Valentine

by Rebecca Farnworth

  'Even if he does, it doesn't mean that he'll want me. You should have heard him, Lauren, he sounded as if he hated me.'

  'He tried to get in your pants first though, didn't he?'

  'Not quite. And anyway I was wearing Spanx. They would have repelled him, in both senses of the word.'

  'I reckon he still wants you and that's why he was so vile to you. What's that quote – we always hurt the one we love?'

  Nathan (who had practically moved into the flat – so much for Lauren's commitment phobia) looked disconcerted.

  'Oh, not you darling!' Lauren exclaimed.

  'And now Tamara's ill, he'll never leave her.' Valentine had recently read that Tamara was suffering from nervous exhaustion. 'He's too decent.'

  'She's just tired; nothing that a holiday on some exclusive Caribbean island won't put right, no doubt.'

  'Oh God, I expect they'll go together and do a photo shoot for some magazine and I'll have to look at the pictures of them being loved up on a yacht or strolling hand in hand on a beach. Him with his lovely muscular chest, her without an iota of cellulite.'

  'She'll be wearing a sarong over her massive arse, you can depend on that. And you didn't mention Jack's hairy chest. Does that mean you're over your repulsion/attraction thing?'

  'I love his hairy chest!'

  'Did you tell him "hirsutes" you sir!'

  Valentine rolled her eyes. 'Lauren! Here I am pouring out my heart, and you come up with a pun? Girlfriend, I am discovering new depths to your shallowness!'

  'I thought of it when we were in San Francisco and I've been dying to use it. Anyway you look like you need cheering up.'

  Ignoring Lauren, Valentine turned to Nathan. 'I've a question for you. Please answer it honestly; my life hangs in the balance.'

  Nathan put down his beer and sat up straighter.

  'Just humour her, cheri,' said Lauren, 'I think she might have PMT and there's no chocolate in the house. Be afraid.'

  'Don't worry V, I'm ignoring her.' Nathan put his hand over Lauren's mouth and pulled her next to him so she couldn't say anything else. It was definitely love, Valentine thought as Lauren just kissed his hand and snuggled up to him. The old un-loved-up Lauren would have bitten any man who had done that for sure, and they would all have ended up in A&E, with the man in question having stitches and a tetanus shot in his bum.

  Valentine went ahead with her question. 'So, if your girlfriend was unfaithful to you just once and had a good reason for it, would you ever be able to forgive her?' She had asked every other man she knew, so she may as well ask Nathan. So far her answers had come back as: a yes from Rufus (though possibly only because Kitty was giving him a Chinese burn at the time to make him come up with the right answer; Toby, yes (only because he was being nice to Valentine as he was such a gentleman, and couldn't bear to upset anyone): Frank, yes (life was too short – him she did believe). So she had three yeses against the five 'no's she'd had from her other male friends. It wasn't looking good.

  Nathan sighed. 'I guess I wouldn't at first. I would find it really really hard to forgive her – so don't even go there, Lauren! But if there was a good reason maybe I would be able to, after some time had gone by. If I could see that she really was sorry.'

  He looked hopefully at Valentine, who shook her head and said, 'Jack said he couldn't forgive me. I don't think time will make any difference.'

  'Don't go on a decline now!' Lauren urged her. 'You've got a fantastic part. You've finally got that gutless bastard out of your life. And you can even fit into my size ten skinny jeans.'

  'Not for long,' Valentine replied, reaching for a doughnut and then putting it down. The one time in her life she was being encouraged to put on weight and she had completely lost her appetite.

  17

  Of All the TV Dramas in All the World

  Valentine was not used to being treated like a star. She had fully expected to make her own way to the BBC studios in Elstree so it was a pleasant surprise when Sylvia told her a car would pick her up. She spent the hour-long journey reading through the script for the first episode again, though she had already learned her part. She had barely done any filming before and the excitement she felt was mixed with apprehension. A vivacious looking redhead who introduced herself as Lynsey, the PA, met her at reception and whisked her through to the large conference room where the read-through was being held. Immediately Jamie shook her hand and introduced her to the team. It was quite overwhelming being surrounded by so many people – alongside the actors were the assistant director, producer, assistant producers, PAs – and that was excluding the technical team. The sheer scale of the production was suddenly brought home to Valentine. The six-part series was going to be filmed over three months and then would go out the following spring as one of the jewels in the TV schedule. It was a very big deal.

  Jamie called everyone together. For the read-through the actors and production team were sitting round a vast circular table. Valentine even had her own name card and Lynsey kept offering her drinks. Valentine felt very pampered. She was happily getting her script out of her bag and checking her mobile was switched off when Jamie said something that stopped her in her tracks.

  'Jack Hart's agent has rung to say that he's going to be a little late this morning, but as he's not in the first scene I suggest we crack on anyway.'

  'You know Jack, don't you?' Helen, the actor playing Valentine's office manager whispered to her.

  Valentine nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Her mind was working on overtime – had her agent known all along and not wanted to tell her? What the hell was it going to be like acting opposite Jack? Would he even speak to her off set? And what about the love scene in the penultimate episode? The thought of it had been worrying her even before she knew it was going to be with Jack. Core of steel, she tried telling herself as her core wibble-wobbled away and she thought she might have to ask to lie down in a darkened room. Thankfully Jamie put a stop to her wild thoughts by starting the read-through.

  The first scene involved Valentine's character, Frankie, trying to recruit a partner for her private detective agency. She had recently given up her job as a high-flying detective, sick of all the bureaucracy and politics, and she needed a change after the break-up of her marriage. Frankie was going to be a great character to play – strong, assertive, sometimes overly so, passionate and with plenty of emotional baggage. Frankie doesn't want a relationship and then Daniel, a sexy former SAS soldier with a carousel of emotional baggage himself walks into her office. The attraction between them is instant, though neither will admit it.

  As if on cue there was a knock at the door and Jack, sexy former lover with plenty of baggage, walked in. He was wearing his battered leather jacket and Valentine had a sudden flashback to her wearing it and nothing else as they lay in bed together. Did the fact he hadn't got rid of it mean something? Surely if he hated her so much he would have thrown it away? That persistent flicker of hope was sparking up again. Valentine blew it out by deciding that any memory Jack had of her wearing the jacket would have been supplanted by too many other ones of Tamara writhing around in it.

  'This seems like a good moment to break,' Jamie said. 'But before we do, I'll quickly introduce you all to Jack.' He whizzed round the circle calling out everyone's names, Jack smiling at each person in turn. Quite how he would react when it was Valentine's turn she couldn't imagine. Would he freeze her out? Tell Jamie that he couldn't possibly act with her as he loathed her? The reality was a slightly smaller smile for her than anyone else, though only she would have noticed. Then everyone was getting up and heading for the coffee area. Valentine was about to join them when Jack walked over to her.

  'I suppose we should get the hello out of the way.' He spoke with none of his trademark warmth.

  Valentine smiled at him tentatively, but he did not respond. 'I had absolutely no idea you were going to be in this. Of all the TV dramas in all the world you end up in mine.' It was a feeble attempt at echoing s
omething Jack had said to her at the start of their relationship. How very long ago that seemed.

  'Or you end up in mine,' Jack replied. 'It was too good a part to turn down. So you're OK about all this?'

  'Just peachy,' Valentine lied, and then because she felt hurt by Jack's abrasive tone she added, 'Don't give it another thought; this is the best part I've ever had, and I'm not going to let my personal feelings fuck it up.' With that she turned away.

  'Great!' Jamie had overheard them. 'You two are getting into character already! Loving the chemistry!'

  It was nearly ten at night when the car finally dropped her home. Valentine was exhausted. The read-through had been exhilarating but it was also incredibly emotionally demanding having to work with Jack. Every time she looked at him, every time she heard him speak, she was reminded of what she had lost. Apart from his coolness with her he was his usual lovely, charming self to everyone else. His stunning success in Lear and offers of film roles hadn't changed him.

  She walked in the kitchen to discover Lauren, Nathan, Lily and Frank sitting round the kitchen table planning Lily and Frank's thirtieth anniversary, or rather it would have been their thirtieth anniversary if they'd stayed together all those years ago. They were going to hold it at Ronnie Scott's jazz club in the heart of Soho, where Frank had spent so many nights playing in the past. It promised to be an amazing night. 'A celebration of love,' Lily declared.

  'It sounds wonderful,' Valentine said, joining them. Lauren poured her a glass of red wine.

  'So we've been dying to know how today went,' Lily continued. 'It's so exciting, V. You're on your way now, I just know it! So when will the series be out?'

  'Next March I think,' Valentine replied. There was a flicker of sadness in Lily's eyes as she replied, 'I can't wait to see it.'

  'Who's your co-star? Some sexy motherfucker?' Lauren. Some things never changed. Valentine exchanged eye-rolls with Nathan; both of them had given up trying to stop her. She had worn them down with her relentless swearing.

  'Actually yes.' She paused for maximum impact. 'Jack Hart.'

  'Destiny!' Lily exclaimed. 'I knew it! It can only be a matter of time before you two get back together. Jack won't be able to hide his true feelings for you any longer.' Lily seemed so thrilled by the prospect that Valentine didn't have the heart to reveal just how cool Jack had been with her. 'And I'm asking him to our party – just him, not Tamara.'

  'Lily, she's his girlfriend; you'll have to ask her,' Valentine replied.

  'Rebound shag,' Lily corrected her. Lauren's swearing had even rubbed off on her.

  'So do you get to snog him on set?' Lauren put in.

  'Actually we have a love scene in the penultimate episode,' Valentine replied. 'I don't know if it will be worse filming it with Jack because I know him or if it would be worse with someone else.'

  'It could be really hot because you do know him,' Lauren replied, ever the sexual thrill-seeker, 'like in that film Don't Look Now, where Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland allegedly got very carried away – you could really do it.' Everyone looked at Lauren, who shrugged and replied, 'Doesn't everyone have that fantasy?'

  'What? Being filmed having sex and then having it broadcast to the world? Have you suddenly changed into Paris Hilton?' Nathan demanded. 'Just let me tell you, you won't be doing that on my watch.'

  'Anyway, perhaps I could ask for a body double,' Valentine mused.

  'Either that or a merkin,' Lily put in.

  'What's that?' Frank asked.

  'Pubic wig,' Lily and Valentine chorused.

  'To think I have lived most of my life without knowing what it was.' Still, I'm the only one of you who has seen the ping-pong show in Bangkok. Did I ever tell you about it?'

  'Yes!' everyone said in unison.

  'Enough already with the ping-pong balls,' Lily told him. 'Take me downstairs and I can show you my collection of vintage merkins.' But even as she joked she looked exhausted and very frail. Valentine, Lauren and Nathan exchanged concerned looks as Frank helped her out of her seat and downstairs.

  The following day both Jack and Valentine's cars dropped them off at reception at the same time. There was a fleeting moment when Valentine thought he might ignore her, then he seemed to change his mind and they walked into the building together. It was the first time they'd been alone together since the night of the premiere.

  Valentine's heart did its usual scary racing. Jack just muttered 'hello' and seemed to be prepared to leave it at that. But Valentine spoke, longing to get some reaction from him. 'I saw Lily and Frank last night – they're planning their thirtieth anniversary party.' She was practically having to jog to keep up with him as he strode along the corridor.

  He slowed down fractionally. 'How is Lily? I thought she looked terrible when she came up to Manchester to see Lear. Any idea what's wrong?'

  Valentine sighed. 'She just says it's a virus, but I'm not sure if I believe her. I'm really worried about her and about Frank; he looks worn out as well.'

  Jack slowed right down and looked at Valentine, his brown eyes full of concern. 'I'm sorry to hear that. They're such a great couple.'

  'Yeah, they're not bad for old timers, are they?'

  By now they'd reached the conference room.

  'So keep me posted on Lily and let me know if there's anything I can do,' Jack said just before they went in. Valentine was about to reply when Lynsey presented Jack with an enormous bouquet of autumn flowers, artfully mixed in with berries and twigs.

  'Somebody loves you!' Lynsey said cheerily.

  Valentine gave Jack her arched-eyebrow look. He seemed rather nonplussed as he opened the card.

  'So who are they from?' Lynsey put in, asking the question Valentine was dying to ask.

  'From my girlfriend,' Jack mumbled.

  'It's not your birthday,' Valentine said.

  Jack looked embarrassed. 'Two-month anniversary, apparently.'

  'I hope you remembered to send her something.' Valentine couldn't stop the sarcasm. 'Though maybe you can make it up to her later.' She regretted that comment instantly as Jack gave her a WTF look.

  'Actually Tamara's not feeling too well at the moment.'

  'Nervous exhaustion?' Valentine did her best to lose the sarcastic edge from her voice.

  Not that successfully, apparently, as Jack looked at her coldly, the warm concern gone from his eyes. It felt like standing in the shade after the sun had gone in. 'Actually yes. Lear really took it out of her, and having to withstand Clive's constant bullying. It's shattered her confidence. She's not like you, Valentine, she doesn't have many friends to confide in, who support her. She's going through a really hard time at the moment.'

  She's got you, Valentine thought. 'Please tell me you don't expect me to feel sorry for her!'

  'Now you've got this great part, perhaps you can take off that chip on your shoulder. Isn't it getting a bit heavy, carrying it around all the time?'

  'What do you mean? I haven't got a chip on my shoulder!' She was getting angry now.

  Jack held his hands up. 'Listen to yourself ! I rest my case.'

  'I'll leave you to your bouquet then,' Valentine replied and tried to regain her composure by getting a coffee. How dare Jack say that she had a chip on her shoulder about Tamara? She just didn't like her and with good reasons. Now she had more reason than ever, seeing as Tamara had Jack. Just to add to the toxic mix swirling round in her head she now wondered what else Tamara had got planned for Jack that night for their bloody two-month anniversary – how cringey was that? Possibly she would have booked a penthouse suite somewhere. She would have ordered the staff to strew the bed with rose petals – she'd never do it herself. Then she would lie back on the petals and await Jack's arrival in some sheer Agent Provocateur number. He would enter the suite and make straight for the bed.

  To puncture the very unwelcome image of the couple embracing, Valentine added a twist where the disgruntled hotel staff, sick of Tamara's incessant demands, had left
some rose stems in the bed. As Tamara writhed in Jack's arms, she would be impaled by a thorn on the backside, calling an immediate halt to the amorous proceedings. Valentine imagined Tamara would have a very low pain threshold and so instead of shagging the night away Jack would have to apply antiseptic cream to Tamara's massive backside – all right, it was only massive in proportion to the rest of her slender body – while she screeched like a banshee about suing the hotel. Hmm, Valentine wasn't wild about the cream-rubbing bit; there still might be some pleasure to be derived for the pair of them as Jack was very good with his hands. Instead, Tamara could develop a sudden allergy to rose petals and come up with huge suppurating boils all over her body, and Valentine meant all over. Pus would definitely be a passion-killer; no one likes to get up close and personal with pus. Valentine sighed, and took a reality check. Even if Jack hadn't looked exactly overjoyed by the flowers, she probably couldn't read anything into it and now on top of whatever else he felt for Tamara, he clearly felt sorry for her. NTM was in a win-win situation.

  Valentine felt in a bad mood for the rest of the day, though luckily that gave an extra edge to her reading with Jack, as they were supposed to be wary of and attracted to each other in equal measure, with plenty of spiky banter, in one of those ironic art-imitating-life moments. Jamie just loved their performance, said it was everything he had hoped it would be. Well, that was something, she thought as she made her way out of the building. Jack was already in reception waiting for his car; he seemed to have forgotten something.

  'Where are the flowers?' Valentine asked.

  Jack rolled his eyes. 'I gave them to Lynsey. As I'm hardly home at the moment it seemed a waste.'

  'I hope Tamara won't be too disappointed when she sees you later.'

  'I'm not seeing her tonight; I'm going for a run, then I'm going to bed,' Jack said curtly. 'What about you?'

  'The same,' Valentine lied, thinking of the glass(es) of wine she planned on having and getting a lovely image of Jack's bed with Jack in it.