Finally, the gentlemen withdrew; nothing untoward happened to them on the way out of the convent. My mother, on returning to her room, expressed the wish that I follow her to give her some explanations. Félicité remained behind by herself in the place I might from now on call our brothel and was able to rest her wearied charms at her ease.
The Diary of Mata Hari
I had to visit a well-known captain of industry in our town to pay off a gambling debt with my body. The debt my husband had incurred was so enormous - over 3000 guilders - that there was not the slightest chance he could ever pay this amount in cold cash. This particular visit I had to make was to have far-reaching significance, and it altered my life completely.
Only my husband's threat that a scandal would bring about my beloved father's utter ruin made me obey his command to visit van Boom and - 'to put myself at his disposal.'
'Our stout-hearted Mister van Boom likes you very much, so much that I am convinced this rich filthy pig has deliberately driven me into a position where he can demand almost anything from me, especially the pleasure of my beautiful wife's company. Well, he can have that... it's a hell of a lot easier for me than to try and scrape up 3000 guilders. He wouldn't find them on me, even if he put me on my head and tried to shake me!' These cynical words were the 'instructions' which told me the exact situation in which I found myself.
'And this time I fully expect from you complete cooperation. After all, it's a debt of honour and I have to pay it. If you feel like it you can put on a few airs and politely refuse a little bit... many men love it that way; it makes them think that they really conquer the broad.'
I went to van Boom. Bitter experience had taught me that it was useless to cry and every word spent on pleading would be a waste.
Pieter van Boom was an elegant man of around 39 years and extremely attractive physically. If my task had not been such a horrible one, and if my mind had not been continually occupied with my bitter fate, meeting such a man could have been very pleasant. But I was not even in the mood to contemplate whether such a man - if met under different circumstances - could be capable of attracting me...
Van Boom's reception was very polite and friendly and he ignored my confusion and shame completely. He acted as if I had come to him voluntarily and as if we were old friends. I knew, of course, about his reputation with women. Most of the ladies in town fought for his attentions, and I was sure that he expected me to fall for him, that my modesty and propriety would melt away before his charms. My reputation was spotless and the people in our city often said that 'the fascinating beauty of Captain MacLeod's wife is surpassed only by her exemplary virtue.' They were completely unaware of the terrible indignities I had to undergo at the hands of my husband's gambling buddies to whom I was fettered body and soul. Of course, the initiates knew, but they took good care that these practices remained a deep secret. After all, they were the beneficiaries.
'Madame, it is my pleasure. I hope that you will allow me to have the honour of your company. And I want you to know that I have been your secret admirer for a very long time, and that your visit gives me the greatest satisfaction.'
I tried to remain very calm, though I could not help but retort immediately if he knew why I had come to see him, and if he was aware of the fact that I only made this visit to his home upon direct orders from my husband. Moreover, that my call was connected with a certain debt of 3000 guilders...
'But, Madame, how could you think such a thing! Admittedly I have desired to meet you here in my home, just the two of us between these discreet four walls, but it would deeply hurt me if I had to believe that you construe my admiration as lack of respect and that you view my desire to be more to you than just a stranger, as an importunity!'
'I understood that you wanted... that you... I mean, my husband's gambling debt...' the words stuck in my throat. Did I have to beg all over again?
'Oh, yes, certainly, there is a certain debt. But, please believe me, I only used that as an excuse to meet you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I beg you to believe me that I will not abuse this opportunity to talk to you. I would not force you to do anything. Yes, it is true I desire you with all my heart. I am enchanted by your beauty and your figure. Your type, that dark hair, the charming exotic individuality of your silken skin, your beautiful eyes, your beguiling lips, your gorgeous arms - no, no, please allow me to admire you... don't try to hide yourself - I want you to understand, most beautiful of all women, that all this drives me out of my mind! But I would not want to frighten you. I want to earn your friendship, your love - may God grant it - on my own terms; I want you to like me because of my admiration for you, because of my complete devotion.'
Never before had a man talked to me in this way. I did not know what was happening to me. This charming man, used to conquering every woman he met... did he really mean that? Or was it merely an excuse to avoid any settlement other than payment in cash?
But when he handed me a receipt for the full amount my husband owed him, with the words: 'My dear lady, I believe this is what you were looking for...' and started to help me with my coat, I knew he had spoken the truth. A hitherto unknown feeling took possession of me. I felt sorry and at the same time compelled to thank this man as affectionately as the circumstances would allow, to show him my heartfelt gratitude for his generosity.
I asked him if I could be permitted to stay awhile. His eyes lit up and the happiness they betrayed told me that my request had fulfilled his highest hopes. When I left his home several hours later, his desires had become reality and I - ah, I finally knew what it meant to be in love...
I was giddy and intoxicated, I floated and cried softly out of sheer happiness. I was walking on clouds. This man had caressed me, kissed me and finally possessed me, and I felt as if I had finally become a woman when he encircled me in his arms. It was as if only his kisses, only his glowing embraces had made me a complete woman. I forgot the misery of my marriage, the many men whose vilifications I had suffered because my husband told me to, and for the first time in my life I was truly happy, cheerful and exuberant... in short, I was crazed with love. This man had awakened me, had shown me what love is; he also showed me that love without physical pleasure is a monstrosity.
His embraces melted away everything which is doubtful, improper and smutty; his kisses were so divine that they ennobled everything which is doubtful, filthy and animalistic with other men.
But how had it come to this?
We were drinking tea and talking as if we had been old friends. I felt at ease and I was very happy that this entire sordid affair had somehow transformed itself into a fairytale. I realized that Pieter had been very generous, but in those days I was still not experienced enough to fully understand the will power it must have cost him to let this sure prey escape from him.
I allowed him to kiss my hand. He caressed it softly and I was pleasantly surprised with the emotions this touch released in me. After a few small glasses of liquor I felt lightheaded and happy. The clock on the mantelpiece played a soft melody with its chimes and - even today I still don't understand how I summoned up the courage - I got up and tried some light dance steps.
Pieter applauded enthusiastically and beseeched me to continue. When I laughingly refused, he, too, got up, took me in his arms and started to whirl around the room with me. We danced till I became quite dizzy...
That was when Pieter kissed me on the mouth.
It was a soft, infinitely sweet kiss. The first one...
How they turned into so many, I cannot clearly remember. Anyhow, Pieter's sensitive fingers, his hypnotic caresses, his incredibly soft and sweet touches, robbed me completely of my senses.
Suddenly we found ourselves down upon the sofa which was standing in a corner of the room. Our lips were pressed together and did not separate. We had only eyes for each other, and the rest of the world ceased to exist. It felt like a dream when Pieter's hands, softly and carefully, removed one piece of clo
thing after the other. I remember only that the more my cool skin was exposed, the hotter became his kisses... They covered me like an exquisite stole; they enveloped me like a summer shower; I felt their soft yet persisting pressure all over my body, like soft refreshing drops on my burning skin.
I felt them everywhere. They lingered at certain places and it seemed as if they were eternally impressed upon other spots. They deluged my entire body so that it seemed as if they were at all places at the same time. Now they would rain down upon my breasts, then they trickled into my armpits, another time they would sweep along my hips or they would drip into the especially soft flesh on the inside of my thighs...
Pieter's hands had long since finished undressing me and they were now feverishly busy elsewhere. They caressed me without interruption, so incredibly soft and hesitant that at first I believed I was again with my dear Henriette... they fondled my shoulders, hugged my back, caressed my breasts - whenever his lips were tasting another part of my body - and fluttered their way into my thighs. They wormed themselves under my body, raising me almost unnoticeably, and arched around my buttocks. Once they had reached these full, meaty globes they became more energetic; they clutched around the well-rounded forms and started to knead, push, pull and squeeze till I overflowed with delicious rapture...
I cannot recall how I suddenly came to feel Pieter's nude body. I had not noticed that he had undressed. He must have done this with a magician's agility because his fondling hands did not stop caressing my body for a single moment. But suddenly two strong male legs, cool and hard as marble, encircled my body, loosened again and slowly pried in between my 'marvellously long dancer's legs,' as Pieter later always referred to them. His hard-muscled, nude torso pressed against my soft, defenceless bosom.
But how good it felt! This strange male body, it smelled strong and spicy and new - so completely different from that of my husband with whom I had slept for so long. And it was exciting! Was this man that much different? How was it that no other man had ever excited me so much? Could it be that Pieter was exceptionally handsome, or was it the particular smell of his body which almost drove me out of my mind?
Could it be the strength of his arms? Oh, how I came to feel that strength which somehow never hurt me. I had never experienced anything like it in my entire life...
And again his mouth pressed itself upon my lips. Very softly at first, I hardly noticed its insistent pressure; slowly, however, a hot tongue slipped out and I could not resist, allowing it to penetrate between my lips, explore my mouth and coax my tongue. I soon understood that this play was an invitation, a challenge to reciprocate, to send out my own tongue and return the visit. I was obedient. The effect this had upon Pieter was stupendous. His amorous caresses tripled and his kisses almost turned into love bites. He sucked my lips and my tongue as if he wanted to devour them.
His body trembled. He rested upon me and I could feel the delicious heaviness of him. For a short moment he rested as if to gather his strength but soon he started to rub his body against mine; at first slowly, almost hesitantly, yet so intensely that it almost frightened me; after a short while I had become used to it.
Something else diverted my attention. I could clearly feel his incredibly hard member. It was stuck between our rubbing bodies, resembling a short heavy club which somehow had become lodged in that spot where I could feel it most clearly.
But - it could either be that Pieter had changed his position slightly, or maybe I had without thinking spread my thighs a little wider - suddenly this club was no longer pressed between our stomachs but had settled itself right between my legs, pushing against that secret little spot with a feather-light touch...
Pieter's breathing intensified and his voice was almost rough when he asked me, 'Do you love me at least a little bit, sweet lady - would you please make me very, very happy?'
I had no choice - I answered, 'Yes, I love you - do with me whatever you will - I belong to you... take me... completely... utterly...'
'Darling, you make me feel so ashamed... I... I... aah! - I am so terribly happy right now... later... later I will tell you - what's - on - my - mind... how terribly much I love you!' During these words, which sounded so infinitely sweet to me, his hot, virile and pulsating member shoved slowly and carefully, yet surely and without stopping, between my widely spread thighs and pressed against the entrance of my sacred spot. A short, hardly noticeable hesitation, more like a slow probing and tasting, and the sweet pole penetrated calmly and securely deep into my lap. It succeeded without any difficulty - the way had been well prepared, the excitement of the situation, Pieter's skilful caresses, his manly tenderness had put me in that mood which knows of only one release. My very being had to be drowned in the juices of his love. My healthy body and loving disposition had done their duty well...
Pieter's hands had slid under my back and forcibly taken hold of my buttocks, keeping them in his tight grip. He carried me in his strong hands while the arrow of his love forced itself deeply into my grotto. And when he slowly pulled back with carefully measured jolts which, though they did not devastate me, made me shudder to the utmost depths of my soul, I slowly came to realize what ecstasy is. His beautiful tool penetrated me, a true messenger of Cupid, light as a feather, continually courting, completely irresistible... And whenever it pulled out impishly my entire being shivered longingly for its return. I was afraid it would depart forever instead of preparing for another jump which would take possession of my hotly glowing hole.
The regularity of these delicious humps have been burned into my memory and will remain there forever. There was something unbelievably confident, terribly powerful in the calm and regular artistry, the almost majestic behaviour of this truly royal sceptre; one might say, Pieter fucked me regally. I sighed and groaned; I had never experienced anything like it. I felt myself floating as if in a dream; I wanted to sing with pleasure, cry with desire.
I was very proud that I could give Pieter pleasure; there was no doubt I was doing just that because he groaned as lustfully as I did; he stammered loving little nothings and even his groaning and grumbling, though it seemed inarticulate, reminded me of a big love-sick bear and convinced me that he was in the grip of the same delirious mood as I was. Every time his powerful, swollen instrument (I had the distinct impression that it had grown even bigger and more stiff once it was firmly implanted within my belly) sank deeply into my lovingly clenching cleft, Pieter moaned voluptuously and I could not resist softly pushing toward him with my swaying hips...
However, my actions did have unexpected results. As soon as Pieter found out that his movements caused my body to sway in a similar rhythm, he speeded up his tempo which, in the beginning had been majestic and had remained imposing even though I now noticed an increase in enthusiasm. Now, however, every push became more impressive, livelier and, all of a sudden - I was, at first, completely taken by surprise - I had to endure an incredibly quick succession of hammerlike blows which raced like wildfire against my loins. Pieter romped in wild frenzy against my body; he was sweating, every muscle in his body was tense, his powerful arms had pushed my thighs wide open, spreading them more than they had ever been before.
Even though these powerful jolts followed each other in rapid succession, every single one of them released delicious shivers throughout my entire body. It was the peak of undreamed-of delights. It was impossible that anything could exist on this earth more majestic than being loved the way Pieter loved me...
Pieter's eyes twinkled above me like the stars and their heavenly shine told me that he had to be as happy as I was. The words he murmured, interrupted by his heavy sighs, were hardly distinguishable from his grunts and groans that were caused by his lustful rutting, but they proved to me the truth of my assumption.
'Oh my darling, my pet - could you stand it that I torture you to death with my token of love... that I perish in your lap... oh, please... allow me... to - die - in - your - arms...!'
His tender words were
not belied by the brutal jolts that ran through my body and pierced me like so many fiery stakes. He could have whipped me, stepped on me - I would have considered it to be my greatest delight. To this man I felt truly married - he was really the Lord and Master of my body, because he possessed my soul...
'Darling... my only true love... you really love me... could you truly, really... love - me?' His powerful marble-hard body jolted against mine without interruption. 'You allow me so much... you give me... you are showing me... what true delight really is... aren't you afraid, that I... could... never... do... without... you... ever again?'
'No, my dearest Pieter... you are now my only true love, and I want to be yours forever and ever... I am at your beck and call... whenever... you... want... me... I'll... throw myself... into - your - arms...!'
'Oh, darling... divine one... so much happiness makes me dizzy... Be careful... you could - kill me...' With these words, Pieter doubled his already incredible efforts, and - though it seemed impossible - speeded up his tempo.
'Do you notice how you set me on fire... how my forces double... oh, my darling... I can't stand it much longer... I can't... much... longer... darling, I... have... to... now... aaah... now... I'm coming... aaah...!'
I could feel how his powerful thing bucked deep inside my body, how it swelled even more powerfully and suddenly I was pierced by a hot pulsing jet, so strong that I feared for a moment I had been set on fire. But at the same time I, too, had reached the ultimate point and I came...
Eroticon 3 Page 15