“What’s going on in here?” the voice demanded to know. It was Aughtie.
Jamie stopped just short of me, anger draining from his face, and pushed me aside, looking innocent as he slid over to his mates. “Nothing Miss, I was just showing Nick this spider I found.”
“Well there’s no need for all that noise, sit down and wait for Mr Turner in silence. Now!”
Nobody argued. We took our seats and Aughtie left, muttering something about how her nine year old nephew was better behaved. The bell must have gone but I hadn’t heard it over the sound of my heart pounding angrily against my chest. The wolf withdrew, but the lust for blood hadn’t been satisfied and my rage was far from spent. I didn’t think I could sit through Geography when both the human and the wolf in me wanted to hunt. I needed to take my anger out on something. I found myself staring at the spider and squashed it with my bare hand on the tabletop. That felt a little better but not much.
Lucy had been unable to decide which she feared most, Aughtie or the spider, and in the end she’d compromised, sitting at the table across from me. Once she saw that it was dead, she came back over to sit in her usual place next to me, though she begged me to move the remains, which was easier said than done. It might as well have become one with the table; I’d flattened it that hard that it was stuck there, a mess of tangled legs and exoskeleton in a pool of its own blood. I thought it a pity I couldn’t do the same to Jamie.
After Aughtie had gone, he twisted round in his seat to face me and mouthed “This isn’t over.”
I gave him the finger just as Turner walked in the room, and he turned round to face the front.
Geography was always a dull lesson, and Turner’s voice usually put me to sleep, but that day I was restless. It took all my self control to sit still, time dragging by until finally the bell freed us from boredom. I couldn’t face Aughtie’s lesson after that, and even though I knew skiving one of her lessons was more trouble than it was worth, I did it anyway. I didn’t really care, I just wanted some way to vent the anger.
So when the bell went I waited until everyone had left the room, taking longer to pack my bag than usual, and slipped out of the classroom into the flow of students. I let them carry me down the English corridor, past the room I was supposed to be in, feeling confident I wouldn’t be seen in the throng. Some idiot tried to push past me and I would have hit him if there hadn’t been too many people in the way. Not that I cared about who I hurt at that point, but movement was restricted in the tightly packed corridors and I knew I wouldn’t get in a decent blow.
We reached the end of the English corridor and the tide split two ways. I had to fight against the current of students to get in the right direction. The next corridor was much wider and things calmed down after that. Nobody tried to stop me when I walked over to the door to freedom, teachers assuming I was either going to PE or cutting across the car park to avoid the corridors, my fellow students not caring. And yet I felt like I was being watched as I approached the school gates, and when I turned and looked back, I was sure I could see someone watching from the windows on the IT corridor, the highest point in the school. I thought I could just make out the shape of someone stood there, or was it merely shadows?
Whether the dark shape belonged to student, teacher, or was something else entirely, I was beyond caring. If that was a teacher up there then news of my skipping lessons would soon reach Mum, but I didn’t care. They’d ground me, but I no longer cared about that either. It’d probably be a month without the internet, video games and TV. So? I’d wait till everyone was in bed and then I could play on them for as long as I wanted. It wasn’t like I could sleep anyway. Besides, I had other things to do. It would be winter soon, I could feel it in the wind which grew colder and stronger by the day, and that meant the vampires would awaken sooner. I’d be able to spend more time with them and hopefully learn the answers to all my questions and much more. It was a pity there were none of my own kind in the area, if there were even any left in the world, but from what I knew of vampire and werewolf mythology, in many ways we weren’t that different anyway. Assuming what I’d read was true.
I soon forgot the possibility of someone watching me once I was through the gates. Outside of them it seemed like a whole different reality. The school was teeming with humans, full of their fears, their worries and stress, their depression and sadness. But in the world I found myself in, nature surrounded me, and it was somehow more calm and tranquil, even though it was a world full of fear and hunger and death, and the urgent need to survive. Actually that wasn’t strictly true; mainly roads and houses and other man made things surrounded me, but around those nature still existed, in hedgerows and bushes and trees, defying man, refusing to be ruled by him. I felt isolated from humanity that day, even though I still longed to be one of them, because I had seen eternity lying before me and I knew I would outlive them all. If live was the right word for it. My heart still beats, my lungs still breathe, my brain still thinks, yet I am undead, neither dead or alive. But I felt alive. What was I? I didn’t know then and I’m not sure I know now, even with all that I have learned since then.
The wolf was still pushing for the change. I knew better than to transform there in the middle of the street, where anyone could be watching. I needed somewhere quiet and secluded, hidden from prying eyes.
It was to nature I wanted to go, to escape the world of man for the moment, but the nearest woods were not within walking distance in the time I had (or at least not while I was human in form) and the fields were too open for me to be able to transform safely. No, it was deep into the heart of man I had to go, to the part of it which was dead, a place I knew well. Within the town centre there were several side alleys leading away from the main street, where abandoned shops had been left to crumble and rot into ruins. It was to there I was headed, confident that I would meet very few people, and even if I did, there were many places to hide.
Fifteen minutes later I stood in the corner of what had once been a hairdresser’s, partially hidden behind the last surviving section of the brick walls. The change was still fighting to take a hold of me, and finally I gave in to it, embracing the pain, enjoying the feeling of my weak, pathetic human body becoming a powerful animal built to kill. Through the rage it was harder to think and to plan ahead, something I was going to have to learn to do if I was to survive the new world I had been thrown into, but I had sense enough to undress first and hide my clothes and my school bag where I could retrieve them later when it was time to become human again. A tramp walked by while I was still changing. A part of me wanted him to see the shifting mass of flesh and blood, stretching and melting and knotting together to form a completely new shape, but that would mean I had to kill him and no matter what I was feeling at that point, or how angry I was, I would not take a human life. Hurt them yes, but I didn’t really want to slaughter them needlessly. Crouched behind the ruins, he didn’t notice me. I completed the rest of the change witnessed only by the birds overhead and the bugs swarming across the floor, seemingly in an attempt to flee from the unnatural predator in their midst. Soon the boy was gone, and in his place stood the wolf.
When I had learnt to change at will with Lady Sarah the previous week, I hadn’t been given much chance to truly experience the new form with the human part of my mind. I wanted to feel the power in my muscles and jaws, feel those teeth ripping through prey animals, bringing a brutal, horrific end to their life. I wanted to kill. Or was that the lupine half of my brain, influencing me, wanting to satisfy its lust for blood? It didn’t matter. I wanted to feel the warm blood bathing my tongue and seeping down my throat. And I wanted to see my reflection, whether it be in a mirror or a stream. Somehow all this still felt unreal. The pain, that had been real. But now? I knew it was real, but it didn’t quite feel it. It felt more like a hallucination created by insanity or drugs, or both. I wanted to see my reflection, feeling that would force my brain to finally accept the full reality of it. I didn’t even
know the colours of my own pelt, only that it was not one solid colour, but a mixture of greys and browns and blacks, judging from what I could see by twisting my head round.
While I stood experiencing all the wolf’s superior senses, my sensitive ears picked up the sound of someone approaching. It wasn’t the tramp again: the footfalls were lighter, and I guessed they belonged to either a woman or another teenager. Whoever they were, I couldn’t stay in the alley. I might pass for a large stray dog in the dark, but I was certain in broad daylight most people would know I was a wolf. As the person came closer, I slipped away into the shadows of the two complete, but deserted buildings that stood at the mouth of the alley. They were approaching from the opposite end, and once I was past the buildings, I found myself on a quiet side street. From there I was able to make my way to one of the quiet country roads leading away from the town, into neighbouring villages. The fields were full of long grass, and there I could hunt without hindrance. Anyone who drove past would not be able to see me from the road, and if the farmer or anyone else entered the field I could be gone long before they reached the place I had been. The only threat of discovery was posed from above, but if I heard a helicopter or a plane I crouched low enough to the ground to be sufficiently hidden from view. Hidden enough that they would not know I was a wolf.
I hadn’t been in the field long when I clumsily caught and killed a rabbit. Unused to my new body as I was, I didn’t quite move with the same grace and agility as I had under the full moon with the wolf in control.
I crushed it in my jaws and shook it with a ferocity that was not my own, feeling the blood spill down, soaking the fur around my mouth, staining it with the life I had taken, stolen even. I began to choke as it gushed down my throat, awakening me from the bloody fantasies the rage had created. That wasn’t me. I wasn’t a killer. I didn’t thirst for blood, not like the wolf. I spat out the carcass in disgust, the dead limbs hanging limply by a few tendons, soon to grow cold and stiff in the grip of rigor mortis. It was barely recognisable as a rabbit then, my jaws having destroyed the fragile framework of bones and flesh. Shattered bones poked out through the skin and blood and organs oozed from a gaping hole my teeth had made in the stomach. The wolf hungered for the fresh meat, but it was separate from me. I decided then I didn’t want that life of a predator, and I would avoid becoming a wolf unless I had to, or was forced to under the full moon.
Hunger drove me to pick up the animal again and devour it whole in one quick gulp. Since I’d already transformed, I didn’t have much choice but to obey the hunger lest it become so powerful it drove me to do something more horrific. The rabbit wouldn’t satisfy it, and I was forced to take another life, a sheep that time in one of the neighbouring fields. I surrendered my mind to the wolf then, letting it feast so I didn’t have to face what I had done. Yes, it was as I had said before, only nature, predator feeding on prey, but if I hadn’t changed I wouldn’t have needed as much meat to satisfy the hunger. I would have probably had burger and chips for lunch, as there was little choice in the canteen, but only one life would have been taken to feed many. As it was, I had taken two lives to feed myself, just because I had been angry. I had no problem with taking animal life myself if it was necessary, but that day it hadn’t been and I felt ashamed. I might be immortal, but I didn’t have to leave the human world yet, did I? There was nothing stopping me living there a little longer, until the curse forced me to move on, and I could still let myself believe I was human for a little while longer. Even if I did currently have a wolf’s form, I didn’t have to behave like a beast. I knew eventually I would have to abandon humanity completely, when it would become noticeable that I did not age, but until then I had to believe I could remain there for at least another couple of years.
Once the wolf had fed I washed away the blood in a nearby pond. The day was cloudy and overcast, and I couldn’t see my reflection as I had hoped before the kill, though I suddenly wasn’t so sure I wanted to look into the water’s edge and see the killer staring back at me. From there I made my way back to the alley and returned to human form. Impossibly, I felt hungry again, but there was no time to eat anything else. I’d just have to pray it didn’t get the better of me.
After I had dressed I knew I should return to the school, though I was enjoying my freedom too much to want to go back. The fifth lesson would be starting soon and I was already heading for trouble without skipping another lesson as well. I really didn’t want to think about what Aughtie would do when she found me. She’d know I’d skived since she’d seen me in Geography the lesson before, and I’d be regretting it when she was through with me, but I didn’t want to face her that same day. In the end, it was only the thought of the look on Jamie’s face when I didn’t show at the school gates after sixth period that made me go back. For that was where we would finish it. He would wait for me, and if I didn’t show I would be called a coward and the bullying would be worse than before. And worst of all he would win. The thought of that made me sick, and the anger boiled up again inside.
If I was going to fifth lesson, that meant I had to go to form too, otherwise I’d be marked down as absent for the afternoon. Form period was due to start in ten minutes. It was a twenty minute walk back to the school from the town centre. I sprinted at what would have been a fast pace for a human, but felt slow to me after experiencing the wolf’s body, and I made it with two minutes to spare.
“Is it true? Are you really gonna take on Jamie after school?” David asked me the minute I stepped out of the classroom, where he’d been waiting for me, his form group having been let out a couple of minutes earlier than mine.
I nodded in reply, unable to speak, an angry growl erupting from somewhere within.
“Are you out of your mind? Have you gone completely insane or something? You’re no match for him, you’ll get your face smashed in! He’s built for fighting; no offence mate, but you ain’t built for that.”
“We’ll see,” I said quietly. David looked at me doubtfully but let it drop and we walked the rest of the way to our next lesson in silence.
Three thirty came and the bell rang out through the school. Kids poured out of the building that had imprisoned them for the past few hours. Usually groups of friends would be stood around talking, waiting for more of their mates to join them so they could walk home together, creating a seemingly endless sea of faces stretching across the front of the school grounds, covering every inch between the school itself and the gates and wall with its blue railings running along its length, a feature which only added to the feeling of imprisonment. Bullies tormented their victims. Loners and the friendless, neither popular nor victims, snaked their way through the crowds to walk home alone. But not that day. News of the fight had spread, and most of them crowded round to watch. I soon found myself in the middle of the crowd, stood waiting, clenching my fists and gritting my teeth in a silent growl, feeling that anger again but not letting it take control enough that it would make me go too far. I had no intention of transforming in front of everyone.
There was no sign of Jamie as yet.
I looked round at the sea of faces, many unrecognisable and yet still they had come to watch. My mates were at the front of the crowd. David was there, almost laughing at my nerve. He knew, or he thought he knew, that Jamie would beat the crap out of me, and he still thought I was mad. Lizzy and Fiona were there looking worried.
Listening to the crowd, I knew very few were there to support me. Most favoured Jamie, though a few believed in my abilities at taekwondo, which I might have bragged about when I was mortal. I might have stretched the truth a bit, making it out that I’d gotten to a higher belt than I actually did before giving it up. It had earned me a bit of attention from the really hot girls for a short time, making me out to be harder than I was, and some of the guys even hung out with me. That is, until one idiot decided to see if it was true and punched me in the stomach. I’d claimed I could block any punch that came at me from any angle. Once they knew I
was lying they turned their backs on me and it was back to being invisible, seen only by bullies, my true friends, and others like me who had no one else to talk to.
Finally he decided to show his face. He swaggered over to me, the crowd parting to let him pass, flanked by two of his mates who took their place at the front alongside my own friends.
“So you decided to show your scrawny face then? Didn’t think you had it in you,” he sneered, before addressing the crowd again, revelling in the attention as he had in class earlier that day. “Hey, have you seen his muscles? No? That’s ’cause he hasn’t got any. Do you know all his mates are girls?”
David scowled but kept his mouth shut. No matter how mad he thought I was, he knew his own limits and he wasn’t going to make the same mistake.
“Did you come to talk or to fight? This ends here and now. Show us your own muscles, or are you all mouth?” I retorted.
He turned back to face me, anger stamped across his ugly face and I knew I’d pushed him too far that time. He was done with talking. Even if I’d been human I wouldn’t have been afraid, the anger leaving no room for other emotions. As it was, I was confident in my own powers. He was only mortal, what could he do to hurt me? I was stronger, faster, more cunning. I’d felt the wolf’s mind on a few occasions, and we may not trust each other, but knowledge had involuntarily passed between us. It had learned of the human world and I had been given a glimpse into the world of a predator successful enough to inhabit everywhere on the planet, or at least until man had come along and hunted them to near extinction. I’d learnt from the wolf. It knew a lot more about fighting than the human part of me, though how I couldn’t say, since it had only been awoken a couple of months ago. Some of that was instinct, some of it was more.
Jamie’s mates took up the chant first, and it spread through the crowd like wildfire.
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