by J. L. Beck
“Do what?” His eyes grew dark, and his brow furrowed as he headed toward our suburb. I shifted in the seat, turning my body so I could see all of him and watch the expressions that formed on his rigid face.
“Why didn’t you act in rage? Just the other day you choked me against the wall for no reason, but just now, you did nothing. Even I wanted to punch that guy behind us in the mouth, so I can’t imagine how much he was getting on your nerves too!” I provoked, waiting for him to give me a truthful answer.
“Not everything has to be used as an outlet for anger.” He gripped the steering wheel harder than needed, his knuckles turning white. He was such a liar. He had used me as an outlet for his anger, not once but twice now.
“I call bullshit!” I ranted. He sighed. The sound was something I never heard from him before. It was quite pleasant and different than the normal growl or huff that fell from his lips.
“If you must know, princess, I was more concerned with if you were okay than with anything else.” His confession startled me. I busted out in a crazy evil laugh. One that caused him to cast me a glare of concern.
I huffed out a heavy breath feeling a bit frustrated. “You make no sense, Royal. One minute you’re the one causing me pain and the next you’re claiming you care about me and want to do nothing but protect me. What gives? Are you bipolar?” I demanded louder than intended, my voice booming inside the car.
“I’m a complicated person. A dynamic person with emotions that are almost always off the wall, Noelle. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care, though. Just because I don’t show a certain emotion in vivid color doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.”
“I’m sorry…” I tried to catch my breath, still reeling from his previous comment as I held my hand to my chest. “I just couldn’t believe you said that you cared about me. I thought for sure you would throw me into shark-infested water before you ever admitted that.” I took a deep breath, my eyes meeting his. He didn’t seem amused, in fact, he seemed kind of hurt.
“I’m an asshole. I’m selfish and I’m violent as fuck, but I wouldn’t ever intentionally hurt you, Noelle. Even someone like me has boundaries.” The sullen look in his eyes shifted as we pulled into the driveway.
Suddenly I was overcome with sadness. Our time alone had ended, and for the first time ever I didn’t want it to. I wanted to take the kind words he said and bottle them up to remind myself later on that he really wasn’t that big of an asshole. To remind myself when times got hard, that there was more to him than the eye could see.
I knew Royal wasn’t as heartless as he led on because I got to see a side of him that was sweet and calming, a side that told me there was a real man below the frigid surface.
“Thank you,” I said the words before we both exited the Jeep. I wanted him to know I was thankful for everything that happened today.
“For what?” he questioned me, giving my car keys back.
I smiled at him, opening the car door. “For showing me that you aren’t really as heartless as you make yourself out to be.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond, instead I slipped out of the car, slamming the door closed behind me. Then I walked up the stone walkway and away from him, leaving him to digest what I said however he would like.
Chapter Nine
-Royal
I didn’t like the way Noelle watched me, or how she could enter a room and control my entire mood. It bothered the fuck out of me. Even worse was that I let it bother me. That I let her have that control over me.
We both got our asses grilled for getting in the fender-bender. Noelle got it the worst though. She got lectured for over an hour about how she shouldn’t be giving into bad influences and behavior, and that if she listened better things like this wouldn’t have happened. Yeah, like I was the only bad influence she would have a run in with in her entire life. Didn’t they realize it was called an accident for a reason?
Viviana had a bitch fit when she found out Mark decided to get me my car, even after the small fender-bender with Noelle’s Jeep. I think the accident gave Mark exactly the excuse he wanted to buy me the car I told him last week I didn’t want. Shit hit an all-time low when the car got here. I might not have wanted the car, but watching Viviana's anger rise with each passing second was so worth giving in to what Mark wanted.
“Yeah, she tried to ground me, and then the lecture continued on for an hour. From there I told her I was eighteen and could make my own choices.” I could hear the disdain in Noelle’s voice.
I was being a bit stalkerish, standing outside her bedroom door listening to her talk on the phone. Then again, if she didn’t want anyone to eavesdrop maybe she should close her bedroom door. I peered in through the tiny slit in the door, my mouth going dry the second my eyes landed on her.
“I don’t know, Jordan.” She spoke into her cell phone. My eyes were glued to her ass. Fuck her ass was perfect. I was mesmerized into place by the lace panties she was wearing. They showed off each ass cheek in the sexiest way possible. I stared in disbelief for a moment as she pulled her shirt off her head. Fuck yes! I had to force myself into place and not go to her when there she was right in front of me in nothing but her bra and panties. All while having no clue that she was.
“I’m going, but I don’t know, and I don’t care if Royal is going.” My name falling from her lips pulled me from my trance, but only for a second. Where the fuck did she think she was going, and why did it matter if I was there or not?
I lost track of what it was that I was thinking because all I could see was her creamy white, smooth skin, and the way the soft lacey fabric of her panties laid against her hips as if it was made to be there. She was so fucking beautiful, and I was pretty fucking positive she didn’t know it.
Walking over to her dresser she pulled a t-shirt out then shimmed into a pair of dark denim shorts. My cock swelled in my jeans as I watched her pull them up the sides of her legs and up over her ass. The movements she was making made me want to barge into the bedroom and nail her against the wall.
No. Enough. She’s not what you want or what you need.
I needed to lock down whatever kind of emotions I thought I was having about her. All of this was nothing but an illusion of lust. I didn’t want Noelle. I just wanted her body.
Yeah, that was it.
I just wanted her tits and ass. And to get a rise out of her.
My mind drifted away from me for a second, and I decided right then and there I could get back at her for kneeing me in the balls earlier in the week. With the palm of my hand and a little bit too much strength, I pushed the door open all the way, the motion causing the door knob to bounce off the wall on the other side of the door.
A shriek of terror left Noelle’s throat, as the phone that was previously in her hand clanked to the floor with a loud thud. Her eyes grew to the size of saucers as she scurried across the wood floor and toward her bed where her t-shirt was lying.
That’s right. Run, baby, run.
I wanted to laugh at her, because watching her run across the room in nothing but a pair of tiny shorts and a pink lacy bra was a bit amusing and slightly hot at the same time. I had to turn off that part of the brain for a moment though. Moving with lightning speed, I entered the room, plucking the shirt off her bed, her agile fingers skimming the fabric just as I brought it to my chest.
“Cold are we?” I teased, causing her to blush, and her cheeks turned a soft shade of red. I couldn’t help it, she looked beautiful when she blushed, which seemed to be every single time I opened my mouth.
“Stop being an asshole and give me my shirt back!” As if on instinct she crossed her arms over her chest trying to cover herself up. What she didn’t realize was that it did nothing to cover her up. It merely pushed her boobs up more, causing the tops of her breast to swell out of the bra.
“Mmmm…” I tapped at my chin, my lips rising in a cocky grin. My cock was hard as concrete, and it seemed to be getting stiffer with each passing second. The anger burning
in her eyes wasn’t helping the situation either. My eyes lingered along the lace embroidery on her pink bra and then down over her smooth stomach. I could see my cum covering that smooth skin in a thick coating as I stroked myself.
“You’re a fucking creep!” she growled, diving for the shirt that was in my hands. Instead, she ended up plastering herself against my chest.
“I kind of like where this is going,” I huffed out, grinning yet again as she tried furiously to get the shirt from me. I held it in the air above her head forcing her to push herself off of me some more. I could feel the heat of her skin through my shirt.
I was so taking advantage of the situation as I glided my hand down her back until I reached her firm round ass. I couldn’t help myself as I gave it a quick, hard swat, a yelp sounding from deep within her chest.
“Royal!” She bellowed my name out in surprise and what sounded like frustration. I kind of liked hearing my name fall from her lips, even if it wasn’t in a breathy moan but more so a pissed off one.
She jumped up again, her fingers snagging onto the material just as she pulled it down toward her. I could hear the distinct sound of fabric ripping, just as I lost my footing causing our bodies to collide into one moving mass.
“Sunshine.” I whispered the words into Noelle’s hair just as we fell together upon her bedspread, our bodies a tangled web. I could feel her breath fan against my cheek, and the erratic beating of her heart against my own. God, how I had longed for this closeness with someone my entire life.
“You’re…” The hazel color of her eyes softened as she stared down at me, her gaze drifting to my lips and then back up to my eyes. She wanted to kiss me, just as much as I wanted to kiss her, if not more.
It’s lust. Nothing but a pure attraction for the opposite sex.
I let my ego tell me it was nothing, and that it was still nothing as I ran a hand through her long locks, my fingers gliding over the soft strands with ease.
Yup. I’ll be fucking damned. It was just as soft as I imagined it would be.
“I’m what?” I mustered up the words finally, dazed by her very presence. We were both breathless as we stared at one another, her chest still against mine. She could’ve moved by now, or at least rolled over, but she choose to stay laying on me, staring me right in the eyes.
Every flick of the second hand on the clock had my walls crumbling and tumbling to the ground. Noelle was chipping away at the ice cold block that surrounded my heart.
Her warmth. Her smile. Her sunshine fucking scent melting away the icy desolate space, all while forcing my heart to beat again.
“You’re so much more than you let people see. I see it— all now the broken shattered pieces of who you are piercing through your flesh. You’re so broken....” Her words pierced me straight in the heart, and I knew then that I needed to get up and leave. To push her away, and not let her see any more of what made me who I was. She had no idea the damage that I was capable of causing. I could destroy anything and everything in the blink of an eye.
Hell, you could compare me to that of a natural disaster. I would come into your life without warning and take away everything you loved and cherished, leaving you with nothing but a broken heart to nurse at the end of it all.
“Then it would be a good idea for you to stay away from me, Noelle. It’s pretty clear now that I take all the beautiful things in a person’s life and tear them apart. I’m sure you would be no different.” My jaw clenched with a tension that needed to be released as I spoke to her, and my eyes locked on hers. I couldn’t continue to sit here and be analyzed like I could easily be fixed by someone so special as her. Pushing her shoulders gently, I moved out from underneath her and away from the bed, her own body falling down onto the bedspread I was previously laying on.
“I didn’t mean it… I mean…” She tumbled over her words, panic showing in her eyes as she shoved up off the bed. I stared at her for a long moment. I wasn’t hurt by anything she said. I was more confused with my own emotions and the fact that I wanted to hold her tightly against my chest and never let her go, but at the same time I wanted to keep her as far out of reach as possible. On the very top shelf where no one could reach her, especially me.
All of this had so much more to do with the fact that she saw me— the real me— and that tiny little sliver of brokenness above everything else. She saw what I had been hiding for years. What nobody else was able to see not even my own mother. She saw a piece of me that even I didn’t like to see.
“You meant it, and guess what, I don’t care that you said it because being broken just means you know what pain feels like. It means you have survived the hardest of the hard in your life. It doesn’t hurt me or make me feel weak that you know I’m broken. I’ve always been broken. The only difference now is that I just let you see it for a change.” There was so much conviction in my words, so much emotion. I never confessed something like that out loud.
“I’m…” I could tell from the look of sadness in those hazel eyes of hers that she was going to mumble something along the lines of, I’m sorry.
I didn’t want to hear that. I didn’t want to hear anything close to an apology because it would always be me that was sorry.
With my heart beating loudly in my ears drowning out the pain that coursed throughout my body, I stared down at her.
“Broken things are always better off left alone. Sometimes all the pieces can’t be found to put the person back together. Sometimes the person doesn’t want to be fixed. That’s why if you were smart, you would leave me alone, and realize that I’m not really worth saving. Don’t try and pick up the sharp broken pieces of who I am; you will just end up getting cut in the process,” I warned. I warned her of all the bad that I would cause.
“It doesn’t have to be this way, Royal. I can see beyond the blackness. I see someone that wants to be saved,” she cried out, begging to save me. This was exactly what I meant. She would forever want something that I couldn’t give her because I wasn’t worthy of someone like Noelle.
I forced my muscles to turn away from her and head toward the door. I glanced at her one last time over my shoulder, the look of defeat and solemnness in her eyes causing a rippling wave of emotions to erupt inside of me. I hated myself for hurting her. For making her want me and knowing that I couldn’t give her any part of me.
“It does, and it will be for as long as I stay here. Please don’t try and change it, because hurting you is the last thing I want to do to you.” I would never bring this conversation up again.
Each step out and away from Noelle was a deafening blow to the heart. Every piece of my body, including the beating organ in my chest was calling to be close to her. Begging me to give in and be a better man to her. Begging me to change the monster I was to be the prince she deserved.
My hands tightened in anger. I would forever hate myself for letting someone as perfect as Noelle go. I allowed my mind to drift off into another world where maybe we could be together.
She fuels your rage, and stokes the flames of desire inside of you. She’s the match needed to end it all. Together we’re like gasolin, and fire. No good for each other. A single spark could end up burning both of us beyond repair.
Still I’ll be damned if I didn’t want to risk sticking my hands into the flames for one last burning touch.
Chapter Ten
-Noelle
I wish I could say things with Royal got less complicated that night, but they didn’t; they just got more confusing. My body hummed, and tingles cascaded across my skin whenever my mind drifted to him and the things that he said to me. The thoughts of my body lying firmly on top of his strong, warm chest was causing my heart to race and desire to pulse through me. Royal was the king of vaginal clenches.
I couldn’t believe the asshole embarrassed me like that, even if it was just in front of him. He had a death wish. I was sure of it, or maybe it was just me he was trying to kill. Whether it was with embarrassment or lust, I wasn’t sure
. Still his confession only made me want him that much more. I wanted to be that band-aid that could cover all of his wounds and protect him from the pain, but that just wasn’t a realistic thought.
“Earth to Noelle?” Jordan’s snarky and slightly drunk voice met my ears. We were supposed to be at the party already but stopped at the Falls to get our pre-drink on. I already downed a couple shots of whiskey and knew I needed to slow down in order to get us to Sasha’s house.
“I’m listening. I’m just a little lost inside of my own head right this second.” I lied. I wasn’t listening at all. I was however stuck inside my head, trying to figure out what Royal’s confession really meant.
“Well, it doesn’t matter either way. Supposedly Sasha and Royal are going to be official or something? It was all over Facebook.” Jordan paused to take a drink from the bottle of Jack Daniels, and then swiped her hand across her lips to get rid of any access liquor before offering the bottle back to me. I declined with a shake of my head.
“Mmmm, Facebook official? That must mean real life official then.” We both laughed, our laughter echoing out onto the lake before us. It was so peaceful out here, the moon casting a shadow out onto the water, and the stars seemed brighter out here away from the glow of the city lights. I could stay here forever.
“I’m going to miss you next year.” Jordan sounded sad, and a pout formed on her face.
“Our friendship is stronger than any amount of distance that could separate us,” I assured her then turned my attention up to the stars. Jordan was all I had when it came to friends; or even people that didn’t judge me. Without her, the last couple of years would’ve been one hot ass mess.
“I’m not saying it’s not strong, I’m saying I’m going to miss you. As in miss seeing you every day. Miss our talks. Miss coming out here. Miss you in general.” Oh great, drunk Jordan was about to make her first appearance of the night.