by Shyla Colt
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Shayne?” He ignores me as he turns away and walks down the hallway.
My gut rolls. What have I done?
***
Shayne
“Figured you’d be getting a ton of thank you sex about now,” my brother says.
I plop in the seat beside him at the bar. “She can hardly bear to be around me since I told her everything.”
“About the club?”
“And Dad and how I used to be.”
“Why even mention it?”
“She was spilling her guts to me, and I felt like I was lying to her. It didn’t jive. This isn’t some girl I’m banging. I love her.”
“Holy shit. Has Prince Charming found Cinderella?”
“She’s more like Maleficent ... not evil, just misunderstood and not about to take anyone’s shit. She’s a black lipstick and black clothing then flowing gowns and glass slippers.”
“Jeez, look at your face.”
“She showed me the future I could have. I can’t let her go. I knew she was upset.”
“What happened?”
“She said she wasn’t sure we could fix things between us.” I gesture to the curly haired blonde behind the bar.
“What can I get you?” the blonde asks.
“Bring me a bottle of whiskey.”
“I’ve been where you are. You have to give her time to digest. You blindsided her with the life and a misguided youth. It’s a lot to take in. Didn’t you say she was a bit sheltered?”
“Thanks to her control freak father, yeah?” The blonde returns with a bottle and sets it down with a shot glass. “My thanks.” I raise the bottle in salute.
“So give her time.”
“It’s like my arm has been cut off. I sleep for shit, and I can’t help expecting the worse. It’d be poetic justice if she left me.”
“You can’t think like that. It’ll drive you crazy. You want to do this long term?”
“I’d kill any man who tried to take my place.”
He chuckles. “Oh yeah. You got it bad. Hunker down, drink some beer, stay calm, and remind her why she can’t live without you every chance you get. You’ll wear her down, and if it’s not real, you’ll get tired of it.”
“You don’t think this is karma?”
“No, little brother. If anything you’re owed not the other way around. You got failed. I know you don’t feel that way, but it’s true. I can repeat myself like a broken record, and it won’t matter until you decide to make your peace with it.”
“How did you?”
“I knew I was going to let anything get in the way of me and D’Rose. I always knew she was going to be my wife one day. The thing I regret most in my life is leaving her standing at that altar alone. I know it couldn’t be helped, but she went around for years thinking I didn’t want her. I’ll never forgive Dad for that.”
“How did she get over everything?” I ask cautiously. My father had made his wife’s life a living hell going up. The only brown-skinned baby born to a brother, she’d been a target for his racism and spite.
“I don’t think she ever will. What was done was despicable. It’ll never be okay. She moved past letting it affect her life. As a counselor, she’s equipped with a lot of coping mechanisms. You should bring her up and let her meet Dixie. She’ll break her in gently.”
“I think I’ll take you up on that,” I say thoughtfully. D’Rose might be the only person who could answer her questions.
Joel pulls his phone out of his cut and snickers. “Speak of the devil.” He answers the phone. “Hey. … Yeah, my brother is right here. You want to talk to him?”
‘Xia’ he mouths, handing me the phone.
“Hello?”
“I don’t like the way we left things. I do love you, Shayne. That’s never been in question. I’m still trying to deal with everything, and I’m mad as hell at you for lying. I thought you were the one person I could trust to be straight with me. When everything around me was going to hell in a handbasket with my family, you were my rock. Finding out you had a completely different life and a questionable past shook me. I don’t want you to go off pissed and do something stupid.”
My lips twitch. “And you think you don’t know me.”
“Oh, God, am I already too late?”
“No.” I glance down at the bottle of whiskey in front of me. I was close, though. “We’re both willing to work at this until we get it right. There are no time limits.”
“What happens when you go back home?” she asks softly.
“One thing at a time, Xi. Breathe.”
She exhales, and the distance between us shrinks.
***
Xia is exhausted. After three weeks, we’re neck and neck with Sunny Side Eggery. Apparently, bacon and eggs is an irresistible combination. We’ve got one last shot at coming out on top and the week is going to be grueling. We’ve got one day to recoup.
Coming up behind her, I massage her neck. “You trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Come with me tonight.”
“What? No. I have way too much to do. The last thing I need to do right now is slack off. I have to come up with a plan.”
“Xia. You need to step away from this and regroup. Do you know what next week challenges will be?”
“No.”
“So stressing will do what?”
“I-I don’t. Make me feel like I’m doing something?”
“It’ll wear you down. No. You need a break, and I need to show you where I come from.”
She gasps. “San Mateo?”
“If you’ll come with me. I have someone I need you to meet.”
“You want to take me home?” Her countenance softens.
“Of course I do, baby. We’ve been pressed for time, but this feels like the perfect opportunity to get away. You and me on the bike under the moon. I’ll have you back in time for the contest on Monday morning, and you’ll be a hell of a lot more rested than you would be if you remain here.”
“Shayne—”
“No. You need this.” Burying my fingers in her hair, I pull her head back and stare into her pain-filled eyes. “You need me to take control and direct you? You’re burning yourself out. It’s time to take a step back. Do you want to learn about me? I’m giving you a front row seat to my past.” I bend down and nip her bottom lip. “You’re going to go home, pack a bag while I run home to change and fill the tank.”
She nods her head. “Okay.”
I kiss her soundly. “Good girl.” I pull back. “Now into the car you go.” I take the key from hand, unlock the vehicle, and help her inside the passenger seat. As I slip behind the wheel and pull out of the parking lot, I think, This is my shot. I feel like a teenage boy about to ask his crush to the school dance. I want her to see beyond the intimidating persona of bikers in leather breaking the law. We’re a family that always has each other’s back. Seeing them all show up for us last week reminded me of that.
I have been so focused on the negatives I lost sight of the things that more than make up for it. I need to separate my father from K.O.C. They’re working not only to right the wrongs done by their outdated by-laws that prevented other races from joining, but they’ve instated new laws that prevent the bigoted people from continuing with the club. I can take solace in that. I can’t expect to be forgiven if I can’t do the same. Time away was exactly what I needed to screw my head on straight.
She’s quiet during the ride. For the first time since the truth came out its comfortable, the way it used to be when we didn’t second guess what the other was feeling or try to fill up the hush. I can see her weariness as she closes her eyes and rests against the seat. I reach across and twine our fingers. Her acceptance of my help is the sign I’ve been searching for
that’s she’s willing to trust me again. I won’t be letting her down a second time.
Chapter Twelve
Xia
The farther we ride from L.A. the lighter I become. With the wind rushing past, and the solid man in front of me an unmovable anchor, I’m able to breathe again. He was right. I needed to take a step away. His uncanny habit of seeing what I can’t is infuriating and comforting. I rest my head against his back. I’m making a choice to trust him again. Being at odds is just too damn draining, and it only prolongs the inevitable if he’s not the man I thought him to be. Better to find out early on.
For now, I’m focused on the smell of leather and male and the feel of his lean frame. I’ve missed the closeness we shared, so I’m soaking up every moment we have. It’s a beautiful night for a drive. The moon is full, and the night is an inky black on the back roads he’s using to get us to San Mateo. I can make out the hills and curves in the silvery light. On a bike, you’re doing more than traveling from point A to point B. You’re a part of your environment.
I can smell the asphalt on the still cooling road and the wildflowers littering the grass. The feel of the wheels on the ground has become a lullaby relaxing me with its song. Excitement replaces exhaustion. This is my chance to see into his life. To meet his family and see how he lived. I want a better understanding of how the man I love could be the way he once was to have peace and the belief that he’s truly over that backward thinking.
What kind of man would teach his children to hate? I understand now why he’s still struggling with his father’s death. Tomorrow will be a day for asking tough questions. Tonight I’m just a woman on a late night ride with the man she loves. I tighten my hold and let my thoughts drift away on the breeze. By the time we arrive at the clubhouse, I’m in a whole different world. Removed from the hustle and bustle of the city, they’re nestled in a small community that runs at a completely different speed.
I can hear the rock music from the parking lot. Bikes and cars seem to take up nearly every inch of space available. He lowers his kickstand, and I climb off on rubbery legs. I place a hand on his shoulder, and he smiles.
“It’ll pass soon.”
“Are they celebrating something?”
“Yeah, the weekend,” he says dryly.
“This is a normal Saturday night?”
“Pretty much. Told you my upbringing was a little different.”
“If by little you mean a lot, yes.” I step back and roll my shoulders. “What happened when you were a kid? Surely you weren’t here in the clubhouse.”
“No. I had babysitters same as everyone else. Mine just happened to be one of the club girls.”
“Club girls?”
“A group of woman who help around the club with various tasks and in turn we support them.”
“Things of a sexual nature?”
“If they want. It’s up to them what their bartering tools are.”
“How is that not prostitution?” I ask.
“Well, we’re not paying them money for it, you know?” He raises an eyebrow, and I realize I’ve just started on a very strange trip.
“Yeah. I guess?”
“You can’t look at this world with civilian glasses. It won’t make sense. Keep an open mind and ask as many questions as you need to. Assuming will only lead to misunderstandings.”
“Apparently. Your mother was okay with that arrangement?”
“She … wasn’t really in the picture like that, and my dad was the king of the castle type. I know. Shocker. Look, when we get inside you’re going to see my brothers letting loose. That’s a lot different than you’re used to. Everything is consensual and fun for all engaged. There’s a code here. You keep what you see to yourself. Can you do that?”
“Yes. I mean really, who would I tell?” I mutter.
“All right, try not to look too traumatized,” he says as we walk across the lot and inside.
I blink. It’s like a stepped into a den of inequity from the eighteen hundreds. The pungent smell of marijuana, cigarettes, cologne, and ardor fill the space. It’s exactly what I would’ve imagined a clubhouse would be like during a party. There’s a group of people grinding together on the floor, lined up at the bar, and in various stages of undress throughout the room. An archway opens up to a game room packed with people around pool tables, dart boards, and more than I can’t see from this angle.
“You doing okay?”
“Yes?”
He chuckles. “Let’s head to my room.” He guides me through the crowd, pausing to greet people who are stopping him. All eyes are on me.
At least now I know exactly why they’re staring.
“Whoa, what are you going back here, brother?”
A mohawked man steps up with his arm around a curvy redhead. I shift my weight from one foot to the other as she gives me a once over. I feel underdressed and overdressed at the same time in a pair of black skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder black T-shirt. She’s giving me a look that screams ‘she’s not your usual one-night stand’.
“Taking a little break and showing Xia around. I’m taking her to meet D’Rose tomorrow.”
“Aahhh,” the man says as if he’s realizing something.
“Excuse these rude men. I’m Ruthie.” The redhead steps forward and offers her hand.
“Hi Ruthie, I’m Xia. We met working on the food truck,” I offer, wanting to drive home the fact that I’m not one of the women looking to barter.
“That has to be a cool job!”
“It has its ups and downs. I’m lucky to do what I love even when it gets crazy.”
“Sorry, babe. This is Skull and his old lady, Ruthie. Who’s got the twins tonight?”
“My sister. It’s been too long since we showed our face around here,” Skull says.
“Yeah, well having twins will do that to you,” Shayne replies with a grin.
“Two toddlers, man. That’s twice the brain power working to figure out how to thwart us,” Skull mumbles.
“I keep telling him their brains aren’t that developed,” Ruthie remarks.
“These are K.O.C. kids, believe me, they’re plotting,” Skull insists.
“Uh huh. We’ll let you get settled. I know how it is when you get off the road after a long trip,” Ruthie says.
“You’d better come back and mingle after you settle in,” Skull says.
Shayne smiles. “We will.”
The stop happens a few more times. Names swim in my head, and we stop in front of a man in a wheelchair with a brown-skinned woman at his side. My heart leaps for joy. In the sea of faces, there’s someone who resembles me. That means things have changed around here. Some of the worries dissipates.
“Hey, Freeze! What’s going on, man?” Shayne asks, suddenly animated.
He chuckles. “Hey, getting away from the rugrat for the night. Big sister is home and watching him.” They do a manly shake and hug, and the woman smiles at me politely.
“Freeze, Blanche, this is my girlfriend, Xia.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Freeze states, holding out his hand.
I shake his hand. “Likewise.”
I turn toward Blanche and do the same. She seems happy and relaxed. Her smile is full of encouragement and kindness. The women are making me think there’s more to the club than booze and women. I can’t deny they saved my arse when they showed up at the truck. If it helped produce Shayne, it can’t be all that bad.
“Welcome to San Mateo,” Blanche says.
“Thank you. Are you from here?”
“No, Georgia actually. But I’ve been living in San Diego for years.”
“My dad’s from Texas, so I very much get the Southern upbringing. We grew up in L.A., but my dad is so hardcore Southern gentleman you can’t always tell.”
She laughs. “Oh y
eah, Southerners can be like that.”
We chat for a bit longer before we make our way to his dorm.
“You spent a lot longer talking to Freeze.”
“Every time I see him it feels like a mini miracle. We almost lost him a few years back, and then when he found out he wouldn’t be able to walk again, he went through a rough patch. Thank God, Blanche is a physical therapist. Without her, he never would’ve gotten through it.” He shakes his head.
“Wow. They seem so happy, though.”
“They are now. However, it was an uphill battle for a while.”
“If he’s paralyzed, did they adopt?” I ask, embarrassed to bring it up.
Shayne chuckles. “As he’d say, the plumbing still works.”
“Oh, Jesus.”
“Freeze is a funny guy like that.”
“I’m sure his good humor must’ve helped him through.”
“Is the older child theirs, too?”
“Oh no, that’s Blanche’s daughter from her previous marriage. Whitney is a great girl. She’s going to college in Virginia, so we only get to see her occasionally.”
It’s all so normal. Kids in school, step-parents, triumphs, and tragedies. He unlocks the room, and we step inside.
“I’ll get someone to come by with clean sheets and towels. I’m sure those are stale by now.”
“You have a maid?”
“Of sorts.”
Aaah, the barter system.
“Sit, I’ll be back.”
Plopping down on the edge of the bed, I take in the barren walls. It saddens me. There are no photos, knickknacks, or personal items in plain sight. This could be anyone’s room. Is this how he grew up? No real attachments? The painting being revealed is a stark one. He returns with a handful of fresh linen and towels.
“Why is your room so bare?”
“Oh, this is sort of a temporary situation. After everything with my father, I didn’t feel comfortable staying in our home, so I moved in here. I should go through things, but I haven’t been in the right head space.”