If she was going to die, she wasn’t going to do it begging. That was exactly what JT wanted. He wanted to hear her debase herself, like she had before, only this time he’d actually kill her. He would reason that she’d pushed him too far. Her heartbeat pounded like a drum thundering in a driving cadence. The gun barrel pressed harder, mercilessly, against her ear.
He said one word. “Beg.”
Through gritted teeth she ground out, “No.”
Instead of saying any more, he only pressed the gun to her ear and waited, to draw out the torture. He knew if he waited long enough, she’d break. The waiting would drive her to insanity. She cringed tighter and shook harder with each passing second until—
Boooom!
Lily screamed along with the terrifying sound, and then realized she was still moving, still alive. She looked around in the dark room. She was alone.
Another nightmare.
Light flashed across the windowpanes, making the room as bright as the sunniest day. The crash that followed a fraction of a second later scared her so badly she nearly wet her pants. She dropped to the floor and slid under the bed, looking around. She pressed her face to the pine floorboards as another bolt of lightning flashed across the sky.
Boooom!
She scrabbled out from under the bed, nearly dove into her closet, but instead slipped out of the bedroom door on all fours and crawled down the hall. She froze every time the lightning zipped across the sky, stuffing a fist into her mouth so she wouldn’t scream again.
Without hesitation, she slipped through the wide open door to Clay’s bedroom. She knew her fear was irrational, but she couldn’t be alone right now. It would drive her crazy. Her fear overrode his opinion of her weakness in this moment. Hoping he would understand, she crawled to his bed.
Being as careful and quiet as she could, Lily snuck under the covers and moved as close as she dared without actually touching him. Close enough to feel his body heat that had seeped into the mattress.
Please, help me!
God, please don’t let him think I’m crazy.
Lily pulled the covers over her head. Unable to see the flashes of light, she had no warning for the terrifying peals of thunder. She trembled with fear, powerless to contain it. The bed shifted, and suddenly she felt his warm hands on her back and shoulders.
In a sleepy, gravelly voice, he said, “Come ’ere, Lily.” His tone was comforting as he rolled to his back and pulled her to his side. He pressed his lips against her temple and stroked the hair from her face and her shoulder. His touch was gentle, communicating his understanding.
Thunder blasted and shook the ground and the very air in her lungs, and she broke down in sobs, feeling like she was losing her mind. He turned toward her and made soothing sounds as he wrapped his arms around her tightly. He pulled the blanket high so it shielded her from the brightest of the lightning flashes and murmured in her ear.
“Did it scare you?” He didn’t ask as if he were talking to a little girl. “I checked on you earlier and you seemed to be sleeping through it.”
“I–I had a n–n–nightmare. I’m s–sorry I woke you.” Her jaw was clenched so tight it ached. She tried to relax her tense muscles and couldn’t because each new peal of thunder made her tremble even harder.
“Easy, Lily. I’m here. I’m going to keep you safe. I’m not letting you go or making you leave. You’re staying here with me until the storm is over. So, it was another nightmare?” When she nodded affirmatively, he said, “Tell me.”
She felt his intake of breath when she described the horrific dream to him. “Had he ever held a gun to your head like that and made you beg before?”
Her whisper was lost in the sound of the rain lashing against the windowpane. “Yes.”
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered and pressed his lips to her hair again. His body heat seeped into her fingertips, and she realized she was holding on to him for dear life. She relaxed her grip, but he never let go of his fierce hold on her. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
Tears leaked from her eyes in a seemingly never-ending flow.
“Lily, storms always frightened you but I don’t recall you being quite this scared when we were little. Did something else happen? You’re terrified, baby.” He squeezed her, reinforcing that he had a hold of her. “Tell me.”
“J–JT discovered my fear of storms and thought I was weak and needed to face my fears.”
Clay let loose with a juicy curse and then apologized. “Sorry. That’s probably not helpful to hear.”
“One storm, about eight years ago, was particularly violent and he realized just how badly they freak me out. I tried to hide my fear but he noticed. We were in the truck on the way home from Christmas at his folks’ house. We…” Her breath left her in a rush, and she swallowed a couple of times before she could speak again. “We were still two miles from our house.”
“Oh, no, baby.”
“He pushed me out in the rain, lightning, and thunder. It was late on Christmas night. No one was on the road. He made me…walk home.”
“Lily, I’m so sorry. You could’ve been struck by lightning.”
“I think I nearly was, once or twice. My choices were to curl up in a ditch or keep moving. I knew he wouldn’t come get me. I…”
“What, Lily?”
Lily fingered a scar on her palm as she continued. “I crawled part of the way home, to stay closer to the ground. I’ve n–never been so scared in my life. I reexperienced that every time it stormed, but while I lived with him, I never let him see how much it scared me ever again. No matter what. He was very proud of curing me. If he’d known, he would’ve done it to me all over again. All that has been building up for years, I guess.”
His lips were gentle, consoling her with light strokes on her forehead and her temple, kissing the scar on her hand which she’d injured on a broken bottle while trying to get home that night. His caresses mirrored on her body what he did with his mouth.
She still jumped with each flash of lightning and peal of thunder, but she felt her center began to calm. The tight knot in her stomach loosened, and for the first time in years she felt marginally relaxed in the middle of a lightning storm. His body heat soaked through her flannel pajamas, into every part of her that was pressed against him, and she finally realized he was bare everywhere she touched him. His skin was hot, firm over his muscles and smooth under her fingertips.
Clay distracted her from her discovery when he asked, “Lily, what happened?”
“I don’t understand your question.”
“The girl I once knew would kick someone’s ass for picking on someone littler than them. How did you wind up with him?”
Isn’t it obvious? “Look at me, Clay. My options dwindled over the years.”
“Look at you? I’ve been looking at you. Any man would get hard as a rock looking at you. That’s why I don’t understand. The fire inside you…where did it go?”
The languor that had stolen over her receded as thoughts of JT resurfaced. “He killed it. But it’s my fault. I liked that he took control at first. Sick as it sounds, I enjoyed turning control over to him. He decided one day we would get married. I looked in the mirror and thought ‘This is as good as it gets.’” She didn’t want pity from Clay, but he’d been encouraging her to talk honestly about what had happened to her.
Clay hugged her and said, “Judging by what you’ve told me and what I’ve seen of the bastard, he took sadistic delight in controlling and hurting you. What he did to you, the emotional and physical abuse he heaped on you, no one expects you to deal with that on your own. Have you made an appointment with the counselor Emma recommended yet?”
“No. I can’t afford it right now. I need to save as much money as I can for the house. I’ve been putting it off until…”
“Until what, baby? Until you break down completely? It’s likely that you have PTSD. Anybody would who had lived under those sorts of conditions. There’s no shame
in seeking help, and I want the best for you. I’ll pay for the counseling if you’ll go.”
Lily smiled briefly, thinking Clay knew she’d never accept charity when she was able-bodied and could earn the money to pay for a doctor.
“I have a list of financial priorities and it’s farther down the list.”
“How frequent are your nightmares?” She hesitated, probably giving the answer away. “Be honest, baby.” His use of that endearment was undermining her efforts to see him as just her friend. The way it slipped off his tongue with greater frequency was very distracting.
“Every night,” she whispered, wishing she could say otherwise. He didn’t have to say another word, just let a long sigh slip from his lips. “All right. You have a good point.”
“And you’re not sleeping as much as you should, are you?”
Lily shrugged. “Sometimes when I wake from the nightmares I can’t go back to sleep. I have to do something. I can’t just lie in bed counting sheep, so I study.” She didn’t dare say she also utilized that time for extra workouts on the trainer. The machine was so quiet, often she doubled up studying at night with working out.
Sometimes it helped to tire her out so she could sleep, other times it just revved her up and didn’t allow her to go back to sleep at all. Being motivated to complete her online courses as quickly as possible and lose weight probably contributed to her wonky sleep habits.
“You’ll call Doctor Walker tomorrow?” His question was punctuated by a great flash and nearly simultaneous blast of thunder.
“Yes!” she cried as she jumped, suddenly tense again. “Yes,” she repeated in a more normal voice. The storm had slowed for a few minutes but seemed to pick up in intensity again, the rain lashing against the window in a hissing rush. “I’ll call her tomorrow.”
Clay squeezed her. “Good. And, Lily,” he murmured as he brushed the long locks of her hair away from her face and her shoulders, “I’ll never, ever push you out into a storm, no matter what.” She melted against him, embarrassed that she’d needed that verbal reassurance.
Lily shifted in his arms, getting more comfortable, and closed her eyes, focusing on his body heat permeating her flannel pajamas. She stilled when she felt the stiff ridge of his cock against her inner thigh, and her body reacted ferociously, arousal igniting a deep ache in her pussy.
Just for tonight she wished she could give in to the feelings she denied concerning him. He was her friend…and her boss. She didn’t want to chance destroying that relationship on a whim, but there was no denying that she wanted him.
Clay’s warm lips pressed against her cheekbone, and she became aware of his strong hands stroking her. He’d been holding her very close the whole time they’d talked. Now he was silent, but his hands spoke volumes as he wrapped his arms around her, anchoring her to him.
He stroked her shoulder with one hand and the other hand traveled up and down her ribcage and her back. Little shivers zinged up her spine as his fingertips deliberately caressed in a sweeping arc from her shoulder blade to the top of her ass. She stifled a groan and bit her lip when her pussy quivered as though his touch had a direct line to that part of her. On the next pass of his hand, her head fell back and he took advantage, pressing lingering kisses to the column of her throat. A soft whimper escaped her lips.
Clay whispered, “I don’t know why he treated such a precious, loving woman so cruelly. I’d be obsessed with caring for you…Loving you.”
“Clay,” she murmured, placing her hands on his shoulders to stop him as he rolled her to her back. The broad expanse of his shoulders and torso blocked the flashes of lightning as his lips descended to hers. His first touch was gentle, tentative as he brushed against her, sending another flurry of tingles down her spine as they shared a breath.
She spoke before her dwindling resistance fled completely. “Clay, you’re my boss. We shouldn’t. I’m not—I’m…” Your friend. Your employee. Not what you need. Not whole. In love with you.
“You’re…beautiful. Strong. Caring. What I want. What I need.”
She clutched his shoulders to stop him as he pressed tender kisses to her collarbone. Did he know how that spot sent a jolt of pure lust through her center, straight to her clit? “No, Clay. I’m too much work. I’m…damaged.”
Clay made a negative sound in his throat and persisted, his lips creating a tingling path up to her ear. Her resistance to his spell fled when she shifted and her flannel-covered leg slid against the bare, naked flesh of his thigh and buttocks.
“You’re naked,” she squeaked and felt foolish for pointing out the obvious.
Lily could hear the amusement in his voice when he replied, “Every night.” His breath left him in a quiet rush as her small movements accidentally pressed her mound against his steely cock. “I’ll stop if you want me to, Lily, but the truth is I want you. I want to make you feel good. I want to make it better.”
He didn’t persist in his advances, didn’t take what he wanted regardless of her desires, and Lily was unsure what to do. She bit her lip.
I want you, too.
The rain continued driving outside, but the lightning and thunder appeared to be dwindling again.
He lifted his lips from her throat, and she felt his warm breath against her forehead in the pitch black of his bedroom. His face was lit for a split second by a dwindling flash of lightning, and she was held spellbound by the need in his languorous eyes. The overwhelming desire to give in to him, give him whatever he wanted, filled her, and she lifted her palms to his cheeks as he waited, unmoving.
She was supposed to be moving forward and reclaiming her life. Rising from the ashes like the bronze phoenix statue Clay had sculpted with his own hands. The room was completely dark now, so he’d never see the tattoo. She could give in this once and satisfy the craving that had been intensifying in her for a month. Her awareness of him as a man and not only as a friend had grown with each passing hour they’d spent in each other’s company.
“If you want me to stop, Lily, I will. But what I feel for you goes beyond friendship now. I want more. Are you scared of me or of making love with me?”
Making love? Did he love her? Was she capable of that emotion after what she’d been through? She’d lied to herself for a lot of years, believing if she performed well enough, JT would love her but he never had. Clay had never laid a hand on her before now, but she instinctively knew with him it would be making love and not just having sex. Could her heart handle it when all this went south because of her issues?
Her answer came with his gentle kiss and whisper, “On your terms, Lily. Whatever you can handle. All the worries racing through your mind right now, we can deal with later. I’d never intentionally hurt you.”
That was no falsehood, and she knew it. On its own accord, her hand slid over his ribs to his back. His muscled flesh was firm under her palm as she swept her hand down the length of his spine to the hard mounds of his buttocks. His very pleased-sounding sigh fluttered across her collarbone as he pressed his lips against it.
“One thing, Clay.” At his querying sound, she said, “No lights.”
“Even if I want to see you? I love your body.” He pressed his lips against the spot above the buttons of her pajama top. “I want to kiss every part of you.”
“No lights.”
She felt his acquiescent nod as the buttons on her top started to come loose. She lifted her knees and loosely wrapped her legs around his hips, giving in to him as he divested her of her top and pulled loose the drawstring on her flannel pajama pants.
Trailing his fingertips down from her breastbone to her fluttering abdomen, he parted the front plackets to reveal her breasts. The room was dark as pitch, so her other senses were heightened as his fingers retraced their path. Gently cupping her breasts in his palms, Clay leaned down and tongued one nipple then the other.
“Mmm, Lily,” he murmured against her skin then dove in, sucking vigorously until her nipples were stiff and stinging poin
ts of sensitivity. Her pussy flooded with moisture as he tormented her until she was shuddering with need, ready to beg him to strip her pajama pants off and satisfy her desperation.
She shifted eagerly when she finally felt him tug at the elastic waistband. His bare skin seared her everywhere he touched her as more and more of her flesh was exposed. She heard her pajama pants land on the wood floor. Greedy hands stroked her legs as he sat up, kneeling between her spread thighs.
Lily placed her hand across her lower abdomen, to mask the tattoo in case lightning lit the room again. She smiled, realizing she was more worried about him seeing the tattoo than the storm still going on outside. Considering her phobic state earlier, that had to be some slight progress.
Sitting motionless, sightless, Clay studied her with his fingertips, tracing every curve and crease within reach, everywhere but the place she wanted to feel his touch the most. Finally, in one sweeping stroke, his fingertips followed a trail up her inner thigh to her wet, heated pussy, pulling a needy gasp from her.
She arched against his fingers when he stroked up and down, teasing her cream from her. Leaning over her, he whispered against her lips, “You’re soaked, baby.”
Sliding her hand down his abdomen, she wrapped it gently around the thick shaft jutting from the nest of crisp, curling hairs at its base. His cock was hard and very hot in her hand as she stroked up and down his length, learning his size and his girth.
Her pussy quivered violently as she imagined being filled with him, and he slid a finger between her throbbing, wet lips. She pressed her face against his pectoral muscle as they both moaned simultaneously. A droplet of his pre-cum painted her palm as she stroked over the head and gently teased the underside of it.
Clay shuddered and whispered, “Feels so good, baby.” He scooted down in the bed, and she knew where he was headed.
“No, wait. The light. No,” she whimpered desperately. It was one thing to be joined body to body with him, but if lightning flashed with his face that close to her mound, he’d be able to see the mark.
The Divine Creek Ranch Collection Volume 4 Page 29