Pitchfork in the Road

by M. J. Schiller

  Nick looked at Zack openmouthed. Zack studied my face, glanced at Nick, and moved toward the front door without saying a word. After a second’s hesitation, Nick followed. Zack opened the door and held it for Nick. Nick walked out into the hall and Zack closed the door behind him, turning the deadbolt.

  “Zoe, I have something to say.”

  I exhaled. “Great.”

  “I know I made the wrong decision, but I made it for the right reasons. I thought I needed to set you free, so you could have a good senior year. I didn’t do it because I didn’t love you. I loved you then just as much as I love you now.” He stepped forward. “I want to fix this. Tell me what I can do to make things right between us?”

  I shook my head and looked at the floor. How do you fix eight years apart? How do you forgive the person you loved the most in life, but who wounded you the worst? “I don’t know. I don’t think it can be fixed.”

  “Damn it. I would have never thought of leaving you if Nick didn’t put the idea in my mind.”

  I lifted my chin. “You can’t blame this all on Nick, Zack. He may have planted the damn seed, but it was your decision to water it.”

  His gaze lowered to the floor. “And it hurt—” He became choked up. He paused, stared off toward the window for a second, then looked me straight in the eye as he finished his statement. “It killed me, Zo. You said earlier I acted selfishly, and that part is not true. The only reason I broke up with you was because I thought it was what you needed.”

  I thought about his words. Maybe what he said was true. Maybe he did think what he was doing was for the best. But…in the end, the result was the same. He left me. He listened to Nick, and he left me. I threw an arm out toward the door, my voice low as I responded, “You let him come between us.” I passed a hand over my brow. “I loved you so much, Zack.” I pushed my hair back. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love like that again.”

  He came forward to within feet of me. “Please stop saying you loved me like it’s something in the past. I need to know there is hope for us.”

  He needs. What about what I need?

  “Us?” I spread my arms out wide, palms up. “There is no us.” I looked off to the right. “You’ve been gone for eight years. You’re a stranger. I—”

  This seemed to ignite his anger again. “Oh, come on, Zo. I’m not a stranger.” He licked his lips. “We couldn’t have changed that much.” We stared at each other silently for a moment. His jaw hardened. “You seemed to have no problem with getting close to Nick after he’d been gone a long time. Or has this been going on for years?”

  “That’s not fair,” I snapped over his last sentence. I teetered on the edge of losing it. I brought a trembling hand up to cover my mouth, as if that would keep the sobs from breaking out.

  His anger disappeared. “Zoe.” He moved up and touched my arm, and I jerked away.

  “You asked what you could do to fix things between us. Well, first you could do the mature thing and own up to the fact that Nick is not responsible for all of this.” My legs suddenly shook like jelly and I reached down to feel for the couch, then lowered myself onto it. A wave of exhaustion hit me. I planted an elbow on a knee to steady myself and put my hand on my forehead like that could help me think. I let out my breath. “I don’t know, Zack. I’d have to know you were sincere…you were committed to us, and I’m not sure if that’s possible anymore.”

  He got down on one knee in front of me, his eyes roaming all over my face. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to move away, but I couldn’t. He reached out and gently stroked my cheek. “What we had, Zo—it doesn’t die. And I’ll prove that to you.”

  Nick banged on the door, his voice seeping through the walls. “I gave you five minutes. It’s my turn.”

  Zack stood. My cheek was warm where he’d touched me. He walked to the door, opened it, and waited for Nick to come inside. They stared at each other tensely. Then Zack left and shut the door behind him. My heart lurched like it wanted to follow him.

  I glared at Nick. Despite what I’d said to Zack, I was hella pissed at Nick. And, if I were to be honest, I was pissed at myself for ever thinking Nick, or anyone, could ever replace Zack in my heart. I’d convinced myself to love him. He was the almost-Zack. I thought that would do. But after seeing Zack again, it was clear it wouldn’t.

  Nick gave a shaky laugh. “I didn’t think he’d leave that easily.” He wasn’t looking me in the eye and his usual swagger had disappeared.

  “Nick, I’m tired. Can we just—”

  He gestured toward the door, rushing his words out with an angry edge. “You gave him five minutes, Zoe. You have to at least give me one.”

  What? I have to play fair when they didn’t?

  “Fine. Clock’s ticking.”

  He was silent for several moments.

  I thought you had something to say, big boy.

  “Zoe, I’m not an idiot. I know I can be a selfish prick at times.”

  At least you’re admitting it.

  He came and sat next to me on the couch. I stiffened involuntarily. He inhaled, closing his eyes. “And, yes, I encouraged Zack to break up with you in the hopes that I could have you for myself. That was wrong.”

  “That was wrong?” I stared at him, flabbergasted. “That was more than wrong, Nick. That was evil. We were—” My voice pitched to this strange falsetto. “—happy. In love.” I got to my feet. “I thought we were meant to be. Then—” I gestured wildly. “—you come along and…mess it all up.”

  He put his hands on his knees and pushed to his feet, his volume going up at the same time. “I know. I know. It’s awful what I did. I’ve known that for a while and I should have come clean before this.”

  “Ya think?”

  “To tell you the truth, I’m pretty disgusted with myself right now.”

  He paced off. When he turned back his face was so pained, and the bruises Zack gave him made that even more pathetic. My heart went out to him. He was my friend. And he had been more.

  “But, Zoe…being with you has made me a better person. All I ask is that you let me prove that to you.”

  What was this? A run-off? Some women may have enjoyed having two men vie for her affection, but…I was in a no win situation. No matter how you sliced it, one of my best friends would be hurt. I didn’t want or need this drama in my life.

  Seeing the earnestness in his eyes, I couldn’t help but be moved. I crossed to him and brushed my fingertips along his bruised cheek. “Prove it to yourself, Nick.”

  He dropped his head but nodded.

  “I’m sorry, but…I’ve really had enough tonight. I need to get some sleep, and I need time to think.”

  “Okay.”

  I followed him across the room and, after he’d opened the door and stepped through, I leaned against the edge of it.

  “Zoe. I have one last thing to say. No matter how this turns out,” he took a breath, “I treasure the time we had together. These past weeks, they’ve been the best in my life, no question. And I’m sorry, so sorry, for hurting you. That was never, ever my intent.”

  “I know,” I said softly.

  He opened his mouth as if to say something more, closed it and glanced down for a second, then raised his gaze. “Good night.”

  I watched him walk down the hall, too tired to move. He turned and looked back while waiting for the elevator, so I stirred and slipped back into my apartment.

  Chapter 16

  Zoe

  I spent most of Sunday sleeping, or on my balcony, staring off into space and wondering about the messed up road that brought me here. Zack and Nick texted, and I told them both I needed space. I turned off my phone. Everything became so quiet then. At first I welcomed the silence. After all the screaming from the day before it eased my head, which was still pounding when I woke up.

  But after a while, being by myself weighed on me and made me sad. I was grateful for work on Monday.

  There’s nothing like bubble gum in
a kindergartener’s hair to distract you. I decided to get our nurse, Sally’s, opinion on the best strategy to remove the gum. I was cutting through the office and noticed a huge, beautiful bouquet of flowers sitting on Pam’s desk. It had a variety of brightly colored roses intermixed with Calla lilies, my favorites. Pam hurriedly shoved the card stuck in them back into its envelope.

  “Hey, Pam. Ooh. Pretty. Who do those belong to?”

  “You.”

  I blinked. “Me?” I checked them out again. “Well, I know you’ve already read the card, so who are they from?”

  Her face reddened. “Someone named Zack. You stepping out on Nick?”

  I laughed, blowing out air. “It’s not like that. Zack and I grew up together. All he sees me as is that pain-in-the-butt girl next door.”

  “Well, in my experience, guys don’t buy flowers for girls they consider to be a pain-in-the-butt. And…that’s not what the card says.” She plucked the envelope off its holder and handed it to me.

  I frowned at her, but my face became hot. I deliberately made myself be patient and not tear open the envelope to see what Zack wrote.

  I’M SORRY ABOUT THE FIGHT. I WAS A JERK. LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU AND TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER TONIGHT, OR WHENEVER—

  An arrow pointed to the back, so I flipped it over.

  YOU ARE FREE. I’LL EVEN LET YOU PICK THE MUSIC IN THE CAR. -ZACK

  “You two have a thing going on, don’t you?”

  “What? No,” I brushed her off, stuffing the little card back into the envelope.

  “Then what is that smile all about?”

  “I…I…. It’s just, they’re for the pretty flowers is all.”

  She tapped her pencil on the desk. “Uh-huh.”

  I’m certain she would have grilled me more if a delivery guy hadn’t walked in with another bouquet of flowers.

  Pam sat up. “Can I help you?”

  “Yes. I have flowers for a Ms. Zoe McCord?”

  Pam crossed her arms and smirked at me.

  I cleared my throat. “I’m Zoe McCord.”

  “Oh, here, miss.” He handed me a machine with a digital readout. “Can you please sign in the box?”

  Nothing more was said until the delivery person was beyond the school’s glass doors.

  “Ooh,” Pam hummed. “Who are those from?”

  It was a nice arrangement, but the bouquet held daisies, hydrangeas, mums, and sunflowers, all of which I was allergic to. I set them on the desk. That tickle in my nose and throat that spelt trouble was already starting. I read the card.

  ZOE-

  I KNOW IT’S ONLY BEEN A DAY, BUT I MISS YOU ALREADY. TELL ME THERE’S STILL A CHANCE FOR US. –NICK

  “It’s from Nick.” I tapped the card in my hand. “You know what?” I ran a finger over a lily petal and bent to smell it. “I’ll come back to talk to Sally later.” I left before she could question me further, but stuck my head back into the room. “Oh, and you can have both of those bouquets.”

  I let the door close but still heard her, “What? Why?” out in the hall. I walked faster. I wouldn’t let a bunch of flowers make a decision for me.

  A few weeks passed, and I received some texts from Nick and Zack, but for the most part they were respecting my wishes and giving me space. Unfortunately, time didn’t make anything clearer for me.

  The kids returned from lunch as I was getting the classroom ready. Mimi walked in, giggling.

  I smiled. “What are you up to?”

  “Oh, my gosh, Zoe. Have you seen the new gym teacher?”

  I raised my eyebrows, amused by her excitement.

  “Well, I know you’re in to Nick and everything—”

  Not so much.

  “—but he is ho-o-o-ot. Like, smoking hot. Like, I-wouldn’t-mind-losing-my-job-getting-caught-doing-it-with-him-on-his-desk kinda hot.”

  I laughed, continuing to put papers on desks. “Everyone has been talking about him. I can’t wait to find out what all of the excitement is—”

  Mimi squealed. “You won’t have to wait. He’s coming this way.”

  I glanced up and was struck dumb.

  “So, Mr. Issaacs, I want you to meet—”

  “Zack. What are you doing here?”

  Mimi looked from me to him and back. “You two know each other?”

  “I got a job here,” Zack answered. “I’m subbing for the gym teacher who broke his leg.”

  “Mr. Tuttle? Well, that explains the whistle. Wait. What? You got a job here? Isn’t that quite a commute from Lincoln?”

  Mimi still studied us with her mouth hanging open. “Clearly you know each other.”

  He smiled. “I moved here.”

  “You what?”

  “Still in the room,” Mimi said.

  “I wanted to show you—” He clamped his mouth down suddenly and glanced at Mimi.

  “Mimi, would you mind—”

  “I’m going. I’m going.” She left, but as she closed the door behind her she gave me a big wink and a thumb’s up sign.

  I stood close to Zack, but didn’t remember moving toward him.

  He gazed at me tenderly. “I wanted to prove to you I was serious about winning you back.”

  “So you quit your job?”

  “Yup.”

  Zack’s gaze shifted, and he twisted his head to check out one bulletin board in particular. “You are studying metamorphosis in kindergarten?” He walked closer to examine their drawings.

  “Uhh…yes. But back to the whole quitting your job thing. Isn’t that a huge pay cut for you? You were teaching high school, right?”

  His focus returned to me. “Did I tell you that?”

  I shrugged, heat rising in my cheeks. “My dad may have mentioned it or something….” I mumbled the end, embarrassed he might think I’d been checking up on him, which I did, at first.

  He resumed meandering around the room, his hands behind his back. “Yes. It is a pay cut. And it’s expensive to live here, too. How do you afford it?”

  I again found myself moving toward him, a moon orbiting its planet. “I was one of the first tenants in my building and they gave me a really good rate.”

  He nodded. He was at my desk. He picked up my crystal apple and examined it, then put it back. I leaned against the desk, surveying his face. “Your bruises healed well.”

  He shrugged. “Yeah. I guess.” He sat on the desk next to me. The heat of his body was searing, and a gym teacher had no right to be smelling as good as he did. “You’re not mad at me for stopping in, right? I mean, I know I said I would give you space and all, but…I’ve been working here for a week and you didn’t even know it.”

  My eyes widened. “A week?”

  “Yeah.” He peered at me. His eyes were this deep color, almost gray. But if the light hit a certain way, like it did right now, it set them on fire, causing an azure glow. He had this expression on his face, the look that meant…. No, I must be reading too much into it. I shook my head and pushed off the desk, and walked behind it, wanting to put some distance, and something solid, between us.

  “Oh, I heard about the new gym teacher all right. Only I didn’t realize it was you.”

  He spun around, putting his fists on my desk and leaning forward, a frown marring his beautiful face. “You heard about me? What were they saying? I’m doing all right, aren’t I?”

  I was saved from explaining that everyone talked about how gorgeous he was by the kids arriving. Mimi was in the front holding Ryker’s hand. He looked like he’d been crying.

  Zack smiled. “Ryker.”

  The sad expression on Ryker’s face turned to sheer joy and he tore himself free from Mimi and ran over to Zack. Zack crouched, and I came around to the front of the desk as Ryker came pounding up.

  “Hey, buddy.”

  “What are you doing here?” Ryker asked, giggling.

  “I know. It’s weird to see me out of the gym, huh?”

  Ryker nodded rapidly.

  “Hey, it seems l
ike your face is wet.” Zack lifted the bottom of his shirt—one of those thin, clinging athletic Ts that looked, oh, so good on him—and wiped Ryker’s face. In so doing, he revealed his abs and I couldn’t help but stare. How could he get even more ripped over the years? His body was great when he played QB in high school, but now he was a full grown man with a lethally sexy man body. Holy shit was he built. Broad, well-defined chest and arms, slender waist, toned abs—and not those over-toned, I-can-reach-out-and-wrap-my-hands-around-the-muscles abs. Those, actually, grossed me out. It was like an alien protruded from within. My gaze continued to peruse him.

  Is he wearing…product?

  I wasn’t the only one who noticed. Mimi practically gawked at him, which annoyed me.

  “Well, I better go and let Ms. McCord teach you some stuff.” He knuckled Ryker and straightened. “See you, Zoe,” he said so only I could hear him. Mimi hovered, pretending not to be eavesdropping. “I’ll stay out of your way. But if you need anything, you know where I am.”

  “Okay.” I couldn’t help but smile at him before he turned and walked away.

  “’You know where I am,’” Mimi murmured. “Geez. Do you have to take all of the hot guys?” she teased.

  But I wasn’t really listening. Zack moved from Lincoln to Denver to be near me. I was impressed, but still hesitant to commit. Despite that shadow of doubt, I couldn’t help but feel encouraged. There was a spring in my step the rest of the afternoon.

  Chapter 17

  Zoe

  October came, and with it, the annual Fall Ball. I mentioned it to Nick when we were dating, and we’d talked about coming together. Unfortunately, he remembered. Without asking if we were still on for the date, he texted me that evening as I got ready, telling me he would be picking me up at six. He left me no choice but to attend with him.

  The glitzy function was always held at this swank, old hotel. Chandeliers dripped from the ceiling, gilded woodwork graced the walls, and the carpeting swirled with an intricate design in gold and burgundy. Musicians in black dresses and tuxes milled about on a stage on one end of the room, drawing instruments out of cases, adjusting music stands, or chatting with one another. A large marble dance floor spread out from the foot of the stage and candlelit, cloth-covered tables were scattered here and there on the left and right, with the majority of them on the side of the room opposite the stage. Beyond the room we entered, a second, cozier area opened up through an archway. I could see red velvet sofas and wingback chairs huddled around an enormous fireplace topped by an arched mirror. A dark wood, elaborately carved bar was tucked into one corner at an angle, bordered by a half dozen stools. A second, smaller bar was set up near the entrance of the front room we were in, and was already crowded with patrons waiting in line.