“It’s okay. False alarm. The baby’s fine.” She sat up, sniffed, and blew her nose.
The welcome news almost took my breath. “You didn’t lose the baby?”
“No. Thank God.” She grinned at Pete. “We were pretty scared there for a few hours.”
The mad rush to book a plane, the frantic scramble to get someone from Ingrid’s church to stay with her, the flight, and the emotional wringer I’d been through left me sagging. I moved to the chair and sat down.
Sara frowned. “I can go home this morning—you okay, Mom?”
“Just tired, honey. Incredibly tired.”
“I’ll bet. Pete, why don’t you take Mom to the cafeteria and get her something to eat? It’ll be a few hours before the paperwork gets done here.”
Pete led me to the hospital cafeteria where he got me a hot coffee and a ham sandwich. I was so exhausted my head spun.
“What happened?” I finally managed when I leaned back to catch my breath.
“Sara woke up from a nap and was having some discomfort. I decided it was best to let her doctor determine if it was anything serious.”
“Who has the kids?” I cupped my hands around the mug, relishing the warmth.
“A neighbor.” He checked his watch. “I need to phone and check on them. Sara should be released within the hour. I have patients waiting at the office.” He glanced at me. “A friend brought over our other car just in case. Can you drive Sara home while I go in to work?”
I nodded, still numb. All this rushing and worrying was too much for me. I was relieved that Sara and the baby were fine, still…
He pushed back from the table, draining his mug. “How was your vacation?”
“Lovely.”
“Thanks, Marlene.” He dropped a cursory kiss on the top of my head. “You’re a peach.” He turned to walk away, then turned back. “You’ll need to get the kids the minute you get home. The neighbor seemed a little antsy when I talked to her earlier.”
I nodded. Check. Get kids. Neighbor antsy. Welcome home, Marlene.
Petey and Emma seemed glad to see me. Nancy Billings, the neighbor, seemed even happier. “Hey, Marlene. Good to have you back. Sara’s sure missed you.”
“I missed her too. Thanks for taking care of the children, Nancy.”
She sobered. “Did she lose the baby?”
“No. False alarm.”
Petey clasped his arms around my legs, knocking me off balance. “Me-maw, where haf you been?”
I glanced down at him. This beautiful boy was my first grandchild. How could I have left him? Emma toddled toward me. “Me-maw. Me-maw.”
I scooped her up in my arms. “Me-maw’s home. Did you miss me?”
She nodded. “Uh-huh.”
Petey yanked my pants leg. “I chased the cat.”
That wasn’t good. In Nancy’s house the cat ruled. Nancy’s Tommy was huge, gray, and overweight. If Petey chased the cat, Nancy must be beside herself. I glanced at her. “Tommy all right?”
“Shut up in the bedroom. Poor thing almost had a nervous breakdown. Don’t believe he’ll ever be the same.”
“Petey, you shouldn’t chase the cat. Tommy’s too old to run.”
He flashed a dazzling smile. “I wanna to.”
I nodded. Took after his mother. “I’m sorry, Nancy. First chance I get, I’ll bring Tommy a catnip mouse.”
She nodded, a frown creasing her forehead. “He’d like that. He’s under the bed, and I can’t get him to come out. Just sits there shaking and staring into space.”
Yeah. I knew the feeling.
“Yes, well, he’ll settle down as soon as we leave.” A twinge of irritation pricked my conscience. Petey was just a little boy who was used to playing with his cats. I reached down and took his hand. Emma’s chubby arms clasped around my neck. “We have to go, Nancy, thanks a lot.”
“I’m really glad you’re home, Marlene. Don’t run off again.”
“No danger of that. I’m here to stay.” The thought made me want to cry. Never see Vic or Joe again? I said good-bye to Nancy and led the children across the yard to the house where Sara, and work, waited.
Sara’s housekeeping skills had gone by the wayside with Emma’s birth. When I unlocked the front door and ushered my daughter inside, I resisted the urge to ask if there’d been a burglary. I wasn’t sure if the chaos was the result of bad housekeeping or if the house had been ransacked in their absence.
Sara headed straight for the sofa, features pale. I dropped Emma’s diaper bag on the floor and herded Petey to his bedroom.
“I don’t wanna take a nap!”
“I don’t wanna make you! So give us a both a break and go nite-nite without a fuss.”
Emma bucked in my right arm, bursting into tears.
“It’s okay, baby. You’re going nite-nite too.”
“Haveta kiss mama.” Petey bounced out of the youth bed, and I caught his shirttail before he escaped.
“Later. Momma’s resting now.”
While the weary household napped, I picked up the clutter and started a load of wash. The results of my absence were duly noted. Sara was behind in her chores. Cereal had dried on the high-chair tray. A Cheerios trail snaked through the downstairs’ rooms.
Home. You had to love it.
I made a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of tea. My blood sugar was doing cartwheels, so I stuffed the sandwich down, keeping an ear tuned to the children’s bedrooms. The past twenty four hours’ events had worn them out and they slept soundly.
When my cell rang, I snatched it up and hit the button, then remembered to switch the ring to vibrate. Joe was on the line. “Just checking on you, Little Marlene. How’s your daughter doing?”
“She’s okay, Joe. False alarm.”
“Well, praise the Lord. We’ve all been worried about her. I stopped by Ingrid’s earlier and she was asking if I’d heard anything.”
“Is Ingrid okay?”
“She’s a tough old bird. She’ll do fine, but she’s driving Mrs. Henkins up the wall.”
She’d drive a drill sergeant up the wall. What was I going to do about her? Mrs. Henkins lived four doors down and she’d agreed to step in during the emergency, but I still had no long-term solution for Aunt Ingrid’s care. During the flight home I’d done some soul searching and didn’t like what I’d unearthed.
Me. Or the woman I’d become.
Raising Sara, struggling to make ends meet, I’d never stopped long enough to think, but the past ten days had allowed me a glimpse of the real me. A daughter that had failed her father. A niece who had little patience for her aunt’s needs. A mother who nurtured her daughter’s overdependence.
But most of all, a woman who willingly continued to live a lie.
I didn’t like that woman very much.
“Marlene? You there?”
“Sorry. I’m here.”
“You’re coming back, aren’t you?”
No. I wasn’t coming back. I knew at that moment I’d never go back. I’d arrange to have Aunt Ingrid flown here. She could stay with me until her paralysis lifted. The change would do her good, maybe even enhance her life. I’d list Beth’s house with a realtor and appoint someone to oversee the needed repairs. Joe would look after Ingrid’s home until we could decide if the move was permanent.
Leaving Vic a second time would be the hardest, but he would continue his life, move on, and maybe eventually marry Lana. They made a great couple.
So why did I feel like crying?
Me—I’d stay in Glen Ellyn where I belonged, help raise my precious grandbabies, and be the mother Sara wanted. Lord knew I’d failed Herman; I would not fail my daughter.
“I won’t be back, Joe.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, though I know your place is with family.” Regret filled his voice.
“Joe…” Could I do this? The person I needed to tell wasn’t Joe, but he was the only person who might understand.
“Yes?”
“Noel is dead. He walked out on me when Sara was a toddler. I’ve raised her alone.”
Silence.
“Did you hear me, Joe?”
“I heard you.”
I swallowed, my heart pounding. “Noel…Joe, he didn’t die recently—he’s been dead.”
“I know. He died in Utah, in a skiing accident, if I’m not mistaken.”
“You…you…” I closed my eyes as shame swept over me. Joe knew. He knew about Noel. And if he knew, then Vic had to know too. Joe would never have kept a secret like that from his son.
“Vic knows.” Joe confirmed my unspoken thought.
“Oh, Joe.” Sara’s kitchen walls closed around me, and I couldn’t breathe. The tight band crushing my heart threatened to buckle my knees. Was I having a heart attack? I shifted in the chair, blindly groping for my water glass. I took a sip. Then another.
“Marlene?”
“I’m here.” I swallowed. “How long have you known?”
“Awhile—maybe two months. Why would you feel you had to withhold the truth from us. From me?”
A question for which I had no definitive answer.
“When Noel…left me, I was scared. I didn’t know where to turn. Sara was small, and we still didn’t know for certain that she would be all right—mentally, that is. I’d never done anything right in Aunt Ingrid’s eyes, and Aunt Beth couldn’t have helped even if she had known. And of course, there was Vic. I ran away from him and Parnass Springs…” What a fool I’d been. What a fool I was. “How…did you find out?”
“Vic read an article your husband wrote on the transmission of bird flu from animals to humans. He was puzzled when the article referred to the late Dr. Queens. With a little research, he found out why.”
Closing my eyes, I did what I should have done years earlier. Dear God, forgive me for this horrible lie! Forgive me for all the years I’ve misled, confused…I am so very sorry. With your grace, I will never knowingly tell another lie.
“Marlene?”
“Yes, Joe.” I dashed tears from the corners of my eyes. “I’m sorry. Vic has been so civil. He’s never hinted that he knew.”
A pointed pause. Then. “Yes, he has been civil, Marlene, but I suspect it’s all an act. I suspect that on the inside, he’s furious. He’s playing a game, waiting to see when—or if—-you’ll tell him. We’ve talked many hours about why you would continue the deception. I prayed mightily that while you were here you’d come and talk to us, tell us the truth. I’d have understood. More than once I’ve backed myself into a brick wall with no way out.”
No more deceit, Marlene.
“I had a way out. The truth. But I chose not to take it. Vic had his life together. Aunt Ingrid never needed anyone, and Aunt Beth was doing fine on her own. I didn’t want anyone to know what a disaster I’d made of my life—not when it seemed at the time that my whole life had been confusion.”
“Little Marlene, don’t you know God does not expect perfection from you or me? He expects our best, which often falls short of our expectations. Always know there is no problem that you can’t bring to God, or to me, for that matter. Neither of us will ever turn you away.”
I grabbed my napkin to catch the hot tears. Every word he spoke drove a nail into my black heart. I believed what he said, yet I’d chosen to live long years in turmoil and guilt. And Vic knew. He’d played along the entire time I’d been in Parnass Springs, never mentioning my lie. My face was as hot as the electric sandwich maker sitting on the counter as I remembered the chances he’d given me to confess, and how I had evaded them.
“What will you do about Ingrid?”
Between sniffles I told him my plans to bring her to Glen Ellyn, relieved to change the subject.
“She won’t want to come, you know.”
“It’s either she comes here or I move her to assisted nursing, and I don’t think she’d want that either.” I’d have Sara, my job at the hospital, the grandchildren, a new baby, and Aunt Ingrid to run after. Could I keep up?
“Well, I can help with Beth’s house and overseeing the repairs. I can even list the house for you and fax papers to sign, but seems we have a new problem.”
A new one? I couldn’t imagine such a thing, not after the past fourteen days.
“What’s that?”
“Herman’s statue.”
“That isn’t a problem. Aunt Ingrid tried to manipulate me into erecting it, but I’m still considering the matter.”
“Humm…interesting. Well, it seems your birth mother’s parents think it’s a given.”
This time the uneasy silence came from my end of the line. He couldn’t have said what I thought I’d heard, could he? My birth mother’s parents? Like in grandparents? Like in the people who never wanted to see me?
“You heard me say your birth mother’s parents—”
“I heard you.” My ears buzzed. Why on earth would my birth mother’s parents object—or want any say in the matter? Joe again read my thoughts.
“They got wind of the proposed statue, and they’ve gone to the town council to oppose. They feel their family, their daughter, has been through enough with the circumstances surrounding your birth. At this moment they’re trying to get legal permission to protect their daughter from further embarrassment. The whole town knows what happened between Lexy and Herman.”
“The project is halted,” I argued, still trying to make sense of the interference.
“But Ingrid won’t give up the fight. She already has Rexall on the case, and he’s filed for a hearing.”
“You must be kidding.”
“I wish I were. I have a feeling all Hades is about to break loose around here.”
In the ensuing calm, a new, more troublesome thought occurred. Understandably my birth mother’s parents would be concerned about their daughter. And if their concern continued, that meant she was still alive. No one had ever encouraged me to seek her out. Somewhere in or near Parnass Springs lived a woman who’d given me life, a woman I’d never laid eyes on. I shook my head, trying to clear the mental fog.
“I hate to say it, Marlene, but it’s quite possible you’ll have to come back. I have a hunch this hullabaloo isn’t going to go away overnight.”
I had the same hunch, and the thought struck terror into my heart. Not only would I have to face Vic’s condemnation, but now I would be forced to defend my father’s right to be immortalized on the animal shelter lawn against a set of grandparents I’d never known. My father’s rights? I shook my head. Clearly I was losing it.
After I said good-bye and hung up the phone, I sat there staring into space. I’d had too much information dumped on me to absorb it all. Vic and Joe knew all along I’d been lying. Why didn’t they say something? How could they abet me in my crime?
Well, one thing was for sure, I was going back—a decision that would be as popular with my daughter as poison ivy. I’d tell her as soon as she woke. No use putting it off.
I put in another load of laundry and fixed myself a cup of tea, plotting my strategy. Half an hour later, when Sara left the living room sofa for her bed, I sat down on the edge of the king mattress and folded my hands in my lap.
“Joe Brewster called.”
She closed her eyes. “What did he want?”
“Well, it seems there’s been a complication.”
“Ingrid? What’s wrong now?”
“Not exactly Ingrid, though I suppose it does concern her. It seems my other grandparents are determined to prevent the statue from being built.”
My daughter opened one eye. “That’s good, isn’t it? That’s what you want.”
I’d thought it was, now I didn’t know what I wanted. I only knew I didn’t want these people who’d ignored me for all of my life, never wanted me or acknowledged my existence, ganging up on Ingrid. Something in me wanted to fight, although I wasn’t sure exactly what I was fighting for.
“Mom? You’re not really going back there, are you?” Sara pushed herself upright, e
yes wide. “Mom! You can’t leave again!”
“Oh, Sara, you can manage without me.” She was in perfectly good health. It’s not like I was leaving an ailing child.
“No, I can’t. I need you. Mom, what if I lose this baby while you’re gone?”
Sure, Sara, lay a guilt trip on me. “Anything can happen, but if you have problems, I’ll hop a plane and be back within hours. I still have unfinished business in Parnass.”
“But I wanted you to help get the nursery ready. You know, paint the room and make curtains. And I thought maybe you could make a mobile to hang over the crib.”
And pigs could fly. “Be reasonable. Have you ever known me to make a crib mobile? I’m not a crafty person.”
“You could learn. Besides, you’ve always told me I could do anything I really wanted to.”
And I’d thought my advice had been in vain. My daughter, God love her, hadn’t done much more than she’d had to do all her life, but she’d been saving my advice to hand back to me when she had something in mind for me to do.
“That’s a cliché, Sara, and here’s another. You can’t teach old dogs new tricks.”
“You’re not old. I know you could learn to sew curtains. They’re just straight seams.”
And where did my daughter get that gem of information? She’d never held a needle. Now she’s an expert on sewing curtains? “I’m sorry; if you want to redecorate the nursery, you’ll have to hire someone to do it for you. It’s not in my line of expertise.”
Petey wandered in, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “Wanna go chase the cat.”
“Not today, darling,” Sara said. “It’s not nice to chase the cat.”
“I want to.”
“Well, maybe tomorrow, all right, sweets?”
I interrupted. “Don’t promise him he can chase the cat tomorrow. Nancy doesn’t want him doing that.”
Sara shrugged. “He’ll forget about it by tomorrow.”
I wouldn’t bet on it. I slid off the bed. “Dinner is ready to put in the oven an hour before Pete comes home. I’ve got to go check my house and water the plants.”
Life would go on; Sara would survive without me whether she knew it or not. I’d give her another day to absorb the news. She’d come around. We were only talking about one more week.
Simple Gifts Page 14