Piers shook his head, 'I just don't know if I can; it's too much.'
'You should try,' Valentine said gently. 'And it's not too late for us to try and get along as father and daughter, is it? And at least you missed out on all my bolshy teenage years.'
Piers smiled faintly. 'You really think that's possible?'
Valentine sighed. 'My lovely friend Lily is dying. I think life is too short not to forgive people.'
'She's drifting in and out of consciousness, but do talk to her. I'm sure she'd love to hear your voices,' Sally, one of the nurses at the hospice, told Valentine and Lauren as she directed them to Lily's room. Valentine had been dreading that Lily would be in some awful grey, depressing ward; instead she was in a pleasant room with pale yellow walls filled with sunshine flooding in from the large bay window, with just one other patient in it.
Frank was sitting by Lily's bed, holding her hand. He got up when he saw them. 'I'll leave you for a while, go and stretch my legs in the garden. I'm sure Lily would like to have a good gossip with you girls without me earwigging. She'll love the flowers; they were always her favourites.' He pointed at the bunch of pale pink peonies Valentine was holding. 'Did Piers get home OK?'
'He passed out on the sofa after he insisted on smoking that joint you gave him. But he left this morning to try and sort things out with Olivia,' Valentine replied.
Frank nodded his approval and walked slowly out of the room. He seemed to have lost the spring in his step overnight. Valentine and Lauren sat down either side of Lily, who seemed barely conscious. Her eyelids fluttered and her breathing sounded laboured and rasping. Valentine was no expert but it seemed as if she was reaching the end. Dear Lily, still making the effort even in her last hours, in a gorgeous peach silk nightdress trimmed with delicate cream lace.
Valentine picked up her hand. 'Hi Lily, lovely to see you. Your anniversary party was so magical. We all loved it.' There was no response. Valentine's eyes filled with tears and she suddenly couldn't go on. What did you say to someone who was dying? She knew that Lily was a fervent atheist so it wasn't even as if she could console her with thoughts of an afterlife.
'What we wanted to say, Lily,' Lauren took over, 'is that we both love you. You're our ultimate style icon. And I thought you'd want to know, given that you're a hopeless romantic, that I'm going to stay with Nathan as long as he'll have me. Yes, I am finally in a committed relationship, Lily. Bet you never thought you'd hear me say that!' Lauren looked across at Valentine. 'In fact he's moving in, V, if that's OK?'
Valentine smiled in spite of the situation. She had never thought the day would come when Lauren committed to a relationship. 'So you're not going to end up in a bedsit on your own, with just a poodle and a crate of wine for company?'
'No way – I hate poodles!' She paused. 'Prepare to be amazed, Lily, but I'm actually thinking of having children with Nathan.' Now that really was too much to take on board – Valentine felt as if she'd suddenly fallen down a rabbit hole and entered a parallel universe, or maybe the real Lauren had been abducted by aliens, leaving this ideal, domesticated, sweet-talking Lauren as a replacement. Lauren continued with her mind-boggling statements. 'He's agreed that he'll stay at home and be a house dad, which I'm cool about so long as he doesn't go all sappy and let himself go. I don't want some pot-bellied motherfucker sloping around in tracksuit bottoms, watching daytime TV and going for coffees with yummy mummies. No, he's got to put the effort in.' Still the same Lauren, thank God.
'Lily,' Valentine finally got a word in, 'can you believe you're hearing this? Just promise me Lauren that you're not going to make me be a bridesmaid.'
'If we get married you can be my best woman and you can wear whatever you like. And Lily, you're not to worry about V – I just know she's going to get it together with Jack, even though she did snog the face off poor Robbie at your party. You know how stubborn she is – she won't believe it – but I saw the way Jack was looking at her at Ronnie Scott's. He still loves her. And she loves him.'
Valentine nodded.
'Speak up!' Lauren demanded. 'Lily can't hear you.'
'Yes, I love him,' Valentine said loudly. 'Love him, love him, love him!' She and Lauren paused to look at Lily. Was it her imagination or was there a glimmer of a smile on Lily's face?
Frank walked back into the room. 'Had a good chat then?'
'We've filled her in on all the gossip. D'you want to come back with us? You must be exhausted,' Valentine said. Frank shook his head and gently smoothed back a lock of silver hair from Lily's forehead. 'I'm staying right here with my girl. Sally – lovely woman, but no understanding of jazz – says she hasn't got long. I wouldn't like her to go anywhere without me next to her. I promised I wouldn't leave her.'
20
A Leap of Faith
'Only Lily's funeral could be this cool,' Lauren whispered as she, Valentine and Nathan walked into the church. Frank's old jazz band were accompanying a beautiful young woman singing 'Summertime' – Lily's all-time favourite song. The church was packed with Lily's friends who were dressed as if they were going to a party. Lily had left strict instructions that no one should wear black. Frank himself was dapper in his pinstriped suit. Instinctively Valentine scanned the rows of guests – another edict from Lily, who didn't want mourners – for Jack. He was due back from Paris that morning and in the briefest of phone calls had said he would come straight to the funeral. But there was no sign of him. 'He'll come, V,' Lauren told her.
The glorious strains of 'Summertime' came to a close and the minister began his address. Although Lily had not been in any way religious, the minister knew her from way back when he had been an actor and his speech was warm, full of personal recollections from friends and Frank, a fitting tribute to Lily. Valentine clenched her fists and picked at her thumbnail anxiously; she had promised Frank to read out the poem Lily had requested because he didn't feel able to. The minister came to the end of his address and introduced Valentine. She walked slowly towards the altar, hating the sight of Lily's coffin, even though it was beautifully decorated in peonies and white roses. She turned to face the rows of people, and took a deep breath.
'Lily was one of the most wonderful people I have ever known, but I'm sure I don't need to tell any of you that.' Her voice faltered and it was taking all her strength to carry on. 'So I hope I can do her favourite poem justice.'
At that moment the door opened and Jack walked in. For a moment he simply stood there, locking eyes with Valentine; then she began reading the Shakespeare sonnet.
'Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.'
Dear Lily. Even beyond the grave it seemed to Valentine that she was sending back the message that true love endured, that it could withstand anything, even infidelity . . .
Valentine finished the sonnet, made her way back to her place and saw Jack was sitting next to Lauren. Oh Lily, is it wrong of me that my heart is racing at the sight of him? She sat next to him and he put his arm round her. For a second Valentine thought he was simply being comforting, the gesture of a friend, but then he pulled her to him and held her close, so she could feel the warmth of his body against her and he whispered, 'We need to talk.' The feel of him next to her again made her feel giddy; she hoped Lily wouldn't mind that she was having carnal thoughts at her funeral. At that moment the pallbearers slowly made their way down the aisle with the coffin on their shoulders, followed by Frank. He looked over at the couple and smiled.
There was no chance to talk intimately in the taxi over to the Chelsea Arts Club where Lily's party was being held, as they were with Lauren and Nathan, but Jack held Valentine's hand all the way. 'I was so sorry not to be able to say goodbye to Lily,' Jack said.
'She wouldn't have known; she was completely out of it by the time we saw her.' Valentine paused. 'I sent her your love.'
'She adored you, Jack,' Lauren put in.
'I adored her; I just wish I could have h
ad longer to get to know her.'
'How do you think Frank feels?' Lauren replied with feeling. 'God knows what he's going to do without her. Imagine, you finally get to be with the love of your life and they die and leave you all on your own. And it's not as if you're young and can meet anyone else – you're old and have got nothing to look forward to – nothing!' Lauren, who never cried, was crying now, and so was Valentine. They had tried to keep it together in the church for Frank but now the full impact of Lily's death was bearing down on them. The wonderful music, the beautiful speeches, the guests dressed up in their finest clothes were all a distraction – Lily was dead and she was never coming back. The four of them were subdued for the rest of the journey and still feeling low when they walked into the bar of the Chelsea Arts Club.
Frank was the first person they saw there. 'Come on you lot, stop looking like wet weekends! This is a party for my girl and I want to see you smile. Lily would be livid if she knew you were looking so dreary.'
Valentine hugged him. 'Frank, you're such a star. It's just we can't help being sad.'
'I won't hear of it. I expect you've been wondering what I'm going to do without her.' God, had Frank somehow inherited Lily's ability to know what people were thinking?
'In contrast to the life you think I might have – drinking myself to death in a flat full of memories, with only my vegetables and jazz collection for company – I'm moving to Sydney to live with my daughter and help run the jazz club she's just opened. You'll have to come out and see me.' He paused and looked meaningfully at Valentine and Jack. 'Yes, I've lost the love of my life and it will never stop hurting, but I had her; short as it was, I had her.' Jack reached out for Valentine's hand as Frank continued. 'So now you know I'm not going to be wallowing in a pit of despair, go and dive into life and get some bubbly down you!'
Lauren grabbed Nathan's arm and made a beeline for the champagne. Valentine prepared to follow them but Jack led her out of the bar and away from the other guests into the deserted living room. Once there he shut the door and pulled her into his arms. A lot of pulling had been going on that day, it seemed to Valentine, but she didn't mind one little bit. His fingers traced the contours of the faded love bite on her neck. 'Sorry about that, Fleming. I did get a bit carried away. Would it be inappropriate of me to say how sexy you look in that dress?'
Valentine smiled. 'Lily wouldn't mind one little bit.'
It was all the encouragement Jack needed; he ducked down and kissed her neck. Particles of pure lust rushed round Valentine's body. She could have given the Large Hadron Collider a run for its money right now. God knew she needed a big bang . . . Jack moved from kissing her neck to her lips. She closed her eyes, hardly daring to believe that this was actually happening.
'So Fleming, what were you going to tell me when we were interrupted at Ronnie Scott's?'
Valentine opened her eyes and looked straight into Jack's. So this was really happening. 'What were you going to tell me?' she countered; she didn't want to destroy the moment. What if she told him she loved him and pushed him away for ever?'
'I was going to tell you that I wasn't with Tamara anymore – in spite of how it might have looked,' Jack replied. 'We finished a month ago. I wanted time to know what I really wanted.' He paused. 'I know what I want now. Come back with me. Much as I want to ravish you here, that probably would be crossing a line.'
There were all kinds of things Valentine wanted to do with Jack in the taxi but they were both sober, it was still light outside, and everyone knows that you only get to behave outrageously in taxis under the influence and cover of darkness, when at least you can pretend the driver can't see you. Instead, sitting as close to him as she possibly could, they talked. It turned out that Tamara had been unable to accept that Jack had ended their relationship and had been stalking him for the last month, Julia Turner-style, hence her turning up unannounced at Ronnie Scott's. The journey seemed to be going on for ever, and wonderful as it was to be talking to Jack, Valentine thought she might combust if they didn't get to his place soon.
'Why are we stopping here?' Valentine exclaimed as the taxi pulled over at the top of Haymarket.
'Just a small detour,' Jack replied. 'Come on, it'll be worth it.' He took her hand and jumped out of the taxi and suddenly Valentine knew exactly where they were going. Lily's divers. She and Jack looked up at the sculptures. Then back at each other. It was six in the evening and people were rushing past them. Jack put his arms round Valentine's waist and pulled her close to him. 'I love you, Valentine. I wanted to tell you that night but you were so drunk and Tamara had turned up unexpectedly and it seemed such a mess and I wanted everything to be perfect. Now I know that there's never a right time. And I have Lily to thank – when she and Frank came round for dinner she talked at me all night about you, how wonderful you were and how Finn had messed you up so much that you found it hard to trust anyone, how I shouldn't throw our relationship away because of one mistake.'
Valentine sent up a silent prayer of thanks to her dear friend. 'I love you, Jack. I always have, however it looked.'
'I know that now. It's not going to be easy and I know there will be times when I'm going to hate you for what you did, and it's going to take me a long time to trust you again, but I would rather have that conflict and pain than live without you.'
'How about we get some pleasure now?' Valentine said, standing up on tiptoes to kiss Jack – a deep, you-belong-to-me, get-a-room kind of kiss. High above them she could see the sleek golden figures catching the last rays of the sunset as they dived. It was time for her and Jack to dive as well and take their chances.
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