Come Undone

by Madelynne Ellis

  ‘You’ve run away and holed up on an island with me – that’s pretty serious. I’ve told you my middle name: it’s Shirley. No, it’s not. It’s Tobias. That’s deadly serious. I never tell anyone that. It’s vile, isn’t it? It makes me sound like a pet poodle.’

  ‘Mine’s Marie.’

  ‘Daniella Marie,’ he tried it together. ‘Yours is pretty.’ He kissed her eyelids, and then sought her lips and gently sucked on her pout. ‘The whole of you is pretty.’ He pushed his hand up into her hair at the back of her head, so that he could tilt her to exactly the angle he wanted before kissing her again. This time he didn’t stop until she’d surrendered to his will completely. ‘Nothing’s changed between us, Dani. I don’t suddenly love you any less. I still need you to be here.’

  ‘I told you I’m being stupid. I overreacted.’

  ‘You’re tired,’ he said, making excuses for her. ‘Would you like to go somewhere warmer?’

  ‘Not back to the fire.’

  He agreed completely on that score, since he could well imagine the scene they’d likely encounter, and because, no matter what they were pretending at the moment, he didn’t think this issue of him loving Steve was done with yet. She still had a slightly haunted look in her eyes. ‘We can go to the fort. I still have Ric’s keys.’

  ‘Yes, please. I think I’d like to go to bed.’

  Chapter 37

  Xane’s dreams were uneasy. He was with Steve in Monte Carlo, both of them strapped into the same Formula One car, a steering wheel apiece, but neither of them in possession of a gear stick. They’d skidded round the last bend with another car on their bumper and the next turn consisted of a hairpin corner with a drop on one side that plunged into the ocean. There was no safety net, someone had taken the crash barriers away and the engine was humming like it was powered by angry wasps. Worse still, they couldn’t even agree on a direction to turn. They tugged the steering wheels in different directions, tearing the car apart as they approached the seawall.

  The metal sheared. Xane spun. He couldn’t see where Steve had gone through the flames shooting up all around him. The fire touched his skin and sent bolts of searing pain crashing through his nerves. He twisted, trying to free himself of the harness that held him tight.

  ‘Xane … Xane … wake up.’

  Someone held him by the shoulders, hauled him sideways through the window. He lay on the roadside, panting, unable to get enough air into his chest.

  ‘It’s a dream. Wake up.’

  He opened his eyes but the world around him was dark, the smell of it unfamiliar, until he detected a trace of gardenia. He reached up, felt the body above him and drew her closer, inhaling the lingering smell of flowery blossoms that clung to her hair.

  ‘It’s Dani,’ she reassured him. ‘You were sobbing. Are you hurt?’

  ‘No. Just a stupid dream.’

  ‘Want to tell me about it?’

  He shook his head. ‘No. Go back to sleep.’ He closed his eyes again, but the flames were still there. They were between him and the half of the car he’d been pulled from. There were people all around him, putting their hands all over him, touching him in inappropriate ways. He lost his shirt within seconds. It ripped away, so the fire reached his skin that much sooner when he tried to dive through the sheet of sparks.

  ‘Xane.’ This time she shook him awake.

  ‘I’ll go sleep on the sofa,’ he mumbled, attempting to rise. But his muscles seemed to have cramped as he’d rested, so he barely managed to lift his back off the mattress, let alone get near to swinging his legs out of bed.

  ‘You don’t have to do that.’ She snuggled up to him so that her head rested in the crook of his shoulder. ‘I’m not chasing you. You sounded distraught. I thought you’d want to wake up.’

  ‘Yeah,’ he agreed. ‘I need to clear my head. It’s full of cobwebs.’

  ‘What are you, trapped in some spooky castle? You were howling like a wolf.’

  ‘Maybe I’m about to change into one,’ he joked. It felt good to talk about something inconsequential after the dream and the uneasiness that had lingered between them even when they’d climbed into bed. They hadn’t made love. They’d cuddled until they fell asleep.

  Dani gave a little grunt of displeasure. ‘I hope not. Doggy breath isn’t nice.’

  They’d both experienced plenty of that before they’d slopped upstairs and into Ric’s guestroom, which was full of Zach’s belongings. Ric’s dogs seemed to view guests as new items to curl up on. A full-grown Dalmatian on your lap, panting in your face, wasn’t all that pleasant, and if you stood up it only encouraged them to stick their noses into more intimate places. They’d had to lock them in the kitchen in order to avoid having additional bodies in the bed.

  ‘Here, let me check.’ Dani’s hand passed over his forehead and found the juncture between his brows.

  ‘Nah, they don’t meet in the middle, and –’ she sought and clasped his hand below the sheets ‘– your palm isn’t hairy. Let me check the other one.’

  Xane reached across with the other hand so she could check.

  ‘That one is fine too. You are pretty hot, though.’

  ‘So are you.’

  ‘I didn’t mean …’ She propped herself up on one elbow in order to nudge him in the shoulder.

  ‘Yes, but you are,’ he said, drawing her across his body. It felt comfortable with her above him, her weight pleasant against his weary body. Of course, having her there, her hips locked to his, her breasts against his nipples, did more to drag him out of his dream and into the waking world than her whispers had. He settled his hands upon her bottom and wriggled a little as he manoeuvred her into a more comfortable spot that gave his body room to adapt to her presence.

  ‘Are you getting turned on?’ she asked.

  ‘Course not,’ he said. ‘I never get turned on by having a hot woman jiggling about on top of me.’

  That made her chuckle. ‘So I won’t find anything standing to attention if I look down here?’

  He’d pretty much swear that she could already feel it, so he didn’t bother to answer. His cock already lay hard against his stomach, trapped between them.

  Dani dragged the covers off his body. She looked at him. Her palms splayed across his chest. Xane didn’t protest at losing some comfort; being able to look at her amply compensated him for the lack of heat. Dani had curves in all the places a woman ought to have them. Her nipples were wantonly perked up too, and the thought of how they’d taste in his mouth made him salivate. It wasn’t only the vision of her that wakened his appetite; the way she looked at him, drank him in like she was committing every inch of him to memory, made his insides rear up and fizz.

  ‘Shall I go down on you?’

  What sort of question was that to ask a man?

  He tried a casual ‘If you like.’ But it sounded all wrong, so he followed it up with what he wanted to say the first time, except that he’d been trying to sound cool. ‘Please do.’

  ‘Do you like it when I suck you? I like the feel of you in my mouth.’

  Her fingers skated over the lean, hard expanse of his stomach. Her touch kept on moving down, like she was unable to resist the temptation. When she clasped him, exploring the contours of his cock with her sweet little hands, his libido spiked. The smell of her so close, mixed with the scent of his own arousal, left him intoxicated. Was she wet? He reached out, wanting to know, but she was above him, and his ribs complained as he bent.

  ‘Be still. It’s all right,’ she insisted. So he lay still. He didn’t wet his fingers between her thighs, or taste the gush of moisture that he knew was waiting for him there. Instead, he curled a dark strand of her hair around his fingertips and watched her dip her head towards his belly.

  Xane held his breath as she surrounded him with moist heat. If she meant to relax him so he went back to sleep, then she’d failed, at least for now. Post-climax, sure, his brain would probably be so sapped of oxygen that he’d pass out.
In the meantime, her touch, the gentle trace of her tongue set his nerves alight as if he’d swallowed a cocktail of stimulants.

  ‘Oh, sweetheart.’ He entwined more of her hair around his fingers, used it as something to hold onto and to draw her closer. He knew he was too goddamned big for her to swallow the whole of him, and she was compensating for that by wrapping her hand around the lower part of his shaft, but he wanted to feel her heat the whole way down.

  ‘Xane, do you like having your balls licked?’

  Women didn’t generally ask what he liked. That’s exactly what made her different and convinced him he’d been right to make a commitment to her, despite their earlier to-do.

  ‘Only if you’re extremely gentle,’ he replied, ‘and I won’t be able to take much of it.’ His balls were already trying to crawl up inside him at the thought of getting some attention. They were sensitive like that.

  He needn’t have worried.

  His toes curled. His tendons stretched. And his cock got ridiculously hard. Too hard, in fact. He’d be useless for anything more than nought to sixty inside three seconds. ‘That’s enough. Really.’

  She nevertheless feathered her tongue over their fuzzy surface again before returning her attention to his shaft. Her tongue teased the aching head of his cock. She lapped at the slit, stealing the beads of arousal that were already leaking out. It was all far, far too bloody sweet.

  ‘Dani.’ His hips jerked. He couldn’t stand any more teasing. He needed to thrust. Had to come. ‘Suck,’ he pleaded.

  Smiling, she obliged. ‘Harder?’ she enquired after a few tentative pulls.

  Xane’s blood roared in his ears. ‘Yes,’ he bellowed, far too loud. He needed to get deep and go fast, really fill her mouth.

  Dani, God bless her, seemed to understand perfectly. She was over him, her mouth wide, claiming him. She rolled with the motion of his hips, worked her fist, matching her pace to his until he was soaring.

  A serrated groan clawed its way up from his lungs. Xane’s release poured out of him, and the minx – the woman he realised he was desperate to keep – swallowed his seed as though it were cream. She lapped up every damn drop, held him in her mouth until he’d lost all his hardness, only releasing him once he’d floated all the way down from cloud nine.

  ‘Think you’ll sleep better now?’ She snuggled up beside him, moulding her curves to his form, one leg cocked over his thighs. Xane couldn’t see her properly, but he felt her grin, her cheek lifted where it pressed against his shoulder. Thank God, she was smiling again and they were apparently OK after that nonsense earlier.

  A yawn stretched his mouth wide. ‘Come up here and I’ll see if I can repay the favour before I pass out.’ Already his brain had begun to shut down, but he didn’t want to be the sort of bastard that left his lady unfulfilled.

  ‘It’s OK, Xane,’ she insisted, leaning across him to kiss his brow first, and then his lips. She tasted strongly of his come as her tongue thrust possessively into his mouth. He kind of liked that. ‘Sleep, baby. You can owe me one. Get some rest.’

  Chapter 38

  Dani couldn’t get back to sleep. She lay against Xane’s shoulder and listened to him breathe, until she was sure he hadn’t plunged back into the nightmare. His cries had alarmed her, especially when she’d woken in unfamiliar surroundings to find him thrashing around like that. He seemed peaceful enough now, but her mind went on whirring.

  She sat up, pulled on Xane’s discarded shirt and slipped out of the room, leaving him to sleep. At home, she’d have gone to the kitchen and made a hot drink, and chances were that, within a minute or two, Ginny would have joined her. Ginny was psychic like that, and she loved relating her latest exploits over giant mugs of cocoa, while they licked gooey marshmallows from their fingertips. Dani wished she could talk to her now. Ginny would set her mind at ease, tell her not to get worked up over something so stupid.

  Ginny would say, ‘Hey, I’ve kissed a girl,’ before smacking a kiss right on Dani’s lips, and then laugh raucously at the idea that she was likely to give up men because of it.

  She knew it was silly to be upset about Xane’s admission. He’d done pretty much everything else sexwise, why would he sweat over a bit of same-sex contact? Not that Xane was the primary issue here. The problem was her and her inability to believe in him and trust him. Just because her dad had left her for another man didn’t mean Xane would automatically do the same.

  No one said it would be plain sailing, Dani, she chastised herself. She’d already risked becoming estranged from her mum in order to be with him, but that didn’t exempt her from further challenges. She had to view this as one of them, and not let it defeat her. She had to trust him, which admittedly wasn’t easy, especially when she hardly dared believe any of this was real anyway.

  As going downstairs would mean enduring another round of extreme licking from Ric’s dogs, Dani headed upstairs instead, hoping she’d find somewhere comfortable to sit and think.

  She ended up in Ric’s studio, where she flicked a number of light switches. She paused to gape at his set-up. Equipment: lights, tripods, computers and at least eight cameras filled the room. Yet, despite all the photography kit, there was not a single print on the whitewashed walls. Instead, stacks of framed photographs sat propped against the skirting boards.

  To her delight, she found a coffee-maker in one corner, along with sample-sized cartons of UHT milk and a box of sugar lumps. Ric obviously liked to have supplies to hand while working. She set the coffee machine going and then, once it had brewed, settled herself amongst the saggy beanbags.

  Why hadn’t she realised before now how Xane was? The clues had all been there, plain as day, now she thought about it. Things like what he’d had her do with her fingers, and how he wasn’t in the least perturbed by the idea of fan boys lusting after him. Oh, God – and when he’d been describing how anal sex felt, he hadn’t been talking about being inside a woman at all. He’d been recalling the sensations of being done.

  The thought made her tearful.

  She sniffed. Hastily, she put her drink to one side and reached for a tissue. Conveniently, there was a big box within easy reach.

  Don’t do this, Dani, she thought. Don’t think about it. He’s here with you. He’s not about to run off. There’s no one here for him to run off with. There were only three other people on the island and they were already a merry old threesome.

  Of course, Zach had commented on how hot he thought Xane was.

  No. No. She really wasn’t going to torture herself like this.

  ‘Sinner, what do you expect,’ she heard Sister Anna saying, as if she were in the room. ‘He’s a man. All he knows is lust. Once he’s had his fill of you, he’ll move on. Love is not an actual part of his makeup. It’s what you’re projecting in order to excuse your own sins.’

  ‘No, it fucking well isn’t,’ she growled at the empty room. ‘He’s said it himself, and I didn’t prompt him to.’

  ‘Is somebody up here?’ a voice called from below.

  Oh, shit! Now she was going to have to explain herself. ‘It’s me. Dani.’

  Ric padded barefoot into the room. He had on a pair of lounge pants that were slung so low on his hips they were in danger of falling off. While he didn’t have Xane’s piercings, his bare chest was sculpted from the same divine mould. He turned to look around, thus giving her a swift view of his back. Most of its surface was covered with an absolutely breathtaking tattoo of an ankh filled with roses.

  ‘I’m over here. Sorry. I couldn’t sleep. I’m not touching anything. I’ll leave if you don’t want me up here.’

  Ric padded forward to where she sat. ‘I see you found the coffee machine.’

  ‘Did you want one?’ she asked, rising.

  Ric waved her back into her seat. ‘Actually, I’d prefer something stronger. I’m not doing too fab on the sleeping score myself. Zach’s hogging three-quarters of the bed.’ He crossed to one of the picture stacks and produced a bo
ttle of brandy from behind it.

  ‘And Kara?’ she asked, wondering if she was occupying the other quarter.

  ‘Went back to her place,’ Ric said. He collected two tumblers from out of a drawer, and carried them back to where Dani sat. ‘Can I tempt you?’

  ‘Um, I don’t know.’ She raised her coffee cup to show him she already had a drink, but Ric misinterpreted and splashed brandy into her mug. He sat facing her on the lacquered floor, his legs crossed, and poured himself one.

  Dani bit her lip, not sure what to say to him. The heaviness in her chest remained, along with all her doubts about Xane and their future together. Having Ric here only made her more tense.

  If Kara had gone home but Ric and Zach lived in the same house, did that mean that really the guys were a couple and Kara was just someone they experimented with? Maybe neither of them could truly admit that they were gay.

  ‘You look as if you’re trying to solve a cryptic crossword,’ Ric remarked. He eyed her thoughtfully over the top of his glass. ‘Give me the clues and I’ll see if I can work it out.’

  ‘I’m not trying to work anything out.’ She’d already made the mistake of sharing her thoughts on the subject with Xane, and see where that had got her. She’d almost wrecked everything. The image of how affronted, how haggard he’d looked when he’d stepped out of the little boat remained burned into her memory. Everything seemed to be good again between them. She’d tried hard to show him that was so by comforting him after his horrid dream but, truthfully, she felt desperately insecure.

  ‘Are you and Xane at odds?’

  ‘No.’ Dani gulped a mouthful of coffee. The brandy gave it a peculiar taste, which she wasn’t entirely sure she liked, but maybe the alcohol would make her sleep. ‘We’re good. He’s sleeping. I couldn’t wake him and I didn’t want to.’

  ‘Right. It’s just that earlier …’ Ric rolled upwards onto his feet again. He pattered over to the nearest bank of equipment. ‘I wondered … seeing as you didn’t come back to the fire.’ He removed a camera from its rig and began swapping its lens over. ‘And now you’re up here at 3 a.m. looking as though you’re brewing a headache.’