by Nigel Bird
He followed Cliff as he waved his way past the ticket collectors and then noticed him turn round and deliver a wink to Emma before disappearing into the exhibition. Dirty sod. The girl was years younger than them. And she was gorgeous. What the hell would she have been doing with an old guy who was on his way to going to seed? Ray stiffened with anger on Izzy’s behalf and then throbbed with jealousy on behalf of no one but himself.
From there on, there was a constant assault on his senses. There were more people to meet and more images to take in than he could have imagined possible. It was nothing like any of the museums Ray could remember visiting as a kid. There was nothing dry or boring about it. It was superb. Mind-blowing. Completely amazing.
Ray noticed how happy the staff all seemed. They were always looking out for people to help. Always offered their services with a smile and a little bit of charm. Seemed to enjoy what they did. He pictured himself in their place, all smart and useful. Proud of himself. Of his worth. A valid member of the human race again.
*
At the beginning of the shipyard ride, Ray had to pay special attention. He watched as the stewards marshalled the queue and set families off in their individual cars. They reminded him of the dodgems, only bigger and for more people.
The routine was the same. A bit of a script. Three in the front and three in the back. Belts on. The press of a button and they were off.
Cliff looked over at the tall man when everyone in the queue had finally gone on their way. “One for me and my mate, Ray,” he said. The bucket pulled up and the pair got in and went through the routine of belts and sitting comfortably.
There was a small jolt and off they went to find out about how the they’d built the giant Titanic all those years ago.
Not that there was much room left in his brain for absorbing more facts. His senses had been assaulted by the old films of Belfast, the interactive floors, the pistons and steam of the engine room, the ghost-like images projected somehow into the rooms. He couldn’t hold on to much more.
“You’ll have to do a bit more than just get people on and off the rides,” Cliff shouted. The noise was intense. “And it’ll be busier when the schools are in again, so there’ll be no danger of you getting bored. You’ll need to do the whole customer service thing. ‘The bollocks’ as we like to call it. And there’ll be training for the emergency and fire strategies. Can’t do anything these days without a nod to health and safety.”
Ray wanted his friend to shut up. Being crammed in the small space with the bangs and the shouting and the sense of impending doom that the whole place was heading towards was setting him off. It was like his blood was rising in temperature. Starting to simmer inside. All ready to come to the boil. He gripped tightly to the front of the cart. Screwed his eyes tight for a moment but couldn’t keep them closed.
“If there are any breakdowns, you’ll be in charge, but that shouldn’t happen. Anyone faints or collapses, that’s on your shoulders.”
Right then his shoulders wouldn’t have supported an inflatable doll.
“So let’s learn some history, shall we?” At last Cliff was going to shut up and let the experts do the talking.
Ray heard all about the riveting teams. Saw them cramped up in tiny spaces hammering against the steel hull. All the while the spaces around him seemed to be closing in. Pinning him down and removing the oxygen from the air. All he wanted was for it to be over. For him to get out and to get along to the safety of his room back at the house.
Lights flashed. Hammers banged. The car jolted into action. Ray’s blood bubbled inside. His head floated away from his shoulders like someone had filled it with helium. His eyes closed and everything went dark.
New Dawn Fades
“That’s my boy,” Cliff said when someone turned the lights back on.
There was the smell of mothballs in Ray’s nostrils and the guy who’d sent them on their way, William according to his name badge, was waving something in front of his nose.
“You’ll not be needing to write this one out,” Cliff said to William. “This one’s on me.” There was another of those winks. “Jesus, Ray. I thought you were a gonner.”
The two men put their arms around Ray and guided him out of the cart. “How about a coffee?” Cliff asked and they headed off slowly in the direction of the café.
He sat at a table and his friend brought over a large mug of latte. It was a relief when he went over to speak the girl behind the counter and left Ray alone. Allowed him the space he needed to get his shit together.
The view was spectacular and the sweetness of his latte cheered him a little.
If he’d learned anything from his visit, it was that things hadn’t changed much over the years. The world was still split into classes. First, second and third. Not that it mattered much which you were in. Disaster was a great leveller. Death came to all. There was no escape from that.
There was only one man on the Titanic who Ray really felt for. The Captain. The man with the stiff upper lip. Edward John Smith. A plainer name would be difficult to come up with. And him looking a lot like Captain Bird’s Eye, a man who conjured up the image of fish fingers for a whole generation.
In the end, it all came down to Smith. Rested upon his shoulders. And when he’d done all he could, he needed to be there to go down with the ship when he could have pulled rank and been in the first lifeboat to leave his vessel. Poor sod. Worse, he had to come up with some famous last words. “It’s every man for himself now and God Bless you,” wasn’t quite as memorable as it might have been.
A wind of melancholy passed through Ray, chilling his bones. Wasn’t it like that for everyone in the end? Aren’t all humans the captains of their own little vessels? Steering them around rocks and rugged coasts? Avoiding icebergs and enemy craft?
Sure, there were lighthouses along the way. Beacons of hope that came in the form of friends, lovers and children. Flashes of inspiration from the likes of Presley, Vincent and Holly. Stretches of calm waters and stop-overs on faraway lands. But there could never be enough of them. Everyone meets their iceberg one day. Is scuppered by a torpedo or turned over by pirates. It’s just the way it is. Everyone’s just a captain going down with their ship, standing on board and wondering where it all went wrong. Waiting to be swallowed by the icy darkness of the ocean.
Christ, he was turning into a morbid sod.
He gulped down half the coffee. Spooned froth from the latte into his mouth. Felt something of the comfort of the caffeine and the sugar, the warm milk thawing his heart.
Outside, the sun appeared from behind a cloud. Flashed its light over the water of the old slipway. Turned the world over just like that.
“C’mon,” Ray told himself, determined to get a grip.
He took a bite of the biscuit that came with his drink.
Thought about what it would be like when he was working here. How well he’d fit in. What it might be like to earn a living again.
Thought of Izzy and her touch. The music in her voice. The colour that was returning to her cheeks.
Decided that the world, for now, wasn’t all bad. That with a good wind and a sound compass, he could navigate the storms and find safe harbour. And that he should enjoy the view along the way before it was taken from him.
I Should Have Known It From The Very Start
The two boys sat under the arches at their usual bench. Archie was working his way through his second Twix of the morning when his friend finished telling him about the money and the social worker. Jesse had decided not to mention anything about speaking to his dad and lying to him about the way things were working out. Truth was, Jesse liked the new order. Things seemed more stable and safe than they’d ever done and he hadn’t wanted to throw any spanners into the works at this early stage of life without parents. All he had to do now was to keep things settled, even in the knowledge that it wasn’t going to be easy.
Archie didn’t bother to swallow before answering, which just wen
t to show that money and manners didn’t always live together in the same house. “There’s no way you’ll get away with this one, Jess.” A couple of crumbs flew from his mouth into the air. “You’ve got nothing else to sell and not even you can produce your parents for a meeting by next week. It’ll need a miracle.”
A miracle would have been nice. Talking of which, after a year of being totally ignored by Bonnie Bird, it seemed she couldn’t take her eyes from him since his recent string of absences. Either she knew something about what was going on or she’d finally come to her senses and decided that Jesse was the boy for her. Not only was she watching him all the time, she seemed to be finding any excuse to walk by the bench he sat on and each time she did, she got a little closer to the boys.
Her name was a standing joke in the school – what else could anyone do with it but laugh? She obviously had crazy parents, though to look at them they looked pretty normal. Happy even. And it suited her. She was about the prettiest girl in Edinburgh, or at least Jesse thought so. Her long, blond hair was always straight and perfectly brushed and her blue eyes seemed to have special powers, like they were looking beneath the skin or something. As if that wasn’t enough, she stood a head taller than anyone else at Preston Street, which meant she was always visible no matter where she was in a crowd.
She walked past the boys again and, as soon as she was out of earshot, they continued their conversation.
“There’s not much chance of a miracle, I’m afraid. What do you think I should do?”
Archie finished the chocolate, screwed up the wrapper and put it into his pocket. When he’d done, he pulled out an envelope and passed it over. “Twenty quid. I took it from my mum’s purse this morning.”
“Cheers, mate.” A hug was out of the question, so a wink did the job instead. “I appreciate it.”
“You think you’ll get taken into care?”
“I’m not letting that happen again. Remember when they sent me off to those foster parents?”
“The time your mum stabbed your dad?”
“Aye. It was a nightmare. They made me say prayers before eating. Even at breakfast. And there was a mad girl there who spent all her time rocking backwards and forwards and wouldn’t close her mouth when she ate. Disgusting.” He winced at the memory of it all.
“Good job your dad said it was an accident, wasn’t it?”
“Otherwise they’d still have me on my knees praying for my soul.”
Bonnie had been looking out of the school gates, but whatever it was that had caught her interest must have gone. She turned to start another of her circuits.
“She’s coming round again,” Archie said. “Think she’ll actually stop and talk this time?”
Much as Jesse hoped so, he didn’t dare tempt fate. “Nah.”
“Never mind.” Archie took a packet of gum from his coat pocket. “I’m cutting down on the sugar before Christmas. Fancy a stick?”
Jesse took a piece, unwrapped it and chewed. The mint freshened up his mouth and set him talking again. “So what am I supposed to do? Go and live on the streets?”
“I hear London’s full of them.”
“What?”
“Streets.”
“No kidding. And they’re made of gold, right?”
“Platinum. And it’s warmer down south.”
“I’m not going there. England’s no place for a Southsider.”
“What about the treehouse?”
Archie had a treehouse at the bottom of his garden. At least that’s what they called it. It was more like a posh shed and it had almost as much floor space as Jesse’s flat. It had a rope-ladder all the way to the base and was out of sight of the main house.
“Are you serious? That would be amazing. But it would still be cold, right?”
“And you’d have to keep it dark in case anyone noticed.”
“It’s hardly luxury, then.” Archie wrinkled up his nose when he heard that, as if his feelings had been hurt. “Only kidding. I love the treehouse, you know I do. And it’s nicer than my place. It’d be boss if you’d let me.”
Archie’s face loosened and he returned to chewing. “Course. It’s what friends are for. I’ll bring a key tomorrow.”
“Cool. So all I need now is a way to make some cash.”
Archie nodded over to Bonnie who was back at the school gate. “You’ll just have to get a job mate.” He stood, punched Jesse on the shoulder and set off. “I’ll leave you to it for a while. Maybe she’ll bite if you’re on your own.”
He was obviously right. No sooner had he moved a few steps away than Bonnie walked over in the straight line that had eluded her since lunch. She swished as the arms of her coat rubbed against her body. It was a nice sound, one that set Jesse’s heart racing.
She sat down in Archie’s place and crossed her legs.
Neither of them spoke for a while and the only thing that came from their mouths was the mist of their breath.
In the end, it was Bonnie who broke the silence. “You going to the disco on Friday night?”
“I might be.” He hadn’t decided, but the idea of turning up at school when you didn’t have to seemed completely crazy.
“I am.”
He knew that already. There was little that Bonnie got up to that he wasn’t aware of. And he happened to know that she was going with Todd Bentley. “I heard.” He was trying to act cool, but could feel the flush in his cheeks from the thought of Todd and Bonnie together and the flutter in his chest that seemed to be caused by the piercing look of her shiny, blue eyes.
“Do you want to chum me?”
Jesse’s body jolted upright as his reflexes gave him a reminder that they still worked. “What about...?” The question didn’t seem to have an ending that he could put his finger on.
“Todd?”
“That’s it.”
“Todd Bentley’s got a new nickname. Toad. As in ugly, warty frog.” Her lips had straightened and her canine teeth poked their way into view. “Ugly, warty bastard.” The words hissed from her like she’d been punctured.
“Tell me something I didn’t know already.” Not that Todd was ugly. In fact, he was the kind of kid you’d see on adverts for clothes and hairstyles and healthy cereals.
“So will you?”
It wasn’t that he was playing hard to get that he hadn’t answered earlier. It was more like his body hadn’t really recovered from the shock. This time he got the words out. “Course. I’d love to.”
Bonnie Bird stood up and allowed herself a smile. “Then I’ll be seeing you.”
Archie was over by the bins watching it all happen, his hands buried in his pockets and a smile on his face that was bigger than Fife.
When Bonnie got up to leave and the school bell rang, Jesse ran over to his mate and jumped onto him, nearly knocking the poor sod over.
“Jesse Spalding!” Mr Clegg’s voice growled over the malaise that was the end of lunch crush. Not even Clegg’s roar could wipe the smile from Jesse’s face. He looked over to his teacher and waited to accept whatever punishment was coming his way.
But I Do Know One And One Is Two
Their third night out this week. Their third different hotel. Either Cliff and his bit of skirt were doing a great job of keeping their affair secret or they were managing to spread the word with amazing skill.
This time they’d gone for the Travelodge, which might have saved them a bob or two but did nothing for adding atmosphere or culture to the experience of hanging round in the bar. Ray had seen more interesting-looking waiting rooms than this place. The chairs weren’t comfortable enough for a bar and the bright orange colour scheme probably had the same effect on drinkers as a load of artificial food additives. A snug this most definitely was not. The few strings of tinsel and a pile of mince pies under a glass dome did little to add any festive cheer.
Ray sat waiting for his drink, his fists tight as knots and the need for a cigarette bigger than it had been since he first quit. He watch
ed Cliff chatting to the barman, a young Polish guy with spikey brown hair and a silver stud shining from just above his upper lip. They were laughing about something or other and the only bit of the conversation Ray managed to pick up on was ‘keep the change’.
There was that wink again when Cliff returned to the table. The guy could bullshit for Ireland. Ray wanted to knock seven shades of the stuff from his friend’s body. Shut that eye permanently to stop it from closing all the time. Most of all he wanted Cliff to stop treating his wife this way. She was a gem. A kind and beautiful woman who’d slipped off the tracks for a while when the baby came along. As far as he knew, she’d done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment. A man like Cliff needed to spend a couple of weeks with Paula to find out how the other half lived. If nothing else, she’d have him learning the true meaning of ‘under the thumb’.
The thoughts were messing with Ray’s head. A swirling mix of Paula and Izzy, of Jesse and Rose and the craving for a smoke had him needing to grab hold of something concrete to focus on. He chose the bottled Czech lager in front of him. Before pouring it into the chilled glass, he rolled the bottle around his forehead and felt it cooling his mind.
“Here’s to the newest employee of Belfast’s jewel in the crown. Cheers, mate,” Cliff said, the wink providing a kind of full stop to the toast.
“Cheers.”
They clinked bottles and drank from them.
The suds settled Ray down as he paid attention to them slipping down his throat and lowering his temperature. He took another gulp before stopping to pour the rest of the beer into the glass.
“Don’t worry. We won’t be kicking you out straight away. You can stay with us for the first month or two, no problem. As long as you can get your arse out with me for a drink a couple of times a week, we’re even.”
It made Ray feel like a prostitute, putting it like that. Reminding him that he was selling his soul for services rendered. The beer fizzed in his stomach as if it wanted to return to sample a little more of the Travelodge’s great atmosphere.