“I feel it too,” he admitted.
“Have you spoken with your parents yet?”
“My mom came to see me today at Town Hall. She brought lunch. It was awkward and she didn’t stay long, but it was a start. I just thanked her and watched her walk away.”
“They were wrong to shut you out,” I told him.
“They only did what they thought was right. At one point, even you agreed with them. At one point, I agreed with them.”
I swallowed. “For the record, I’m glad you’re here.”
He smiled slightly, a smile that didn’t flourish or reach his eyes. “Me too, most days.”
We paused in front of our houses. Saul chuckled as Roman threw open his door and greeted us. “Hello, neighbors!”
Growling in response, I couldn’t help but smack Saul as he laughed at me. “You sound so human now,” Saul added.
I did. I sounded like before.
“Is Mercedes with you?” I asked Roman.
“Nah, she’s wearing a hole in your living room floor,” he replied.
Before I could turn to walk in that direction, she threw open the front door and ran to me, squeezing my neck hard. “You scared me so bad.”
“Why?”
“I thought you were going to leave.”
“And go where, Mercedes?” I asked. There was nowhere for me to go.
She let me go and stepped back. “I don’t know, but when you disappear, I worry.”
“I can handle myself,” I argued.
“You could. But you aren’t... it’s not like...”
It wasn’t and I wasn’t. She was right. “I know, but I’m fine. I was at Maggie’s.”
She told Roman to go to bed, to which he replied with a snort, insisting that he needed sleep because she’d worn him out. Mercedes gave him an evil look and grabbed my hand. “He is insufferable.”
“You fed that fire, Cedes,” I teased.
“Well, it’s an amazing fire,” she giggled, pulling me up the walk to our house.
Saul groaned. “Do you have to discuss this in front of me?”
“You can walk ahead of us if you prefer, Saul,” Mercedes smarted.
He groaned again.
That night, Mercedes sat on the edge of my mattress picking at her cuticles. “So, are you mad?”
“No, but I’m wondering what the hell happened. There seemed to be some major tension brewing between the two of you while we were in The Sand, and now you’re sleeping with him? What changed?”
She bit a hangnail off her pinky. “I don’t know what happened, but after we were healed, Roman and I started talking all the time. Talking led to forgiving, and forgiving led to –”
“I know where it led. Did you know he asked me earlier for a second chance?” I asked, holding a pillow over my chest. I didn’t tell her that he also slipped past me downstairs while I was asleep and that they were incredibly loud in the bedroom.
“He’s sincere; he just wants to live like a normal person now that he has the chance. We aren’t serious, but we are attracted to each other. We both have needs, so we’re satisfying those together.”
“What about love?” I asked.
My sister lowered her head, staring at her nails intently. “Not sure love is in the cards for me.”
“I know you loved Noah, but Roman isn’t Noah and I’m not sure how I feel about you and Roman. I don’t feel upset, but it’s just weird. But, that being said, I’m glad he’s not Noah. He turned out to be someone who didn’t deserve your love. Maybe Roman will surprise us all and become that man. Maybe he’ll just be a fling for now, but either way, I’m fine with it and you don’t have to ask for my blessing or approval.”
“I know he was infatuated with you at one time,” she said, watching my reaction. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t ever feel that way about him.”
“I can honestly say that Roman has only ever been a friend or an enemy in my eyes. I’ve never thought of him that way.”
“That’s a relief,” she said on an exhale.
“And I don’t think he ever really wanted me wanted me. I think he was curious and a night-walker barely under control. As you know, even when you’re out of Frenzy, it’s still hard to suppress the hunger.”
“I hated every second of it. I don’t know how you did it. I turned into both, but not at the same time, Porsch. That must have been excruciating.” Awkward silence filled the air and she fidgeted, smoothing her jeans.
It was excruciating. Worst thing I’d felt in my life until now, when it felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest, one that would never close and would ooze heartache forever.
She awkwardly reached out for me and we hugged, squishing the pillow between us. “I’m sorry you’re hurting,” she said comfortingly.
“I’m glad you’re healed,” was all I could choke out.
When something enormous happens in your life, you start to separate time based on that event. I originally thought it would be pre-Infection and post-Infection, but then when I was cured, pre- and post-cure became the moment. Then pre- and post- vampire. But the moment that took the cake ended up being pre-and post- sacrifice. Tage sacrificed himself and his sister to heal everyone. He didn’t mean to be a hero, and he didn’t plan to sacrifice himself from the start. He was a bastard. I never liked the guy and I knew if the decision were left to him, he’d have kept Porschia in a pretty, gilded cage just so he could keep her to himself for an eternity.
If she didn’t ask him to heal her, he wouldn’t have. It was that simple. And everyone would have a different moment to separate our lives, a different one for each person instead of this unifying event.
It had been five weeks since we returned to Blackwater from The Sand. The bridge was now in place over the river, thanks to Ford, Brian, and a host of men who helped pull the bridge into place. My palms still burned from gripping the rope so hard.
The Council was hosting a celebration tonight to celebrate our new beginning. There would be meat, vegetables, fruits, and even music. I hoped Porschia would go. She needed to see that she wasn’t an outcast anymore. Surprisingly, none of us were.
My Father tried to speak with me yesterday, but I kept walking. I wasn’t ready to make nice. Maybe I would never be ready. Maybe it would just take time.
I guided the horse across the bridge. She got skittish going over the water, but was okay once we got to the other side. I was hauling more wood for Porschia’s house. It wasn’t far into the woods at all, which made me feel more at ease, but a young woman living alone, away from the town put her at risk. Even if she didn’t see it, she was in danger here. There were animals – predators – who still lurked in the woods. There were humans who were inherently bad. Being alone wasn’t the smartest idea, which was why I’d been staying with her at her house. I knew Mercedes was there, but daily she was getting more wrapped up in Roman. Literally.
Maybe she would let me stay with her or maybe I could build myself a shack nearby, camouflage it, even.
When I pulled up, she was holding onto a tree. “You okay?” I slowed the horses and tied their reins to a tree branch.
I could tell she was sick. “Porschia?” I asked again.
She gagged and then caught her breath. “I’m fine,” she choked.
That wasn’t what fine looked like.
A shiver ran up my spine. It felt like the Infection all over again. What if Tage didn’t cure her, after all? What if she was sick and would die? She stood up and I could see how pale she was.
“Don’t say it,” she started. “Don’t even think it. I’m not that kind of sick. I think I just ate something that disagreed with me.”
From down the pathway, I heard Mercedes’ voice. “You could have given me a ride, Saul,” she scolded.
“I didn’t know you needed one.”
“And you,” she said, pointing at Porschia. “Are you pregnant?”
Porschia got even paler, if that was possible. Her mouth hung open. “Wha
t?”
“I said, are you pregnant? Have you been taking advantage of her, Saul? Because that is lower than low.” Mercedes stomped up beside me.
I hadn’t touched her, other than her head laying on me once in a while. She couldn’t be pregna – oh, God.
“Porsch?” I asked.
“I’m not pregnant,” she finally said, sitting down on a nearby boulder. “That’s not possible.”
“Well, it depends on if you slept with anyone, sweetie.” Mercedes sat next to her sister, handing her the basket of food she’d brought.
“I-” Porschia started, but couldn’t finish. “It’s not possible.”
“It’s not likely, or not possible? Like, you’ve never slept with anyone because you’re my baby sister and still a virgin?”
Porschia stared blankly in front of her.
“Oh, shit.” Mercedes said. “You need to see someone. When was your last cycle?”
“Before I turned into a fucking monster, Mercedes! When was yours?”
Mercedes winced. “After I started turning human again, but it stopped mid-cycle when I started growing fangs again.”
I’d heard enough to know who the father of her child was, and I saw red. Throwing the planks off the cart, I unknotted the reins and guided the horse backward.
“Saul, you don’t have to leave,” Porschia said softly.
I couldn’t look at her. “Yeah, well, I have to help Brian with a few things. Ford is at the barn.”
“Okay... thanks.”
Nodding was the only answer I could give her. My chest was tight. I couldn’t half breathe.
Damn him straight to hell. He knew. I bet he knew exactly what sleeping with her in The Sand would do. His magic probably helped him. He was a damn devil, and while I was sorry Porschia was hurting, I was still glad he was dead and gone.
It was like she was a prize to win, and when he won her, he wanted to cage her up and keep her like a pretty doll. But Porschia was a human being, not a toy. She didn’t deserve how he treated her. She didn’t deserve how he ‘forgot’ to numb her, how he almost attacked her in the city, or how he looked at her and then possessed her. Then he turned out to be some thousand-year-old Egyptian prince with a freak sister. What the hell?
I stomped toward town, small rocks skittering down the hill to get out of my way, thinking through the implications of it all. His crazy back-story should have blown her mind. She should have run for the hills, not into his arms. Why did she sleep with him?
Him?
Of all people, why did he have to come into her life?
If he had never come to Blackwater, none of this crap would’ve happened. Porschia might never have even turned. You never know. He might have been the one to manipulate her mother. He might have driven her crazy.
We sat in silence, watching Saul run away as fast as he could. Damn him for that. Porschia needed support right now; not to have someone she cared about tuck tail and run. Once the cart was out of sight, the sounds of its wheels slowly fading into the distance and the small clouds of dust that the horse and cart stirred up beginning to settle back to the ground, Porschia cried. Not silently or stoically; she bawled in loud hiccups when he was out of earshot.
“Could this be possible? I was still a monster then.”
“You were never a monster, Porsch.”
“I was! I was awful and I know it, but how could I possibly be pregnant?”
“You were healed shortly after that. Maybe that had something to do with it,” I said, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and pulling her into a hug. “I can’t believe you slept with Tage.”
“Why not?” she said, pulling away from me.
“I don’t know. I mean, I know you loved the guy, but before that night, you didn’t seem particularly intimate with him.”
“We weren’t until then. There was just too much going on,” she said. I could tell in her tone that she didn’t believe those words either.
“You were scared,” I told her.
“I was?” she asked.
“You were. You placed all your faith in Saul and gave him your heart, only to have him disappoint you. His fall from grace dragged you down with him. It was a terrible spiral.”
Porschia sniffed and wiped her cheeks. “How will they tell if I am?”
I had no idea. “I guess you’ll start showing eventually if you are.”
“Saul is never going to look at me again.”
I stopped what I was about to say, asking, “Do you want him to?”
She stilled, looking like she knew she’d said too much. Maybe she did. “No,” she said adamantly. “Not like you think. He’s just so upset.”
Uh-huh. Right. She still had feelings, however small, for Saul Daniels. I’ll be damned.
But this little bun in the oven, if it’s there, might cause an issue with that. If she was pregnant and Saul could deal with it not being his child, specifically with it being Tage’s, maybe Porschia could be happy again.
I used to think that without Noah, I would never find someone who made me happy. Roman, it turned out, was a fine substitute, and I knew exactly what to expect from him. Noah ended up being a monumental disappointment, and I would happily use Roman as a distraction. I knew that was exactly what he was doing with me.
“What do I do?” she asked, starting to cry all over again.
“You build your house, move in, and then live like you want to live. That’s the beauty of Tage’s gift. You get to go on.”
She opened her mouth, a wide strand of saliva stretching between her lips. “But how do I go on without him?”
I didn’t know what to say. It would be hard, so hard she’d want to throw her hands in the air and give up about a hundred times a day, but she couldn’t. She had to keep moving forward. That was the only way to keep the past behind her. “One step at a time,” I finally answered.
She rested her head on my shoulder. “Thanks for staying with me.”
“I plan to be the sister you should’ve had all along. I’ll make everything up to you, Porsch.”
“I’ll make everything up to you, too,” she promised.
And we would. We would keep our promises to one another, because that’s what sisters did—especially when life was ordinary.
“Will you help me go look for my ring?” Porschia asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. I can do that.”
We walked into the forest together, her arm brushing mine from time to time, to the place we’d entered and exited The Sand – the place where everything fell apart at the same time it was mended.
Ford wasn’t able to find a magnet and I hadn’t looked yet, but I was optimistic that we would find it. Perhaps under the twisted, gnarled root of a tree, or beneath layers of fallen, trampled leaves. But we didn’t find it. We didn’t find him.
Mercedes insisted I wear a dress, one of the ones Maggie made, because it was light green and she said it made my eyes look amazing. I didn’t feel amazing puking outside of Town Hall. I felt hideous. Luckily, Mercedes had braided and pinned my hair back. “Water?” a deep voice asked.
Saul stood behind me, holding out a glass. I swallowed my nervousness and accepted the drink. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
I hadn’t really puked; it was more dry-heaving. I hadn’t eaten in hours, so there was nothing to come up. My plan was to fill up on the feast tonight. Whether I vomited it back up or not, I had to try to eat, or so Mercedes said. Just in case...
“Hey,” he said. “About earlier. I’m sorry I took off like that.”
I looked at him and sipped again, the water cleansing my mouth. “You had every right.”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t. We’re friends, and friends should be there for each other no matter the situation. Right?”
“Right. Well, now you’re here with water, so as your friend, I forgive you.”
He laughed and stuck his elbow out for me. “Ready to get back to the celebration?”
&nbs
p; “Honestly?” I smiled.
“Your Dad’s asking about you,” he said with a smirk.
My eyes widened. “He is?”
“Yep.”
Oh, Lord above. Let that be the last time I vomit tonight. I took hold of his elbow and we walked around to the front doors that were literally teeming with people, new faces and old.
Sure enough, Father was searching that sea of faces for mine. When his eyes found their target, he began excusing himself, pushing through the crowd. “I haven’t seen you in a few days. How are you?” he asked, hugging me awkwardly.
“I’ve been fine. Busy, but I’m doing great.”
“How’s the house?”
“The roof is on and the walls are up. They just have to plank the outside, I think.”
Father thought for a second. “What about insulation?”
“Ford’s handling it. He found something in one of the warehouses in the city that he says will work.”
Father crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t like you living out there alone.”
“Would you prefer I move someone in with me?” I asked innocently.
Saul nudged me and I couldn’t help but let a giggle bubble out.
“Not unless it’s Mercedes or you’re married, young lady.”
Oh, wow. If I truly was pregnant, he wasn’t going to take the news well. Father was traditional. Everyone in Blackwater was, and being seventeen, pregnant, and unmarried was anything but that. Blackwater might shun me again; the citizens happy I’d left their perfection on my own accord before marring it.
Ford yelled for Father, saving me from any further scrutiny. The conversation alone had my stomach turning somersaults, but the smell of the food was too mouth-watering to ignore. I breathed in the aromas, closing my eyes and savoring the smells that were familiar but not common enough.
“Hungry?” Saul asked.
“I’m starving.”
“Let’s go eat, then.” Again, I took his elbow and he led me toward the buffet table. I loaded a plate with more food than an adult should be able to eat, and then we found a quiet spot outside. When Saul went back for our drinks I thought about how he was trying to make up for running away, but he didn’t have to. He didn’t owe me anything.
Fraud (The Frenzy Series Book 5) Page 9