you, not hand it over to you. You need to forgive yourself.”
“I can’t…”
“Then I’ll make you.” The wonderful fire was in her eyes, the flames that drew me to her in the first place.
I remembered the way my father changed after my mother died. It happened so fast that he couldn’t process it at the time. He stared at the front door like he kept waiting for her to walk inside. “I know my father relives that day over and over aga
in. If only she hadn’t gotten in that car, she’d still be here right now. That’s how I feel now. If you hadn’t gone home alone…it never would have happened.”
“If it didn’t happen then, it would have happened some other time. And I’m glad it happened, Diesel.”
My eyes narrowed on her face.
“Because now it’s over. I survived, and I’m going to make a full recovery. I never have to worry about him hunting me down again. That relief is a wonderful gift. It’s much better than the fear of waiting for it to happen. The biggest turmoil of our relationship has come and gone. Enjoy this feeling of freedom. Enjoy this feeling of safety.”
I stared at our joined hands, knowing I needed to listen to her. She was the smartest person I knew, so logical that it made me seem irrational. She put everything in perspective so well.
“Forgive yourself, Diesel.”
“I need you to forgive me first.” I squeezed her hand.
A soft smile came over her lips. “There’s nothing to forgive, Diesel. But I’ll give it to you…if that’s what you need to hear.”
I did need to hear it. I needed to know that this was really behind us, that we would move forward and find happiness. “I promise to protect you for as long as I live, Tatum. I know I’m supposed to make that promise on our wedding day…but I’m making it now.”
“You don’t need to make a promise like that, Diesel. But I accept it anyway. And I give the same promise to you.”
She’d been looking out for me since the beginning. She could have taken that deal with my father, but she remained loyal to me. Her loyalty had never faltered since the day we met, even during our worst times. I wasn’t just a lucky man because of Tatum’s beauty and success. I was lucky because of all the beauty in her heart. She was the greatest person I knew—and she loved me with all her heart.
I was damn lucky.
My suit was laid out on the bed, and Tatum had a fiery look in her eyes the second I woke up that morning.
I connected the dots quickly.
She wanted me to go back to work.
“Breakfast and coffee are on the table, and your suit has just been pressed. You better hustle.” She insisted on doing things for me around the house, like cooking or laundry, because she said she needed stuff to do. Not going to work every day was driving her crazy.
We hadn’t revisited this conversation—at least, not formally. Her opinion on the matter was clear, and the longer I stayed home with her, the more aggressive she became.
I was still torn.
Work was piling up the more I stayed out of the office, but I suspected I’d worry about her the entire time I was gone. I was torn between two sides, two desires. I dried my hair with the towel before I tossed it in the laundry basket in the walk-in closet. “Baby, I’m not sure about this.”
“You’re going.” She was in my t-shirt with black leggings, and her hair was already done as well as her makeup. Her energy hadn’t returned to normal because she still had tremendous physical weakness. She could move around the house for a few hours before she needed to take a long break. She tried to hide her fatigue from me, but I knew her better than she realized. Weakness was a word that didn’t exist in her vocabulary.
“You have a lot of medication to keep track of.”
“And I’m smart enough to figure it out. I’ve been taking it every day.”
“What if you—”
“Diesel, I’m fine. You belong at the office. You have so many things to take care of. As much as I love spending the day with you, you have other priorities. If I need something, I won’t hesitate to call.”
The weeks had stretched by, and I was getting restless at home too. I hadn’t been working out either, and I felt the subtle changes in my body. As much as I wanted to be with Titan, my other projects weighed on my mind. She was more than stable, perfectly capable of getting around the penthouse on her own. But I would never stop worrying. “You’re sure about this?”
A smile broke on her face, the genuine kind that reached her eyes. “Absolutely. Please go, Diesel.”
I stood naked in the bedroom, and it was a testament to her dedication that she didn’t stare at my package. Whenever my clothes were gone, sex was always on her mind. “I’ll check on you throughout the day. But I want you to call me if anything comes up.”
“I know.”
“Promise me?” I didn’t want her to refrain from calling me just because she was afraid to bother me. Work needed to be taken care of, but its importance still paled in comparison to her.
“I promise.”
I wrapped my arms around her waist and pressed my face against hers. There was nothing else in my life that gave me as much meaning as this woman. If I’d lost her, I would have lost everything else too. Happiness hadn’t been a regular theme in my life, but now that I had it every single day, I was terrified to lose it. Tatum completed me in a way money and fancy cars never did. “I love you.”
She rubbed her nose against mine. “I know you do.”
Reporters followed me everywhere I went. From the moment I left the penthouse to the instant I stepped inside my building, they pestered me with questions about Tatum’s health and our upcoming nuptials.
I ignored them.
Once the elevator doors opened, I walked onto my floor and saw the surprised looks on my assistants’ faces.
They obviously hadn’t expected me to show up.
I went to Natalie first. “I know I have a lot to catch up on. So let’s start now.”
“Of course.” She grabbed a folder and stuffed a bunch of papers inside. “How’s Titan doing?”
“She’s recovering. She’ll be good as new in no time.”
Natalie and I walked into my office and got to work. My meetings had been canceled for the foreseeable future, so we got everything back on the calendar. I had thousands of unread emails, contracts, and updates on my various companies. It would take a month just to catch up on everything.
A few hours later, Jax called my cell.
The last time I saw him, Tatum had been shot. I couldn’t even remember what we talked about. I remembered his face, but not a single conversation. I took the call. “Hey.” It was awkward to address him because I wasn’t used to speaking to my brother.
“Back at work?”
“Yeah…how did you know?”
He chuckled into the phone. “It’s all over the news, man.”
I rolled my eyes, annoyed that my life was more important than the serious shit going on in the world. “Tatum pressured me. She said it was time I moved on.”
“Doesn’t surprise me. She doesn’t strike me as the kind of woman that needs to be taken care of.”
“No, she’s definitely not.” She liked to solve her own problems. She preferred to take care of herself before she let anyone help her. It wasn’t a matter of pride, but of strength. She let me in more than anyone else, but even then, she could be difficult.
“I wanted to see if you wanted to get lunch. We haven’t talked much…”
We hadn’t talked at all. I’d greeted him at dinner, but we hadn’t said much. In the back of my mind, I thought about the work that had piled up in my absence. I should attend to it before I ventured into my social life. But this was my brother, and he should have priority. “I don’t think it’s smart for me to leave the office when every reporter in Manhattan is following me. How about we meet here? One of my assistants will grab something for us.”
“That works for me. What time?”
I looked at my watch on my wrist. “How about shortly after one?”
“I’ll see you then.”
Jax walked into my office in a crisp suit and tie. Black on black, he looked like a darker version of me. We had the same jaw, the same eyes, and our builds were similar to our father’s. There was no doubt we were related—and we were definitely brothers.
He approached my desk with his hand in his pockets. A slight smile was on his lips, but the rest of his facial f
eatures were hard. “I’d shake your hand, but that feels strange.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“But I think it would be weirder if we hugged.”
“True.”
“And we aren’t doing that stupid fist-bump thing either.”
“Nope.”
“So I’m just going to sit.” He fell into the armchair in front of my desk.
“Works for me.” My assistant had picked up salads and smoothies from one of my favorite places down the street. Jax was built the same way I was, so I could only assume he watched what he ate and hit the gym with the same dedication. I handed over the food, and we ate in our comfortable positions.
“How’s Titan?” Jax asked. “From what Dad has told me, she’s doing really well.”
“She is. She’s up and about, but she still has a lot of pain. We have a few more doctor’s appointments and treatments to do before she’s fully recovered.”
“Physical therapy?”
“No. Her limbs weren’t compromised.”
“That’s good.” He stabbed his fork into his salad and ate slowly, focusing on the conversation more than eating. “Dad said he’s never heard of someone recovering from a tragedy so well. He says it’s like she wasn’t shot at all…”
“She’s definitely a fighter.” No matter what the obstacle was, she conquered it. She could achieve anything she put her mind to because she didn’t accept defeat. I should have known that bullet wouldn’t kill her—because she wouldn’t allow it to. “It’s not the time for me to be proud of her…but I am.”
“And that badass woman is going to be my sister-in-law…pretty damn cool.” The second he mentioned our familial bond, things became tense. We hadn’t said more than a few words to each other in a decade. We’d lost so much time over something so stupid. My mother wouldn’t be happy about it if she knew.
I sipped my drink and avoided his gaze for a moment, feeling the awkwardness intensify. A silent conversation passed between us, but we knew it couldn’t stay silent much longer. It had to be addressed eventually. I didn’t blame Jax for what happened. He seemed to be stuck in the middle of it all. But the outcome of the war still ripped us apart.
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