The class was delighted when Janice Ong’s mother arranged for their domestic help to bring along a pair of goldfish in a portable plastic tank. Miss Foo allowed the children to approach the exhibit in groups of five to examine it at close range. After everyone had a chance to gawk and giggle, Miss Foo signalled for Janice Ong to begin.
Janice Ong had six goldfish. They all lived happily in a big fish tank. Sometimes, Janice Ong’s father lifted her onto a bar stool so that she could break crumbs from a loaf of bread to feed the goldfish. When the water became murky, Janice Ong’s father would order the domestic help to clean the aquarium. Janice herself would transport the goldfish one by one into a pail of water using a net. After the aquarium was clean again, Janice reintroduced the goldfish and they swam happily in the new, fresh water. The end.
When Miss Foo invited questions from the audience, Gimme Lao’s hand shot up. “Why are goldfishes called goldfishes?”
Several hands shot up from among the audience in a frenzied attempt to steal the question from Janice Ong. The once-disgraced Darkie user flouted the rules by shouting out the answer before Miss Foo had time to pick anyone. “Because they are golden in colour!”
“That is not true,” Gimme Lao insisted. “There is a stall at the night market that sells aquarium fishes, and they have goldfishes in black.”
Some of the audience began to giggle at the idea of a black goldfish. The Darkie user had an epiphany and shouted, “Maybe it is an Indian goldfish!” That triggered riotous laughter from the rest of the class. Janice Ong interpreted it as a favourable reception of her presentation and beamed happily.
“Actually, I do remember seeing some goldfish in black too.” Miss Foo waited till the class calmed down before she did her sharing. “My guess is all goldfish were once golden in colour. But after hundreds of years, some of them take on a different colour. They are like roses. There are red roses, yellow roses, white roses, but all are called roses.”
None of the children could understand the mysterious link between goldfish and roses, but decided collectively to give their teacher the benefit of the doubt and did not ask her to clarify. Gimme Lao however directed a second question at Janice Ong. “Where do goldfishes come from?”
Janice Ong quickly recalled a picture book she owned that showed many different types of fish coexisting in a very big blue sea. Without hesitation, she ventured to educate Gimme Lao, “Goldfishes come from the sea.”
Miss Foo bit her lip and attempted to soften the blow, “Actually, goldfish do not come from the sea. Only salt-water fish live in the sea. Goldfish are fresh-water fish, so they can only live in lakes and ponds.”
Some of the audience snickered. Janice Ong hung her head in shame. Gimme Lao raised his hand to ask a third question but Miss Foo announced abruptly that the presentation was over and that everyone should give Janice Ong a round of applause for a good presentation.
“But she didn’t give a good presentation,” Gimme Lao protested. “She only answered one question and she gave a wrong answer.”
The Darkie user was struck by another bolt of inspiration and started chanting very loudly, “Janice Ong. Always wrong. Janice Ong. Always wrong…” The other children burst out laughing and quickly joined in the chant. Horrified, Miss Foo moved in and wrapped her arm around Janice Ong to protect the poor girl from the lynchmob. The domestic help standing at the back of the classroom gasped, but it was too late to warn Miss Foo. She could only watch helplessly as Janice Ong, as always when she became upset, grabbed the nearest limb and bit hard. Miss Foo shrieked in pain and flung her arm back, inadvertently upsetting the portable plastic tank and sending the pair of goldfish flying out of their fresh-water abode onto the straw mat laid out on the floor.
The children started screaming and hopping around madly. The Darkie user valorously approached the floundering pair of goldfish and tried to kick them back into the tank. His sweeping foot caught one on the third attempt and sent it flying in an arc towards Miss Foo, who shrieked and instinctively tried to hop out of the way. Unfortunately, the goldfish landed and flipped itself right under one of her heels. The collective shriek that followed was so shrill, the cleaning lady heard it all the way at the back of the building and thought to herself that Miss Foo really ought to tone down the games for the children.
The same evening, when Gimme Lao’s father asked about his day in school, Gimme crinkled his nose and reported that Janice Ong did not do her homework well. If she did, she would have answered all the questions correctly, no one would be screaming and hopping about, and her goldfish would still be alive.
Janice Ong did not turn up for school for the next two days. The class, however, spotted her domestic help, who arrived with an important-looking man in a dark suit and waited outside the classroom while the man held a prolonged conversation with Miss Foo. The children did not understand terms like ‘traumatised’ and ‘scarred’, but they caught and understood ‘crying all night’. They also observed that Miss Foo looked pallid and kept apologising. Before the visitors left, Gimme Lao thought he saw the domestic help point her finger at him surreptitiously. He also thought the man threw him a parting glare that was none too friendly.
The following week, the children were pleasantly surprised when Miss Foo announced that the class was going on an excursion. All of them were given a cap and a plastic water bottle with a strap they could sling over their shoulders. On the bus journey, Miss Foo explained that they were going to visit Van Kleef Aquarium, where they would get to see myriad marine creatures. She also highlighted that the excursion was made possible by the generosity of Janice Ong’s father, who had sponsored the aquarium entrance tickets, the bus, the caps as well as the water bottles.
Janice Ong was waiting for the class at the entrance to the aquarium with her mother. She was initially shy, but the children had practised their collective greeting on the bus, and upon Miss Foo’s signal, waved their hands and shouted merrily, “Good afternoon Janice, we missed you!” Janice grinned with delight and was happy to rejoin her class.
The Van Kleef Aquarium was an amazing place. The children gawked at a gigantic clay sculpture over the entrance, that of a blue turtle carrying a yellow seahorse and an intertwined pair of fish on its back. Once they streamed past the hanging curtains, they entered the chilled interior of what resembled a stone cave. Along the walls were huge tanks illuminated from within, where marine creatures of all shapes and sizes swam languorously. There were fish that sat unmoving like brown rocks, seahorses with kangaroo pouches that entwined their tails gracefully with swaying stems, sea snakes that wiggled from one end of the tank to the other and undulating jellyfish so thin the children could almost see through them. What took their breaths away was the crocodile that squatted on a rock and bared its teeth in a menacing snarl. Some of the more imaginative children could even hear their own bones crunch and snap.
When the children were assembled and waiting for the bus, Miss Foo made them thank Janice’s mother, Mrs Ong, collectively. Mrs Ong beamed and told the children that Janice had a wading pool and a trampoline in her garden, and that she had given Janice permission to invite some of the classmates over for play dates. Especially well-behaved children who were nice to her. In time to come, Janice’s father might even organise another outing to someplace interesting. The brand new Jurong Bird Park that just opened in January, for instance. Wouldn’t the children like to visit the largest aviary in the whole wide world?
Back in the kindergarten, Miss Foo implemented some changes. Gimme Lao, the longest serving class monitor, would be relieved of his duties. Instead, monitor duties would be divvied up and rotated on a daily basis. On any given day, an appointed monitor would be tasked to distribute mugs and toothbrushes, a second monitor dispense toothpaste, a third monitor turn off the taps and yet a fourth ensure all toilets were flushed. Every single child, regardless of capability or inclination, would get his turn to perform monitor duty.
Gimme Lao could not explain the se
nse of loss he felt. He watched miserably as lenient monitors permitted foolery and laughter during teeth brushing sessions. He bit his tongue when he spotted giggling boys cross swords using their arcs of urine. He bristled with irritation when mugs were returned to the cabinet in nothing that resembled tidy rows. But worst of all was the wait.
Every child was waiting for an invitation from Janice Ong.
The invitation came every Wednesday. Janice Ong picked three or four at a time. If their parents agreed, her father would dispatch his driver to ferry them after class on Friday to his house, which, according to the first few batches invited, was almost as huge as the Van Kleef Aquarium. Not only was there a wading pool and trampoline as promised, there were dogs! A Pekingese that was short and dumb, and a Golden Retriever that was tall and smart. When the children changed into their swimming costumes and jumped into the wading pool, the Golden Retriever would hop in and burrow his muzzle into the children’s crotches, tickling them into bursts of guffaws. The Pekingese would waddle near and look around in a puzzled way for invisible raindrops when the children teased it with flicks of water. Mrs Ong arranged for the domestic help to clean the aquarium on Fridays so that Janice’s guests could take turns to scoop out the goldfish with the tiny net. There would be ice cream served at three and a selection of board games in the playroom followed. By five, Mrs Ong would pack the children into the car and dispatch them home right up to their doorsteps. All the children who went asked to go again.
Gimme Lao kept count. As the weeks went by, the pool of children who were not invited shrunk. Some of those who were invited became bitterly disappointed when their parents refused to grant permission. They could only watch with envy as Janice transferred their invitations to repeat guests who were blessed with benign and understanding parents. Eventually, only two were left. Gimme Lao and Mei Mei, the girl who missed Gimme’s inaugural demonstration of teeth brushing because she had been brought to the washroom to clean up after peeing in her panties.
Janice Ong did not hold any grievance against Mei Mei. She simply forgot about her. Mei Mei’s mother did not braid her hair and pin on hairclips decorated with yellow butterflies or red strawberries. Mei Mei kept quiet and did not raise her hand like the others when Miss Foo threw the class a question. In any game they played, Mei Mei preferred to stand on the sidelines and watch, while the rest went berserk on the play mat. In other words, there was no reason for the children to pay her any attention at all.
Miss Foo, too, noticed that the pair had been left out. So when one of the invited boys returned on Thursday with a sour face and announced that his parents wouldn’t let him go because they had a family gathering, Miss Foo gently reminded Janice Ong that Gimme Lao and Mei Mei had yet to be invited. Janice Ong took one apprehensive glance at Gimme Lao and immediately handed Mei Mei the invitation card. Gimme Lao bit his lip hard to hide the quiver.
Gimme Lao’s mother was quick to notice that the boy was not himself at dinner. He held his chopsticks like an ice pick and poked at his favourite barbequed pork slices with disinterest. When she asked him about his day at school, she was alarmed to see him shake his head with melancholy. She kept pressing, until Gimme finally relented and spilled the beans. He was no more the star student in class. Miss Foo had relieved him of all his earlier duties. The other children snickered and said horrible things about him behind his back. They said he was too arrogant and stringent as a monitor. They even came up with a nickname for him—Pretend Teacher. Worst of all, Janice Ong would not extend the play date invitation to him. He had heard so many magical accounts from the other children and really wanted to go!
Gimme Lao’s mother felt her heart shatter. She had simply assumed that her boy was both the star student and the adored role model of a monitor in class. It did not cross her mind that petty jealousy existed among kindergarten students too. When she reported for work at the pharmacy the next day, she asked to take the afternoon off. She was going to surprise Gimme by turning up unannounced and whisking him off downtown for ice cream and a visit to his favourite MPH bookstore. She was even prepared to buy him another one of those children’s encyclopaedias he seemed to love so much.
There were still 10 more minutes before the dismissal bell rang when Gimme Lao’s mother arrived. She stood outside the classroom and watched as Miss Foo made her final announcements. Three little girls were summoned to the front and asked to lay out the contents of their school bags for inspection. When Gimme Lao’s mother spotted the tiny swimming costumes, she understood that these were Janice Ong’s invited guests for the week.
Miss Foo was satisfied with the layout and asked the girls if they were excited. Mei Mei watched with a blank expression as the other two girls nodded vigorously. Both started chatting excitedly about their last visit, and how much they enjoyed the wading pool and the Golden Retriever doing the hilarious nose shovel. Miss Foo crinkled her nose and asked what exactly did they mean by the term ‘nose shovel’. The entire class erupted into a brouhaha trying to explain to the uninformed teacher what the girls were referring to. Miss Foo had to shout for the class to silence itself before she turned to the two girls and suggested they do a demonstration.
The first girl was quick as she bundled her fists into a make-believe muzzle and announced that she was going to play the Golden Retriever. The second girl screamed and started running round the table while the fisted muzzle chased after her. The children burst out into riotous laughter. Miss Foo was still confused and asked at the top of her voice what did it all mean. The first girl suddenly decided that the stationary Mei Mei would make a better target and so turned abruptly and jammed her fisted muzzle into Mei Mei’s crotch. Mei Mei let out a shrill shriek of terror. The first girl was delighted at the response and continued to imitate the Golden Retriever’s persistency as she intensified the assault. By the time Miss Foo physically intervened and pulled the enthusiastic pantomimist away, Mei Mei was wailing hysterically and had once again wetted her panties.
The pandemonium took a while to die down. By the time Mei Mei was led away by the cleaning lady and the class was quiet again, several parents had arrived to pick up their children. Miss Foo spotted Janice Ong’s mother and quickly explained that there had been an accident and thus one of the girls on the guest list would not be going. Mrs Ong beamed and said it was quite all right and turned to ask the rest of the children if anyone would like to take her place. Several hands shot up. Gimme Lao was desperate as he jumped onto his feet and shouted at the top of his voice, “Take me! Please! I really want to go!”
Mrs Ong was tickled by Gimme Lao’s display of desperation and asked with a smile if his parent was around to give approval. Gimme Lao pointed at his mother, who waved amiably and nodded to indicate her consent. Mrs Ong was about to extend the invitation when Janice Ong tugged at her hemline and whispered softly. Mrs Ong bent down to hear her daughter out. When she next straightened up, there was a cold look of dismissal on her countenance. In a clear voice so everyone could hear, she remarked, “So, this is that very rude boy who made fun of you. Why would we want to invite him, indeed? We shall only invite your friends.”
Miss Foo was alarmed and decided she had better intervene before the situation got ugly. She chuckled dryly and told Mrs Ong that squabbles between children were quite common and really shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Mrs Ong arched her brow and turned to ask her daughter what were the exact words Gimme Lao used when he teased her. Janice Ong hung her head and replied very softly, “Janice Ong. Always wrong.”
Miss Foo and Gimme Lao quickly recovered from their surprise and wasted no time redressing the accusation. Miss Foo readily vouched for Gimme Lao that he made no such comment. Gimme Lao simply pointed a finger at the Darkie user.
Mrs Ong was slightly perplexed as she recognised the Darkie user from the play date two weeks ago. Janice Ong herself was confused. After all, memories of the episode of major embarrassment several weeks ago had begun to recede. She was pretty certain that Gimme
Lao was the one who triggered the onslaught of mass teasing, but couldn’t say for sure if he contributed that horrible rhyming tease. Unable to ascertain, Janice Ong looked up at her mother for help.
If only Gimme Lao’s mother could have given Janice Ong’s mother a moment to consider, things might have developed differently. But she didn’t. She was quick to grasp that her son had been wrongly accused, and an instantaneous fury engulfed her. She stepped forward and spoke to Mrs Ong in a severe tone, in Mandarin, “Do you know my son felt miserable because your daughter invited everybody but him for the play date? And now she is accusing him of something he did not do. You really ought to teach your daughter better behaviour!”
The burning flush on Mrs Ong’s face was indication that she understood the outburst coming from Gimme Lao’s mother, but for some reason she turned to Miss Foo and asked haughtily, still speaking in English, “Who is this lady? Can you tell her that I do not tolerate rudeness from anyone?”
Before Miss Foo could respond, Gimme Lao’s mother cut in again. “I may not understand every English word you say, but I understand your attitude. And now I am beginning to understand how your daughter got to behave so badly. Children copy their parents. Period.”
Miss Foo trembled as the two mothers exchanged looks of daggers. She had been trained as an educator to handle and counsel children if they fought. Her training did not prepare her for the current scenario. Fortunately, Mrs Ong decided to stick to her original strategy of non-direct confrontation and turned to address Miss Foo again.
“My husband was generous enough to sponsor a school excursion to the Van Kleef Aquarium. I myself opened up my house to host play dates for the children. And what do I get in return? Disrespect and insults from a fellow parent. Do you think this is fair, Miss Foo?”
Miss Foo hunched herself and mumbled an apology. She said she was sorry for what was happening but she was sure the matter could be amicably resolved by all parties involved.
Let's Give It Up for Gimme Lao! Page 5