Full Circle

by Rosanne Bittner

  “Ten dollars! That’s a fortune!”

  “He’s so drunk half the time that he doesn’t know how much he’s carrying around. I’ve never found where he keeps the rest of it, but someday I will. There must be more, Katy. He gets paid good from the Army for the corn and ham, and he trades more corn and such for the whiskey, so he doesn’t spend much, plus he gets paid extra by the whiskey smugglers.” Her eyes darkened again with hatred. “That time he used me to pay off Sergeant Desmond, he probably had the money the whole time. He just didn’t want to let go of it, so he used me instead.”

  “Let’s not talk about it, Lucy. Let’s hurry up and get to the post and see what we can buy.”

  Lucille realized that her sister would never fully understand the horror of what she had suffered until and unless it happened to her. She was determined that would never be. It was bad enough that she was dirty and soiled for life. Katy was prettier, smarter. She could go far, find herself a real nice man someday. She was not going to let Seth ruin that. She patted Katy’s shoulder. “Okay.”

  They walked on in silence for a moment when Lucille noticed someone coming in a bouncing, creaking wagon. “Look!” She pointed. “I think it’s Miss Gibbons!” They waited as the wagon came closer, recognizing the schoolteacher, who sat in the front seat with another pretty woman with dark hair, who in turn sat next to Reverend Phillips, who was driving the wagon.

  As Phillips drew the wagon to a halt, Lucille was suddenly aware of her painfully plain gray dress and her ragged black wool coat. Both items had been picked by Seth from leftovers on rations day—hand-me-downs sent to the reservation by well-meaning do-gooders back East. The agency always let settlers go through items the Indians did not take. She noticed Miss Gibbons wore a brown velvet dress, with a matching, fur-lined cape and a velvet-and-fur hat that was tied down over her ears against the cold air.

  “Well, hello, girls!” Miss Gibbons greeted them.

  “Hello, Miss Gibbons.” Lucille put a hand to her dark hair, which she felt was much too straight. She had washed it, but it only hung limp—not like Miss Gibbons’s golden hair, hair that today was twisted up under her hat, with only part of it hanging down the middle of her back. She supposed she could never be as beautiful as the schoolteacher, even with fine clothes and a fancy hairdo.

  “Hello, ma’am,” Katy said excitedly. “We’re going to the trading post to spend our allowance! Seth gave each of us three whole dollars!”

  Lucille touched her arm. “Don’t be bragging, Katy.” She looked at Evelyn Gibbons, saw the surprise in her all-knowing eyes. “We don’t intend to spend it all at once,” she told the woman, wanting to look wise and mature.

  “Well, I didn’t know your father was so generous,” Miss Gibbons answered. Lucille caught the hint of sarcasm in the words. She wasn’t sure what to say in reply. Miss Gibbons was so pretty and educated that the woman always left her at a loss for words.

  “Seth said he’s going to start paying us for our chores,” Katy spoke up, always the bolder one.

  Lucille gave her a nudge. “We aren’t supposed to talk to the schoolteacher,” she reminded her.

  “Did Seth tell you not to speak to me?” Evelyn asked the girls.

  Katy looked at the ground, embarrassed.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Lucille answered. “We don’t get to go off like this often, Miss Gibbons, so I don’t want to spoil it by him knowing we talked to you. He might not let us do this again.”

  “He actually let you come here alone?”

  Both girls nodded.

  “Your father should not be keeping you from church and school,” Reverend Phillips spoke up. “It isn’t right, no matter how much he pays you for your chores, and heaven knows you do more than your share of work to earn what little he gives you. Church and school are more important than money.”

  “Reverend, don’t spoil their one day of escape from that miserable household,” Miss Gibbons told the man.

  Lucille looked gratefully at Miss Gibbons, who she sensed always understood her feelings. “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t mean to be rude.”

  Evelyn smiled. “It’s all right, Lucy. You just remember that if you ever need help, you come to me or Reverend Phillips. This woman beside me is Beverly Evans. She can help you, too, just the same as I or the reverend. You don’t have to be afraid.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Lucille wanted to cry at the way Miss Gibbons smiled at her, was embarrassed at having to be rude. She so longed to be able to sit down and tell Miss Gibbons everything, to talk for hours, to ask her if she could ever hope to marry a decent man and have a good life. But then she would have to tell the woman about the ugly things Seth and Jubal Desmond had done to her, and she was not sure she could bear the shame of it. Maybe it was best to talk to no one, or she might end up telling them she planned to run away, and they might tell Seth. He would beat her senseless if he knew.

  The reverend got the wagon into motion again, and both girls watched Miss Gibbons from the back as the wagon clattered away, the back of it filled with supplies for church and school… another world, another life… so close and yet so far.

  “They must have come really early,” Katy told her sister. “They’re already going home.” She looked up at Lucille. “Didn’t Miss Gibbons look pretty today? Someday I’m going to dress like she does.”

  Lucille looked at her. Yes, there was still hope for Katy, and she was going to make sure that did not change. “Let’s go see what we can buy,” she answered.

  Seth watched Many Birds ride up and tie her horse, then hurried to the front door to wait for her knock. As soon as he heard the timid tap, he waited for a second knock, not wanting to look in too much of a rush. He finally opened the door, greeting the pretty Indian girl with a smile. He had shaved and put on a clean shirt today, had rinsed his mouth good with whiskey. “Well, hello there, Many Birds.”

  The girl looked past him. “Are Lucy and Katy home? They told me to come back today.”

  “Sure enough,” he nodded. “Come on in, honey.”

  Many Birds hesitated, looking up the stairs, back at Seth.

  “It’s okay. They’re already upstairs in Katy’s room waitin’ for you. I told them I’d send you up soon as you got here. It’s warmer up there. Heat rises, you know.”

  Many Birds smiled bashfully. “Yes.” As she stepped inside, Seth closed the door.

  “Let me take your coat.” He grasped her wool coat by the shoulders, and Many Birds slipped her arms out of the sleeves. Seth hollered up the stairs that the Indian girl was here. “Them daughters of mine is so lost in their playin’, I guess they don’t hear me,” he told her. “Come on. I’ll take you up.”

  Many Birds looked around, thinking the house strangely quiet. Why didn’t Katy and Lucy come out to greet her? Surely they had heard Seth call up to them. She heard no voices upstairs, felt confused. How many times had she been told not to trust Seth Bridges? Still, he had never bothered her before, and Katy and Lucy had become such good friends. Surely because of them, he would never harm her. She turned and went up the stairs, feeling Seth behind her. She could smell the whiskey on his breath, but then he always smelled of whiskey.

  She took her stick doll from inside her heavy sweater and clung to it, feeling protected by the doll. She studied the now-familiar, faded rose pattern on the tattered wallpaper going up the stairs. The house smelled of wood smoke and tobacco… and of Seth’s unclean body. She started for Katy’s room when Seth grasped hold of her arm. “Over here,” he told her. “I said they could play in my room today, on account of it’s bigger and it’s the warmest room up here.”

  Many Birds was filled with instant alarm at the almost painful hold he had on her arm. “I think I should go home,” she told Seth. “I don’t feel very good.” Terror filled her when she saw the sudden change in Seth’s pale-gray eyes, the hungry look of an animal that had just snared its prey.

  “I don’t think so, honey. You
come on in here with me now, so’s I don’t have to hurt you.”

  She blinked back tears. “What do you want?”

  He jerked her into his bedroom, where she saw ropes tied to each of the four bedposts.

  “Let me go!” she screamed.

  “You just have yourself a little drink, and you’ll never feel a thing, little girl.”

  She started to fight him, but Seth was amazingly strong and mean. He grabbed both her wrists, jerking her over to the bed and forcing her down onto it. He managed to capture both her wrists in one hand, keeping his full weight on her while he reached over with his right hand and grabbed a bottle of whiskey on a stand beside the bed.

  “Lay still, girl!” he said excitedly, grinning.

  Many Birds twisted and struggled, screaming for help, yet knowing somewhere in the back of her mind that no one would come. Katy and Lucille were obviously not home, and the remote location of the farmhouse meant there was no one to hear her. Seth uncorked the whiskey bottle with his teeth and began pouring it over her mouth. She arched against him, turning her head to get away from the wicked firewater, but he pushed the bottle so hard against her lips, she was forced to open her mouth or let her lips be crushed between the bottle and her teeth. She felt the whiskey pouring into her mouth, tried not to swallow, but there was so much of it that it was impossible. Instantly, she understood why it was called firewater, as the liquid burned its way down her throat and into her stomach. She gagged, wondering how people could stand to drink the horrible stuff. She thought for a moment that she might even throw up.

  In minutes it became more and more difficult to fight Seth Bridges, whose form above her began to blur, his words sounding more distant. She felt weak, and she had no strength to fight him when he held her nose then and forced more whiskey down her throat. Soon she felt as though she was floating out of her own body, and she imagined that what Seth Bridges did with her after that was happening to someone else, for physically she could feel nothing. Her clothes were being torn away. She tried to find her stick doll, but she had dropped it somewhere in her struggle against the ugly old man who hovered over her now. She closed her eyes then, allowing a blessed darkness to overcome her senses.

  Lucille rode Sady quietly onto the back part of the farm and headed the horse into the barn, where she and Katy dismounted. “Let’s go hide the rest of our money before I unsaddle Sady and brush her down,” she told Katy. “I know a good place. It’s in the corn crib, where I hid the other money.”

  Katy followed her sister, excited about their secret. She clung to the paper-wrapped packages that held candy and ribbons and two new pairs of stockings and two new flannel nightgowns. They had three dollars left, but were going to lie to Seth about how much they had spent.

  “There’s a loose board at the back of the corn crib,” Lucille was telling her. “I’ve been hiding the other money there and stacking feed corn in front of it. We’ll hide it before Seth knows we’re back.” They both ran to the corn crib, quietly opening the old wooden door and going inside. Lucille headed for the back of the building, then stopped short, noticing a movement to her left. She turned, and to her horror she saw her Indian friend’s horse tied in the corner. It still had a blanket and small Indian saddle on it.

  Katy nearly stumbled into her sister, in such a hurry she didn’t realize Lucille had stopped in her tracks. She looked in the direction Lucille was staring, and a rush of dread moved through her. “It’s Many Birds’s horse!” She moved closer, clinging to her packages and shivering, in spite of the heavy woolen coat she wore. “What do you think it’s doing here?”

  Rage began to ripple through Lucille. “What do you think!” She walked over and felt the horse’s rump. “She’s cool. That means she’s been here awhile.” She shoved her hands and the money into the pockets of her own coat. “I knew it! I knew Seth was just trying to get rid of us! We never should have fell for it! We should have known!”

  Katy’s eyes started to tear. “What do you mean? What… what do you think he’s done to Many Birds?”

  Lucille met her eyes, hating the fact that her sister had to be aware of such ugly things at her age. “He’s got her in there, Katy. He got rid of us and then tricked Many Birds into the house. He hid her horse in here so nobody would spot it. He’s probably got her upstairs.”

  Katy shook her head, her breathing growing heavy. “No!” The tears began to fall. “No! He promised! He promised not to hurt her! She’s my friend!” She jerked in a sob. “I’ll kill him! I’ll kill him!” She ran out of the shed and toward the house.

  “Katy, wait!” Lucille ran after her, but a determined Katy managed to stay ahead of her sister, even though Lucille had longer legs. She ran to the back door of the house, shedding her coat and her packages on the way.

  “I hate you, Seth! I hate you!” she screamed, charging through the back door.

  Lucille was on her heels, and both girls barreled through the house and charged up the stairs. Lucille wanted desperately to stop her sister before she saw what she feared would be a dreadful sight, but Katy barged through Seth’s bedroom door before she could catch her. Lucille followed her inside, where Katy stood transfixed, staring at a naked Many Birds, sprawled on Seth’s bed, her wrists and ankles tied to the posts. She looked unconscious, and the room reeked of whiskey.

  “You girls enjoy your shoppin’?” came a voice behind them.

  Lucille and Katy whirled at the same time to see a naked Seth standing behind them in the doorway, a bottle of whiskey in one hand, a knife in the other. He grinned, his eyes bloodshot, his nakedness and the way he stumbled toward them indicating just how drunk he was.

  “You bastard!” Lucille seethed, her hands moving into fists. “Why didn’t you just pick on me, like always? Why did you have to do that to Many Birds?”

  His eyes moved over her. “I’m sick and tired of you. And you kept hollerin’ about me leavin’ little Katy alone. A man has to have his satisfaction, girl. You know that. Besides, I haven’t hurt her none. Only thing wrong with her is she’s drunk. She was willin’ enough to drink with me, like all of them are. She ain’t no different from the rest of them Indian women, always ready to let a man make ’em feel good.”

  “You forced her!” Katy accused, unable to keep from crying.

  “I didn’t force nobody. I tell you, she was willin’!” He raised the knife. “You aimin’ to argue about it?”

  “If she was willing, why is she tied? And why is her face all bruised?” Lucille asked, her voice low and calm.

  Seth met her glare. “She wanted to be tied. She thought it was fun to pretend to be forced, slapped around a little.” He stepped even closer, waving the knife under her nose. “Now, girl, I don’t want no arguments from either one of you. She’s gonna wake up after awhile, and I’m gonna let her go, after I have at her a couple more times. She ain’t gonna tell nobody because she won’t want her Indian folks to know what a whore she is. I’ll remind her of that. And she won’t want to get her brother in trouble. She knows what Black Hawk would do if he knew she’d been here. She ain’t gonna say a goddamn word, and neither is either one of you. If you do, it’s Katy who’s gonna be strapped out on that bed, you little bitch! You understand me?”

  “Never!” Katy screamed. “You’d have to kill me first, you ugly, stinking rapist!” She charged into Seth, and his whiskey bottle went flying. It broke against a wall as Seth stumbled backward, but even in his drunken state he managed to get hold of Katy’s hair and yank her off him. He jerked her head back and laid the knife against her face.

  “You’re lookin’ to get scarred, girl!”

  Lucille lunged, grabbing at the hand that held the knife. “Get away, Katy!” she screamed.

  Seth punched Lucille in the side of the head with his left fist, then jerked away the hand that held the knife. Lucille whirled to grab him again, then felt the knife slash through her side as Seth struggled to get away from her. She screamed and
grabbed her side, stumbling back. Katy was desperately trying to untie Many Birds, but when she saw Lucille bleeding, she cried out her sister’s name and went to her side. She put an arm around her, and both girls cowered back as Seth approached them, waving the bloody knife.

  “You two keep quiet, or I’ll sell you off to whorehouses, understand?” he roared. “If you tell on me, you just remember that Many Birds is Indian! That means no white man will believe she wasn’t willin’, which means I will go unpunished. That means I’ll be free to come after the two of you, and I’ll by God make your lives miserable for a long time to come! I know men who’d buy you in a second, and some of them like hearin’ a gal scream for mercy! All I’d have to say is I sent you off to my sister in Louisiana, and nobody would know the difference! Now get out of here and keep your mouths shut! When I’m through with Many Birds, I’ll let her go, and that will be the end of it!” He grabbed Katy’s hair and slashed out again with the knife, whacking several inches off the end of her long tresses. The girl screamed, thinking he was going to cut her face. Again he waved the knife menacingly, as both girls stood there holding each other and shivering. “If I have to, I’ll kill the both of you,” Seth told them. “You get me in enough trouble, and I won’t give a damn what happens to me. Understand? I’ll kill you both!”

  Katy broke into all-out sobbing, but Lucille just glared at him with deep hatred. She still grasped at her side, wondering if she was going to bleed to death.

  “Get out of here!” Seth roared. “I’ve got a need!” He pointed the knife at Katy’s chest. “Unless you’d like to take Many Birds’s place.”

  He chuckled, backing away slightly, and both girls ran out of the room, still clinging to each other. They headed downstairs “What should we do, Lucy?” Katy sobbed. “Poor Many Birds!”