“I don't like it.” He folded his arms across his chest and frowned at me.
“Then rest up and get better so you can do it yourself next time,” I folded my arms across my chest and frowned at him.
“You are a very stubborn woman.”
“You're a very observant man.”
“Why are you so determined to do this?” He threw his hands up in exasperation.
“I'm not going to let you down.” I grabbed my coat and darted out the door, unable to meet his gaze. Despite my bravado in front of Ethan, I was as jumpy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I wasn't sure if it was fear of running into Hobbes or the borrowed 12-gauge shotgun slung to my back that had me so nervous. To compensate for the nerves, I chattered away at the solid little horse under the saddle as we rode deeper into the woods.
“You know, Mac, have you ever caught yourself spending so much time daydreaming about the life you want that you forget to live the life you have? I do that. A lot,” I sighed and leaned over to scratch his ears. “Why is that? What bit of horsey-wisdom do you have for me?”
He whinnied in response.
“Oh, I don't know about that….” I started to reply, then stopped short with the realization that I was not the only one in the woods. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. In that moment that seems an eternity, I slowly reached for the shotgun with one hand as my eyes scanned the woods for some clue as to who – or what – had joined me. Mac stopped in his tracks, his ears pricked forward, and his head swung west. He shifted uneasily but didn't bolt.
I silently thanked Ethan for this horse's training as my eyes locked with my opponent. Amber eyes glinted in the sun filtering through the trees. A great, sleek cat quivered slightly as if in anticipation. Perhaps it was still deciding if it could take us. In one fluid motion, I clicked off the safety, aimed, and pulled the trigger. The slug hit exactly where I wanted it to, the dirt right in front of the cat's feet. The cougar jumped as if hit and took off even as I pumped the shotgun and prepared for my next shot. I was grateful my Daddy taught me to shoot as a little girl, but I can't say that I like the kick any better now than I did then.
I didn't want to take my chances that the cougar would circle back to call my bluff, so I wheeled Mac around and headed full-tilt back to open pasture. Not wanting Ethan to see me in such a state, I slowed as I neared the stable and took my time grooming Mac before returning him to his stall with an extra treat and a thank-you kiss on the muzzle.
I had the safety back on the shotgun and my breathing had just about returned to normal when I strolled back through the door of Ethan's cabin. Aaron was waiting for me at the door. Ethan was on the couch, his eyes snapping with a mixture of anger and amusement.
“Is it true, Mom? Did you really shoot at Hobbes?” Aaron grabbed me by the hand and dragged me into the room.
“What?” I furrowed my brow in confusion.
“Don't pull that crap with me, Hailey. Hobbes is already telling the whole town you're crazy. The phone has been ringing off the hook.” Ethan's scowl deepened.
“That doesn't make any sense,” I tried to process what he was telling me.
“Why don't we start out by you telling me what did happen.” Ethan folded his arms across his chest.
“Sure, Dad.” I didn't even try to keep the derision out of my voice. “Mac and I came across a cougar; I shot at its feet to scare it off, and then we came back. I tended to Mac. I came inside. I was then accosted by a curious kid and a surly cowboy. I think that just about brings us to now.”
“I am not surly.”
“Are too.”
“Am not.”
“Can I just say it's pretty cool being the most mature person in the room?” Aaron smirked. I arched an eyebrow and tried not to laugh.
“Apparently the mountain lion wasn't your only company out there. Hobbes was hiding in those woods – Lord only knows why – and he didn't see the cat. He thought you were shooting at him. He high-tailed it back to his cabin and started calling anyone he could think of to tell them you're crazy,” Ethan filled me in.
“Ah,” I sank down onto the couch. Life was strange.
“So maybe now you will stop being so stubborn and admit that I'm right.”
“About what?” I practically snorted.
“The dangers of riding alone.” He looked heavenward, as if beseeching assistance in dealing with me.
“Excuse you. I think all I've proven is that I'm right – I can take care of myself. I scared off two threats with one shot. Pretty impressive if you ask me.”
“Are you two going to get into a slap fight now?” Aaron reminded us he was in the room.
“Watch it mister,” I growled. “Go do your homework.”
“Always resorting to the mom-card. You're really slipping,” Aaron teased as he went to do what he was told.
“I wish you would show a little more concern for your safety,” Ethan pleaded.
“I am, but I'm also trying to keep this place in good running order. I can't do that if I'm afraid to ride the perimeter occasionally.” I threw up my hands in exasperation. “If it's any consolation, I have to stay in the office tomorrow because I have a teleconference with the buyer in California. I think they are leaning towards three of our mares.”
“I'd completely forgotten about them. I can't seem to remember much besides my name lately.” He rubbed his forehead in frustration.
“It'll come. Just stop getting yourself so worked up. Stress can't be helping.” I patted his leg sympathetically. “Now I've got to cook us some dinner and get some laundry done before I can call it a day.”
“You know, you really should do your laundry here rather than hanging it to dry in 35-degree weather.”
I waved in acknowledgement as I rooted through his pantry for something edible. It was actually kind of fun cooking with a real stove for a change. I never thought I would miss cooking.
We began the process of settling into a new routine – that seemed to be the way things went around here. Hit a bump, settle into a new routine. New bump, alter the routine. Maybe that's what real grown ups did everywhere and it just took living here for me to recognize it.
At any rate, life moved forward as it is prone to do. Horses started to sell. I ran around like crazy arranging delivery and researching sales contracts. I took Mac out on my daily rides and he quickly became my therapist. I had the brilliant idea to run goats in his presence. I tossed that one aside before returning home, though. However much profit we might make, I just couldn't picture Ethan as a goat herder.
My family had figured out that they could most often reach me at Ethan's, and took no small amount of delight in needling me on the subject. Truth be told, I was so overwhelmed that my libido decided to doze off again. I think Ethan was so busy trying to get his life back it kind of became a non-issue for him, too.
Oh sure, there were moments when I could feel that little spark trying to ignite again. But then the phone would ring, or a horse would throw a shoe, or any one of a million other things that seemed to be always happening.
I started to make some real headway with the bills – both mine and the farm's. But I had a bad habit of leaving little money for the improvements that needed to be done to ready the place for the cattle that would arrive in a couple of very short months.
Christmas snuck up on me, too. I'd planned to take Aaron back to St. Louis for the weekend, but when the time came I just couldn't seem to tear myself away from Ethan or the farm. His parents came by for an awkward Christmas dinner. Jim celebrated Christmas in California; Sue went to her family's over in Mountain Grove. David and Cheyenne celebrated with his family in Seymour. That left Ethan, Aaron and I to muddle through a dinner with his parents, who apparently had the wrong idea about Aaron and I staying at Ethan's cabin.
“I can assure you, it's only out of necessity. We just didn't feel comfortable leaving Ethan alone over here, not until he's been cleared by the doctor,” I told Evelyn for the
third time in ten minutes. “I don't want him to fall and not have a way to get a hold of me or Aaron.”
“Really, Mom, stop badgering Hailey.” Ethan's jaw was set and his eyes were snapping with irritation.
In my mind, I retorted sharply that she was right; I was really staying here to have torrid, illicit sex with her son. Because after a fifteen-hour workday, cooking, cleaning, and helping my kid with his homework, that was exactly what I had on my mind. What actually came out of my mouth was more along the lines of “I sleep in the spare bedroom with Aaron. We each have our own twin bed. Honest.”
It seemed like the dinner that never ends, but eventually we were on our way to church. The cousin with the nice bass voice was there, and I was happy to see a face I knew. He was friendly and easygoing and I wasn't entirely convinced that he was really related to me. Maybe easygoing was just a recessive gene. His sister introduced herself and I was even happier to spend time in the company of a female that wasn't ready to claw my eyes out.
I forgot about Evelyn's disapproval of me once the service started. I even forgot about the adult audience around me as I belted out Christmas carols. Standing in that little country church reminded me why I love Christmas – it's all about love, hope and grace. Those were three ideas I could get behind wholeheartedly, mostly because I relied very heavily on them in my life.
Thankfully, Ethan's folks headed home after the service. As we piled into Ethan's truck at the end of the evening, he leaned over and whispered in my ear “Is there anything you can't do?”
“Excuse me?” I flushed at the compliment, even though I didn't know why I'd received it.
“You have a very pretty voice.” His breath tickled my ear as he leaned towards me.
“Oh. Really?” I was a little flabbergasted. I hadn't even thought about how I sounded tonight. “Are you sure it was me you heard?”
“Learn to just say thank you,” he advised as he sat up straighter and fired the truck to life.
“Thank you.” I nodded in acknowledgement.
“You really did sound good, Mom,” Aaron chimed in. “But you always sound good. You just don't believe me when I tell you.”
“So let me guess, one person told you in 1983 that you didn't sing well and you haven't believed one compliment since.”
“Pretty much.” I sank lower in my seat. It sounded silly when he put it that way.
Christmas morning dawned chilly and bright. I snuck out early to turn the horses out and slipped back in with the intent of brewing coffee and making myself presentable before everyone else woke up. Ethan was too fast for me and had already set out two steaming cups by the time I was pulling my boots off in the mud room. I gave up on applying lip gloss and contented myself with the fact I had thought to run a brush through my hair before stumbling outside earlier. We curled up in front of the cheerful short-leafed pine Aaron and I had cut earlier in the week. We'd tried buying a tree, but by that point pickings had been pretty slim.
As I sat there, snuggled up in front of the happy little tree that I had cut, drug in from the fields, and decorated – all while maintaining this place single-handedly – I was feeling pretty “I am woman, hear me roar.” Well, maybe maintaining was a strong word, but I was still proud of myself.
“You know, my mother isn't the only person unhappy with our new living arrangement,” Ethan broke the silence.
“Oh?” I tried to sound calm. Where was this headed?
“I think Sue must have mentioned it to Jim. He called me fit to be tied the other day. I didn't say anything, wasn't sure if I should.”
“It was awfully nice of her to come over and offer to help out with something other than watching Oprah and popping Bon-Bons while Jim is out of town,” I snarled.
“Oooh, the claws came right out with that one,” he winced.
“Well how am I supposed to react to that? If she doesn't have something useful to contribute, she should at least keep her mouth shut.”
“Probably, but you're not going to change Sue. No sense getting angry.”
“Well sometimes things are about emotion, not logic.”
“With you? I don't believe it.”
“Sarcasm will get you nowhere,” I glowered. “So what did you say to Jim?”
“I told him we'd been so busy fooling around that we hadn't had time to do any of the chores. Horses hadn't eaten in weeks.”
“Cute.”
“I told him the same thing I told my mother. It's out of necessity. I have to be honest, though. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, Hailey.”
“What do you mean?” I looked at him, startled.
“I'm not dead. Having you this close all the time makes me want to do things to you.” He ran his fingers through his dark hair.
“Things?” I arched an eyebrow. I knew I was flirting with disaster, but with him sitting this close, I somehow ceased to care.
“Things,” he whispered, his lips not quite touching mine. A current shot down my spine.
“You know, I'd been too busy to notice,” I placed a hand on his chest to keep him from coming any closer, a warning bell ringing in the back of my brain. “But you're right. I'll move out tomorrow. You're well enough to not need us here.”
“That wasn't exactly the response I was hoping for, but okay.” He sat back and studied me.
“What? You've just spent a week attesting to the fact that this is completely innocent.”
“But I'm also willing to call Jim today to tell him it's not innocent and to butt out, and you know that.”
“Well you might be willing to take the chance that he'll say ‘okey-dokey’ but I have Aaron to think about.”
“What are you going to do when you don't have him to hide behind anymore?” His tone was amiable, but the words cut to the quick.
“Ouch,” I winced.
“I didn't mean that, Hailey.” He reached for me.
“Yes you did.” I brushed his hand aside and went to get myself another cup of coffee. Stupid man. Why did he have to ruin Christmas morning? Couldn't this have waited until tomorrow?
“Merry Christmas!” Aaron burst into the room.
“Merry Christmas, baby!” I wheeled around to hug him.
“Hey, Merry Christmas bud.” Ethan's face lit up.
“Can we open presents?”
“Of course.” I knew better than to ask if he was hungry. Presents first, then breakfast. That's the way it had been since Aaron was old enough to crawl. I tried to shove aside the thoughts tumbling through my mind, but I couldn't quite shake the melancholy that had settled in.
When Aaron started eyeing me more than his presents, I tried harder. I'd almost made it when he handed me a present from him. It was a figurine of a little horse that looked remarkably like Tumbleweed.
“How did you afford this?” Tears sprang to my eyes.
“I've been doing some extra work around here.” He shrugged self-consciously and ducked his head.
“It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen,” I whispered, pulling him to me for a fierce hug. “And you are by far the coolest kid I've ever met.”
“Ethan got you something, too.” He pulled away, his eyes shining with excitement.
“That was nice of him.” I smiled at Aaron as I accepted the box he handed me and unwrapped what turned out to be a pair of leather riding boots. Really, stupidly cute leather riding boots. “Wow.”
My eyes rose to meet his and I chewed on my lower lip, unsure what to say. Thank you seemed in order, but somehow inadequate.
He nodded slightly, understanding.
“Here's your present from us.” Aaron broke the spell of the moment by thrusting a package under his nose.
I was suddenly a little nervous. Aaron and I had debated for months what to get him, finally settling on a new leather-bound Bible with his name engraved on it. We'd labored for several more days what to write on the inside cover before settling on “To our teacher, our friend, our guardian angel.” At the ti
me it seemed fitting. Now it felt silly, so I stared intently at my boots rather than watch him open it.
“Thank you.” Ethan lifted my chin with his fingers so my eyes met his. He liked it. Big sigh of relief. I smiled brilliantly at him. I admit it; I can be bought with a pair of boots. But only if they're really stupidly cute boots.
Chapter Eleven
Christmas day passed too quickly, just like it does every year. Aaron and I moved back into our cabin the next day, and I welcomed the solitude. I hadn't realized how much I missed our little home. After the conversation with Ethan the day before, my mind was back to being a jumble of “what ifs”.
Normally on December 26, I awaken at an ungodly hour to join my sisters for shopping and lunch. Of course, I usually complain loudly about the crowds and roll my eyes at their advice for my flailing life, but it was a ritual nonetheless, and I did enjoy the sales. I kind of missed that this year.
To take my mind off where I would normally be, I kept myself pretty busy all morning wrapping up some of the year-end accounting. Aaron and Ethan were intent on a game of Scrabble – too bad neither one of them could spell their way out of a paper bag. They eventually got tired of me pointing out the misspelled words every time I walked through the house for something and banished me.
I was full of restless energy, so I decided to take a look at the eco-project paperwork sitting on my desk. We'd come up with a plan to implement a combination of wind and solar energy. I needed to go over the numbers and project documents one last time and give the nod for work to begin. With a sigh, I picked up the phone to call Jim.
“Hailey! Happy Holidays!” Jim seemed genuinely happy to hear from me.
“Same to you, Jim. I wanted to run these energy numbers by you if you have a second.”
“You know you can take a day off, right?”
“I like to work.”
“Ah, I see. You know, Ethan must be really crazy about you if my warning couldn't keep him away.”
“Sue needs to butt out,” I growled. “Ethan was hurt. Aaron and I staying there was completely innocent. We've moved back into our cabin anyway.”
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