She sobbed into my shirt, soaking it, and I held her and told her she was okay and that I’d never leave her. It was a promise I felt confident with making, now that the dust had settled. The curses were gone. Forever. That just left a normal life and a lifetime for Porschia and me, filled with normal promises, if we stayed in each other’s lives that long.
I hoped we would.
She raised her head and wiped her eyes. “You might want to leave.”
“Why would I want to do that?”
“Because I’m definitely pregnant, Saul, and you left the first time you heard it was even a possibility.”
My hands stilled on her back. “Are you sure?”
She let out a harsh laugh. “Positive. I’m starting to show. Just a little, and it’s probably not visible from the dresses I wear, but I see it. I feel it.”
Swallowing, I reached my free hand out and asked, “Can I feel it?”
“My stomach?”
“Yeah,” I answered. I wanted to be there for her, and accepting it was a simple way of showing her I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Okay,” she said guardedly, wiping the moisture from beneath her eyes. “But we need to stand up.”
I was on my feet in a second, helping her off the couch. What if she got dizzy? Mom said she was always dizzy when she was carrying me.
Porschia tried to smile and accepted my hand. She looked down at the space between us that would soon be filled with her child and then grabbed my hands, placing them on her belly. Her lower stomach was hard and slightly rounded. She was right.
I gasped. “It’s so hard.”
“I know,” she giggled. “It’s weird.”
“I’m not sure how this is possible, but I’ll be here for you through...everything. I’m not going anywhere, unless your father makes me quit sleeping on your couch. And I’m sorry I left like that. I wasn’t leaving you, I just needed time to process everything.”
“You sleeping on my couch is about to be the least of his worries. I just hope everyone in town doesn’t shun him because of my decisions.”
I hugged her, feeling the tight knot of her stomach meet mine. Whatever ropes were around my heart loosened in that moment. She trusted me again. She cared, on whatever level this was. She didn’t want me to leave without telling her. She let me feel her baby, and I was living at her house for the time being.
If she’d let me, I’d be there every step of the way. She might not feel the same way, but she was my best friend. The rotation brought us together, the curses tore us apart. But now that they were gone, we were back to being friends.
Was there anything better in the world?
“You should get some rest,” I told her.
“So should you,” she said, sniffling. She walked away toward her bedroom. “See you in the morning.”
“Are we sleeping in?”
“Absolutely,” she said.
Her mattress springs squealed when she sat down and settled, and then the occasional sniffle was the only sound from her room. I removed my boots and socks, stretched out on the couch, and turned my pillow over. Staring at the ceiling until I heard her breathing steady, I finally crashed. We didn’t wake till long after the sun came up.
It was late July when I first let Saul feel the baby bump. Through August I was able to wear dresses and aprons to cover it, but September was less forgiving. The baby was growing and getting too big to conceal under anything.
I tried to squeeze into another dress. They fit, but were tight around the stomach. There was no hiding it now. I’d been working on dresses with high waists--basically right under my breasts – which were another thing that was blossoming. One of those dresses was almost ready, so I made it my priority for the day. Tomorrow, Father wanted all of us to come to his house for dinner. I had managed to avoid him for the last two weeks, but he wasn’t having it anymore.
Ford grinned when he came to invite us. “I’ll see if someone has smelling salts for him. He’s gonna hit the floor,” he teased, glancing at my protruding stomach.
“Thanks for the love, brother,” I deadpanned.
He lightly slapped my shoulder. “You’re welcome, sis.”
All afternoon I worked to finish a dress that would fit me without making what I was trying to hide so obvious. I pricked my fingers seven times. Saul came home as I was trying it on.
“Porschia?” he yelled.
“One sec!” Ford had not only brought my sewing supplies and enough fabric to fill an entire corner of my bedroom, but he brought my old bedroom mirror, too. Part of the shine around the corners had worn away, but the center still reflected. I sighed. I guessed I looked as good as I could, given the circumstances. My complexion looked amazing. He might think I’m a night-walker again, I thought idly.
A sinking feeling filled my stomach, making it feel heavier than usual. Was this baby cursed? Was this some sick trick? To heal everyone else, only to bring the curse back again with a newborn?
“You okay?” Saul asked, concerned. “It’s almost time to go to dinner.”
“I know. Just...” I stepped out of the room, wearing the newly-finished navy blue dress. It had an ‘empire waist’, according to the Regency pattern, whatever that meant. It was all Ford could find that he thought might work. The fabric was light and gauzy, perfect for summer, and I’d altered the sleeves to make them short. One looked slightly longer than the other, but whatever. I wasn’t perfect at this by any means.
Saul’s brows raised. “You made that?”
“I did.” He was impressed with my improper measurements? That was a good thing, considering the fact that I was in the process of making a pair of pants for him; tan, in a cooler fabric than the wool he sweated in every day. I hoped he liked them, and I hoped they didn’t have one leg longer than the other or gathered funny at his backside.
“Wow. You look amazing,” he said with a smile. “I don’t think he’ll be able to tell.”
“I think he will, but even if not, I have to tell him. After dinner, I plan to see if I can speak with him alone.”
“That’s probably for the best,” he said softly.
I laughed. “I can’t hide it well now anyway, and it’s only going to get worse from here.”
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You look beautiful, Porschia.”
My face heated. Smiling, I grabbed his arm and tugged him out of the house. “I’m starving,” I said with a giggle.
“You’re always starving.”
Each step through the Colony made me more nervous. I imagined former neighbors looking out windows, staring at my stomach and whispering behind their cupped palms. Saul was by my side every step of the way. Would they think he was the father? Would it ruin his reputation in the community now that he was finally rebuilding his life?
“You might not want to be seen with me,” I blurted out. “I didn’t think of that, and I’m sorry.”
He stopped in his tracks. “What are you talking about?” he asked incredulously.
“When people find out about me, they might make assumptions about you since we’re together a lot.”
He ran his hand over his freshly-cut hair. “The thing is, Porschia, I don’t care what any of these people think. Not one of them. I care about you. I care about my friends. I want to live my life the way I want to live it, and if they can’t understand that, well, that’s their problem. Not mine.”
He started walking with hurried, agitated steps, so I did, too. Then he wheeled around. “And guess what, Porschia? I wouldn’t mind if they thought that baby was mine. Most of the time, I wish it was. And one day—not today—” he said, pointing his finger at me, “maybe you’ll let me be more than just a friend. Maybe you’ll let me be a father to your baby, and the baby will be ours, because that is all I can think about.”
My mouth gaped open.
“Don’t say anything. God, don’t say a word. I can’t deal with it right now, but one day... Just, let’s go to dinner,” he said fi
nally.
I was shocked. I’d never thought about my baby needing a father.
The fact that he was even thinking along those lines meant he still had feelings for me. I wasn’t blind. I could see it in the gentle way he brushed my hair back; in his eyes, stormy gray and blue, roiling as if he wanted to tear apart the forest to stop from leaving me alone in the woods. But it wasn’t fair of me to ask anything of him, and the thing that still stood between me and Saul was Tage.
I still ached for him, still loved him. I wasn’t sure my heart would ever stop hurting. Would it ever heal? Would I? Should I allow myself to? Because the last thing I wanted to do was forget anything about him. If I let the smallest detail of him slip away, I’d lose a piece of myself. Which piece, I wasn’t sure.
“Stop over-thinking it,” Saul warned.
It was hard not to over-think this.
“If you want me to tell your Dad I knocked you up, I will, if that’s easier than explaining Tage.”
“He knows about Tage and what happened,” I defended.
“He doesn’t know you slept with him.”
I felt like slapping him. One minute he made me crazy, and the next he made sense. This was one of the former moments.
“Well, I’ll tell him!”
“Don’t yell at me. I’m just trying to help.”
“Stop trying so hard!” I whispered fiercely. “I can handle this.”
“Fine.” His broody ass walked straight to Father’s house, over broken asphalt and yellow lines so faded, they were nearly white.
When we stepped onto Father’s porch, Mercedes and Roman shouted greetings to us. Seeing my face, Cedes’ smile fell. “What’s wrong?” She turned to Saul. “Did you upset her?”
“Why do you always assume I did something wrong?” he snapped.
“Because you’re a member of the male species, that’s why!” she yelled back.
Roman shook his head and clapped Saul on the shoulder. “There’s no winning this fight, man. Let it go.”
Saul shrugged his hand off. “Fine. Can we just go eat and get this over with?”
“Absolutely,” I replied. He was infuriating.
I decided something in that moment. I was finished walking on eggshells. I’d made a decision and it was the right one for me. Everyone else would just have to deal with it, including my father.
Opening the door, Ford eyeballed my belly and smiled, ticking his eyes to Father. Father wiped his hands on a towel, saying, “Right on time! I’m not the best cook in the world, but I hope it’s edible.”
He pulled me in for a hug and I purposely pushed my stomach into his. “Uh,” he said. When he stepped back, his eyes were wide. “Porschia?”
“I’m pregnant. It’s Tage’s. I don’t regret it,” I spouted.
“I can see that,” he said, looking at my stomach. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, until he started laughing. “Well, then I guess I’m going to be a grandfather, and I’m willing to bet that you’re hungry,” he said, smiling nervously.
“I am,” I agreed, my shoulders relaxing. I took a deep breath and let Father lead me to the table.
“Sit here and I’ll get some water and a plate for you,” he said. “Everyone else, find a seat,” he laughed.
“I can help—”
“No! You rest. You need to rest.” He was going overboard about this. I wasn’t helpless. I just had a small watermelon under my breasts.
Mercedes settled beside me on the left and Ford cut Saul off to sit on my right. Saul wound up diagonal from me. Roman sat beside him, and Father’s chair was between him and Ford. “He took that well,” my sister whispered.
“Better than I expected,” I said, so thankful he had reacted positively. If he’d reacted in any other way, I would have crumbled.
Father put chicken on the table. I didn’t ask where he got it from, but Ford grinned. I gave his shin a slight kick. He shouldn’t steal and he knew it. Ford just shrugged in response.
Next came squash and tomatoes. From the oven, Father cursed, waving a towel back and forth to fan something that was smoking. “The uh, the bread is a little well done,” he said with a smile as he set it in the middle of us. Each of us ignored the smoke and grabbed a lump of the charred bread, placing it on our plates. Mercedes filled everyone’s glass with water and told Father to sit down. Roman got up to help her, which was sweet. Saul glared at me from across the table, enough so that Father noticed.
“Everything okay?” he asked, looking between us.
“Yeah,” Saul replied.
“Funny, with you two living together, I thought the baby might be yours, Saul.”
And thanks a lot for that, Father. Thanks a lot.
Things went from awkward to bad after that, and most of what was to be a fun family dinner was spent in silence. The longer I sat in the atmosphere that Saul ruined, the angrier I got.
When everyone finally finished, Ford said he would handle the dishes. I offered to help but Father wouldn’t hear of it. “Get home and rest,” he said, eyeballing Saul. “Do you want to sleep here tonight?” he whispered.
“No. I’m going to go home.”
He smiled. “There’s just something about being in your own bed. You’re not sharing a bed with Saul, right?”
I laughed. “No, Father. He sleeps on the couch.”
“Tonight or all nights?” he asked, seriously.
“All nights. We’re just friends.”
He let out a pent-up breath. “That makes me feel better. Truthfully, I’m glad he’s staying with you. I worry about you out there by yourself.”
Well I wasn’t. I was with Saul. Sort of. In a platonic way.
I hugged my Father like I hadn’t in years, because in reality, I hadn’t allowed myself to get too close to him while Mother was living. He would intervene between the two of us but only to a point, and it disappointed me too often to let him in. But now that we had a new beginning, I wouldn’t waste it.
“Thank you for dinner,” I told him.
“Don’t be such a stranger. Maybe I’ll come and visit more often. Or both,” he said, letting me go.
“That would be great.” Everyone but Ford was already waiting on the porch. Mercedes and Roman, hand-in-hand. I snorted.
“What?” Mercedes asked.
“Never saw Roman as the hand-holding type.”
Roman narrowed his eyes. “I’ll have you know that I am a gentleman.”
“Since when?” I asked playfully.
“Since I became human for good, so it’s pretty recent. Maybe you have a point,” he laughed.
“Where’s Saul?” I asked, seeing that he was noticeably missing from the group.
Mercedes winced. “He stomped off after we came outside, so he’s probably slamming your front door shut by now.”
“He’s infuriating,” I said, gathering my skirt so I could walk faster. Mercedes and Roman jogged to catch up with me. They walked with me until I turned to go toward the crossing and Mercedes promised to come help me with some sewing tomorrow. She was still learning, but was better at following patterns and cutting than I was. Maggie would have loved her.
At the bridge, I noticed someone with a fishing pole, watching the water from above. Meg’s boyfriend, Jonah turned to face me. “Oh, hey, Porschia.”
“Hi, Jonah. How’ve you been?”
“Okay,” he said. “Some days are better than others. I heard what happened with Tage. I’m sure you feel the same way.”
“I do.” I leaned onto the railing and watched his line bob in the current below. The dark water rushed around it, but the line was strong; thin but made with enough strength to survive. Much like Jonah. Much like me.
“I miss her,” I admitted, thinking of Meg.
“I do too. Sometimes it doesn’t even seem real. When I’m at home, sometimes I feel like she’s going to walk in the back door, asking how my day was.”
Nodding in understanding, I stood there with him for a few minute
s. “She loved you, Noah. You made her happier than she’d ever been. You made her life whole, even though it was cut short, and that counts for a lot in my book.”
His throat was clogged with emotion when he answered. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Well, I need to get home.”
“Take care, Porschia.”
“You too.” I left him behind, his line fighting the current, his hook baited and ready to catch dinner. Shadows of large fish could be seen just upriver. If they moved a few feet down the river, he and his family would have a nice meal.
I marched to the cabin where I found Saul waiting in the living room, pacing the floor. “You’ll wear a path through the boards if you don’t slow down,” I tried to tease.
“You have to joke. Right now?”
“What else would you have me do, Saul? Cry? Yell at you? I don’t want to do any of those things. I just want everything to go back to normal.”
“Nothing is normal! Everything has changed! You have to accept that. At some point, preferably before your child is born, you’re going to have to accept a lot of things—things you refuse to even acknowledge.”
I didn’t have time for a fight, nor did I have the energy to deal with drama this evening. I pushed the front door closed behind me and walked toward my bedroom.
“Stop.” His voice was stern.
“Why?” I threw my hands up.
“Because you need to hear this.” He was obviously determined to tell me something.
“What? What do I possibly need to hear?”
Saul strode to me and pressed his lips to mine. I shoved him hard, wishing for the first time that I had the strength I’d had as a hybrid. That gesture would have made him hit the wall across the room. Instead, he backed away one foot.
“Don’t you ever do that again without asking,” I said, my voice low and quivering. I wiped my lips with the back of my hand. “In fact, don’t do that again. Period.”
“Tage is dead,” he said, holding my eyes with his. My lips stung with the fire of his kiss. I pressed them together before answering.
Fraud (The Frenzy Series Book 5) Page 11