“Sometimes I think I destroy everything I touch,” he said quietly. “But not you. I swear to God, I won’t let it happen with you.”
Chapter Fifteen: Escape
Miri felt discouraged, listless. The afternoon stretched before her, a gaping hole of boredom that felt more torturous by the day. She had to find a way out of this funk before Mason got home from work. So she’d been turned down for another role. It happened to tons of actors all the time, so why did it get harder to bounce back every time?
She sank down in Mason’s deep leather couch and flipped through channels on his big screen TV. Click, click, click. Network news, weather broadcasts, game shows, sports. She clicked past a local channel and heard a familiar voice, saw a familiar face. Her finger froze over the button. On the screen, her five-year-old head bent close to her sister’s as they giggled and lisped cutesy dialogue.
She couldn’t believe she’d randomly flipped to a rerun of Two Wonderful. She remembered this episode, where the two of them had plotted to marry their dog to the next door neighbor’s dog, setting off the usual snowball of slapstick events. How alike they’d looked back then, and how different they’d turned out to be. Her sister smiled at her onscreen and tapped her cheek. Miri felt like crying. She missed Maddy so much.
“Miss Durand?”
Miri muted the show and turned from the TV. “Yes?”
The bodyguard shifted on his feet. “Someone to see you. It’s, um, Jessamine Jackson. Should I let her in?”
It took a minute for the name to sink in. “Jessamine Jackson?”
“Yes, ma’am. If you’d rather not talk to her, I’ll be happy to send her along.”
Miri doubted very many people dared “send her along.” She rubbed her forehead, feeling mild panic, but curiosity too. “What does she want?”
“I’ll go ask her.”
“No, wait. Just let her in.” Miri clicked off the TV and started pacing around the room. It wasn’t like she wasn’t going to see her. It was Jessamine Jackson, for God’s sake, but why was she here? If she’d come to confront her about something, she wouldn’t listen. She’d have security show her the door.
“Hello, Miri.”
She turned to find the starlet standing in the entryway to the living room. Jessamine didn’t look confrontational. She looked upset.
Mason’s ex crossed the room in smooth, leggy strides, her pantsuit crisp and impeccably tailored. “Thanks for seeing me. I’ve taken too long to introduce myself to you, and for that I’m sorry.” She held out her hand and Miri took it. The woman’s grip felt tense and cool. “I had to come see you. It’s important.” Her grip subtly tightened.
Miri dropped her hand. Jessamine was being weirdly nice, almost motherly. She’d even toned down her clothing. The staid pantsuit she wore wasn’t anything like her usual sexy garb.
“Can we sit down?” she asked in that same smooth, affectionate voice. Without waiting for an answer, she crossed to sit on the couch. Miri took a nearby chair. She was going to wait and see what Jessamine wanted before she offered her anything to drink.
“So…” Miri said. “What’s going on?”
Jess squared her shoulders. “I wasn’t going to interfere. Honestly, I didn’t think your engagement would last more than a couple weeks. But now your wedding’s just around the corner and... I can’t stay silent any longer. I simply can’t.”
“Silent about what?”
She looked at Miri with pity. “Honey, I know. I know what you’re feeling. I know you’re having misgivings, second thoughts. I see you standing beside him in the papers and I can see the ambivalence in your eyes. I had the same feelings of confusion and unhappiness when I was with him. God, I remember it so well,” she said with a dramatic little shudder.
Miri didn’t have the slightest idea what Jess was talking about. She didn’t feel any of those things. Well, not really, except when she was down about something. And Jessamine—she had matched or outshone Mason in every photo they took together.
“Where’s your baby?” Miri asked.
Jess waved a hand. “At home. Nannies. She screeches like a banshee when I take her out. I can’t say I blame her.”
Miri marshaled her assertiveness in the face of Jessamine’s steady smile. “You know, I respect you as an actress. Honestly, I do. But Mason and I are in love, so if you just came here to tear him down, I’d prefer that you leave.”
Jess’s expression changed on a dime, the sweet persona falling away. “Honey, you didn’t invite me here. I invited myself in hopes of helping you out before you made the huge mistake of marrying him.”
“I think you’re full of it.”
She tossed back her glossy locks and fixed Miri with a scowl. “Okay, you got me. Yes, I’m full of it, but so is he. What do you really know about Mason?”
“I know a lot about Mason,” she said. “I know I love him and he loves m—”
“Do you think he really loves you?” Jessamine cut in. “Do you think he loves anything other than the human drama that is Mason Cooke?”
Miri blinked, twisting her hands in her lap. Her fingertips subconsciously sought out his ring. “He loves me. He said he’d give up everything he has for us to be together.”
Jessamine laughed out loud, an awful, grating sound. “I’m pretty sure that line is from a movie he was in a couple years ago. Of course he promised to give up everything for you. Did he have tears in his eyes at the time? Did his voice sound hoarse and tortured?”
Miri set her teeth, refusing to answer.
“That’s the drama queen we all know and love,” she said airily. “Congratulations. You got him to do a big scene out of love for you, but I’ll let you in on a secret. Mason’s like a child. He doesn’t know what he wants from one moment to the next. It’s all about the ooh, shiny with him. I can see why he was attracted to you. The innocence thing, the novelty.” She chuckled. “The PR repair. But do you think this will last? Do you really think you’ll still have his attention, oh, I don’t know, six months from now?”
“The PR thing was only at the beginning,” Miri said. “What we have now goes much deeper.”
“Forget the PR thing.” Again, she waved a hand. “How much do you know about Kathy?”
Miri felt a sense of dread. “Who’s Kathy?”
“I see. You don’t know about Kathy. Shocking that he wouldn’t tell you about her. Kathy was Mason’s first wife. She married him when he was still Darwin Kulik from south L.A., a nobody who wanted to be a star. Lovely young woman, this Kathy. Pretty, but not too pretty. Sweet, reliable. A real cheerleader for the man in her life, a lot like you, as a matter of fact. She stood by him while he was hustling to make it. She waited tables, worked the night shift at gas stations so Mason could get out to his screen tests and auditions and launch his career. And, as you know, he did launch his career. Within two or three years he was unstoppable, A-list, a luminary. What do you think happened to Kathy, my dear?”
“They got divorced,” Miri said stubbornly.
“He cheated on her. Not once, but many times. Kathy being Kathy, she still stood by him. God, it was pathetic to watch. By the time she scraped together her self-esteem and left him I doubt he even noticed. He just wrote her a check and they parted ways.”
“And then you married him,” Miri said. “So you apparently found him good enough, to, what? Advance your own career?”
“Yes, I used Mason, just like Mason used Kathy. I admit it, but guess what? Mason cheated on me too. Again, many times.”
It had to be a lie. Why would anyone cheat on Jessamine Jackson, the sexiest woman alive? “I— How— How could that happen?” Miri stammered. “I thought you had an open marriage.”
“People can still cheat in open marriages,” she said. “That’s why it hurt so much. He could have had anyone he wanted, openly, without hiding from me, but he snuck around and fell in love with another woman. Falling in love with other people in an open marriage is against the rules. Our rules an
yway. And this woman he fell in love with, he sees her all the time.”
“You’re lying.”
“Her name is Constance and they still love each other very much. You know Constance, don’t you? Kai’s wife?”
Miri shook her head. No, Jessamine was wrong about this. “They’re only friends. They all hang out together, but it’s just fun. They’re friends.”
“That’s what he wants you to believe. But if his thing with her was just fun, if they were just friends, he would have told me he was sleeping with her. He would have invited me to join him when he sneaked over there for their little ‘scenes.’ Look, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but Mason is a cheater. You might want to check his phone records and ask him about a girl named Satya too. Has he ever introduced you to Kai’s sister Satya?”
Miri bristled. “There’s no way he’s messing around with her. She moved to New York months ago.”
“Ever wonder why she moved across the country once you and Mason started getting serious? Poor Sats. Mason slept with her for ages, strung her along and used her for sex even though she’s not his type. I know they were still sleeping together when you started dating. He broke her heart so bad she can’t even stand to live in the same city as him. Believe me, I know the feeling. You can’t trust Mason Cooke any further than you can throw him. He’s not good husband material. I made it so easy for him to be faithful, to be with whomever he liked, and he still cheated. Do you know why?”
Miri’s voice was too dry to make a sound. Jessamine answered herself anyway.
“Because he gets off on cheating, that’s why. It makes him feel powerful, desirable. It makes him feel masculine and feeds into his drama junkie thing.”
Miri shook her head in mute distress. She didn’t want to believe it. It could all be lies, but Jess seemed pretty sure of herself. She thought back to the time she’d spent together with Mason and Constance. Sure, they’d shared a comfortable closeness, but...it was only the swinging...right?
“Then there’s his swinging thing,” Jess sighed, right on cue.
Miri narrowed her eyes. “You do that too. The swinging. He said you organized the parties.”
“Yeah.” Jessamine shrugged. “I was into it. I’m still into it, but I look at you, Miri...” She gave another dramatic sigh. “When I look at you, to be perfectly honest, I see someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Who got mixed up with the wrong person who decided he wanted to make it work. For his image, for his self esteem. His loneliness. Whatever. But he’s not sincere, he never is. Is this the life you want for yourself?”
Yes! No. I don’t know. I’m not sure anymore. Why hadn’t she asked more questions about Mason’s past? Why had she so readily accepted all the borderline things about him, like his predilection for swinging and his perverse tastes in the bedroom? Why had she ever imagined someone as sexy and adventurous as Mason could settle down for a lifetime with her? She knew some part of her had questioned things all along, but she’d silenced that nagging voice because—because she was engaged to Mason Cooke. And she was a starstruck Mason fangirl like half the stupid planet, blindly wanting him despite all his flaws.
“He loves me,” Miri insisted, her desperate rallying cry.
“Does he?” Jess asked. “Does he really? I see you giving up everything for him: your career, your talent, your personality and your voice. I see you standing there mute beside him and it makes me want to cry. I see you handing over everything so he can become an even greater man, but I’m telling you, he isn’t worthy of such sacrifice. Ask Kathy if you won’t take my word for it.”
“Jess, please.” Miri held up a hand in surrender. “Enough.”
“I look at you,” Jessamine said softly, “I look deep into your eyes and you know what I see, Miri? I see someone who wants out.”
“I don’t want out.”
“Whatever.” Jessamine stood and straightened the lapels of her tailored jacket. “I have to get back to my little girl. Honestly, a baby is the way to go. Babies don’t cheat on you and rip your heart out when they’re done using you. Babies don’t lie and take advantage and manipulate. Babies give you unconditional love.”
Miri almost started crying like a baby as Jessamine swept from the room. It had to be lies. She knew there was no love between Mason and his ex-wife. At the very least, she needed to give Mason a chance to refute all the things Jessamine had said.
There was one thing, though, that wasn’t a lie. One thing Jessamine had hit on that was the cold, hard truth.
Deep down inside, Miri wanted out.
*** *** ***
Miri was away when Mason got home. He’d lived alone for a long time before she moved in, grown accustomed to coming home to a quiet, empty house, but it felt strange now. Unpleasant. It was so much better having her around.
At the same time, he felt guilty having her around, because it meant she still wasn’t working. Sometimes he dreamed about engineering her big comeback, getting her cast opposite him in some blockbuster, but it would be better if she did it on her own. It was all about balls in Hollywood, about going big. Miri needed to do something ballsy, and soon.
“Mason?”
He turned to her with an after-work cocktail in his hand.
“Hey, baby. Where were you?”
“Went to visit Grammy, then to my dad’s for a while.”
“Oh, yeah?” He crossed to envelop her in a hug. “How’s our favorite alcoholic?”
She went stiff in his arms. “Don’t, Mason. Don’t use him as a punch line. Honestly, he’s not doing great. I worry about him, especially with the holidays coming. I think I might—” She pulled away from him. “I think I might have to move home for a while to look after him. I just... I don’t know.”
Mason blinked at her. Move home? Less than two months before their wedding? Hell, no. “Can’t you just get him into rehab or something?”
“He won’t go. We’ve talked about this before. He won’t go and I can’t make him go against his will.”
Something was off between them. Things felt icky. He drew her close to soothe her and whispered against her neck. “If you go live at home again, how am I going to make love to you every night? How are we going to fit in our sexy times, good girl?”
“I don’t know,” she said, turning her head away from him. “Maybe you can invite Constance over. From what I understand, she’s a good girl too.”
He released her. “Constance? What are you talking about?”
“Are you still in love with her?”
His mouth fell open. “No. God, what is this? Miri, I adore Constance but—why would you ask that? Of course I’m not in love with her, I’m in love with you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you cheated on Jessamine with her? That you broke up your marriage for her?”
“That’s not why our marriage broke up. It wasn’t like that. Who told you that? Who have you been talking to?”
“Jessamine came to visit today. She told me about Constance. She told me about your first wife, how you cheated on her and dumped her when you became famous.”
He held up a hand. “Stop. Stop right there. How dare you powwow behind my back with Jessamine—”
“I can talk to anyone I want!”
“—and then throw it in my face?”
“She sought me out because we’re getting married. To tell me the truth about you before it was too late.”
“No.” Mason shook his head, fury twisting in the gut. “Think, Miri. She didn’t come here to tell you any truth. She came here to get at me. To destroy me, to break my heart. To poison you against me. She always has to win, especially over me. Don’t you see that?”
“Did you cheat on her with Constance or not?”
Mason drained his drink and slammed the glass down on the counter. “Yes, I cheated on her with Constance. But our marriage was already over. Hell, I’m not proud of it, but I was hurting. Constance was a warm body, someone who couldn’t turn me away.”
Miri’s eyes narrowed. Definitely the wrong thing to say. “So you used her. You’re a user in addition to being a cheater. She said that too.”
“Miri—”
“You did the same thing to your first wife. To Kathy. You used her and then you left her.”
Dragging Kathy into this was pure evil on Jessamine’s part. He couldn’t excuse that behavior away, and Jess knew it. “Miri, please, listen to me.”
“I don’t want to listen anymore. I think I know everything I need to know.”
“No, you don’t. My relationship with my first wife was complicated. My life was complicated, things just went sideways. I was so immature, I was newly rich, famous, and every woman in Hollywood wanted my dick. I was an idiot, I was unprepared to deal with things. When I let Kathy go, it was for her own good. Believe me, she’s much happier now. She’s married to a great guy. She’s okay.”
The more he talked, the more he realized he condemned himself. Damn Jessamine. He would wring her spiteful neck.
“And my marriage with Jessamine,” he snarled. “If you could even call it such a thing. God, we had so many issues. She has no fucking right to narrow it down to one little sound bite. ‘He cheated on me with Constance.’ There was so much more to it than that. I can’t even explain to you—”
“I wish you would explain to me,” she said, hands on her hips. “And while you’re explaining, what was your deal with Satya?”
Mason felt like a boxer being pummeled in a ring. This was so unfair. None of this had anything to do with Miri, with his love for her.
“What did you two have together?” she demanded. “When did you last see her?”
“Months ago,” he shot back. “And I’m not going to apologize about Satya, because she’s one of my oldest friends.”
“And your lover.”
“She was my lover for a while, but not anymore. The sexual side of our relationship ended before you and I went out for the first time. She’s engaged to somebody else, and they’re getting married in the spring, so I doubt you have anything to worry about.” Mason held up his hands. “Look, I’ve been one hundred percent honest and faithful to you. Yes, I made mistakes in the past, big ones, but I’m different now. You made me different. You made me want to be a better man.”
Comfort 4: Command Performance Page 20