by Jeff Strand
Harriett lets me take the pole from her, and I stop feeling as if a cardiac arrest is in my immediate future.
"Let's all just calm down," says Mike. "Seth? Buddy? You okay?"
Seth continues to sob.
"What was on the scroll?" Liz demands.
"His destiny," says Harriett.
"What the hell do you mean, his destiny?"
"Wait, wait," says Mike. "You mean his character's destiny, right? Graspin's destiny? He always took this way too seriously, and I kind of suspected that he was gaming behind my back, but none of this is real, right?"
Harriett doesn't answer.
Liz takes another step forward.
"Okay, seriously, ma'am, you need to stay away," I tell her. "My friend will beat your ass. You seem like you're in good shape, and I don't know what kind of martial arts training you might have or anything like that, but if you don't stay on your side of this room, I assure you, it ends with an ass-beating. Please don't make her beat your ass."
"Is she the one who gave you that bruise?" Liz asks.
"No. She's the one who beat the asses of the men who gave me this bruise." Should I mention that she flung one of them over a second-floor railing? Nah.
Liz looks as if she has molten lava bubbling under the surface of her face, but she stays on her own side of the room.
"Okay, I can't have fighting in my shop," says Mike. "I think we'll wrap up tonight's session a couple of hours early. Evan, Harriett, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"No!" says Seth, sitting up. His face is red and puffy. "They don't have to leave. I've been waiting for this my whole life. I never told anybody about it. Sometimes I thought I might be insane. But I knew, I just knew, that someday you'd show up with the scroll. And now you have. I can't believe it. I just can't believe it."
"What does the scroll say?" Liz asks.
Seth stands up. "It says that we're going to kill a Cyclops."
Nobody says anything for a very long time.
"So how many experience points do you get for that?" Mike asks.
"This isn't a game. I'm not doing this as Graspin the Colossal. I'm doing this as Seth Bryan Lynch. And I am ready."
The other girl walks back into the room. She looks at Seth, then at Liz, then at Harriett, then at me, then at Mike. "I feel like I missed something."
"Seth's been cheating on us with other gaming groups," Mike informs her.
"I said it's not a game! This is for real! I've been preparing for it since I was fifteen! Why do you think Graspin was always going after Cyclopses?"
"I can't answer that," Mike admits.
Seth turns to Harriett. "When do we leave?"
"First thing in the morning. We'd leave sooner but our driver is sleepy."
I've only now absorbed the idea that Seth is going to be riding with us. It's not like I didn't have advance warning, but I never imagined that we'd actually find somebody who was on board with the whole Cyclops-slaying thing. I hadn't really mentally prepared for this.
"To be fair, I've been driving all day, and last night some guy tried to slash my throat, so that impacted my rest."
"Hold on," says Liz. She runs a hand through her pink hair and then massages her forehead. "Are you saying that you're leaving with these people?"
"Yes, I am."
"To kill a Cyclops?"
"Yes. I know it's hard to swallow. If they came here and gave you a scroll and you said that it was your destiny to slay a Cyclops, I'd be suspicious, too. But it's the truth."
"We've been together for ten months."
"Yes, I know, I should have told you, but it just sounded so crazy."
"It doesn't sound crazy. It is crazy. We've been together ten months and I never knew you were mentally ill!"
"I'm not even going to take offense at that, because I totally get where you're coming from. But I am doing this. I'm leaving with them."
Liz just gapes at him.
"Come with us," he says. "Join us on our quest!" He looks over at me. "There's room in your car, right?"
"Uh, I guess."
"Then come with us, Liz."
"I'm not coming with you! I've got work tomorrow. You've got work tomorrow. You can't just leave."
"Yes, we can!" He drops to one knee. "Marry me, Liz. Let's do this together."
"No! Stand back up!"
He takes her hand and gazes into her eyes. "Elizabeth Black, will you grant me the honor of being my wife?"
"I already said no! Jesus, you're out of your mind! Do you even know where they're taking you?"
Seth, still on one knee, glances over at Harriett. "Where are you taking me?"
"Arizona," says Harriett.
"Arizona," Seth tells Liz.
"You're just going to drop everything and go to Arizona with a couple of complete strangers? You're going to quit your job for this?"
"I wasn't going to quit. I was going to call in sick."
"There's no such thing as a Cyclops, Seth. This isn't Greek mythology. This is the real world."
"Not to interrupt," says Mike, "but maybe the scroll is talking about a normal guy with one eye?"
Liz ignores him and yanks her hand out of Seth's. "If you leave, it's over between us."
"For real?"
"Yes. I'm not going to date somebody who's off chasing fairy tales."
Seth looks absolutely devastated. He stands up, dusts off his jeans, and shrugs. "Well, that sucks."
"Yes, it does."
"But I have to do this."
I can't believe it. I'm not trying to obsess over the subject, but if I'd had a girlfriend in my Dungeons & Dragons days, I would have clung to her like a life preserver in the middle of the ocean during a hurricane.
Seth gives Liz a hug. "Make you a deal," he says. "If I text you a picture of the dead Cyclops, do you promise to be waiting for me when I get back?"
"Sure, whatever."
"Thank you."
He hugs Margo, and then Mike, who both look like they're waiting for the moment that he bursts into laughter and reveals that it's an uproariously funny gag.
"Are there any cans of Red Bull left in the fridge?" he asks Mike.
"No."
"Okay. I'll be back, you guys. I promise." He turns to Harriett. "Lead the way."
We walk out of the comic shop and out onto the street. My brain has yet to quite catch up to this turn of events, and I'm bewildered almost beyond the capacity to speak.
"Sorry about all the bawling in there," says Seth. "I don't usually get emotional, but this is a big deal."
"None of us can predict how we will react when confronted with our destiny," says Harriett. "Though when we spin the tale of our grand adventure, I recommend we leave that part out."
CHAPTER TEN
"So, that's my car," says Seth, pointing to a very small red vehicle parked outside the shop. "Where and when do you want to meet tomorrow?"
"Your home," says Harriett. "Nine a.m."
"Okay. Or maybe we could just meet here? My parents don't really like having new people come over."
"You live with your parents?" I ask, feeling sort of betrayed for having given him the benefit of the doubt on the whole inhaler thing.
"I like to think of it as, my parents live with me," says Seth.
"But they set the rules about having company over?"
"Yes," he admits. "They do. But only because I let them."
"Do you live above ground or below?"
"Hey, who are you to be judging my life? If my mom and dad want me to live with them rent-free, why would I say no? What kind of fiscal responsibility would that be? Am I supposed to pretend I'm too good for them?"
"I'm not judging you," I say. "I'm in the role of 'Guy Who Doesn't Believe There's a Cyclops.' So I'd like to know more about you before I commit to driving you all the way from South Dakota to Arizona."
"You don't believe?"
"No."
"How far did you come to get me?"
"Fr
om Florida."
"Jeez."
"And not the most efficient route. Florida to Texas, then Texas to South Dakota."
"Oh, yeah, that's definitely not the fastest way to go. And you two are...together?"
Harriett shakes her head. "We are not romantically linked in any way. He is still in mourning. Evan has very generously donated his time to my cause, even though he remains a skeptic."
"Wow. Sure you weren't kidnapped?" he says, with an uncomfortable laugh.
"I'm sure."
"Hold out your hand," Harriett tells Seth. "Palm up."
Seth holds out his hand. She smacks it with the pole.
He yelps. "Ow! Why'd you do that?"
"I assumed that you'd move your hand before I struck it. It was a reflex test."
"That hurt."
"You say you've been preparing for this since you were fifteen?" Harriett asks.
"For ten years. Yeah."
"Then why aren't you more physically fit? How far can you run?"
"Run?"
"Do a push-up for me. Right now."
"Hey, I'm not here to join the army."
"One push-up. I'm not asking you to do fifty, which would be the absolute minimum I'd expect from a true hero. I'm only asking for one."
"I saw some broken glass on the sidewalk," says Seth. "I'm not going to put my hands down there."
"You're part of the prophecy, and this is your destiny," says Harriett. "But I can't help but think that you're not in good enough shape to contribute to the Cyclops-slaying effort."
"I'd be in better shape if you wouldn't smack me like that. I can't hold a sword if you break my hand bones."
"I didn't break any bones."
"You could have."
"No. I'm very conscious of the amount of force I use. This is because I have been preparing for the journey."
"Me too! It's just more mental preparation. The mental part is the most important part."
"Run around the block for us."
"I'm not here to be your running monkey."
"Run around the block. We'll wait."
"You're not my mom."
"Run or we'll leave you behind."
"Fine. You think I can't run a block? I can run a block with my eyes closed." He runs off, although it's more of a slow jog than a run. He reaches the end of the block and turns the corner, leaving our sight.
"He's not what I expected," says Harriett.
"Seems like a nice guy."
"We're off to fight a powerful, menacing Cyclops. He should have lightning-fast reflexes. He shouldn't be flabby all over. I should be able to detect muscle content in his arms."
"I guess his parents didn't deny him chocolate."
"I don't know what to do."
"It's not like Jeannie from the gift shop gave off a warrior vibe. You'll have to trust the scroll, I suppose."
"I suppose." Harriett sighs. "Did his reaction do anything to convince you of the validity of the prophecy?"
"Honestly, right now I'm baffled beyond the ability to even try to comprehend what's happening. I'm just going with the flow."
I've spent enough time with Harriett to believe that she is entirely convinced of the truth of the prophecy. Seth embracing this truth is freaking me out, but I'm still not ready to go in a "mythical beasts are real" direction. There's some sort of reasonable explanation. Hypnosis, probably. Harriett thinks that she's being guided by some internal navigation, but actually she's responding to information that's been implanted into her subconscious.
Shit, that could be it! Harriett and Seth have both had their subconscious minds screwed with by a hypnotist. Is it some kind of experiment? Will we be greeted in Arizona by a mad scientist who's pointing and laughing?
"How long do you think it will take him to circle the block?" Harriett asks.
"A while."
"Despite her lack of youth, I'd wager that Jeannie would be wheezing less than Seth will be upon his return."
"Maybe we'll get him a Thighmaster to use in the back seat."
"What is a—"
"It doesn't matter."
"Perhaps he'll surprise us with his valor."
"Are you sure we can trust him?" I ask. "How do we know he's not an axe-murderer?"
"I hope he is. Axe-murdering would be a useful skill."
"Seriously, though."
"I was being serious."
"I get that the whole point of driving so far out of our way was so this guy we'd never met before would join us. So it's ironic when I say, hey, this guy's never met us before, there must be something wrong with him if he's willing to join us. What if he's dangerous?"
"He's not. That's why I'm concerned."
"He doesn't have to be Conan to be dangerous."
"If it would make you feel better, I suppose we could keep him in chains."
"Was that humor?" I ask.
"No," says Harriett. "Should it have been?"
"All I'm saying is that sometimes strangers you let into your car leave you dead by the side of the road. That's all I'm saying."
"So let's return to your comment about irony. It is indeed ironic that you're reluctant to join forces with the hero. I would never have expected that."
"I never expected him to acknowledge the Cyclops!"
"Yet he did. To me, it would seem odd to drive all this way and then leave him behind, especially when he's so unthreatening."
"You're right, you're right," I say. "I just want to make one hundred percent sure you're okay with the idea."
"I am."
"And that you'll whack him in the face with your pole if it looks like he's going to try to strangle me."
"I will."
"Cool."
"He does have a vehicle of his own. Perhaps this is where you were meant to leave me."
"That car isn't going to make it to Arizona. He'll be lucky to make it home."
Harriett smiles. "I think you're simply not ready to part ways. You want to see where my path leads."
"Yes. Yes, I do. I will freely admit that. I've got too much of an investment in this now to just let it drop. When I watch a movie, or read a book, or even listen to a song, I need to get to the end."
"You don't have any pets at home that are going unfed, do you?"
"No. I'm allergic to dogs and Becky was allergic to cats. Neither of us wanted fish."
Harriett glances at her watch. "I wish he was back."
"I hope Reggie wasn't waiting around the corner for him."
I didn't say that as a legitimate concern, but Harriett frowns, and suddenly it sounds much less ridiculous than it should.
"I'll be back," Harriett says. She runs off.
Now I'm unprotected. I'm not worried, because it's absurd that Reggie, Pulp, and the crushed remains of Joel actually followed us here, but I'm also not whistling a merry tune. I'll just stand here, a bit nervous, and wait for the inevitable moment when Harriett returns with a winded Seth.
A couple of minutes later, Harriett comes around the opposite corner. Seth is behind her, extremely winded.
I hurry over to them, weirdly relieved.
"This is a bunch of crap," says Seth, gasping for breath after every other word. "I should be saving my energy for the Cyclops."
"Nine a.m." Harriett tells him. "Right here."
* * *
We get adjoining first-floor rooms at a decent hotel. I don't feel completely safe, but the door is locked, and I figure that if somebody knocks, I'll peek through the peephole, and if they're scary-looking men, I simply won't answer the door.
I take a shower (a wonderful, wonderful hot shower), put on a robe that I don't even care may not have been washed since the last occupant, and plop onto the bed. I consider watching some television, decide that I'm too tired, and fall asleep.
* * *
The alarm goes off at 8:15. I roll over, shut it off, and realize that I've been crying.
I didn't even know you could cry in your sleep. I've cried myself to sleep
a few times since Becky's death, but not while unconscious. Maybe I was half-awake. Either way, it's the first time I've cried since leaving on this crazy journey.
No, wait, there was that one tear that trickled down my face when I thought Reggie was going to murder me. But I'm only counting sorrow-based tears.
I get up, walk into the bathroom, and look in the mirror. My bruise, though still there, has faded quite a bit. It's no longer my dominant facial feature.
I take another long, wonderful shower, get dressed, and knock on Harriett's door at exactly 8:45. She is, of course, ready to go. She's still wearing the same black dress. The hotel has a laundry service, but I assume she washed it in the sink and hung it up to dry.
We grab some bagels from the complimentary continental breakfast then drive back to Sapphire Comics & Games. Seth is waiting for us, holding an enormous red duffel bag. I get out of the car, open the trunk, and take the bag from him, grunting at its weight.
"What's in here?"
"Clothes and weapons."
"Explosives?"
"Nah."
"Everything's legal?"
"Yeah."
"If we get pulled over by the police, and they search your bag, are we going to have problems?"
Seth shrugs. "Nah. I mean, they'll be suspicious, sure, but it's all fine as long as we're not crossing any borders."
I close the trunk. "All right."
He gets into the back seat as I return to my spot behind the wheel. At least now we can share some of the driving.
"Hey, Harriett. How'd you sleep?" he asks.
"Very well. And you?"
"Eh. Over breakfast I told my mom and dad that you were taking me to Arizona on a location scout—I'm an aspiring filmmaker. Not that I've made any movies or taken classes or practiced, but I see a lot of movies where I know I could do better than that. Anyway, my mom and dad thought that was pretty cool, and they asked if I'd arranged for the time off work, and I said I'd take care of that on the road, and they didn't think that was so cool, so they got kind of upset. Then Liz called them and told them the Cyclops part, which I guess I shouldn't have said out loud in front of her last night, and it kind of all went downhill from there. There was talk about therapists, which you may have had to deal with yourselves, but in the end we kind of worked it out. Well, we didn't work it out exactly. My mom grabbed my leg, and I had to shake her off, and the whole thing was kind of hellish, but, ultimately, I'm here."