Ever since Ben’s assault, I couldn’t handle violence. The nausea and anxiety it created in me was nearly crippling. I still had nightmares about my attack, and about the altercation between Zack and Ben in my backyard. The sounds of them pounding on each other, my helplessness to stop it, the damage they did to each other, the terror over what could happen if things escalated…I could never really escape it. It was always there, somewhere, tucked away in some dark corner of my mind, ready to spring from its crevice whenever I least expected it. Until someone actually witnesses it, they cannot understand that sort of violence in the same sort of visceral way. The stuff on TV and in movies couldn’t capture the twisted savagery of reality.
I saw Zack, and it tugged on my heart, a heavy stab of pain searing through me. God, how I missed him. The desire for him I thought had faded, drowned me. I flipped on my side, facing the cushions, trying to forget about it. I wondered if they were okay. I wondered if I should have stuck around and tried harder to stop them. But they were hell-bent. Nothing I could have said or done would have made a difference, and I didn’t need more images of brutality burned into my mind.
I closed my eyes and tried to lose myself in the music pumping through my earphones, give the ibuprofen time to work. I curled my wrists in until they hurt, crossing them like an Egyptian mummy and stuffing my fists underneath my chin, drawing my knees up to my elbows. The thoughts couldn’t be forced away, and I opened my eyes, staring at the back of the couch. I remained frozen like that for hours. I watched the sun go down on my cushions, the light slanting in changing shape, until finally disappearing altogether.
Zack
The police kept Nick and I in separate rooms for hours, chilling. Then they brought us together. Nick looked like shit, and I was slightly queasy knowing I did it to him. Even if he did deserve it. He seemed somewhat morose, too. Maybe my appearance was as bad as his, or maybe, like me, he felt bad about what we’d done in front of Zoe. The officers told us they needed to help out at a triple murder scene and didn’t want to waste time filling out paperwork for our fight disrupting the peace. They warned us they didn’t want to see us again, and wisely took us out by separate doors.
I texted Zoe, but she wouldn’t respond. The phone wasn’t even showing she’d read the texts, so I suspected she’d shut hers off. I walked back to her condo and my car. It was a good ten blocks, but I needed the time to think. The sun sank hours ago, and the temperature dropped. Unlike earlier in the day, when it reached seventy-eight degrees, it was now a more season-appropriate level, probably in the fifties. I got to her building and leaned against my car, staring up at the window I’d figured out was hers. The lights were on.
“Hey, Zack.”
I looked over and Nick waved something white at me. He swiped it over something near the door and it buzzed and he opened it.
The little shit is going to talk to her first. To explain everything away. Son of a bitch.
The rage, which had cooled considerably over ten blocks, ignited in my gut again, along with an overwhelming need to knock out a few of Nick’s teeth. I stared up at her window again with a sense of desperation.
If I had thought, at all, even for the briefest second, I wouldn’t have done what I did next. But, my gaze ping-ponged from her balcony to the one below it, to the next one down, all the way to the ground. I stood up. I ran up the stairs to the building’s door, climbed up on the hand rail, and launched myself into space. Whatever hormone I may have had that promoted logical thinking was drowned out by pure adrenaline and the urgent desire to explain myself to Zoe. That first jump was the most difficult as it was the farthest distance, and the most awkward angle. My hands and elbows hit the balcony’s rails at the same time sending a lightning bolt of pain through my arms, far worse than any of the blows Nick landed. I cursed, and my grip began to slip. My palms burned as I slid down, my hands causing a squeaking noise as I clutched the metal. But the railings met the concrete base, allowing my descent to stop.
Okay, genius. Now what?
In my imagination, the climb seemed like a piece of cake. But how did I physically manage to get onto this balcony to reach the next one? I never thought I’d be thankful for the excruciatingly hard salmon ladders I’d taken on as a dare at the gym, but they had made my upper body strength insane. I swung my legs under the balcony to get momentum and on the back swing, when my weight was suspended for a beat, I muscled up a couple of inches. I smiled and prepared for a second attempt. Again, I gained a few inches, but on my next attempt, my grip slipped, and I lost all the ground I gained.
At this point, the condo’s owner opened up their slider and stepped out on the balcony. I held my breath, glancing down and considering dropping to the sidewalk. I wasn’t that far up yet.
“What the hell are you doing?”
A big, burly bald guy, wearing a black tank top and ripped jeans, leaned over, his arms casually folded along the top rail.
“Uhh….” My hands were pleading for mercy, but I couldn’t hear them over the screams from my arms. “My girlfriend locked me out.” Somewhat true?
“Hmm….” His forehead creased, and he looked up the side of the building. I wondered how much longer I’d be able to hold on. “What floor?”
I grimaced. “The fifth.”
His eyebrows rose, and he nodded. “You’ve got some kahunas, my friend.” He extended his arms and locked his meaty hands around my biceps, lifting me like a sack of groceries. I stuck my feet between the railings, taking the pressure off my arms. I almost cried out in relief. “You want I should let you in and you can use the elevator like regular people?”
I considered this, then surveyed my course up again. “I think I’ve got to go this way. She’s not gonna let me in the front door. She may take pity on me if I climb up.”
He patted me on the back of my shoulder, which hurt from the fight. “Glad to see you have a plan. Anything else I can do for yas?”
“Umm…not call the cops? I’ve already visited with them tonight and they made it pretty clear they didn’t want to see me again.”
“That why you’re beat up? You get in a fight or somethin’?”
I sighed. “That’s why the girlfriend’s mad at me.”
He held his hands palm up. “These things happen. Don’t worry. You’ll explain it to her. She’ll understand. And about callin’ the cops? I ain’t callin’ no cops. I’m not one of their favorites either. And besides,” he pulled a chair up and sat, “this is the most entertainment I’ve got since the damn cable’s out again.”
“Oh. Okay.” I wasn’t exactly wanting an audience, but what could I do. Nick was probably already up there sweet-talking her and filling her head with lies. “Do you mind if I stand on your rail?”
“Nah.” He waved a hand. “Not a problem.”
Using the wall to steady myself, I hiked myself up onto his railing.
“Not the best shoes for the job, pal.”
I decided to dress up for Chloe, which didn’t turn out to be the wisest idea. Dress shoes made my climb a whole lot riskier and, somehow, I don’t think the rips and blood stains on my shirt were exactly shouting debonair.
“Ya want I should hold ‘em for ya?”
I exhaled. “That would be awesome.” I toed them off and he got up to grab them.
“Think you should lose the socks, too?”
“Probably.” I leaned against the side of the building and stripped them off. A couple on the sidewalk below stopped and stared up at me.
“Whatcha lookin’ at?” my new friend growled.
“Nothing,” the guy answered right away, nudging his girlfriend forward. They kept walking.
“Thanks. My name’s Zack, by the way.” I reached out to shake his hand.
“Jonny.” His clasp forced the blood out of my already mutilated hands. “You best get goin.’ Before them cops show up.”
“Yeah. You’re right.”
The rest of the climb went fairly smoothly as the balconies we
ren’t that far apart, and I was jumping up some, not straight out, like I did leaping from the stairs. A lady watched TV on the second floor. Luckily, she was engrossed. The condo was dark on the third floor. On the fourth, lights were on, but no one was in the room. Now, on the fifth floor, the room was, thankfully, unlit and empty.
Jonny’s voice drifted up. “Nice.” He leaned over his railing, watching my progress.
I smiled. “Thanks.”
“I’m in 110 when you want your shoes back. Cable’s back on and Rockies are playing in New York. I’m going inside. See ya. And good luck with your gal,” he stopped to add before going in.
“Thanks, man. And thanks for holding my shoes.”
“No problem.”
He left, and I surveyed my situation. Now, I simply needed to get a balcony over to be at Zoe’s. Bricks jutted out from the building forming a decorative diamond shape between balconies. I tentatively reached out for one with my foot. As I did, my gaze drifted down, and I realized how far up I was.
“Shit.”
I looked over at the balcony I aimed for. I could make it if I stepped out on those bricks.
“Zo-ee you’re making me cra-zy.” And the talking out loud was additional proof of that.
Turning sideways, I held on to the railing and reached with my foot, placing it easily on one of the extended bricks. I needed to switch my weight to that side. Would it be smarter just to jump to the balcony? Or smarter still to give up and go home?
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I walked my left hand across the face of the building until it was over my left foot. Pressing flat against the brick I transitioned slowly to concentrate my weight on my left side. I took my time adjusting until I felt pretty solid. My first inclination was to put both my feet on the bricks, but I got a better idea. In my mind, I counted to three and pushed off from the balcony with my right hand and leg simultaneously and leaned to my left, giving an added push with the foot on the brick and reaching with my left hand for Zoe’s railing. I reached it, but hung from one arm for a second before securing my position with my other hand. I scrambled up and over, tumbling to the floor on the other side. I sat, scooting until my back lay against the rails opposite the building, one leg extended, one bent. I panted, with my eyes closed.
Besides breaking up with Zoe, that was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
After a few seconds, I rolled my head to peek over my shoulder and down. An older man gazed up from the sidewalk.
“Idiot!” he yelled. He mumbled something else, then walked away, taking the easy—and sane—way, climbing the stairs to enter the building.
“Coward,” I mumbled.
I laughed at my own foolishness and continued to breathe deeply and try to bring my heartrate back in the proximity of a normal range. When my legs were able to take weight again, I pushed to a standing position. The next thing I would do would take even more guts. I stepped into the light coming from her door.
She lay on the couch, earbuds in, looking so much like the old days it squeezed my heart. I involuntarily took a step forward, then stopped myself. Not yet. I wanted to just take her in for a minute. She really hadn’t changed all that much…just something about the shape of the face. It only made her more breathtaking. I felt alive for the first time in a long time. I knocked on the glass, but she didn’t move. I smiled.
Wrapped up in her music.
But how could I let her know I was there? I didn’t scale the side of her building to watch her and walk away. I needed to signal her somehow. If only I had a flashlight, like back in the old days.
Wait.
I do.
Zoe
Texts came in from those two derelicts an hour later, so I turned off my phone. It was immensely freeing. I didn’t need to be part of the theatrics. I’d had enough drama in my life. Unfortunately, my headache didn’t lessen. Maybe the music was hurting, not helping. I ripped out my earbuds and realized someone was pounding on the door. I reluctantly dragged myself off the sofa. My neighbors didn’t deserve to be woken up.
I opened the door and Nick stood on the other side. Probably thinking I would slam the door in his face—which I would have, if not for the potential of waking the neighbors—he blurted out, “I’m sorry, Zoe.”
I stared at him blankly, utterly drained. His face was so bruised and swollen, I wanted to cry, to reach out, to comfort him, but at the same time I realized he’d brought it on himself by fighting Zack. Despite my anger, I had to turn away from him to maintain composure and distance. I left the door open behind me, muttering, “I need more ibuprofen.”
Nick rushed in. “I’ll get it. I’ll get it. You just sit down.”
“They’re in the kitchen cabinet,” I said without twisting to look at him.
I plopped down on the couch and stuck my earbuds in again, wanting to again drown out the world. I stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out what I would say to Nick. I closed my eyes, but seconds later popped them open. Did I see a flash of light, or did it only seem like that because I closed my eyes? I waited. In the dim lighting, a patch of light was definitely defined on the ceiling…but not round, like a flashlight. I followed the beam and jumped.
Zack!
…Zack? I lived five stories up.
He switched off the flashlight feature on his phone and stuck it in his pocket. I hurried over to unlock the door. Locking it always seemed a bit excessive from my height, since I’d never heard of a cat burglar in the area, but now it appeared to be an appropriate precaution.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered hoarsely. With him so close, my heart beat a new rhythm and my body crackled with life.
He wrapped his hands around my biceps. “I need to say sorry. I need to—”
Nick’s voice rang out. “Did you hear a—” He came around the corner with a glass of water in one hand, and, presumably, my ibuprofen in the other. Spotting Zack, he drew up short.
“What the hell are—?”
“No!” I screamed, throwing my arms out to block their paths. My right hand landed on one of Zack’s pecs. Solid. I needed to refocus. “We are not doing this.”
Nick ignored me, set the glass and pills down on the end table, and moved toward us. “I should call the cops and have you arrested for—”
I waved my hands. “No one’s calling the cops.”
They stared at each other, jaws tight, chins stuck out, and eyes sparking with fire. Nick took the first shot. “You can’t stand the fact that I have her, can you, Zack?”
“You mean stole her, don’t you, Nick?”
I had to speak up on that one. “Uhh…we’d been broken up for eight years. For all I knew, you were still going at it with Maria Alvarez, like on the night I saw you at the dance Nick took me to because you wouldn’t.”
“Oh, shit,” Nick muttered behind me.
“You son-of-a-bitch!” Zack made a move to get around me, but I shifted over to block him.
“Zack, I said stop and I meant it.” He glanced down at me, and back at Nick.
“You planned it the whole time, didn’t you?” He turned and paced in a circle, one hand on top of his head. I prepared for him to make a sneak attack. Maybe calling the police was not such a bad idea. Zack stopped. “You’re unfreakin’ believable, you know that?” He threw his arms out. “What an idiot I was!” He looked at me. “He told me there was no way you’d be at the dance.”
It was like the air was vacuumed out of the room. I slowly spun to face Nick. “You wouldn’t let me stay home that night. In fact, you insisted we go together because it was our senior year."
“You set us up,” Zack railed. “After you coerced me into breaking up with Zoe.”
“Oh, come on, Zack. You know there was no coercion. No one forced you—”
Their voices faded in the background. Maybe Nick showing up on my doorstep a little over a month ago was not as innocent as it seemed. He’d seemed so sincere. Was it all a lie? Every word he’d said to m
e? I thought I was falling in love with him, but now I wasn’t even sure who he was.
“Nick.” My voice broke.
They stared at me like they’d forgotten I was even there. It astonished me they’d heard me at all, with all the shouting.
“Zoe. I—”
My mind reeled. “I think you need to go.”
He stared at me like I’d slugged him, like I put the bruises on his face. I turned to Zack and he didn’t even try to hide the gloating expression on his face.
“And you can follow him out.”
“What? Me? But…didn’t you hear what I said? He told me to break up with you.”
“I heard that but—and correct me if I’m wrong here—you were free to make your own decision.”
He looked down and sighed. “I was so young.”
“That’s bullshit,” Nick countered.
Zack’s head snapped up. “Of course you’d think it was bullshit. You wanted her from the start.”
“Well, maybe I did, but that doesn’t mean you had to—”
“Stop!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. Then the tears came. “This isn’t a game, you guys. I’m not some plaything. I’m not a chess piece for you to move around the board. I’m a person. I have feelings.” I faced Nick, my gaze moving from one of his eyes to the other, choking on my words. “I loved you. And you lied to me.”
“Zoe, I—”
I twisted to square up with Zack. “I loved you. And you left me.” His eyes filled with tears. I opened my stance to include Nick. “You both broke my heart. You both were thinking only of yourself.” Hearing the words coming from my mouth I realized it was true. They both betrayed me. My voice became cold and lifeless. “I don’t want to see either of you again. Please leave.”
Pitchfork in the Road Page 15