‘But will he, really? I didn’t see that from your letters, darling. Or in the emails you sent. In fact, at no time have I ever had cause to believe that Otis Greene was the man you were destined to marry.’
Why would she come all this way to see Bea celebrate her engagement only to drop such a bombshell? This was unfair: Bea had made her decision. Why couldn’t Grandma Dot be happy for her? ‘I think he is. That’s why I accepted his proposal.’
‘Nonsense. You accepted his proposal because the man you truly loved didn’t want you. I know this is hard for you to hear, Beatrix, but when should it be said if not now? In every correspondence we’ve shared since the spring, one name has come up, time and time again: Jake Steinmann. Oh, you said he was a friend, a great friend, someone you felt unthreatened by, and someone who understood you. But you were crushed when he appeared to say he didn’t want anything more. You emailed me at four in the morning, for heaven’s sake! If he meant nothing to you, surely you would have waited to tell me what happened?’
Bea could feel tension claiming her neck and shoulders. ‘Grandma, this isn’t helpful. We’re at my engagement party …’
Grandma Dot gripped her hand. ‘I know, my love. That’s why you need to hear it now.’
Bea fought her anger back. She didn’t want to argue with her grandmother but what else could she say to change her mind? ‘Grandma, I appreciate what you’re saying, but the thing is—’
‘Everything good here, ladies?’ Otis was smiling as he walked up to them, offering Bea and Grandma Dot his arms.
Dot maintained her insistent stare on Bea, who turned to her fiancé.
‘Everything’s fine,’ she stated firmly. ‘Isn’t it, Grandma?’
Dot didn’t smile. ‘Apparently.’
Otis missed the tension, grinning broadly at them both. ‘We’re ready to get started. Shall we?’
The guests were seated in the middle of the loft restaurant, each one smiling at Bea as she entered the room with Otis and Grandma Dot. Giesla and Gudrun from 12B waved at her, wearing their best frocks for the occasion; Celia, Stewart, Ed and Rosie raised their glasses; Bea’s parents beamed with pride, her mother rising to escort Grandma Dot to the family table, leaving Bea with Otis in the middle of the room. Imelda and Russ wolf-whistled from the nearest table, Russ winking at Bea to indicate his blessing. All around the beautiful space the people Bea loved most were waiting for her new fiancé to make his speech. And Bea’s heart was racing as her grandmother’s grave expression dominated her vision.…
‘Ladies and gentlemen, family, friends, I want to thank you for coming out in the snow to be here this evening. This beautiful lady on my arm is the love of my life. And I am over the moon that she’s agreed to become my wife next year …’
Next year? Despite their decision to wait, had Otis already settled on a date without telling her? Bea pushed her doubt away, her fingers cradling the diamond on her ring finger.
‘… Now, I’ll admit, at the start of this year if you’d told me I would be planning a wedding by Christmas I’d have said you were nuts. But here we are. And I couldn’t be happier. This woman –’ he turned to face her ‘– this incredible woman endured more than most would have done because she believed I could be a better man than I was. She saw in me what no one else did: potential for more. In life, my friends, there are few greater things we can aspire to. Bea loved me – and, thankfully, still loves me – enough to see past the disappointments to this one, immovable truth: that we are meant to be together …’
Bea’s eye fell on the diamond ring. All of a sudden, it looked out of place on her hand. Throughout Otis’ overblown speech, she had been growing increasingly uncomfortable and had tried her best to dismiss the feeling as nerves. But it refused to leave her and now, as Otis invited her to speak, one sentence screamed loud in her mind:
This isn’t what I want!
‘I’ll hand you over to my beautiful fiancée Bea, who I know wants to say a few words to you all.’ Otis ushered Bea forward.
With every eye on her like a hundred follow-spots, Bea froze. ‘I …’ she began, battling to assemble words in her mind.
‘She’s so in love she’s lost the power of rational speech!’ Uncle Gino quipped, causing a ripple of laughter to cross the room.
‘Go Bea!’ Russ shouted, as Imelda applauded.
Beads of cold sweat were forming on her palms and at the nape of her neck; her heart beat so rapidly she felt faint; but this was her only chance to express what every atom of her being was feeling. ‘It’s so good of you all to come tonight and I’m really touched you wanted to be here …’
‘We wouldn’t be anywhere else, darling,’ her father said, eliciting appreciative murmurs from the party guests.
Bea didn’t want to see their encouraging smiles. ‘That’s why this is so hard …’
Imelda and Russ were the first to sense something was wrong, closely followed by Ed and Rosie, who exchanged worried looks.
‘The thing is, I honestly thought this was what I wanted. It was all I thought about at the beginning of the year and then, when Otis asked me to marry him a few weeks ago, I thought he had finally come to his senses. What I didn’t know was that I was about to come to mine …’
Grandma Dot was nodding slowly, willing Bea onwards, her gaze full of compassion for her granddaughter. Otis remained at Bea’s side, the corners of his wide smile just beginning to tighten as the guests looked on.
‘This isn’t what I want. I’m so sorry, Otis. I made a mistake. You’re wonderful and I’ve appreciated everything you’ve done for me. But I can’t marry you.’
Stunned silence filled the room.
‘What do you mean? Everyone is watching us …’ Otis hissed, his eyes darkening further beneath a frown.
‘This – us – it isn’t right. If I married you we would end up unhappy.’
‘But I love you! You said you loved me too …’
She hated doing this to him now, after everything he’d done to prove his love to her, but she had to be true to herself. Grandma Dot was right about that.
‘I don’t love you like you need to be loved,’ she whispered back, slowly sliding the ring from her finger, placing it in his palm and folding her fingers over his. The words stung her, but they were the right ones to say. ‘I’m truly sorry. Goodbye, Otis.’
Without another word, Bea turned and fled from the room as behind her utter chaos broke out.
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
Sheehan, Sheehan and Owen offices, East 43rd Street
Jake waited alone in the stylish reception area of the legal practice, trying his best not to obsessively watch the second hand of the oversized clock on the wall as it marked the passing seconds to the biggest decision of his life this year. He hadn’t slept well the night before, his thoughts inevitably turning to Bea celebrating her engagement to a Lower East Side art dealer last night. He should have been at the party as her friend to support her, but he understood why she hadn’t invited him. It would have been painful beyond belief to see her so happy with another man. Staying away was the sensible choice.
His phone buzzed and he peered at the display. Ed, again. His brother had been trying to call since six a.m. and it was getting to be beyond a joke. His support was always welcome, but this level of compassion was bordering on stalker-like.
‘Stop calling me,’ he growled at his phone, rejecting the call. Almost immediately the display lit up again, this time with two text messages. The first, unsurprisingly from Ed, read:
Dude, call me as soon as you can.
Ignoring it, Jake flicked to the second message, instantly relaxing when he saw the sender’s name:
Jake, when something is worth having, you just know.
Thinking of you today. Desiree x
That’s more like it, Jake smiled. Real support, at the perfect time he needed it. He congratulated his decision to tell Desiree about his intentions this morning.
‘Jacob!’ Chuck Willets sm
iled as he walked from the elevator towards him.
Jake stood and shook his lawyer’s hand. ‘Hey Chuck.’
‘Are you ready to do battle one last time?’
‘Actually, no. Maybe you should sit down.’
Puzzled, Chuck did as he was told. ‘Now you’re not going to tell me you want nothing from the settlement again, are you? Because we talked about this …’
‘No, nothing like that. But Jess and I …’
Chuck’s bushy eyebrows made a bid for the high ceiling. ‘Jess and you?’
‘We’ve been talking. And we’ve decided to call off the divorce. For the time being, at least. We haven’t had the chance to really address our problems and I’d like to do that before I sign away our marriage.’
Chuck frowned at his client. ‘Kinda late to be making that kind of decision, isn’t it?’
‘I’m sorry, Chuck, I know you’ve put so much work into this for me.’
‘It’s your money, Doc.’ Jake could almost see his lawyer’s mind working. ‘Well, O-K, if you’re certain that’s what you both want?’
‘It is.’
‘Alrighty then. But this is how I advise you both to play it: we don’t mention this to Don Sheehan before the moment presents itself. Trust me, that guy’s out for his pound of flesh. If we spring the news on him too soon, he’ll retaliate, try to talk Jess out of it and into a stronger position for demands. All I ask is that you wait for my signal. Agreed?’
‘Agreed.’
‘Good. You’ve no more curveballs waiting for me, have you?’
‘No, we’re good,’ Jake assured him, relieved to have told Chuck about the plan. He respected the man and didn’t like withholding things from him. Now, with his lawyer on side, he could go into the meeting confident of no nasty surprises. This was what he wanted: to be able to concentrate on what was real and attainable, not impossible and doomed to failure.
An associate approached them. ‘Mr Sheehan will see you now.’
Chuck turned to Jake. ‘Ready?’
‘Absolutely,’ Jake replied, surprised by the resolution in his answer. ‘Let’s make this happen …’
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
Bea’s apartment, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Everything in Bea’s body hurt. After a night with no sleep and enough tears to flood her apartment, she felt completely wrung out. Her phone was off the hook, the unobtainable tone droning in the corner, her coffee table strewn with discarded tissues and empty wine glasses. Her family would want to see her, but this morning she wasn’t ready for their inevitable questions. She would call them later, she decided, when she felt stronger.
Sick of the darkness in her apartment, she picked her way across the living room floor to pull up the blind, blinking as the too-white light flooded in from the snowy street outside. Fresh snow had fallen overnight, leaving local motorists to plough at a snail’s pace in a long, impatient line along St Marks Place and 4th Avenue. It was still early but already several neighbours were out with shovels moving the worst of the snow from the roads and sidewalks. It was a feature of life here that had first attracted Bea to this neighbourhood: while her neighbours might not be as close as those she’d known back in Shropshire, when situations arose that affected the whole area in Brooklyn, everyone banded together.
Staring out at her snow-covered neighbourhood, Bea felt alone. She hated that, once again, her family had been dragged into the mess of her romantic life, especially as her nonagenarian grandmother had travelled against doctor’s orders to be there. But then, she reasoned, out of every member of her family, Grandma Dot was probably the only one smiling this morning.
She had to put it all behind her – to see the New Year as a new start in every sense of the word. There was much in her life she was proud of and she resolved to invest her time and energy in building on her success. As she had told herself countless times during the months of The Pact, there was so much more to Bea James than her relationship status. It was time the world saw it.
Staring at the wreck of her apartment, Bea set to work. She pulled empty boxes and rubbish bags from the cleaning closet and started to pack away all traces of Otis. It surprised Bea how much of Otis’ belongings remained in her apartment from their acrimonious split earlier in the year. Her resolve to rid her life of him had clearly not been as strong then as she’d assumed it to be. For an hour she worked steadily, her confidence growing with each new item discarded, until a familiar wailing sound from the fire escape beyond her window caused her to stop.
An icy blast of freezing air hit her as she slid up the sash window and reached out to rescue the snow-laden, smoky grey furball, hugging it to her as she shut out the winter wind once more.
‘Enjoying the snow, eh Gracie?’
The cat shuddered and buried her head further into the crook of Bea’s arm.
‘Let’s get you warmed up, shall we?’
After towelling the terrified feline dry, Bea made a makeshift nest of blankets and cushions on one end of her couch and Gracie climbed into it with the tiniest hint of a purr.
‘I’ll take you home to Giesla and Gudrun when I’ve finished this, OK?’ Bea asked, but Gracie was already fast asleep in her cosy hideaway. If Bea was honest with herself, the last thing she wanted to do today was visit her neighbours who had been at the party last night and witnessed everything. Their concern would be genuine, but Bea wasn’t ready to study the scattered remnants of her engagement party just yet.
As she filled the fourth box, a pile of her former fiancé’s art books balanced on the arm of her chair toppled over, knocking her vintage phone to the floor. Irritated, Bea picked it up, replacing the receiver without thinking. Instantly, it began to ring.
Please don’t be Otis. Or Mum and Dad. Or Aunt Ruby … ‘Hello?’
‘Bea, it’s Rosie. I’m so glad I caught you. I tried your mobile but there was no answer. I only realised you’d given me your home phone number when Ed reminded me. How are you?’
Bea sank into her favourite armchair, curling her legs up underneath her and pulling a tartan rug over her knees. ‘I’m OK. Tired, but OK.’
‘I wanted to come after you last night but Ed said to let you go. I just didn’t want you being on your own after something like that. I know how awful it can be … Is there anything you need? Anything at all?’
‘Thanks Rosie, but I’m fine. I appreciate you calling, though.’
‘Come to Kowalski’s? A change of scene might help.’
‘I don’t think so …’
‘OK, hear me out: right now you need friends who aren’t going to grill you for the juicy details of what happened yesterday. You don’t need to be alone in your apartment going over and over it all. I can promise, hand on heart, that neither Ed nor I have any wish to go over that ground. We just want to be there for you. Come for an hour, even. Have coffee with us, perhaps a bit of a laugh? You’ll feel better for it, I promise.’
The half-packed boxes and bin bags sat in Bea’s apartment like tombstones, the atmosphere in her living room heavy with the smell of last night’s alcohol and regret. Suddenly, Bea wanted nothing more than to be out of there. She would return Gracie to her hapless owners and head for the Upper West Side.
‘I’ll be there in an hour.’
Kowalski’s looked even more picturesque in the snow than it had in the midsummer sun. Its windows were filled with festive flowers, cut-paper snowflakes and twinkle lights, and the welcoming smell of coffee as Bea pushed open the door made her smile.
Rosie hurried over to hug Bea immediately, Ed raising his hand in greeting from behind the counter.
‘I’m not going to mention last night, I promise,’ Rosie reassured Bea as they sat down. ‘Old F has been busy preparing his finest coffee for you and Ed’s been pretty handy with the snacks.’
Grinning, Ed produced an M&H Bakers’ bag. ‘Frankie had a special on doughnuts. It would have been unneighbourly not to support him.’
Bea’s appetite, which ha
d been missing-in-action since yesterday morning, was soon coaxed back by the deliciously spiced, glazed ring doughnuts and strong coffee from the flower shop’s resident percolator. ‘Thank you. This is wonderful.’
Rosie sat beside her. ‘I’m so glad you came over.’
‘It’s been an odd year,’ Bea admitted, wanting to talk about what had happened after all. ‘But I know I made the right decision. I had to test my feelings for Otis to discover what I really wanted. Jake was right about that.’
Rosie flinched a little but covered it quickly. ‘Be honest with me: what was the deal with you and Jake?’
There was no point denying anything in Rosie and Ed’s presence. Bea was aware they already knew more than anyone else. ‘I really liked him,’ she admitted with a sigh. ‘I hoped he would reconsider his “no-relationship” rule for me. But I was wrong.’
‘What “no-relationship” rule?’
‘The one we made at your engagement party. We made a pact. I meant it and for a long time it seemed to be working. But then we had a moment in Central Park and I realised how I felt about him. I was going to tell him at your wedding but it came out wrong …’
‘And this pact of yours?’
‘I would have dropped it in an instant if he’d asked me to.’
Surprised, Rosie exchanged glances with her new husband, who disappeared into the workroom at the back of the store. Taking hold of Bea’s hand, Rosie shook her head. ‘Bea, I hate to tell you this now: Jake liked you, too.’
Bea stared back. ‘What?’
‘But he thought you’d sworn off relationships. That’s why when you told him about Otis he assumed you loved him enough to break your rule.’
‘We both made The Pact! He suggested it in the first place and we shook on it. I told him about Otis because I think I wanted him to talk me out of marrying him. When he didn’t, I assumed it was because he didn’t feel anything for me. I thought that was my answer.’
Bea’s head swam. Had she been working under a wrong assumption? Her heart sank as she realised her mistake; and worse, that it was now too late to do anything about it. She’d more or less given Jake her blessing to rescue his marriage.
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