by Holt, Leah
Brice, what the fuck is he doing here?
“Hey, Owen, how you been? Long time no see.” He grinned the sleaziest smile ever with a mouth half full of teeth.
“What are you doing here?” I asked through gritted teeth. My hands began to shake slightly. You shouldn't be here, why are you here? The thoughts in my head began to race.
Just go back to the hole you crawled out of. I don't need you in my life, especially now.
“What? I can't see how my little brother is doing? Ask you how things have been since you got out?” He walked towards me, his hands resting in the pockets of an old camouflage hunting jacket.
I didn't care what he wanted to ask. I just wanted him to disappear. “How did you find me?”
“Owen, come on man. You know I got resources. How was dinner last night?” He brought a hand up and lit a cigarette, inhaling a long pull and blowing the smoke in my direction.
It hit me in that moment, when he said those words, that it hadn't been my mind playing tricks on me last night. I had seen him outside the window of the restaurant. Maybe all the other times I thought I'd seen him before were true, too.
Has he been following me all along?
“Get the fuck out of here, Brice. I don't know why you're here and I don't care.” I didn't want to yell at him, I was at work and Bill certainly wouldn't be happy if I got into a fight in front of the shop.
I turned to walk back inside, leave him where he was and forget that he had been here. I wanted no piece of what he represented. He was a memory from my past, one I had been trying to forget.
“Wait! Owen, look, I need your help, man. This shit is serious.” His eyes showed desperation. “Come on, this is life or death for me.”
I inhaled a deep breath, my fists curled, ready and wanting to hit him. “I don't care. You're on your own,” I spoke over my shoulder.
“Owen, I'm in deep. Way too deep. I got in with this gang, and... I owe a shit load of money to them. I just need you to help me this one time. That's it! Just this once.” His face filled with worry and fear, but I knew he was exaggerating to manipulate me.
“No. I'm done with all that shit. I've been done for a long time. Find another way to fix your issue.” Who the hell does he think he is? He leaves me for years. Ten years! Then he shows up and expects me to bend over backwards to get him out of trouble. No way! There is too much at stake for me now.
I told myself I wasn't falling back.
And I won't.
“They're bad people, Owen. Really bad people. I can't do this alone. Remember everything I've done for you? Everything I did to keep you safe when we were kids?” Brice wanted to try and pull the guilt card on me.
Not this time, not anymore.
A dark laugh spilled from my mouth. “Really? You think that will work? Where were you all this time, huh?” My muscles tensed as I walked towards him with rage in my eyes. “Tell me! Where the fuck were you when I spent the last decade sitting in a fucking cage? Did you come see me? Did you call? No! You fucking didn't!”
The sound of a car rolling up the gravel caused us to pause. I turned my head and saw it was Charlie. Why is she here? Shit. Not now! Not while he's around.
The door opened and she hopped out with a smile. “Hey!” she yelled as she walked up, carrying a large plate wrapped in foil. “I brought you lunch.”
Even now, burning with unease, I was still touched by her gesture. “Thanks, you didn't have to do that.” As much as I wanted her there, I didn't want her around Brice.
“Don't worry,” she said. “I won't get you in trouble with your boss, I just wanted to bring you that. I figured you probably didn't have time this morning to grab something.” Noticing Brice, she turned towards him with a polite nod. “Hello.”
Brice wore an eerie grin. “Hello to you, too.”
Right there, I wanted to haul off and slug him across the face. I forced myself to smile, trying to joke with her. “Did you make it? Or should I really be thanking Sara?”
She hit my chest and laughed. “Alright, I'll let you get back to work. Talk to you later.” She brought her lips to mine and kissed me gently.
I watched Brice from the corner of my eye as she walked back to her car. Stop looking at her that way you dirty piece of shit. That's mine! I know what runs through your head.
God, I want to beat the shit out of you.
You're not my brother anymore.
An evil smile spread across his face as he spoke. “So, that's your girl? She's pretty. Real pretty.”
“Shut up. Leave now or you're going to regret it.” My rage was turning red. If he kept up with these games I wasn't going to be able to hold back much longer.
“Look, Owen, I need your help. Now you can either choose to help me or I make you help me. I don't really want to hurt a pretty little face like that. But if it means my life or hers? Well, that's not a difficult choice.” He kept his stare fixed on Charlie's car as it drove out of sight.
“What are you talking about?” A twinge of concern filled my voice.
“I told you, I have resources. I know more about you than you think. I also know where you were last night. All night. Think about it. I'll be in touch.” He lit another cigarette as he climbed into a beat up, green truck out front. I stood and watched him fade into the distance.
He is going to use her against me. He can't do that! She is not on the table for him to use.
Shit! I don't even know what he could be capable of anymore. Would he really put her in danger?
How? What is he thinking of doing? I won't help him! I can't!
I'd lose everything!
My mind raced with what had just occurred. He needed me to help him, but he thought threatening my woman was going to force my hand. I'd worked hard to stay clear of all that shit.
Then he had to show up and toss me back into his mess.
I wish he'd never found me. Fuck! Everything I have is being dangled over my head on a string.
Brice had given me a choice—but not really.
Was it possible to even choose between Charlie, my baby, and him?
I knew who I wanted to pick. I also knew Brice had meant what he'd said.
He'd hurt the things I loved.
What could he do to my new family?
Chapter Twelve
Owen
The spoon I held twirled around in my bowl of soup. I sat in a small diner up the street from the shop, hoping to clear my head.
I won't let him endanger Charlie. Brice is trying to use her as bait to get to me.
What could he be capable of?
“Hey, son, you realize you ordered that over an hour ago? It's probably cooled off by now.” The small, elderly waitress cut into my thoughts. She rested her arm on the counter as she spoke. “You want me to get you a fresh bowl?” Her perfume reminded me of my grandmother. I didn't have many memories of her, I was young when she passed, but the smell of her perfume had stayed with me.
“Nah, I guess I'm not that hungry anyway.” I pushed the worn, white dish away from me. “I'll just have another cup of a coffee.” I glanced over my shoulder to look out the window and mustered a half smile as I held up the empty mug.
He could be anywhere. Any time. I keep thinking he's out there, just waiting and watching.
As she refilled my cup her eyes met mine with a sense of concern. “Well if it's any consolation, I've been around and seen a lot of things. Whatever is bothering you, it'll find its place. Trust me on that,” she said, pulling the rag from her apron to wipe down the counter.
I shook my head. “I hope you're right.” I brought the freshly filled mug to my mouth and took a gulp.
She has no idea. How will this ever work out? I've been given an option from the devil; help him or he hurts my girl. What choice do I have?
Maybe we could run away? Pack our things and take off. We could move far from this place, start a new life on the other side of the country.
But would he find me? He found me
this time, what's to say he couldn't do that again? If he's desperate enough and his life is on the line, what would stop him? I'm on parole still anyway, I can't just run away, that would get me locked up again.
In the back of my mind, something else kept prodding me. Brice had betrayed me, yes, and he'd abandoned me without ever explaining why.
But my soul had been imprinted by him. Blood ran deep, that was a fact.
Ultimately, Brice was still my brother.
That doesn't matter, I reminded myself. You're about to start a new life, a new family.
Charlie needs me.
If I decided to help him out of the mess he created, what would I have to do? Another burglary or something worse? Brice had a tendency to get involved with really bad people. If I joined him in this then my life could be on the line, too.
I can't do it, there's too much on my plate.
I had the opportunity to give a child the father I never had. If things went bad with Brice, then I'd end up back in prison. Who knew for how long this time, it could be the rest of my life.
Could I do that to this baby?
It seems the real choice he gave me is my life or his.
He is so fucking selfish, he always has been. When I was locked up, it was like I was invisible to him. Now all of a sudden he crawls out from the darkness and expects me to help.
What a joke.
He'd threatened to use Charlie against me, deep down I knew he was dangerous. I guess I'd just always hoped he'd forgotten about me, like I'd tried to forget about him. Obviously he hadn't. He'd just sat, waiting patiently for another opportunity to use me.
For how long? How long has he been following me, hidden from my sight?
I looked up at the clock, it was one in the afternoon. Get it together. You have other things to worry about right now. Charlie had an appointment with her doctor, it was the first ultrasound for the baby. If I wanted to be there on time I needed to leave. I'd told her I would go and I wasn't going to let her down.
I waved to the waitress as I chugged the last bit of coffee. “How much do I owe you?” I asked while pulling the wallet from my back pocket.
“Don't worry about it, honey.” She smiled and continued restocking the napkins.
“Thanks.” I threw a few dollars down anyway and left. The small bell above the door jingled as I exited to my car and a memory flashed into my mind.
I was fourteen, Brice and myself had been sent down to the corner store to pick up a few things for our dad. He had told us to be quick, a bottle of Jack and a pack of smokes was all he needed. Brice made the purchases and we headed back.
My dad had given us thirty dollars, all he had in his pocket at the time. “I expect all the change back,” he had said. I remembered his eyes were serious. They always were, I don't think he had a joking bone in his body.
As we walked back to the house, Brice pulled a pack of cigarettes out of the bag. They weren't my dad's brand. “Who are those for?” I had asked him.
“Me.” He slammed the pack against his palm a few times then opened them. He loaded one into his mouth and lit it.
I gave him a curious look. “Where did you get the money for those?” I knew he didn't have a job or any cash on him before hand.
“Dad's change.” He smirked and drew in a huge plume of smoke. “The way I see it, this is payment for making the run.” He let out a devilish laugh.
“You know he's going to be pissed.” I couldn't believe he had done that. Our father had the temper of a wild animal. But Brice didn't care. He had seemed to hit a point where he realized that it didn't matter what we did anymore.
The beatings came regardless.
We reached home and stood outside in the back so he could finish his smoke. I heard the sound of a bell come from behind us. When we turned around, there was my dad, holding the neighbor's dog.
He threw him down and came rushing in with a fury, swinging at Brice with his belt. “I told you to be quick! I told you I wanted my change! Could you do that? No! You ungrateful bastard!”
Brice dropped to the ground and cowered. I watched him beat my brother and when he turned towards me, Brice threw his hand out and grabbed his ankle. “No! He had nothing to do with it. Leave him alone!”
He protected me back then, kept me safe. And now he wants me to help protect him.
What kind of person would I be if I didn't?
I pulled into the parking lot of the doctor's office. Clear your head, this is important. You want to be here one hundred percent. You can't be any place else. I let out a deep breath and pushed my memories down into the cage I'd created for them.
As I looked up, I spotted Charlie. She had a huge smile on her face while she waved. She seemed even more beautiful today than ever; her skin was glowing as if fresh rain had sprinkled down on her. Her eyes twinkled with pure excitement.
I walked towards the front entrance and she ran at me. Her body hit me with such force I stumbled backwards. “Are you excited? I'm so excited! We're going to see the baby today!
My chest strained from my heart swelling. “Yeah, I'm excited. Nervous, too.”
“Yeah, me too.” Her hand wrapped tightly inside mine as the doors slid open.
I don't want anything to happen to her, or to our baby. I need to protect her, I'm here to keep her safe. That's my job now.
We took our seats in the waiting room and my heart pounded in my chest. It beat so profoundly I almost expected it to fly out from behind my ribs. Sweat beaded up on my palms and I could feel the nerves actually shooting between each other.
The room was filled with images of babies, diagrams of the female anatomy, and several other pictures that I had no idea what they depicted. “This is weird for me,” I whispered into Charlie's ear.
“Relax, a lot of guys do this.” Her smile was warm as she rested her hand on mine. The smoothness of her skin comforted me.
This woman is special. Everything about her draws me in, I've never felt this way before.
What the hell is happening to me?
If I had been asked a few years ago where I'd be right now, my answer would not have been sitting at the doctor's for an ultrasound.
The moment she'd told me she was pregnant, I'd promised that baby I would do everything in my power to give them what I never had.
I never break my promises.
A nurse opened the door beside us. She had a clipboard in her hand. “Charlotte?”
“That's me.” Charlie stood and waved for me to follow. “Come on.”
The room we entered was small, a paper robe was laid out on the table. Instantly, Charlie stripped down and put the uncomfortable looking gown on.
“That's what they have you wear?” I shot her a confused look.
“Yeah, fashionable, right?” Her giggle echoed in the cement room. It reminded me of the infirmary at the prison; solid concrete walls, a cold feeling permeating everything.
I sat down on the round roller chair. “What the hell are these for?” My hand reached up and touched a metal cup positioned on the end of a bar.
She smiled with delight. “Those are for my feet.” Quickly, I pulled my hand from it. “You really have no idea what you're in for, do you?” She began to chuckle so hard she ripped the paper garment. Her breast fell out and we both laughed hysterically.
For the moment, all my worries washed away. I hadn't expected to ever find someone who gave me the feelings she did.
God, she's beautiful. I can't... no, I won't let anything happen to her. My brother can use me, he can threaten me, but he can NOT use her. No matter what happens, I'll make sure she's alright.
A knock on the door silenced us. “Well, it sounds like there is a party in here.” A short woman entered with a grin. “Hello, I'm Dr. Hanson.” She held her hand out to greet us.
“Hi, I'm Charlie and this is Owen.” I nodded with the introduction and moved to stand beside Charlie.
“Well, it's nice to meet you folks. So, Charlie, you're going to
get an ultrasound today. Are you ready to see your baby?” Dr. Hanson spoke softly. I had to lean in to hear her talk. “I'm going to have you lie back so we can check how the pregnancy is going and make sure it all looks good.”
Charlie nodded to the doctor and brought her eyes to mine. Her eyebrows lifted with excitement, she smiled so broad all her teeth were visible.
I didn't know what to expect. Health class in junior high was one I'd always skipped out on. I knew my way around the female body, but what awaited me here was a guessing game.
Dr. Hanson rolled over a machine that was attached to a monitor. She brought the lights down low and pulled the paper away from Charlie's stomach. I sat silent, anticipating and trying to imagine what I would see.
What is she doing? Am I even going to be able to tell what is on that screen? My palms were clammy, my breathing intensifying as she squeezed a jelly onto the end of the mechanism in her hand.
“Alright, let's take a look. You guys ready?” She pushed herself closer to Charlie as her eyes met ours. Without words, Charlie nodded her head yes. She reached her hand out and grabbed mine. I felt her tremble in my grasp; I tightened my hand around hers and kissed her forehead.
A loud whirring filled the room as the doctor placed the device on Charlie's skin. The black picture turned a mix with gray. I stared at the image, trying to make out what I was looking at.
Is that... an arm? Holy shit. Oh my god, I can see the face.
That's my child. My blood growing inside her.
With large, open eyes I turned between Charlie and the screen. “Is that our baby?” My tone rode a wave of uncertainty from what I was looking at.
“It sure is.” The doctor said. “See that area pulsing quickly? That's the heart beating.” She moved around on Charlie's stomach. The sound of white noise was integrated with a thumping sound. “And there are the arms and legs. The head is facing up.”
Charlie had tears streaming down her face. “That's our baby, Owen. Our baby.”
I brought my face to hers and kissed the salt stained skin. Yes, our baby. My baby.
“Well, everything looks great. With these measurements you're about thirteen weeks.” Dr. Hanson pushed a button on the keyboard and a stream of pictures spilled from the machine. “Here you go, the first images of your baby.”