by Green, Maree
Chapter 49
Jace
The silence that hung in the air around me was at exact odds to the war going on inside my head. Inside me was chaos. Complete. Fucking. Chaos.
I had so many different emotions running riot in there, I had no fucking chance of compartmentalizing them.
As I sat on the bench down the end of my back yard, I thought about each and every one of them. Guilt. Anger. Fear. Despair. Grief. It was all there. And the end result seemed to be nausea.
I knew the doctor had said her memory should come back, but I was so fucking scared what would happen if it didn’t.
Footsteps crunching on the leaves had me looking up. I watched Aiden’s figure as he moved towards me. His expression was unreadable. Panic joined the other emotions, uninvited. “Is she okay?”
Aiden sat down beside me. “Yeah, she fine. She’s asking a lot of questions about you.”
Hope quickly pushed everything else out of the way. “Can she remember anything?”
Aiden offered me a piteous smile. “Not yet.”
I exhaled hard, my chest aching.
“Apparently Mom told her they went to get contraception. Anything you want to tell me?”
Not fucking likely. I gave him a hard look. “Nope.”
“I told her I had to beat you up now.” I clenched my jaw and gave him a warning look. If he tried, he would lose. I had some pretty fucked up energy pulsing through me at that moment. He smirked. “She yelled at me.”
I sighed. “I can’t stand this, Aiden. What if she never remembers? What if she doesn’t ever want to get back together? I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do.”
“She’s only been awake for a few hours. Give her some time.”
“I need to see her. I need her to see me.”
Aiden pressed his lips together and nodded. “Yeah, I imagine you do.”
“Do you think your mom will let me?”
He pushed himself to his feet and gave me a determined stare. “We’re not going to tell her.”
***
I opened the door hesitantly. I had no idea what to expect. I hoped she wasn’t going to flip out on me. I really didn’t want to upset her.
Seeing her sitting up quietly, staring out the window, I pushed the door open further and stepped inside.
Mia’s head turned, and when she saw me standing there, her eyes instantly went wide. “Jace-” My name came out like a breath.
I gave her a sad smile, finding it hard to hide the pain inside me. “Hi. Can I come in?” I don’t know why I asked, because if she said no, I wouldn’t leave anyway – not until I got to talk to her.
She looked nervous, but thankfully she nodded.
Moving to the far side of her bed, I pulled the visitor’s chair closer and sat down. It was so fucking hard not to reach out to her and take her hand. I wanted to so fucking much. I felt my jaw clench and my brow crease with the effort it was taking to hold myself back.
“I know you said you didn’t want to see me, but I just couldn’t...” I swallowed hard. This was so much harder than I thought it’d be. “Do you really not remember anything?”
Her eyes were filled with so much sadness. I was sure mine looked exactly the same. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
I exhaled, looking down at my hands. “It’s okay. I don’t want to upset you. I don’t really know what to say. I guess I just needed to see for myself...”
I forced myself to look back at her, to look into her eyes so I could see the truth for myself, but when I was met with eyes that only showed fear and uncertainty, I wished I hadn’t. After weeks of only seeing excitement, happiness, and desire in those same eyes, the truth almost brought me to my knees. It was fucking killing me.
“It just doesn’t make any sense, Jace.” Her voice was soft, full of confusion. “I mean, we hardly ever saw each other, let alone talked to each other. How could we possibly end up together?”
I gave her a sad smile. “I know. It was definitely unexpected.”
I watched her swallow, nervous fingers fidgeting with her sheet. “Kaeli says we’ve slept together.” Her voice was so quiet, I almost couldn’t hear her. I didn’t miss the stress I heard in it though. I gave her a worried look. “Aiden said you only told him last week that you liked me. How were we sleeping together?”
I looked at the tears filling her eyes, knowing I promised Aiden I wouldn’t upset her. “You didn’t want anyone to know we were seeing each other. Aiden asked me if I liked you after he saw us talking in the hall.”
“So how long had we been seeing each other for?”
I wasn’t sure how far I should go with this. I knew it would be easy to misconstrue. “Do you remember going to Aspen?”
She frowned. “I...maybe...I remember the cabin...and Aiden was there...”
“Do you remember the avalanche?”
Her eyes widened and I instantly knew she didn’t. “No.”
“You decided to stay at the cabin while everyone else went out. I had to go back to drop the car back, and while I was there, there was an avalanche, cutting the roads so the others couldn’t get back, and we couldn’t get out.” I looked at her hesitantly, still not sure. “We spent the night together then.”
The second I was met with her horrified expression, I knew I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
Fuck.
Chapter 50
Mia
My mouth hung open in shock.
We’d slept together just like that?! I was mortified. How could he have taken advantage of me like that? How could I have let him? I glared at him, unable to speak, then suddenly, I was angry. Very angry. At what, I wasn’t quite sure. A little at Jace for taking advantage of me, and a lot at myself for allowing it. I was no better than a slut. The realization was devastating.
“It wasn’t like that, Mia,” Jace said pleadingly. “Please don’t think it was meaningless and cheap. You told me it was all you could handle out of a relationship.”
His words only make it worse. It was my choice? I was the one who decided to start a relationship based on sex? Well, that explained the need to get contraception. My self-image plummeted.
“You need to go, Jace,” I said quietly.
“Mia, please...”
“I can’t do this right now, Jace. I need you to go.” My voice was strong and hateful. It wasn’t directed at him, just myself, and I knew he didn’t know that, but I didn’t have what was needed to explain that just then.
“Don’t do this,” he whispered.
“Get out,” I said. I was three seconds from falling apart, and I needed him gone.
I held his gaze, not backing down. The pain and panic I saw in his eyes almost had me wishing I could reach for him, but I didn’t know him. Not like he wanted me to.
Jace stood, his posture one of defeat. He paused, taking once last chance to beg with his eyes before he walked out the door.
The door closed behind him and I was left in shock. After hearing everyone talk about us dating, I was really beginning to think we actually meant something to each other. To find out our relationship was nothing more than casual sex, destroyed something inside me.
I wanted to know what happened to make me act in such a way. The perception I had of who I was as a person was severely shattered. And the fact that Jace had gone along with it made me hate him.
Looking at it objectionably, it was easy to see I’d fooled everyone into thinking I was crazy about Jace, just to make it look like we were in a real relationship, when all I’d obviously wanted out of it was sex. And Jace had been fine with that because sex was all he’d wanted out of it too.
I felt sick. Disgusted with myself.
I didn’t know who this person was. This emotionally detached being that had acted this farce out. Where did she come from? And why?
My head ached. I was so confused. I honestly had no idea where I was supposed to go from here.
A knock sounded on the door, and I looked up to see
Mom’s worried face. She pushed the door open and hesitantly stepped into the room, followed by two people I’d never seen before. The badges pinned to the waistband on their slacks immediately caught my attention.
“Hi, baby. This is Officer Greggs and Officer Weatherford. They just wanted to ask you a few questions, okay?”
I raised my eyebrow at them. If their questions were about what happened at school then they weren’t going to get many answers. I still couldn’t remember anything. I shrugged. After Jace’s visit, I wasn’t really in the mood for niceties.
“Hi, Mia. How are you feeling?” The one Mom introduced as Officer Weatherford spoke, coming to sit in the chair beside the bed.
I gave him a non-committal shrug. “Not that great.”
He nodded as though he was expecting my answer. “We’ll try to be quick.”
I drew in a deep breath as I watched him pull out his notebook.
“Doctor Sanders said you were suffering from a mild case of amnesia and that you might not remember much from the day you sustained your injuries, but anything you can remember would be helpful.”
I laughed humorlessly and laid my head back against the headboard. “Yes, it would, wouldn’t it? In fact, if I could just remember what the hell I’ve been doing for the past couple of months, then I might actually feel like I know who I really am.”
He looked at me with a slight confusion. “Are you saying you don’t remember anything from that day?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.” I glanced at Mom. She was looking at me like she didn’t know who I was either. Perfect.
“What can you tell me about Melissa Thompson?”
Melissa? Why the hell was he asking me about Melissa? I didn’t even really know the girl. “Nothing really. She’s just a girl that goes to my school.”
“You don’t have any recollection of an altercation you might have had with her in the girl’s bathroom at school?”
I blinked at him. Was he serious? Shit. An altercation? “No.” My voice had given up the fight. The things I couldn’t remember were getting worse. It seemed my life had become quite the drama over the last couple of months.
“Look,” I said, tired of feeling so stupid when it came to my own life. “The last thing I remember was a trip I made with my brother two months ago, and those memories are sketchy at that. Not being able to remember has been rather upsetting, and I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now.”
“I understand. Thank you for your time.” He stood. “Please let us know if you remember anything. Your mother has our numbers.”
I watched them say goodbye to Mom before they left and closed the door behind them.
Mom walked towards the bed slowly, like she was frightened she would scare me. I could tell she was worried. “Are you okay?” she asked cautiously.
I wished everyone would stop asking me that. Of course I wasn’t okay. “Not really.”
“What happened?”
I sighed. “I’m not really in the mood to talk right now, Mom.”
Silence filled the room. I had no idea what she was thinking. I couldn’t look at her to try to gauge it.
“I’m sorry, but I just want to be alone.”
She paused for a little while, then leant over and gave me a kiss on the forehead. “Okay, sweetie. Just don’t be too hard on yourself, okay? Everything will come back when the time’s right. You just need a little patience.”
I thought over her words for a long time after she left. They made me realize I probably was being a little too tough on myself. I was trying to force myself to accept something I had no way of understanding. I knew I needed to give myself time, but that was a pretty hard thing to do when you couldn’t remember how you lost your virginity.
Chapter 51
Jace
“Snap!”
I was brought back to the present for the sixth time in the last five minutes by that one little word. I looked up at Ruby’s bright smile and she giggled.
“I win!” she said excitedly.
I inhaled deeply and gave her a tiny smile. Damn she was a cutie. “Ah Ruby, you’re just too good for me today.”
I didn’t know how it was possible, but her grin grew even wider. I helped her pack up the cards and put them back in the box, and when we were done, she tucked her hand in mine. “I’m hungry.”
“Are you now? How about we go make some sandwiches?”
Her eyes sparkled. “Can I help?”
“Of course you can. Come on.”
I took her into the kitchen and lifted her onto the bench.
When Mom asked me if I could babysit that morning, I wasn’t sure if I could mentally handle it. The memory of Mia’s horrified expression from the night before was still burnt in my mind. But looking after Ruby seemed to have been just the distraction I needed. Obviously, my mind still slipped sometimes, but for most parts, she was the perfect distraction.
I let Ruby have complete control over our sandwich making project, just helping her as she needed it. The mess at the end showed just how much she loved it, but it was worth it.
We ate right where we were standing, sipping on pink milk for an added treat. Although it would’ve been heaps easier if I cleaned the mess up on my own, the amount of fun she got out of it made it worthwhile to let her help.
We were just washing the last of the dishes when the doorbell rang.
Ruby ran to open it, excited to be playing the lady of the house. She squealed when she saw Aiden standing there and launched herself into his arms. “Aidy!”
Ruby was the only person alive allowed to call him that.
“Hello, princess. Wow, look how big you’re getting!”
I rolled my eyes at him, but I grinned just the same. All the guys had a soft spot for Ruby. I sometimes wondered what she would think about it all when she was a teenager - especially if we hit the big time like we all hoped.
I walked back into the living room, knowing Aiden would follow me, and flicked on the TV. “Here you go, munchkin. You can watch the fairies before nap time okay?”
She squealed and wriggled out of Aiden’s arms to run over to the lounge. “Thanks, Jace!”
I got the show going and gave her a kiss on her forehead. “I’m just going to go talk to Aiden in the kitchen okay?”
“Okay.” She never took her eyes off the screen.
I chuckled then turned for the kitchen. Flicking the kettle on, I grabbed two mugs from the cupboard. “Coffee?”
I didn’t look at him when I asked. Having him there was only making everything rush back to me again. The ache, the despair, the loneliness. I didn’t want to feel those things.
“Thanks,” he said, sitting down at the bench.
I went about fixing the coffees in silence, the memories and the pain growing with each passing second until I couldn’t handle it any more. Placing my palms on the edge of the bench, I stretched my arms out straight and hung my head.
I heard Aiden sigh. “I take it it didn’t go well?”
I lifted my head and met his gaze for a split second before shaking my head.
“Yeah, I figured as much. Mia’s refusing to see anyone.”
I pushed myself up and ran my hands over my face and head. “I don’t know how to deal with this. I mean, I know I have to give her time, but it’s driving me fucking crazy.” I stalked to the other side of the kitchen and exhaled heavily. “Jesus, if it was normal relationship drama, I might have half a fucking chance, but this…how am I supposed to deal with this? She doesn’t even remember me being anything other than your douchebag best friend.”
“Hey, as far as I’m concerned, you’re still my douchebag best friend.”
I sighed. I knew he was only trying to make me feel better, but the only thing that could do that at this point in time was if Mia walked back into my arms.
“She’s going home this afternoon,” he said quietly.
I closed my eyes. I just wanted things to go back to how they were before Mo
nday. Back to when the only thing we had to worry about was me going on tour. Back to when she was beneath me and I was inside her and we both knew what we were feeling was love.
I should’ve told her I loved her back in the hospital.
“Fuck.”
Aiden stood and took a step towards me. “You need to calm down man.”
I growled. “Easy for you to say.”
He sighed. “Look, you need a distraction. Constantly thinking about it isn’t going to help. Why don’t we jam or something…play Ruby something fun…?”
When I thought of playing music I thought of Mia, so that wasn’t going to fucking work. “Only if you want to make me even more depressed than I already am...”
His eyes narrowed as he thought. “We could go beat the fuck out of some Grunge Guys…”
Now that sparked my interest. I could almost taste how good that would feel. “Man, I would fucking love to do that, but I don’t feel like spending the next ten years in jail.”
Aiden leant back against the bench. “I’d fucking love it too. Little fuckers deserve to have the shit beat of them.”
“And Melissa. She better not come anywhere fucking near me, I swear…”
“I don’t think you need to worry too much about that. From what I hear she’s been expelled and is facing charges over what she did. Mia wasn’t the only one who was hurt that day, and there’re a lot of angry parents calling out for blood.”
“Yeah well she won’t be getting any sympathy from me.”
Aiden pressed his lips together. “Mia doesn’t know. Mom says it’ll be too much for her, especially while she can’t remember anything. She won’t understand how it all came to that.”
No. Lillian was right. “Yeah, without remembering everything leading up to that, I think it’d scare her to think someone could be out for her like that.”
Silence fell between us for a few moments before Aiden sagged further against the wall.
“Fuck.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “I thought I was worried about her before, but this is so much worse. At least before it was her choice. She was aware of what she was doing and could prepare herself for any repercussions, but this…this is the old Mia meeting a situation she has no chance of mentally grasping.”