by Lavinia Kent
“Maggie will be up soon with your tea. Sleep well.”
A moment later Maggie appeared and watched as she drank the bitter brew. After laying a cold cloth across Angela’s brow, Maggie departed, leaving her to her thoughts.
What had happened? Had she played this game for naught?
No. She would not think that. She was better off knowing the things she now knew than she had been before. And at least she was not ruined. There was cold comfort in that.
Was that the best that she could say—at least she was not ruined?
Perhaps she should have gone to dinner. If she’d been surrounded by people she would not have had so much time to think, to ponder—to worry and regret.
No. No regrets.
And if she’d gone to dinner she might have had to face Colton. She doubted he’d be so gracious as to excuse himself. Did he even realize he’d done anything wrong?
Had he ever realized fault in his own behavior?
But had he actually done anything wrong? Perhaps men were always cold once they’d had what they wanted.
No, Ruby would have warned her, wouldn’t she? Or was she expected to know these things? She’d certainly heard enough times that men didn’t want what they already had, although when she looked at her friends, at Bliss and Lord Duldon, she knew that wasn’t always true.
Reaching to the side, she grabbed an extra pillow and pulled it over her head, blocking out the light.
So what had happened with Colton? She remained convinced he was not a cruel man, and yet he had turned on her again for no apparent reason. Had he sensed the change in her feelings, realized that once again she was beginning to want more? Or was she just overreacting in this instance? Had she been expecting too much in the intimacy of the moment? He hadn’t actually said anything mean, and she had needed to get back to the house.
It was an endless circle. She closed her eyes and prayed for sleep.
—
Was he going to marry her? The knot formed in his gut and refused to leave. He hated to feel forced, hated Thorton even more for being such a self-righteous prig. Colton walked out of his home into the morning air, the sound of his boots on the gravel echoing through his stable yard. Several of his horses lifted their heads in curiosity.
Hopefully, a fast ride in the chill of the morning would clear his head.
“Hold up, Colton,” an unexpected voice called.
He turned, surprised to see Lord Duldon behind him, striding from the woods that connected his estate to Lady Perse’s. Duldon had been a friend since childhood, but Colton had seen far less of him in the last year, since the man became involved with the beautiful Lady Bliss.
“What are you doing here? I would have thought the harvest would have you busy on your own estates.”
“And here I thought you’d question my appearing in the morning mists, not why I wasn’t working,” Duldon said, pulling abreast of him.
“I admit I am curious about that too. I wouldn’t have thought you’d stray so far from your lady, or has she joined the house party as well?”
“Yes, Bliss is here. I wouldn’t be caught dead at one of these things without her. I wish I’d known years ago the safety in already having a woman in your bed. It does prevent others from sneaking into it.”
“I can’t believe you said that with a straight face. I never knew you to mind finding a woman in your bed.”
Duldon grinned. “Not one that I’d invited.” His face grew more solemn. “But I am sure I am not the only one who has on occasion had to make himself scarce when an unwelcome guest arrived.”
Colton remembered, all too well, a certain married matron who seemed quite eager to have her husband killed in a duel and didn’t seem at all worried about whom she found to do the deed. He’d actually fled the party when he’d heard rustling in his supposedly empty bedchamber. “You just might be right. But you still haven’t said what you are doing here.”
Duldon looked about the stable yard. “Here? Well, I know you have by far the best mounts in the area. I am afraid my own ride is still at home. Bliss insisted I ride in the carriage with her and I have several mares coming into season, so I left my stallion at home to do his duty.”
“I am not sure what surprises me most, that you rode in the carriage or that Bliss was not galloping ahead of the carriage on her own steed.”
Duldon’s lips curled up like a cat at the cream. “Let us just say that some stallions have already done their duty, and I find myself ready to humor my wife in her condition.”
“Congratulations.” He slapped Duldon on the back. “I suppose that would keep Bliss from trouble for at least a few months. It is hard to imagine even Bliss taking such a risk when she carries a new life within her.”
“I must admit she is being remarkably careful.”
“And you, my friend, seem quite happy with what life has granted you. I didn’t imagine ever to see you so happily wed—and not longing for those things you can no longer have.” Marriage. Did everything come back to that?
“And what things would those be?”
He shot his friend a look. “Do I need to remind you of those things that wives do not do?”
Duldon laughed. “I think it would be far better for me to lecture you on those things that wives do do.”
Colton raised a brow.
“But Bliss would probably skin me—and I do mean that literally. She might very well tell you herself if you asked, but if I were to breathe a word—well, I might keep my skin, but…”
“And how would you feel if I did ask your wife such a question?”
“Then you might be the one without skin.”
A boy emerged from the stable, leading Colton’s stallion, Goliath.
“Can you fetch my friend Lord Duldon a mount? Tell Higgins that I think the bay hunter would be appropriate.”
The boy looped the reins over a post and headed toward the stable.
Colton turned to Duldon. “I am glad to see you, in any case. It has been far too long.”
“Yes, I admit that marriage does cut down on the time one spends with one’s friends.”
“An evening out becomes more difficult?”
“Say more that one at home becomes more desirable.” Duldon walked over and scratched the stallion’s nose. The horse sniffed him and then accepted the touch.
“Does it really?” Was such a thing truly possible?
Duldon scratched the stallion again. “Now, don’t ever let my wife know I put it like this, but would you rather ride a new horse each day or stick with Goliath here?”
“Well, there is some excitement in the challenge of conquering a new beast, but I do confess that I always come back to Goliath.”
“A wife is rather like that: If a man has a good one, one who suits his every need, why would he want for more?”
“For the thrill of it?”
“And yet even the thrill gets dull after a while, does it not?”
Did it? He would admit that there was not the excitement there once was, but dull? He wasn’t quite sure he’d go that far. “I am not sure that I have found it so.”
“Then perhaps you have not yet found the right mount, one that you think of even when others are available, one that makes each ride better than the last.”
No, he’d never had that—or had he? He did have to admit that since he’d begun this game with Angela, he’d sought no other—and there had been opportunities. He’d never thought to feel this way, but recently something had changed. “I don’t know.”
Duldon shot him a strange look. “I would have expected a flat no.”
“Life has been complex of late.”
“And this one does seem to be the perfect ride, to suit you exactly.” Duldon patted Goliath, but he looked straight at Colton.
He was talking about the horse—he couldn’t mean more. Nobody knew about Angela and him—well, nobody but Thorton. And Thorton intended to hold his tongue, at least for the moment. But…“You walked
from Lady Perse’s; was there any unusual gossip this morning?”
“No, but, then, I didn’t talk to anyone except my valet before I left to hoof it over here. I may have grunted at a footman when he opened the door, but that was all.”
“What about last night? Were you there for dinner? I was invited but had things to attend to here.” The truth was he hadn’t been ready to face Angela, not with the decision he had to make and knowing that he had hurt her with his abruptness.
“Yes, we arrived just before. Bliss took a tray in the room, but I went down. There was nothing remarkable. Lady Perse was her usual self, and as for the rest—well, I didn’t take much interest in it. I was more concerned about how my wife was faring after the long trip.”
“And Miss Ripon—how did she seem?” If Angela had heard anything, surely her demeanor would have revealed it.
“Miss Ripon? I don’t remember seeing her, and I am sure she would have come over to ask of Bliss. They always were quite close. I did see Mrs. Ripon, but somehow I’ve a feeling that does not answer your question. I thought you had decided that the fair Angel was not for you.”
Angela hadn’t come down to dinner? That could mean a thousand things—few of them good. “You call her Angel?” He’d thought that his own pet name.
“Bliss does; some long-ago joke she has never explained.”
The boy reentered the yard, leading the bay. Colton had more questions but could not find words for any of them. Duldon had implied that he was not missing out on certain activities, activities a man normally did not ask of his wife. Activities that Colton knew Duldon had indulged in at Madame Rouge’s. It was an impossible thing to ask: Excuse me, but have you ever tied your wife up? Taken a crop to her? And does she enjoy it? No, definitely not the questions to ask.
Chapter 17
“I can’t believe you are here,” Angela exclaimed, rushing into the parlor. “Why didn’t you send word that you were coming?”
Bliss rose from the couch, carefully. “I wanted to surprise you, and in truth I was not sure we would make it. I’ve not been feeling well, and Duldon was worried the carriage ride might be too taxing.”
“You are not ill?” Her joy dimmed.
“No, or at least no more so than any other woman in my condition.” Bliss placed a hand upon her stomach.
“Your…” And then she realized the meaning of the gesture. “Oh, how wonderful! When? And how? Oh, I don’t mean that. I do know how, but I thought you were hoping to wait until you had been married a bit longer. I mean, I know that it is always good to have an heir, but…”
Bliss laughed. “Yes, after all those times we snuck to the barnyards, I do hope you know how. Although it is rather different than watching chickens, or even pigs—and we will not even think about horses.”
Angela was about to reply that she certainly knew it was different—and then thought better of it. There was only so much she needed her friend to know. And besides, she didn’t actually know that it was different, just that everything leading up to it was. And she surely didn’t want to discuss that now, not when even thinking of Colton had tears threatening. “Yes, let us not consider horses. I’ve never had the desire to have anyone bite the back of my neck.” Although even as she said the words an image filled her mind, an image that was not at all distasteful.
A ruddy color slowly ran up Bliss’s cheeks. Had she just had a similar thought?
Bliss shook her head lightly. “And you are right, we did mean to wait, but sometimes things happen, no matter how careful you think you are being.”
Did Bliss and Duldon…Did they use some of the tricks that Ruby had talked of? It had been Bliss who first mentioned Madame Rouge, who had first given Angela the idea of talking to her. “I don’t know whether to say sorry or offer another congratulations.”
“Congratulations, definitely. We are not the slightest bit sorry, although there are moments in the morning—and sometimes the rest of the day—that are far from easy.” She rested a hand on her stomach again. “This little one is not giving me an easy time of it.”
“But you still have not explained why you are here.”
“I always meant to come. Lady Perse knew of our friendship and thought you could use a friend. I asked her not to say anything; I did not want you disappointed if I couldn’t manage the trip.”
“I could never be disappointed in you.” And she meant that with all her heart.
“That is nice to hear, but I was surprised to learn that Lord Colton is here. I know Lady Perse had no intention of inviting him after the way he treated you.”
“I would admit that I was at first taken aback when I learned he would be here for at least some of the weekend. He is apparently a neighbor, and I can understand that Lady Perse could not refuse him.”
Bliss frowned. “Even so, I cannot believe that he had the nerve to come, knowing you would be here.”
Angela could only hope her own cheeks were not flushed with color. “We are getting along much better now. I have come to understand more of his reasoning. I do not think he meant to hurt me.” Or at least she hadn’t until yesterday afternoon. Now she was back to a jumbled state of confusion.
“You are getting along? I can’t imagine how. I would never forgive a man who trifled with my feelings.”
“I am not sure he meant to trifle.”
Bliss leaned back. “Well, I am not sure that I believe that.”
“It is hard to explain.” Yes, if she could not fully explain it to herself, then how could she explain it to another?
“And yet you have decided to forgive him?”
“I would not precisely say that.”
“Then are you planning something? You always were a great one for plots and plans.”
“No.” And the word felt true as she said it. Had she given up on her plan for vengeance? Yesterday she would have said yes; now she was not as sure—but—but, in truth, she no longer had the heart for it. She might not understand Colton, but she no longer felt a need for justice. She was tired and merely wished to be done with the thing.
“I am not quite convinced.”
Ah, Bliss knew her too well. “I would confess that I may have had such thoughts originally, but I think they were a reaction to my hurt. I felt the spurned lover and I wanted to make him pay, to find justice.”
“That sounds reasonable to me.”
“Reasonable perhaps, but not practical. I think being around him again only made me care more deeply.”
“And him? Does he still spurn you?”
“No, I don’t think so—but, then, he can turn so cold in the blink of an eye. How does one understand what goes on in a man’s head?”
“Now, that I don’t know. I’ve not even figured out Duldon, and sometimes it seems as if he’s actually a part of me—but a part I do not always understand.”
“That does not leave me much hope.”
“What exactly do you wish to hope for? Do you still dream he will marry you?”
A bitter laugh. “I wish I knew. I suppose it is unreasonable to want to comprehend his thoughts when I am so troubled by my own.”
“So you would not marry him?”
“That was my original plan, you know. I was going to make him mad for me and then toss him aside when it came to the point.”
Bliss leaned toward her. “And now?”
“Now I think I would like to wed him, although only if he wanted to, and that seems impossible.” It was the first she had admitted that even to herself. “In truth, I do not understand my own emotions. I am often happy when I am with him. I feel safe and at ease, even when circumstances should have me crying off.”
“I gather I should not inquire too closely after those circumstances?” Bliss asked.
Her friend had always been too perceptive. “No, I think it is best for all if you do not. And it doesn’t truly matter, because every time I think there may be a future, he turns so cold and bitter.” Angela let her head fall forward to rest
upon her hands. “Am I a fool, Bliss?”
A hand reached out and stroked her shoulder. “I do not think so—although it is hard to be sure without knowing exactly what has happened between you.”
“Nothing irrevocable,” she murmured quietly. “He seems content to stay within some boundaries.”
“He is more honorable than I would have thought.”
That brought another bitter laugh. “Or he just does not care enough—or he does not wish to be trapped. He has made it clear that he has no interest in marriage, at least not to me.”
“I am sorry.”
She attempted a smile. “Well, there are plenty of other men.”
Bliss did not answer, but the look in her eyes said much.
“I do wish I knew my own heart,” Angela said after a moment. “It is hard to know what to do when I am not sure what I want.”
—
She had managed to avoid everyone but Bliss for most of the day, but now it was time for dinner. Angela thought about claiming she was still ill but sensed her mother would not grant her another evening of freedom so easily.
Walking to the mirror, she stared into it. The dress of deep emerald clung to her curves perfectly. The single pearl pendant hung deep in her cleavage, drawing the eye. Even to her own eyes, she looked tempting, a delight laid out for a young man’s desire. If only she felt as well on the interior. A day ago she would have rejoiced in the picture she presented, would have anticipated Colton’s reaction; now she would have been just as happy dressed for mourning.
She picked up her paisley shawl and wrapped it about her shoulders and upper chest. A deep chill had taken her, and she was unsure if it was the coming night air or the confusion and pain that still roiled within her.
Well, there could be no helping it. Some things must be faced—and Colton was one of them.
She steeled herself and walked through the door and down the stairs. Perhaps she would be lucky and he would not come. She’d heard he had failed to attend the previous night’s meal.
The first person she saw as she descended the stairs was Lord Thorton. Of course. She pushed her cheeks up in a smile, already planning how to avoid a long conversation.