Jared watched her in surprise. “Most girls can’t skip stones that well. What’s so cool?” he asked, more concerned.
“Yeah, well, I’m not most girls,” Sara said and tossed a couple more stones. Now, not only the trails were changing colors, the lake was too. Each time the rock touched the surface of the water, it was as though the lake was changing to different shades and shapes of kaleidoscopic colors.
“I know….”
Sara tired of watching the stones. The swirling mixture of conflicting colors was starting to make her more dizzy and nauseated. “Jared, why don’t you want me to know about your people?”
“Cause you don’t need to – not yet anyway,” he said and tossed another stone.
“What do you mean, not yet? Is there some test I’ve got to pass before you let me in?”
“You are in Sara!”
“No, I’m not! I know you’re keeping things from me. What deep, dark family secret are you keeping from me? Are you like the characters in ‘Twilight’? Are you a vampire, or are you going to change into a werewolf, and try and eat me,” Sara said, half joking.
Jared didn’t say anything. He kept his eyes closed for a few seconds. Sara could see the muscles in his face tensing up. She walked in front of him, so she could see his eyes. “You’re not – are you?”
Jared took a couple of deep breaths and slowly opened his eyes. “I’m not a vampire, and I’m not a werewolf,” he said, seriously.
“Why do I sense there’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere?”
Jared scoffed and closed his eyes again, looking away from Sara. “What makes you think that?”
“Because of the way you’re acting. Is it because of me? Is being with me going to get you into trouble? Have I disappointed you in some way? Is that it? You’re going to say you can’t be with me, because it goes against tribal law or something, aren’t you?”
“No,” he said through clenched teeth as though it annoyed him. “You have not disappointed me. If anything, you’ve surpassed my expectations. Being with you is as natural as breathing for me. It always has been. It doesn’t go against any of our laws. Do you honestly believe it would matter to me, if it did?” He pulled her into his arms.
“I don’t know – would it?”
Jared lowered his face and kissed her, softly, gently, and long. Sara felt her knees giving away. “No….”
“Then why won’t you tell me? If you won’t tell me, I’ll ask Myra.”
Jared pushed Sara back and moved away from her. His tone turned to ice, his jaw set. “Myra will not tell you anything. I have forbidden her to!”
“And what makes you think she has to listen to you?”
Jared’s attitude didn’t waver. “She has to!”
“Why?” Sara was getting agitated.
Jared ignored her question, and picked up a few more stones, skipping them across the water. He slung the stones so hard; one of them went to the other side of the lake, slamming against a pine tree with a loud thud. The eagle, resting in the top of the pine, took to the air in alarm. Sara gasped and jumped. Jared breathed deeply again, regaining control. He changed the subject. “You know, Granddad used to bring me fishing here when I was a boy. He tried to share the stories of our legends with me,” he sighed. “I told him he was scaring away the fish.”
“Jared, it wasn’t your fault. You were just being a kid.”
“When I turned thirteen,” Jared continued without prompting. “He brought me here for one of his talks, and tried to tell me all the things I needed to do to be a good Navajo. What I needed to do to prepare myself for the day, I would find you. I called him a stupid old man. Now, when I want to know about these things, he’s gone, and I can’t ask him. I was such a stupid moron!” He kicked at the loose rocks under their feet, venting his anger again.
Sara’s heart was breaking, tears streamed down her face. What could she say to make him feel better? The only thing that came to her mind was something prosaic. “We’re all like that, at that age. We don’t want people telling us anything because we already know it all, or at least we think we do.”
“Yeah, well, I should have paid more attention to him. I want to be what I should be for you. I don’t know what to do. How to explain things to you, without chasing you away forever.”
“What do you mean Jared? What could you possibly say that would chase me away?”
Jared shut his eyes again, tears sliding down his cheeks. “I shouldn’t be weak like this Sara! I’m supposed to be strong, but I’m not – I’m weak. I knew this was coming. I knew he was getting old. I was too busy trying to build a future that I let my past slip right through my fingers. I’m a failure at what I am Sara!”
“You are not a failure Jared! Look at yourself, and all that you’ve done, all that you’ve accomplished with your life. How can you possibly think of yourself as a failure?”
“Because I run from things that scare me, and cause me pain. I can’t face my future. I run from it. I’ve been running from it for years now. I even tried to run from you - the one thing in my life that I should have been running to - I ran from. Don’t you see Sara?”
Sara laughed anxiously. “How can I see anything Jared? You keep sheltering me from something – something. I don’t know - I guess you think I’m too... Why won’t you tell me what you’re talking about? Stop talking to me in riddles! I need truth Jared! All I want is for you to be honest with me – to trust me!”
Jared glared at Sara with contempt. “How can you speak to me about trust and honesty?”
Sara stood, staring at him, blinking away fresh tears, shocked by his misplaced anger, his words feeling like daggers. Why was he mad at her? What did it all mean? What was happening to her? Suddenly it all seemed so unexpected and funny. Sara wanted to laugh. Why? This was no laughing matter. Jared had just lost his grandfather; a man he apparently was extremely close to. He was grieving. Sara had lied and betrayed him, but how could she tell him?
Sara felt guilty. Maybe Jared was right. How could Sara expect truth or honesty from Jared after what she’d done? Sara couldn’t say anything. She didn’t feel worthy to be in his presence. She had destroyed her one shot at happiness, because Jared was happiness. “I’m sorry.” She turned to leave.
Jared reached out and took her hand. “Don’t go,” he whispered in a voice, so small Sara barely heard it. She turned. Jared stared at her, his eyes radiating love so staggering it was almost blinding. “I need you. Don’t leave me. Don’t turn away, and run from me. I’m sorry.”
Sara touched his face and smiled. “So what happens now? I mean, will he have a normal funeral, or is there some kind of special ceremony, or rite that you have to perform?” Sara was trying to keep the sarcasm from her voice. For no apparent reason, she still had a strong desire to laugh. She shook her head. This wasn’t right. This was a precious, private moment between them, and Sara found it funny? What the hell is wrong with me? She turned away, so Jared couldn’t see the confusion on her face.
Jared groaned. “He’ll be put in a normal coffin and have a normal funeral like everyone else.”
Sara softly chuckled. “That’s it? I was expecting something new and spectacular….”
Jared growled. “No! Then, his body will be taken to the sacred burial grounds, where it will be put on a scaffold, and burned to release his spirit,” he scoffed, sounding sarcastic. He was apparently picking up on Sara’s unusual mood, and found it as inappropriate as she did. “We’re not going to dress up in feathers and war paint, and dance around him as you’ve seen at the movies. We won’t grind his bones, and make tea with it either!”
Sara rolled her eyes. “I didn’t expect you to - I was just curious. You’re so secretive,” she scoffed. “I guess if I want to find out anything, I’ll have to read....”
Despite the freaky things that were happening to her, Sara stopped herself, remembering what Myra had told her. It didn’t matter. Jared turned to her, furrowing his brow, his tone angry, his j
aw tight, teeth clenched in controlled anger. “What book?”
Immediately, Sara felt like a trapped animal. Now what? You’ve backed yourself into a corner. Either tell him the truth and deal with his anger or lie to him. “I – ah – I bought some books at the bookstore. Which reminds me...” she fished in her back pocket and thrust his credit card at him. “I forgot to give this back to you!” she simpered.
Jared narrowed his eyes, snatched the card from her hand, and shoved it in his back pocket. “Thanks!” he said curtly and stepped closer.
She started to shake. Sara had never been afraid of Jared until now. He glanced at her trembling hands, and then back into her eyes, unmoved, still seething with anger. Sara had managed to steer clear of subjects she’d rather not discuss with him, but it wasn’t going to happen this time. Jared wasn’t going to let this pass.
“Now,” he said, taking another step towards her. “What books did you buy?” he asked, slowly enunciating each word, the muscles in his face all but quivering.
Sara swallowed hard and tried to stall. “Just some books I’d been meaning to read – nothing special.” She turned away again. This wasn’t a bold-faced lie, but neither was it solely the truth. Sara couldn’t afford to look him in the eye.
Jared put his hands on her arms and turned her. “Which books - what are they about? Sara?” His voice was low, slow and inflexible.
“About your people, all right,” She finally admitted, unable to endure his constant badgering. “I wanted to know more about you, so I thought maybe I could find out from some reference books.”
Jared scoffed and sneered. “Reference books?” he asked rhetorically.
“I wanted you to tell me, but you won’t let me in.”
Jared growled. “You won’t find the truth you seek in their books. You won’t find any truth in books. You could learn more about us by watching ‘Dances With Wolves’, than in those books, and we’re not even Sioux!”
“Would you say the same thing about your grandfather?” Sara’s eyes widened with fear. She hadn’t planned on saying that out loud, but something had given her unfounded courage, loosening her tongue. She was even getting sharp and angry herself. She felt exhilarated – different.
“What – do - you - mean - Sara?”
Jared was fearfully angry now. More angry than Sara had ever seen him. She didn’t know what to do or say. This must be what Myra had warned her about – not getting on Jared’s bad side. He actually had one. It was almost as if his eyes were glowing amber, like a traffic light. Sara gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth, tears filling her wide eyes. “Jared, you’re scaring me. Why are you so upset with me? I just wanted to….”
Sara whirled and started running. She didn’t know where to go, but she was so frightened, she knew she didn’t want to stay with him, not when he was like this.
Jared called out. “Sara, wait! I didn’t mean it – I’m sorry,” he yelled as he ran after her.
Sara was almost in hysterics. Seeing the World through a fish-eyed lens, she glanced over her shoulder, but what she saw wasn’t Jared. It wasn’t even human. She ran faster, but her legs seemed to be moving in slow motion.
Jared called out again. “Sara, please stop running!”
“Are you crazy?” she countered, trying to decide which way to go. She had built a sizeable lead but that all changed in an instant. One minute he was at least fifty yards behind her, the next she was crashing into his arms. His chest was so robust she bounced against him like a rubber ball. Jared wrapped his arms around her.
Sara screamed. “Let go of me!”
Jared sighed and easily held her. “No, I won’t. Not until you listen to me. So just calm down, and save your strength,” he said, almost laughing at her. He knew she couldn’t break his hold. Sara struggled in vain. Finally, she stopped fighting and sighed, defeated. “Are you going to calm down now?” he asked, smiling at her. He was himself again, at least for the moment.
Sara nodded, and he loosened his hold on her. It didn’t matter. She couldn’t have run anymore anyway. She was out of breath, and the world seemed to be shimmering. “What happened to your – eyes? And you – you literally growled at me Jared! You said you weren’t a werewolf!”
Jared sat down on the grass, pulling her with him. “I’m not….” He sighed.
Sara started shaking again. “Oh, God! You’re a vampire!” Sara could see it - his face going chalk-white, and his eyes turning crimson. His skin even felt different, cold as stone against hers, glistening in the sunlight like glitter.
Jared cocked his head, staring at Sara in disbelief. “No, I’m not that either.”
“Then what the hell are you?” Sara demanded, her voice raising an octave. She moved away from him.
Jared reached to touch her face.
Sara gasped and jerked away from him. “Jared, I need answers, and I need them now!”
“This is what I didn’t want you to find out about. I knew when you did - perfect match or not - you would be afraid. You’d turn away from me. I knew I would lose you, and I was right. You won’t even let me touch you now….” He sighed.
“You haven’t lost me Jared, but, please, tell me what’s going on. What is it that you don’t want me to know? Are you a vampire? Your face is as white as death, and your skin is as cold as ice! Because if you are….”
Jared stared at her as if he thought she was crazy. “Sara, I’m full-blooded Navajo! My skin burns with the heat of the sun! How can you say I’m cold as ice? I was going to tell you Sara! Honestly I was, but I didn’t want you to find out this way. I wanted time to explain things to you.”
“Just tell me Jared! And please tell me the truth.” Sara was afraid to ask. “What are you?”
Jared shook his head. “All right, it’s not going to make any difference now anyway - not now.”
Sara sat, and tried to listen, as he told her the story of his ancestors. How they’d been given the gift of the animal spirits. It was scary. Sara was hearing images and fighting demons. Jared was telling her things that should only exist in novels and fairytales. Tears were streaming down her face, Sara’s sanity kept fading in and out. Her reason blending with the rainbow of colors before her eyes. The bitter taste of fear lingered at the back of her throat. “Do you – turn into a wolf?”
Jared kept talking, but he looked at Sara as if he didn’t know her. “No, not in the literal sense. I borrow their strength, agility, senses. And – ah - Oh, their speed. The other Navajo called us Dark Ones. I’m a Dark One Sara.”
Jared said that like Sara should understand what it meant. She laughed despite the fact that her head was spinning. “No kidding. That’s how you caught me so quick – right?”
“Yeah. It comes in handy at times, but seeing that frightened, wild look in your eyes, makes me wish - I’d never been born.”
“How dare you talk to me like that? You are what you are! You can’t help it! You can’t change it!”
He lay back on the grass. “No I can’t, but I can stop it! Through me and my children, the curse will be passed on. If I don’t….”
Sara looked down at him. The area around his body was pulsating, waving in and out of form. “What are you saying Jared?”
“I love you Sara, but I can’t....”
Sara started feeling lightheaded again. The more upset she got the worse she felt. She took a breath to calm her nerves. “Jared, are you – breaking up with me?”
Jared reached to touch her face again. Sara didn’t move away, but his touch felt strange, as if she could feel the individual flakes of skin on his hand. It was odd to her, but she could see an outline of swirling colors of his body still lying on the grass.
“It’s better for you Sara….”
Sara rolled her eyes. The clouds above had strange shapes and colors. They didn’t even look like clouds. She sighed and closed her eyes. Great, here we go again! If this feeling continued, she wouldn’t be able to hide it from Jared much longer. “Haven’t we be
en through this already? This is why you wouldn’t….”
Jared nodded.
“It makes sense now. Why didn’t you just tell me? Why didn’t you trust me with this? So what if your eyes change color and you can run faster than me. You think I care about that?” Sara asked rhetorically.
“Eve did. I let her see this, and she ran back to Australia with her tail between her legs. She wouldn’t even let me explain.”
Sara put her hands on his face. “I’m not Eve Jared. So tell me,” she said, staring into his eyes, “Is this it – is this the whole story? Any more skeletons in the closet that’s going to jump out, and try to scare me away?”
Jared smiled. “No - no more skeletons. All that’s left is just me,” he said, sitting up beside her. “But, is that too much for you?”
“No, I think I can handle this… it may take a while, but you’ll never tell me anything that will be too much,” Sara said. “If you’re trying to get away from me – you’ll have to try harder than this.” Sara smiled at him.
Jared leaned closer. “I love you Sara….” He kissed her.
Sara let him. Jared’s kiss was different this time. He wasn’t holding back, and when he pulled away, his eyes had changed again, to warm glowing amber. A cross between gold and brown. Sara felt different too. It was as though a new connection and understanding had been forged between them. One that would not easily be broken.
Sara smiled at him again. “What? Why are you looking at me that way?”
“Your eyes are almost glowing again,” Sara said.
“Sorry,” he said, closing them for a few seconds, taking deep, slow breaths. He opened them again, “Is that better? Normal now?”
Sara breathed a sigh of relief. At least she wasn’t imagining that part. She softly laughed. How could his eyes ever be considered normal, but they were dimming now, changing back to the dark brownish black she was used to. “Do I scare you?”
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