The hostilities began to surface at work. When Zarinah was scheduled for counter duty, the backup staff was slow to assemble her orders and conveniently forgot to top up her condiment and serviette supplies. When Zarinah took over food caller duty, special orders that omitted lettuce or ketchup or mayonnaise never came up right. Zarinah quickly realised she was being ostracised. She complained to Haizad bitterly that everyone was jealous of her. There was nothing Haizad could do except pair Zarinah up with Wei Wen for her shifts. Wei Wen was a neutral party.
As much as she was aware of the conspiracy against Zarinah, Wei Wen did not feel compelled to join in. She was minimally courteous. Zarinah saw Wei Wen’s neutrality as the overhanging branch she could grab to save herself from drowning in the virulent currents of animosity. She shared her Cadbury chocolate with Wei Wen at meal breaks. She lent Wei Wen her prized cassette tapes. She even offered to pass Wei Wen her Sony Walkman once Haizad delivered his promise to buy her a newer model on her birthday. Despite all her grand gestures, Wei Wen remained minimally courteous. The stubborn girl’s anchored neutrality frustrated Zarinah to no end.
Luckily for Zarinah, she soon discovered that Wei Wen was susceptible to curiosity.
Zarinah caught that flicker of interest in Wei Wen’s eyes when she hinted that Haizad was always eager to try out stuff he watched on video. He knew a clandestine supplier who brought in obscene, uncensored videotapes from overseas. That was what occupied them when they holed up in his room on Tuesdays. Some of the stuff he wanted to mimic from the videos she found revolting, but she always gave in after he coaxed and cajoled and promised to bring her shopping. When Wei Wen left her burger suspended in midair and forgot to chew the chunk she had just bitten off, Zarinah knew she had her.
One afternoon, Haizad summoned Wei Wen to his office and spoke to her in hushed tones. He was planning a surprise for Zarinah and needed her help. Could Wei Wen drop by the pastry shop below his apartment at eight on Tuesday evening to pick up and deliver a cake to his place?
Wei Wen found no reason to decline. Besides, she was curious about Haizad’s collection of obscene, uncensored videotapes.
The delighted shrieks and screams that greeted the cake delivery were so exaggerated Wei Wen suspected it did not come as a surprise to Zarinah at all. Nevertheless, she allowed herself to be hugged and dragged into the apartment to share in the celebration. It turned out that it had been a hundred days since they got together. After cake and Coke were served, Haizad whipped out a wrapped gift and Zarinah obliged him with another round of shrieks. The screaming continued as Zarinah pulled out a satin nightdress in sunset orange.
“My favourite colour!” Zarinah threw herself at Haizad. “I am going to put it on right away.”
Wei Wen found herself dragged into the bedroom by the enthusiastic girl. As Zarinah stripped and changed, Wei Wen looked away and caught sight of the pile of videocassette tapes strewn carelessly near the video player. Unable to contain her curiosity, Wei Wen knelt down to examine them. What she saw on the video jackets sent a tinkling thrill down her spine. Her cheeks burned.
“Pick one that you like. We can all watch it together,” Zarinah remarked casually before she opened the door and sashayed out of the bedroom. Wei Wen swallowed. She could not imagine watching an obscene videotape together with Zarinah and Haizad. Neither could she imagine giving up this rare opportunity to watch one.
A moment later, Zarinah and Haizad entered the room carrying the tray of cakes and Coke cans. Wei Wen froze. She was certain they could hear the thumping in her chest. Zarinah asked if she had made her selection. When Wei Wen shook her head, Zarinah proceeded to pick one and pop it into the player. She squeezed herself in between Wei Wen and Haizad at the foot of the bed, grabbed Haizad’s hand and clamped it in between her thighs.
The narrative was simple enough. Before he left for the office, a Caucasian homeowner reminded his Hispanic maid that a plumber was scheduled for a repair job later in the day. The black plumber arrived on time and started working on the clogged sink. The maid offered him a drink but carelessly spilled it onto his tee shirt. The plumber removed his stained shirt to wipe the spill dry. One thing led to another, and the plumber was soon sinking his plunger into the maid’s pipe. The homeowner returned, spotted the spectacle and licked his lips as his throat suddenly dried up. With the homeowner’s eventual participation, the action evolved into rowdy tag teaming.
Wei Wen was as fascinated by the filmed action on screen as she was unnerved by the live action occurring right beside her. Although she did not dare to tilt her head to peep, she could tell that the couple went from kissing and petting to removing intervening pieces of garment. She was secretly relieved when the two finally clambered onto the bed and out of her sight. The exaggerated moans and groans on screen effectively blocked out the ruffling of sheets behind her. The two were done way before the tag team finished, and Haizad was fully clothed when he showed Wei Wen the way out.
The following week, Wei Wen could hardly believe it when Zarinah extended the invitation again. “We had a great time. You must come again.”
Wei Wen recalled the thumping in her chest and the burning flush on her cheeks. It was overall rather exciting, although she was hardly part of the action. Again, she found no reason to decline.
It soon developed into a pattern.
Every Tuesday, as Wei Wen fixed her gaze on the screen and imagined the action occurring right behind her, there was always that unnerving anticipation that one of them would reach over to caress her neck and extend an invitation. Wei Wen did not know how she intended to react when that happened. Would she be bold enough to join in? Could she re-enact the performance she watched on screen every week? Was it going to be unbearably painful? Judging from the sounds of pleasure Zarinah and Haizad emitted, pain was not part of the game.
When several weeks passed and no caressing invitation came, Wei Wen’s trepidation turned into disappointment. It became obvious that neither of them found her attractive enough. The couple merely wanted her presence to add a dash of spice.
Zarinah was astonished when Wen Wei told her she didn’t feel like coming anymore. “But why? We are having so much fun!”
Wei Wen concocted an excuse. Her grandmother switched her weekly mahjong game to Tuesdays, so Wei Wen had to take care of her brother.
Zarinah refused to give up on her only buddy at McDonald’s. She dragged Wei Wen along for shopping and movies after their shifts. She made Haizad pay for all their expenses so Wei Wen did not have to spend a single cent when Zarinah was around. On Wei Wen’s birthday, Zarinah made Haizad buy her a pair of Reebok track shoes that cost over a hundred dollars.
“This is too expensive!” Wei Wen blushed in embarrassment and secret pleasure.
“Don’t worry.” Zarinah cupped her hands over Wei Wen’s ear and whispered, “He is not paying for any of these out of his own salary. That is the best thing about being a manager. You can generate a second income by playing with the numbers on the daily cashier report.”
Wei Wen gaped. She finally uncovered the hidden source of Haizad’s generosity.
The following week, Zarinah again begged Wei Wen to join them on Tuesday. “We want to shoot a video of ourselves, and you are the only one we can trust.”
Wei Wen found her heart thumping hard. It had been months since she last set foot in Haizad’s apartment, and she had to admit she missed the thrill of voyeurism. When Tuesday swung around, Wei Wen found herself holding a Panasonic video recorder and taping the couple’s sex romp on bed. Afterwards, the three played the tape and laughed hysterically. Wei Wen felt wonderful. She was finally part of the action.
Over the next few weeks, the videotaped action moved from the bedroom to the living room and on to the kitchen. Haizad and Zarinah began to experiment with sex toys and role-play. Wei Wen fine-tuned her skills and the quality of the taped videos improved tremendously. As she gained confidence, Wei Wen also accepted the fact that her role was to observ
e and tape the action, not to participate.
Wei Wen developed a sharp eye. In school, she could tell which of the kids had experimented with sex and which were dying to. When she spotted a girl who was undecided, she weighed in with her profound knowledge and egged her on. Over time, Wei Wen developed a reputation as the one to approach for sexual advice. Girls who never took a second look at her before were now whispering about her in awe. Wei Wen’s pride at the clout she acquired was tinged with an underlying bitterness. No boys had yet to show any interest in her.
One evening shortly after Wei Wen turned 16, her brother gave the family a scare. His skin and lips turned blue as he struggled horribly for air. They rushed him to the hospital, where he was diagnosed with Atrioventricular Septal Defect. The doctor explained that this heart condition was common among people with Down’s syndrome and proceeded to operate on the brother. The family was relieved when he was eventually moved out of the Intensive Care Unit to the general ward for convalescence.
Back at home, conflict erupted when the grandmother demanded that Wei Wen fork out her savings to help pay for her brother’s operation. Although her parents tried to convince her grandmother that they had enough savings to afford the medical bill, her grandmother remained adamant. She insisted that her brother was Wei Wen’s responsibility for life. The girl had been working at McDonald’s for over a year now. There was no excuse for her not to chip in and help foot the bill.
Wei Wen was so exasperated she started a shouting match with her grandmother, something she had never done before. Caught in the heat of the moment, she did not cease even after her father warned her severely. It was not till her father smacked her hard across her face that she stood stunned, unsure if she should feel ashamed or furious. Her mother dragged her into the bedroom and quickly pressed some money into her hands. She should go spend the night with her cousin so that her father and grandmother could cool themselves down.
An hour later, Wei Wen found herself standing in front of Haizad’s apartment. She broke down and sobbed and spilled her misery as Haizad made her a cup of hot chocolate and did his best to calm her down. After she was spent, Haizad brought her a blanket and a pillow and told her she could sleep on the couch. But sleep did not come to her. She was trembling with trepidation as she recognised her need to be held and loved that very moment. It took her a long while, but she finally garnered her courage and tiptoed into the bedroom. She slipped into bed next to the sleeping figure and hugged him from behind. She could feel him awaken with a start. As he tossed, she reached up to search for his lips. She felt his hands grab her waist and rolled her over onto her back. She was shaking with anticipation when he leaned close and whispered into her ears, “I will go sleep on the couch. You will feel better in the morning.”
Alone in the dark, Wei Wen was consumed with shame and anguish. Haizad, who did not mind Wei Wen seeing and filming him naked and screwing Zarinah a hundred times, had no desire whatsoever for her. She was that repulsive to him. He was really not that much different from her grandmother—selfish, callous people who took her for granted. The thought simmered in her mind and gradually built up to a boil. She would not allow herself to be trampled upon.
When Wei Wen sneaked out of Haizad’s apartment the next morning, she had two of his sex videotapes inside her school bag.
Haizad was astonished when Wei Wen tendered her resignation two days later. The first thought that crossed his mind was that the poor girl must be terribly embarrassed about his rejection the other night. Wei Wen’s detached demeanour attested to that. When she told him about her brother recovering from a major cardiac operation, he showered her with sympathy and concern. However, his concern quickly turned into suspicion when she casually asked for a loan of 5,000 dollars. She passed him a note with instructions to deposit 500 dollars per month into her bank account till the full loan was delivered. When he turned her down awkwardly, Wei Wen looked him straight in the eye and asked if he had a tracking system to keep count of all the sex videotapes she had filmed. By the time she left the office, Haizad was pallid with distress. On her part, the satisfaction that welled up within was sweet and deep.
Back home, Wei Wen showed the family the balance in her bankbook and negotiated for a compromise. She would gladly contribute a portion of her monthly income to the family fund. In exchange, she wanted to be absolved of all caregiver duties pertaining to her brother. She was not uncaring. She just needed time for herself. When her grandmother rejected her proposal with derision, Wei Wen threatened to move out. Fortunately, her parents sided with her. They understood that their teenager needed her freedom.
Over the next few years, Wei Wen continued to make money on the side. She applied to work in the cosmetics department in Robinsons on weekends so she could learn the art of makeup and build her contacts. Once she was ready, she quit the job and offered her makeup services to brides on their wedding days. She also made good money selling cosmetics that she sourced for at wholesale prices. By the time she entered university, she had a tidy sum in her savings account. In spite of that, she did not feel safe. She understood bitterly that her brother was her responsibility for life. It was only a matter of time before her parents retired and she had to take over.
Meeting Gimme Lao and pairing up with him was not part of her plan, but Wei Wen derived immense solace from it. Her plan was to get a degree in business studies, pocket some experience working for the big companies and eventually set up a business of her own. It was not her aspiration to make a fortune or a name for herself. She merely saw it as a necessity. Her brother was part of her future, and she did not dare tie their financial security to the tyranny of a salaried job she could lose.
When she told Gimme Lao that he was her ticket to her Singapore Dream, she was not entirely jesting. Doctors earned a decent income, enjoyed esteemed social status and defied economic downturns. She also understood when Gimme Lao professed that he did not have time to play the dating game. Medical students studied intensively and had very little time for anything else. During their first year together, Wei Wen accustomed herself to spending nights working on crossword puzzles in bed while Gimme Lao pored over his books at the study desk next to her. Once Gimme Lao started hospital attachments the following year, she had to adapt herself to his erratic and uncertain work schedules and avail herself whenever he needed her. That was the period the truth finally struck her. Any prettier girl with other options might not stick around and wait for a boyfriend who could not be around half the time. Gimme Lao picked her because she was smart but plain-looking and had limited options. He knew she would stick around and wait for him.
Wei Wen was fine with the realisation. She knew Gimme Lao was serious about the relationship because he brought her home to meet his parents. She found his father, Lao Sheng Yang, to be a rather timid man. His mother, Mary Lao, was a different story. In fact, Gimme Lao told her his mother was the real bread winner in the family. The spacious condo apartment at Pacific Mansion, the Chevrolet Cavalier that the family drove and the membership to the Singapore Island Country Club were made possible by her sole effort. Mary Lao was and continued to be his inspiration.
When Gimme Lao told her he was ready to meet her family, Wei Wen stalled. In the year that they were together, she never once mentioned that she had a brother with Down’s syndrome, who was destined to be dependent on her for life. She was uncertain how he would respond to her reality. She knew Gimme Lao was focused and ambitious; he was striving for a good life like Mary Lao did. He had told her he believed they were good for one another and that together they had a bright future. He saw them focusing on their career goals in their 20s, putting a down payment on their first property and starting a family in their 30s, bringing up children and establishing their careers in their 40s and perhaps retiring early in their 50s. He had it all mapped out. In his blueprint, there was no space designated for a brother-in-law with Down’s syndrome.
Wei Wen concocted excuses. Her grandmother was schizophre
nic and went berserk when there was a stranger in the house. Her parents had to set up their food stall at an ungodly hour in the morning and thus had to sleep very early. There was never a good time to arrange for a visit. It helped matters that Gimme Lao ran a tight schedule himself and chose to let it slide. Wei Wen continued to have the occasional dinner with Gimme Lao’s parents, but he never did get to meet hers.
During their third year together, a major mishap occurred in her family that shook Wei Wen badly. Her grandmother was walking her brother in the park when he had an epileptic seizure. In trying to lift him up, her grandmother misjudged his strength and was yanked to the ground instead. The doctor diagnosed that she suffered a broken hip in the fall and had to be bedridden for months.
The family sat down to discuss matters. They now had an invalid elderly and an overgrown child to take care of. Both parents were needed at the food stall, so the family would have to hire a live-in maid from Indonesia or the Philippines to help out. It was a good thing Wei Wen was in her last year of studies. Once she started work, the financial strain on the family would be greatly ameliorated.
Wei Wen felt stifled. Her work life had yet to begin and already a chunk of her future income had been confiscated. She could not deny her role or responsibility to her family; she knew they needed her contribution. What made it worse was the fact that she did not have the luxury of confiding in her boyfriend because she had not been honest with him. The stakes were even higher now. What would happen if Gimme Lao came to find out about her reality? Was it not possible that he would then decide he did not want her reality to be a part of his? After all, Gimme Lao was not born into her family. He had every right to decline shouldering any of the responsibility that she was born into.
Let's Give It Up for Gimme Lao! Page 14