by J. S. Cooper
“Oh, you’re going to text him now?”
“You don’t think that’s a good idea?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Do it. This way you won’t be daydreaming about him all day, and you guys can finally talk.”
“Exactly. Do you think I should ask him about what our status is now or wait?”
“I think that you should wait.” Anabel made a face. “I mean you barely know him. Yes, you’ve had sex, but this is not really a relationship yet. You don’t want to scare him and make him think you’re crazy.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “Though I’d like to know if he’s thinking about me as a potential girlfriend or not.”
“Didn’t he kinda say he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend?”
“Yeah, but that was before we hooked up,” I said as I opened my text messages. I was disappointed that there was still no text from Nate, but I tried to quell my anxiety. Maybe he really didn’t know what to say and was waiting on me to call him. Maybe he thought I hadn’t been impressed with his bedroom skills. I opened my text message box as Anabel walked out of the room and started formulating my text.
Hey you, how’s it going? Want to come over for dinner tonight?
I reread the text before I pressed send. It sounded way too casual. Not good.
Hey, Nate, it’s me, Janie. I’d like to invite you over for dinner tonight.
I deleted that as soon as I wrote it. It sounded way too formal.
Hey, wanna come over for dinner tonight? I’m making steak.
I looked at the final text and paused for a minute before sending it. I quickly changed it to read, Hey, wanna come over for dinner tonight? The pizza monster is making steak. :) I quickly pressed send before I could change my mind. I was happy that we had an inside joke. I stared at my phone hoping for a quick reply. Maybe he was in his bed sitting there thinking of me and waiting for me to text. Maybe he was going to be really excited. Maybe he’d jump out of bed and be like, “YES! She finally texted me!” I groaned as I realized I was being completely unrealistic in my thoughts. I was almost positive that he wasn’t thinking about me and that he wasn’t going to be shouting yes! to the world as if he’d won the lottery.
I almost jumped out of my skin as my phone beeped. I looked down at the screen and squealed when I saw a text from Nate.
Sounds good. See you at 7?
I walked over to my bed and fell back, clutching the phone to my chest as I grinned from ear to ear. He liked me, he really liked me. I couldn’t believe it. Maybe this was finally it. Maybe Nate really was the one.
THE KITCHEN SMELLED delicious and I danced around as I placed the cutlery and dishes on the table. It was 6:55 p.m. and Nate was going to be there any second. I’d gone all out and bought two ribeye steaks and had cooked them medium rare. I’d made a sour cream peppercorn sauce to accompany it with some roasted potatoes and asparagus. Anabel thought I was crazy for spending so much money on a meal for Nate, but I knew that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Tonight was going to be awesome. I had my best and sexiest underwear on, ready for the after-dinner fun, and I’d bought some sex dice from Hot Topic to spice things up. Tonight was going to be a good night.
Seven thirty p.m. rolled around and I started to get nerves in my stomach. Nate hadn’t arrived yet or texted, and I wasn’t sure what was going on. The steak was cold and the roasted potatoes had dried out. My excitement had dissipated, but I wasn’t ready to get angry yet. Maybe something had happened and he’d got stuck in a chess match or something.
By eight thirty, I started to feel angry. I left the food on the table and walked to my room with my phone, knowing I had to text him. I wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but I was still hopeful that he would have a good reason for his lateness. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say if he still wanted to come over. Maybe I’d let him come over, but I wouldn’t sleep with him. Not tonight. He needed to make it up to me. I was just about to send him a text message when I heard my phone beep. Hey, so sorry for my late text. I totally got caught up in something. I read his text and my heart jumped. That was understandable. Maybe I would still sleep with him.
No worries. I was worried about you. Are you on the way? I immediately texted back and jumped up to look at my appearance in the mirror. I needed to brush my hair again and reapply my lipstick. I stared at my reflection, happy that I looked pretty and that my hair was cooperating for the day. I looked back at my phone and frowned to see that Nate hadn’t responded back to me as yet. Should I start reheating the food? I texted him. Ten more minutes went by, and I still hadn’t heard back from him. I could feel my stomach starting to sink as I sat there waiting for him to respond to my text. I could feel myself close to tears when I got another text from him.
Hey sorry, can I take a raincheck? Something came up. :(
I stared at the text for a few seconds before I started crying. I couldn’t stop the feelings of hurt and upset from hitting me hard. All of a sudden, I was feeling used and let down.
Sure, maybe tomorrow night? I text him back quickly, holding my breath. If he rescheduled with me, it would be okay. Maybe something really had come up. I dried away my tears as I waited for his response.
Sorry, I’m busy tomorrow night.
I stared at the screen and waited for him to suggest another day. If he liked me he would suggest another day.
When are you free? I texted him, mad at myself for not waiting for him to ask me when I was free. I knew I was pushing it. Being too eager and too available. I should wait for him to ask me out again, but my anxiety was taking over. I held my breath while I waited for his response, hoping he would ask me out soon. I sat there for an hour with the phone in my hand and just waited for his reply. Nothing came. I stood up and walked to the kitchen and threw the food directly into the garbage and then went to the shower. I cried as I washed myself. I felt used and stupid. He didn’t like me. He hadn’t not texted me because he was worried that I didn’t think that he was good in bed. I was a fool for even thinking that. I was stupid for actually thinking that he was The One. He wasn’t The One. He wasn’t anything. I’d been living with my head in the clouds again. I’d always wanted to believe in one true love, and I’d always thought that one could fall in love at first sight, but I was starting to realize that maybe that was all just one big daydream. I walked out of the shower and back to my room and almost screamed when I saw Anabel standing there.
“Hey,” she said softly as I walked into my room.
“Hey,” I said, surprised to see her. “What are you doing here?”
“I saw Nate.” She looked sad. “With some girl at the Vietnamese restaurant across campus.”
“Oh? Maybe that was his friend?” I asked hopefully.
“They were holding hands.” She made a face. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” I could feel my heart aching as I stood there.
“And then they were making out in the booth.” She sounded angry. “He’s such a jerk. What did he say?”
“He just said something came up.” I bit down on my lip to stop myself from crying. “I thought it was chess related.”
“Oh, Janie. I’m so, so sorry.” She hugged me. “Did he say anything else?”
“No,” I sobbed. “He said he couldn’t come over tonight, and when I asked when he could come, he didn’t respond.”
“Oh.” Anabel hugged me even tighter. “He’s an asshole, forget him.”
“I just don’t understand.” I could feel my insides clenching, and I wanted to throw up. Nate had well and truly used me. It was obvious to me now that he didn’t like me at all.
“He’s obviously a player. He and Talissa can go and piss off.”
“Talissa?” I said. “That was her name?”
“Yeah.” She nodded. “Some friend of hers called out to her.”
“Oh.”
And with the knowledge that he was on a date with the girl he’d been texting to the other day on the phone, all my ho
pes came crashing down and the tears flowed even stronger.
“I hate him,” I said. “I really hate him.”
TWO WEEKS LATER
Beep beep.
I looked down at my phone and saw a text message from Nate.
Hey, Janie, how’s it going? Want to play chess soon?
I looked at the text and felt a stirring of excitement for a few seconds before I deleted the text. I was not going to go there again. Asshole.
One Month Later
Beep beep.
Hey Janie, want to go to the lake this weekend?
The next message from Nate made me laugh. Did he really think I was going to go to the lake with him again? Give him some more free sex, just so he could treat me like a whore?
One Month Later
Beep beep.
Hey, are you mad at me? This is Nate. Can we talk?
Message deleted.
Two Days Later
Beep beep.
Janie, please give me a chance to talk to you. I feel really badly about how everything went down.
Message deleted.
One Day Later
Janie, please accept my apologies if I hurt you. I would love to take you to lunch to explain everything.
This message made me pause. I still had some feelings for Nate. I wasn’t sure why, but I nearly responded. Maybe he was missing me. Maybe he realized I was the one. Finally.
Two hours later
Janie, I would love for us to be friends. Please respond.
Message deleted and number blocked.
I didn’t want to hear from him again. I hated him for what he’d done to me, and I knew that a part of me would always have hope that he would see me as more. His last message showed me that I was wrong to have hope. He didn’t want anything more from me. He didn’t love me. I’d been nothing but a hookup to him. I was done. I never wanted to have to think about him again.
Part II
Seven Years Later
Chapter One
Janie
“Oh my God, this guy is so hot. Anabel, come here.” My voice rose in excitement as I studied the photos of the guy I had just matched with on the online dating app I’d joined the night before. “Anabel, where are you? Come now,” I shouted again, wanting my best friend to share in the moment. I hadn’t dated anyone in over a year and I was now ready and willing to meet the perfect guy; even though I was skeptical about how successful online dating would be.
“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Anabel sounded exasperated as she walked into my bedroom and sat next to me on the edge of my bed. “You always say guys are hot. Maybe you should have a more rigorous screening process,” she moaned. “Hotness is not the best criteria.”
“I know.” I made a face at her. Over the years I’d gushed about many hot guys to Anabel and none of them had actually turned out to be nice guys. But I didn’t need to be reminded of that now.
“This guy better be hot, at least,” she mumbled as she grabbed my phone and looked down at the screen. “Okay, he’s hot.” She looked at me and then giggled as I gave her my I told you so face. She scrolled through all of his photos on the dating app and I stared at her as she nodded with an impressed expression. “Whoa, he’s super-hot,” she said as she reached what I only assumed was his final photo—the one without a shirt. The one that made me think of hunky surfers at the beach and whipped cream. The whipped cream part was not exactly related to the beach, but my mind was wandering a hundred miles a minute. I hadn’t had sex in ages and I was ready to meet a man to have my wicked way with.
“He has abs for days.” I grinned at her as she handed me my phone back. “I’d love to run my fingers down them.” I stared at the photo on the screen as I giggled and pretended to run my fingers down his taut muscles. The guy staring back at me had golden blond hair, big bright blue eyes, olive tan skin, perfectly even white teeth with a smile that beamed like a toothpaste commercial. There was a sexy light scruff of stubble on his face and I wanted to touch it to see if his hair felt as soft as it looked. His body was muscular and tight and he looked tall, at least six feet. My eyes stared at the photo taking in this gorgeous specimen of a man and all I could think was, I hope I get to meet him. And soon.
“Janie.” She shook her head at me. “Do you know how you sound right now? I thought you got over your love at first sight stuff after college?” She gave me a knowing look. “And also, not to bring up college, but does he remind you of anyone we know?”
“What?” I wiggled my eyebrows at her and ignored her last comment. “As if I could ever get over love at first site! I’m a true romantic.”
“He has abs for days is a romantic comment?” She stared at me without blinking.
“I didn’t say that exactly. Also, do you think guys don’t make these comments?” I made a face at her.
“Who knows?” She laughed after a few seconds, her hazel eyes sparkling as she tossed back her light brown hair. “Janie, you know how I feel about your lust at first site crushes, but tell me what his profile says. I want to know if his personality was something that called out to you as well.”
“Hold on, let me bring it up.” I looked down at the screen excitedly. I was glad she wanted to hear more about him. “Should I message him, by the way?”
“No, no, wait for him to message you first.” Anabel made a face at me now, her pert nose screwed up. “You have to let the guys chase you on these things.”
“Fine, fine.” I sighed. “Okay, this is what his profile says: Fun-loving not too serious adventurous guy looking for the same in a girl.”
“That’s it?” Anabel frowned. “Nothing else.”
“Yeah, that’s it. There’s nothing else.” I shook my head. “Maybe he’s new or just prefers to chat in person.”
“Yeah,” she said slowly. “What does he mean by not too serious?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “But I’d like to find out.”
“Oh Janie.” Anabel laughed at me. “You’re too much. Any other guys you want to show me? I have to get ready for work in a little bit.”
“Aw man, you’re working tonight?” I pouted. “I was hoping we could go to a movie or something.”
“I wish. I’m on the late shift all this week. Hopefully I’ll make some good tips.” She sighed as she stood up. “I need to find a new job. Waitressing sucks.”
“Yeah, I hope you find a job at a newspaper soon.” I made a face. “The job market sucks. I can’t say I’m loving working at the law firm, but I guess it’s better than nothing.”
“At least you know you don’t want to be a lawyer now. Saved yourself thousands of dollars in loans,” Anabel said in her matter-of-fact way.
“That’s true, but being a research secretary isn’t that much more exciting either.” I lay back on the bed. “But I guess I’m lucky I have nights off. Now I just need someone to spend them with.”
“Yeah, maybe hot abs guy will be the one,” she said facetiously.
“Yeah, that would be cool.” I started daydreaming as I lay there staring at my screen. “Argh, I hope he messages me soon,” I said wistfully, already imagining the hottie on the screen and I going to movies and restaurants, and maybe even some concerts and nightclubs.
“If it’s to be, then it will be,” Anabel said in her seemingly wise way. “If he’s the one, it will happen.”
“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” I looked at her face to see if she was laughing at me.
“Just a little bit.” She grinned at me, her perfectly even white teeth shining like small pearls. “But that’s why I love you.”
“I just want to meet a nice guy.” I sighed. “Well, a nice guy that’s also hot. Is that too much to ask for?”
“And you want him to treat you like a queen, right?”
“Well of course.”
“Don’t forget that part.” She gave me one of her signature Anabel looks. “That’s the most important characteristic to look for in a potential mate.”
&nb
sp; “What’s the most important characteristic?”
“How he treats you.” She pointed her finger at me and flicked it up and down. “How he treats you means a lot more than how good looking he is.”
“But not more than how good he is in bed.” I laughed and she just shook her head at me as I wiggled my eyebrows up and down at her. ““If he’s not good in bed, nothing else matters.”
“Janie, you talk a big game, but we both know that that doesn’t matter that much to you.”
“Only because I’ve only been with two guys.” I sighed. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for a one-night stand or a male gigolo, but I would like someone that knows how to rock it in and out of the sheets.”
“Well this dude definitely looks as if he’s rocking something.” Anabel shook her head and laughed. “Let me know if he messages you.”
“He better message me.” I sighed as I refreshed my screen to see if I had any new messages. “He looks like a super amazing guy.”
“Have you told Nate that you’re online dating now?” Anabel asked with a sly smile.
“Nope.” I rolled my eyes at her. “I don’t need to be lectured about my love life again. I don’t know what his problem is. It’s not even like I have much of a love life.”
“I thought you told him the other night?”
“Well I told him I was going to sign up, but I pretended I wasn’t really serious about it.” I said, hoping she didn’t continue with the Nate talk.
“Haha.” Anabel laughed. “He’s going to be mad when he finds out that you’re going on dates and he hasn’t been able to vet the guys.”