by J. S. Cooper
Chapter Eleven
Janie
“Thanks for coming over, Anabel.” I hugged her tightly as she handed me a cup of hot tea. “You’re the best.”
“I’m not sure I’m the best, but you know I will always be here for you, Janie.” She gave me a sympathetic smile and we sat down on the couch. “Sparky, shoo,” she said to the dog as he ran up to her and sniffed around the plate of cookies she had in her hand.
“Sparky, go to your bed,” I said and grabbed a cookie. “Ugh, I just don’t know what to do. Dylan wants to go out again tonight, but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. He seemed really cute last night and he was a good kisser, but there’s something about him that seems a bit off.”
“Then that’s a sign, Janie. Just walk away.”
“I want to have some fun.” I moaned. “I need to just date and have fun. I feel like Dylan could be good for that.”
“But what about Nate?” she asked me softly. “You hooked up with him last night. Do you still have feelings for him?”
“No,” I almost shouted. “No, not at all.” I shook my head and swallowed hard. “It’s complicated with Nate.” I sighed. “I don’t even know what I think or feel anymore.”
“Janie, I think that you need to take a step back from both of these guys,” she said slowly. “I think they are both bad news.”
“Nate is just my friend. Why would I step back from him?” I said defensively. “Yes, we had a weird past, but we got over that. We have a special relationship.”
“Uh huh.” She sighed. “You know how I feel about that. I don’t think Nate is a good guy, Janie. He is disregarding your feelings.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.” I grabbed another cookie. “Nate is fine and so is Dylan. Both of them are great. Well not great, but they are giving me what I need right now.”
“I don’t understand why you always need a guy, Janie.” Anabel sounded frustrated. “Forget these fools. Neither of them are worth it. Dylan’s a player and Nate’s a selfish jerk. He always has been.” Anabel shook her head. “Move on.”
“You don’t understand.” I gulped as tears started to fall. “I just want to feel like I’m desirable. Like I’m worth it. I can’t just move on from Nate. He’s not selfish; he’s just a guy. He cares about me. He really does.”
“Yes, he cares about you in his own way,” Anabel acknowledged. “But ultimately he is selfish. He cares more about his own needs. Or he wouldn’t have stayed over last night and tried to have sex with you. Janie, you guys haven’t hooked up in ages.”
“We were both just feeling it. It’s not his fault,” I protested. “Nate means so much to me. And Dylan is really hot and fun. I just want some attention for once. I want to feel beautiful. I want to feel like someone wants me. It was nice last night to know that not just one of them, but both of them, wanted me. I felt amazing. Like I was special. I just want to feel special to someone. Like I’m worth it. Just once.”
“You are worth it, doll. You’re amazing. Everyone who has a brain can see it. But these two guys aren’t after you because they see how special you are. They just want to get laid. It’s almost like some sort of power play. Honestly, I don’t even know how you can even forgive Nate. How dare he have his friend contact you, like you need the help. Then get mad when you go on a date.”
“I just don’t understand him.” I sighed. “I don’t get what he wants from me.”
“I don’t even think he knows,” she mumbled under her breath. “Guys are weird. You will find a good guy, girl. You will find a guy that can commit. You will find a guy that will want to make you his.”
“So why can’t they see I’m worth it?” I stared at her, trying to stop the tears from falling now. “Why can’t they see I’m worth it?” I was saying they, but I knew I really meant Nate. If he thought I was so great, why didn’t he want to be with me? In a real way. Not just an in the bed sort of way.
“I don’t know, Janie. They’re stupid?” She shrugged and then pulled me in for a hug. “Never doubt yourself. Please.”
“It’s so hard. I don’t understand.”
“Janie. Stop.” She pulled away slightly and looked me in the eyes. “Don’t let them make you doubt yourself.”
“I just feel so stupid. I thought that Nate cared. He was my friend. One of my best friends. How could he do this to me?” I could feel myself feeling teary-eyed again. “I’m an idiot. I thought I could handle this. I thought that I could just make out and hookup, but I can’t. Not with Nate. I feel like I stirred up all my old emotions.”
“He’s the worst. He should have known better. Nate was thinking with his little head.” Anabel sighed. “And as to this Dylan, he sounds like a psycho. You need to cut them both off. Trust me. You’re better off without them.”
“I can’t do that.” I made a face. “And I kinda told Nate at lunch yesterday that I would go to Belize with him on vacation.”
“You what?” Anabel screeched. “Are you joking?”
“No.” I felt slightly embarrassed that I’d said yes. “I know, I know. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest decision. You should come as well.”
“No thanks.” She shook her head and then sighed. “I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be one hundred percent honest with me, okay?”
“Okay, this sounds ominous.” I made a face at her. “What do you want to know?”
“Do you still have feelings for Nate?” She stared at me with a knowing look and I could feel my body start to shake.
“No, of course not. What do you mean?” I looked down at the floor, my heart racing as I denied having feelings for my best friend.
“I don’t quite believe you.” She sighed. “I know this is hard for you, Janie. I know you don’t want to think that you still have feelings for him.”
“I don’t,” I said quickly. “They faded in college after he treated me so poorly. We’re just friends now.”
“Janie.” She sighed. “I don’t know that you ever really got over him.”
“What are you talking about?” I glared at her, feeling myself starting to get defensive and mad.
“I’m just saying that you and Nate have had a really weird relationship and I’m talking about after you reconnected. I saw this coming a mile away. You’ve always had this weird tension. Personally, I think he takes you for granted. He doesn’t know what he wants and I think he kinda drags you along.”
“Drags me along how?”
“I feel like you’ve still got hope that one day you guys will be together.”
“No, I don’t.” I shook my head.
“Uh huh, sure you don’t. Anyways, I think that you have two options here.”
“What do you mean? What two options?” I asked her confused.
“Option one, which is the option I think you should take is this. Cut Nate out of your life. Move on and get rid of him.”
“What? I can’t do that.”
“You can and I think you need to. He’s not just a friend, Janie. Yesterday proves that. And if you’re honest with yourself you know you want more—”
“What’s option two?” I cut her off.
“You play all your cards and see what Nate wants.”
“What do you mean?”
“He takes you for granted,” she said. “He has some sort of feelings for you. I don’t know what they are. So now, you can push him and see. Flirt with Dylan. Go out with Dylan. Flirt with Nate too, but keep it cool and casual. See what he does. Is he going to shit or get off the pot?”
“Eww, Anabel.” I made a face at her.
“You know what I mean,” she said seriously, ignoring me. “If you still have feelings for Nate, which I think you do. You have to force his hand. We have to make him feel like he could really lose you. He can’t have all these women on the side and then you as a best friend. And now possibly in his bed as well.”
“I don’t know.” I swallowed hard. “I don’t like the sound of this.”
&nbs
p; “If Nate came to you tomorrow and told you that he loved you. If he told you that he wanted to be with you. What would you say?”
“That would never happen,” I said, but I knew by the butterflies in my stomach that I would love if it did happen. I would be floating on cloud nine if Nate came to me and told me that it had finally hit him that I was the one and that he wanted to be with me forever. God, it would be everything I ever wanted. I sighed as I realized what that meant. Anabel was right. I still wanted Nate. A part of me was still in love with him.
“I’m right? Aren’t I?” She gave me a look. “You still want him.”
“What do I do?” I groaned. “Ugh, this is such a hot mess.”
“In my opinion, I think you should find an awesome guy and leave Nate in the dust,” she said and then laughed at my expression. “But I gather that’s not what you want.”
“No, no it’s not.”
“And now be honest, you don’t really want a hookup, do you?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t know,” I said, though deep in my heart of hearts I knew. I didn’t want a hookup. Not at all.
“Well, right now, you’re going to play it light and easy.” She looked thoughtful. “You’re going to make Nate think that you’re all about fun. And hookups and you’re going to make him jealous as hell.”
“What if he doesn’t care?”
“We both know he will care, but it’s what he decides to do next is what matters.” She paused for a minute. “You know what, let’s all go to Belize. You, me, Nate, Dylan. You’re going to flirt up a storm with Dylan. Make Nate think you’re so into him.”
“Dylan seems nice. I don’t want to use him.”
“Dylan’s a jerk.” She rolled her eyes. “From what you’ve told me about him, he sucks.”
“I haven’t told you much about him.” I laughed. “He seems hot and fun to me.”
“Janie, don’t be mad at me because I only say this out of love, but you really need to be able to read men better,” Anabel said with a small smile. “You are a beautiful, funny, smart girl, but when it comes to men you just seem to have no litmus test. These guys don’t deserve you. Not Nate and definitely not this loser, Dylan.”
“You don’t even know Dylan.” I shook my head at her.
“I can tell from his pics, his messages and what you told me about your date that he thinks with one head.”
“Anabel.” I started laughing. “You sure are using the word head a lot tonight.”
“Don’t get me started.” She put her teacup down on the coffee table. “I need a stiff drink.”
“Sure, what do you want?”
“What do you have?”
“Uhm, maybe some beers from the last time Nate was here.”
“I guess I can drink a beer.” She jumped up. “You want one?”
“Nah.” I shook my head. “I had enough to drink last night.”
“Okay.” She walked away and then stopped and looked back at me and gave me a warm loving smile. “I just want you to know that I love you, Janie. I want you to be happy. I never want to see you as sad and depressed as you were after what happened with Nate in college. You might not remember it, but he nearly broke you. You were depressed for months. I could barely get you out of bed. I was so worried about you. He made you doubt yourself.”
“He’s not the same person now,” I interrupted her, tears in my eyes at the worry and concern in her voice. I defended him earnestly, not wanting to be reminded of how I’d felt before. How he’d made me feel not good enough. How he’d made me feel ugly. How he’d made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Like I’d been too clingy or weird or something. It had hurt me and yet, somehow when we’d reconnected I’d been able to forget all of those old feelings. “He was young then. He didn’t know he was breaking my heart.”
“Maybe not,” she said. “And maybe he’s changed. But I still think he’s a selfish prick. He knows you’re not a casual sex girl. He never should have tried that last night. He had to know it would stir things up.”
“Maybe he didn’t realize?” I shrugged.
“Maybe.” She sighed. “He was jealous and he reacted. Let’s see if his jealousy is because he has real feelings or if it’s because he wants what he can’t have.”
“You’re scaring me, Anabel.” I frowned. “I don’t know that I want to play these games.”
“It’s either this or walk away.” She gave me a look. “And we both know you’re not going to walk away.”
“I’m not going to walk away,” I agreed. “So, I hook up then?”
“Yes, you hook up.” She grinned wickedly and then came running toward me. “I just had a great idea.”
“Oh?” I blinked at her. “Aren’t I the one that normally has the great ideas? Also, aren’t you getting a beer?”
“I’ll get it in a second.” She collapsed next to me on the couch, her eyes sparkling. “I don’t know what’s come over me, but I know exactly what you need to do in Belize.”
“Oh? What do you mean?”
“Get your phone now.”
“Oh?”
“You’re going to make a phone call.”
“A phone call.”
“We’re about to get this party started.” She winked at me. “Just you wait, Janie. This is going to be absolutely crazy.”
“What are you going to have me do?” I asked, slightly nervously. “I’ve never seen this side of you before, Anabel.”
“Neither have I, but I think it’s been waiting to come out of me all my life.” She laughed and sat back. “Grab your phone now. I need you to make two calls and this is what I need you to say.”
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Prologue
Friday, 1 a.m.
Hey, you online?
Yeah. I’m here. What’s up?
Just wanted to see how everything is going? You’re moving soon, right?
Yeah, in two days. Ugh. I’m so nervous.
Don’t be nervous, Pippi Longstocking. I’m sure you’re going to do great.
Yeah. How’s everything on your end?
Okay. Just looking for a job. You know how it goes.
I sure do, Mad Max. Is your dad still not talking to you?
Nope.
I’m sorry. :(
No worries. It is what it is. What about your mom? How’s she taking your move?
She just wants to know if I can still help her with rent. That’s all she cares about.
Aww. You’re doing the right thing. You need to live your life for yourself.
Yeah, I guess. I just feel so guilty. You’re up late though. Don’t you have to work at the library tomorrow?
Yeah, but I couldn’t sleep.
Aww, I feel ya. I’m so glad we met, Mad Max. Well, kinda met. You know what I mean.
I know what you mean.
I just want you to know that just because I’m moving doesn’t mean I won’t be here for you anytime you need to chat.
I know. Same here. Just because you’re moving doesn’t mean I won’t be here for you.
I’m glad. You’re one of my best friends. That feels weird to say because we’ve never met and I don’t even know where you live. But you are.
You’re one of mine as well. As weird as that sounds.
Do you think we’ll ever meet?
I don’t know. It feels safer this way. We can be completely honest with each other. We can open up about any and everything without any judgment. I think that’s important.
Yeah, you’re right. Night, Mad Max.
Night, Pippi Longstocking.
Ttyl.
Ttyl.
Chapter One
Pippa
/> “Knock knock,” I said before I could stop myself. The man standing in front of me at the coffee shop was busy texting away on his phone and completely ignoring the barista that was ushering him forward. She’d been motioning to him for about two minutes and he still hadn’t noticed her. I wondered what was so important on his phone that he couldn’t tear his eyes away for even a second. “Knock knock,” I said again, louder, tapping him on the shoulder with my fingers.
“Sorry what?” His eyes moved up from his phone and his gaze turned to me with a derisive look. His blue eyes were a light sky blue and he glanced at my fingers in disgust, as if I were some sort of leper.
“I said knock knock,” I mumbled, taken aback by his handsome good looks. He had dark brown hair and some light stubble along his chiseled jawbone. He was about six foot two and towered over my five-foot-eight frame. I swallowed hard as I stared at his luscious firm pink lips.
“Knock knock?” He raised an eyebrow as he stared at me, his lips turned up slightly, and not in a smile.
“The barista is calling you,” I snapped, feeling stupid and hot and bothered. Why had I said knock knock? What was I? Ten?
“So you let me know that by saying knock knock?” he asked quizzically, his eyes boring into mine as if I were a dumbass.
“I wanted to get your attention.”
“What were you knocking on?” he asked again. “Asides from my shoulder?” His eyes moved to his right shoulder and so did mine. He was wearing a tailored navy-blue suit and the shoulder line was creased perfectly.
“It’s a joke, I obviously wasn’t knocking on anything.” I rolled my eyes, annoyed by this handsome, obviously rich stranger. I didn’t need his arrogant attitude right now. Entitled prick.
“But what was the joke?” He sneered. “All you said is knock knock.”
“You know what ...” I stared at him for a few seconds. “I’m over this and you.”
“You’re over me?” he asked once again giving me a sneer. “What exactly are you ... hey.” He frowned as I pushed past him and walked up to the counter.
“I’ll have a plain bagel with cream cheese and a small black coffee please.” I placed my order and turned my head back to look at the handsome arrogant stranger, who was staring at me with displeasure and narrowed eyes. I gave him a small catty smile before I turned back and handed the shocked barista a five-dollar bill and moved to the side.