by J. L. Beck
“I…” What could I say to Olivia that wasn’t already said? I understood all of it now. Why my mother was so hateful toward me, why her and Mark acted more like roommates than a married couple. Why Royal wanted to hate me and why he really did hate my mother.
“I’m sorry,” I spoke the words with honesty. I was so sorry for the things that my mother did to all of us.
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you had no idea. I thought Royal would have told you when he found out.” Hurt overwhelmed me. How long did he know? Months or days?
“I didn’t know that she did those things to you and your family. I somehow feel as if I’m intruding now,” I laughed nervously, feeling out of my element.
“You’re not leaving, Noelle.” Royal’s sleepy voice met my ears causing me to jump up out of seat. Coffee sloshed over the rim of my cup.
“Crap.” I clutched at my chest and quickly reached for the napkins sitting in the center of the table.
“Just because your mom is a raging bitch, doesn’t mean that you are. You’re nothing like her. Nothing. If you were I wouldn’t be so in love with you.” He placed a kiss against my forehead, and then walked over to his mother and wrapped her up in his arms. She sank into him the same way I did. Like she needed him to live.
“I wasn’t going to leave. I just didn’t know because you never told me. I don’t want to be a reminder of the pain.” My mom’s hate toward me made so much more sense now.
“You’re a reminder of the good that comes from evil.” Olivia spoke before Royal could. “We can’t hate you for someone else’s actions.” The sentence she spoke reminded me of the words I said to my mom before Royal came. We couldn’t judge someone based on their past. A checkered past didn’t make for a bad person. It just meant that somewhere along the lines you veered off track.
“I didn’t know she trapped him. I was never under the impression that Mark was my father. I love Mark like a stepdad, and he has always taken care of me but that’s it.” I didn’t know why I was defending myself when I knew that I didn’t have too.
“Stop. It’s okay.” Olivia’s voice soothed me like a salve over a bleeding wound. She was everything my own mother wasn’t. Sweet. Sincere. Loving. Things that I craved in my own mother for years.
“You’ve changed me, baby. Without the things that happened I wouldn’t have met you.” Royal winked at me. It was then that I realized he was shirtless. God, everything was so fucked up. I wanted Royal again, and I felt a barrage of emotions as I stared at him and his mother. It was like finding your home after being gone for years.
This was where I needed to be, and it all finally made sense.
“That’s very true, Royal. See, you have changed him, and I can guarantee that he never would have said that before,” Olivia laughed as she made Royal a cup of coffee too.
The conversation between them continued as I watched Royal make fun of his mother, laughter filled kitchen, happiness radiating out of both of them. They seemed so alive and happy with one another. It was such a different sight than I was used to seeing at home. We never joked or played around with each other in my family. I liked this.
“I knew she was the one you loved the second I opened the door and saw the look on your face as she walked in,” I heard Olivia whisper as Royal started making breakfast. I pretended as if I wasn’t listening. I had yet to say the words out loud to him. I couldn’t because if I did they may be jinxed.
“I bet you did, Mom, and you want to know something? I wouldn’t change how my life has been for the world, because all the pain I had to endured led me straight to her.”
Of all the millions and billions of people in the world I could end up with, I got Royal Black. My prick of a stepbrother to love.
Chapter Thirty-One
-Royal
The days slipped by me far too fast and I started to wonder if I could handle letting Noelle go home. Every time I thought about it my chest started to ache.
There was just no way I could let her go back to living with Viviana. It would be like me signing her death certificate, and there wasn’t a chance in the world that I was going to do something as stupid as that.
The more I thought about it, the more I wondered why her mother didn’t try to contact her yet. Why she didn’t try to come out here and get her? She had to know that she left to see me. The fact that she didn’t call or try on her proved exactly what I already knew. Her mother didn’t give a shit about her.
I was going back to school next week, and I didn’t know if I could handle wondering if she was okay every day. The anxiety of it all would probably kill me.
“I spoke with your father on the phone last night.” My mother said in passing as I headed toward my bedroom where Noelle was taking a nap.
“He called you?” I stopped dead in my tracks, whirling around and walking back out to the kitchen to finish this conversation. I had to know what was said between the two of them, they hadn’t talked in years aside from anything but me.
“Yes he did. It turns out he cares about his stepdaughter’s safety more than her own mother does.” A frown formed on her face as she spoke.
“He wanted to fly out and check on her but I insisted that everything was okay, that I was taking care of her, and had the situation under control.”
“Is it okay? I mean, what’s going to happen with her? I can’t send her back there, Mom. You have no idea the kind of woman Viviana is and what she did to Noelle.” My heart was beating out of my chest as I spoke. Panic was a very real emotion right this second. It was wrapping around my throat and threatening to suffocate me.
“Honestly, I don’t know, Royal. Everything is kind of up in the air right now. Mark is legally Noelle’s parent so he has just as much of say in the matter as her mother does. Right now, anything could happen.” She left the sentence open ended as if to say, are you going to ask her to stay? I wanted to, but I also didn’t want her to feel like she had to make a choice between her mother and me. I might have hated Viviana, but I could never expect Noelle too. That was her mother, and blood is always thicker than water.
“I want to ask her to stay, but I feel like it might be too soon. I can’t have her thinking I want her here just to get back at her mom. I despise her mother, but I know that Noelle doesn’t. Not truly. I love Noelle, and I’ll respect whatever decision she makes, even if it feels like a dagger is splintering through my chest as I watch her leave.” I didn’t mean to let the last part slip out. I was just under so much pressure, after just having found about Viviana, my mother and father, and then taking Noelle and claiming her as my own; everything seemed to be taking a toll on me. Still I wanted to take things as slowly as possible for Noelle and I. I wanted what I never had with anyone else with her.
“I’m proud of you.” My mother shattered the silence with her words. I looked up at her with a puzzled expression.
“Proud of me? I went from punching walls to punching walls just a little less; that’s really nothing to be proud of.” The comment reminded me of the fact that I never had the chance to pound that Gabriel kid’s face into the concrete.
“I’m proud of you because you’re placing your feelings and wants to the back of your mind and allowing Noelle to make a decision all on her own, even though that decision could hurt you.” The awestruck look needed to go away, and go away fast. I wasn’t perfect. I didn’t claim to be, but I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to try and be a better man for Noelle.
We had a lifetime ahead of us, and starting off shitty wasn’t where I wanted to be when I was with her.
“It’s about being a good person for the ones you love,” I quoted my mother. It was something she said to me all the time growing up. When I was being naughty in the grocery store, or punching holes in the walls. I never understood it until Noelle weaseled her way into my life and into my heart. She shined the sun into the darkest places of my mind, making it easier to see things for what they were.
“I see you listened
to at least one thing I said to you while I struggled to raise your stubborn butt.” She rolled her eyes at me, laughter spilling from her mouth. Life was hard on her; the stress of dealing with me put a toll on both of us. I wasn’t a good person most days, but I was trying to be better, trying to do the right thing.
“I listened to what I wanted to hear.” I turned back around ready to go and tell Noelle that Mark called but stopped as my eyes landed on a pair of beautiful hazel-colored ones.
My mother slipped from the kitchen scurrying past me and into her bedroom, closing the door quietly behind her. What the hell was that about? I shook my head, forcing my attention back on the beauty in front of me.
“How long have you been standing there?” Suddenly I felt as if I was hiding something, when in reality I wasn’t. Noelle’s expression gave nothing away. I swallowed around the knot that formed in my throat.
“If you told me six months ago that I would be in love with my stepbrother I would’ve told you to get bent. Not only that, but I would have said that it was disgusting as fuck…”
Yeah, I wasn’t liking where this conversation was going.
“We aren’t related so it’s not really…” She cut me off with one single look. Every fiber of my body clamped up, and my stomach rolled with uneasiness.
“What I’m saying is, I didn’t come out here without the intention of staying. I came out here knowing that I couldn’t bear to be away from you, not for one more sunset. You make me the person I am today, and the person I want to be for the rest of my life. You’ve taught me to love myself for who I am on the inside, and not what other people like my mother want me to be.” Everything she said sliced through me. All the walls I built up around myself crumbled to the ground when it came to Noelle.
There was nothing separating us, and there never would be. Not ever again. What I had with Noelle, I wanted to be better than what my mother and father had before they had me.
“Then that means you’re staying; that you want to live with me?” I had to ask her, because if I didn’t I would question it anyway. She smiled at me, and I kid you not it felt like the sun was shining for the first time in a very long time.
“Of course, I’m staying. I love my mother; she is the woman who gave birth to me, but she is toxic. Her choices are her own, and whatever she decides to do while I’m gone is on her. I’ll just be happy that I’m not under her judgmental thumb anymore.” I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face as I glided across the floor and wrapped her up in my solid arms. The warmth of her body against mine calmed me. How could someone so imperfect be the most perfect thing for me?
“Then we need to call Mark and let him know.” I spoke into her hair, taking in her scent as air filled my lungs. It was frightening to me how much I truly needed Noelle.
“Okay, call him then.” Noelle put me on the spot forcing me to get my cell out and dial his number. The phone rang once then went straight to voicemail.
“What the fuck?” I hung the phone up and dialed it again, the same thing occurring. He never shut his phone off.
It was like the lifeline he had with his business. Something happened. I could feel it deep in my bones. I tensed underneath Noelle’s touch.
“What’s the matter?” I didn’t want to react with anger. Hell I didn’t want to react at all, but I couldn’t help but feel like something was about to go down.
“His phone is going straight to voicemail, and he never shuts the thing off.” I was suspicious of a lot of things, and Viviana was right at the fucking top of that list.
“Hold on, let me call my mom.” Noelle ran to the bedroom to get her phone leaving me to stand in the kitchen, drowning in my own emotions. I had the girl, and I had my feelings in check. I just needed to calm the hell down. I could hear Noelle’s sing song voice down the hall. She was already on the phone with her mother and from the sound of it, things weren’t going good.
“As a mother it’s your duty, hell it should be engraved in your heart to care for your child,” Noelle argued. I wanted to tell her there was no point, but I stopped myself. I needed to let Noelle do this. After all, it wasn’t my mother, and it wasn’t my wasted words. Noelle would always have a choice when she was with me.
Noelle took in a deep breath blowing it out her nose. I could see whatever her mother was saying was just dousing the already hot flames that poured from her with more fuel.
“You lied about everything. Now you claim you wish you aborted me. Come on, come up with something a little bit more believable… And you wonder why I believe them when they say you were just after Mark’s money.” There was more arguing on the other end of the line, a constant ringing of a scream that pierced my ears. I couldn’t make out what she was saying through it though.
“I’m done. Done with all of it. I love you, but you’re toxic. Living with you is like having your head constantly held under water. I feel like I drowning when I’m around you. It’s a struggle I no longer want to face every day anymore. I’m almost an adult, and I’m capable of making my own choices. I’ve made the decision to stay out here with Royal and Olivia.” I cringed as Noelle’s eyes snapped to mine.
“I’m not listening to it.” I could hear the endless assault of hateful words being lashed out at Noelle, and I had to make them stop. She was mine to protect now and no one would hurt her ever again.
Before I could grab the phone, Noelle hung up pressing the bright red end key. My world ended and started with his woman. Without thought I cradled her to my chest, only pulling back so that I could press my lips to her throat and whispered a sorry just loud enough that she could hear it. Her mother was hurting her and therefore she was hurting me.
“Don’t be. It’s not you that said those words. It’s not you that does nothing but lash out in hate. It’s not you that’s constantly trying to hurt me.” The pain she was feeling flooded me, sweeping through my body in waves. I wanted to take her in my arms, wrap her in bubble wrap, and hide her from the rest of the world.
“Still I’m sorry. I’ll be the one to say sorry for her, because she will never see a fault in the things she did. I would still hate her, even if she didn’t fuck up my childhood. Simply because she has hurt you and keeps hurting you.” I couldn’t hide the honesty or the way I was feeling. The truth was, Noelle had it way worse than I ever did growing up. My father might have been absent from my life, but I still had my mother who loved and cared for me. I didn’t have someone like Viviana constantly hating me for the person I was, wanting to change every single thing about me, because I didn’t live up to her expectations.
“Sometimes home has a heartbeat, Royal. You’re my heart. My everything. My all. I love you to the ends of the Earth and back again.” The air around me shifted as she expelled the words. She hadn’t said it yet, even though I knew how she felt about me. I held her to my chest, reminding myself of why I hated her in the beginning. She wasn’t better than me. She was the same as me. We were just two lost souls trying to find one another.
So I said the words that told her I all along.
“I already know.” Then I sealed it with a kiss.
Noelle was my princess.
My love.
My existence.
Chapter Thirty-Two
-Noelle
You know that feeling you get when you fall off of a bike for the first time after just getting your training wheels taken off? The way your hands ache as they skid across the rough ground, or maybe the scrapes and never ending bumps and bruises that come with learning to ride that bike?
When I pictured my mom, I pictured that bike. Some of us were good at riding, some of us enjoyed riding, and others just hated it. I was one of those people that hated it, and my mom was the bike, always breaking down, and always causing me to crash into shit. She was the reason for all the scrapes and bruises I had, and for every minuscule amount of pain I’ve endured.
Still the bruises healed. The scraps turned into scabs and then eventually disappeared, leaving no s
ign of them ever being there in the first place. I could feel it the minute I cut my mom off from my life that all of that pain was going away. The hurt from her words lessened. It wasn’t me that was at fault for all the hateful things she did. No, she did most of those things before I was ever even born. It was instilled in her to be as she was, and nothing not even her own daughter being born would or could change that.
“It’s not like I meant to come out here uninvited, Olivia.” Mark’s voice shattered my internal thoughts. The reason he failed to answer his phone was apparently because he was on a plane on his way out here to check on me.
“You know I’m not comfortable with any of this,” Olivia said, clearly aggravated with Mark being here. I understood that irritation. She still loved Mark, and having him here would only agitate those feelings more. It was like rubbing salt over an open wound. It hurt.
“Her mother said some pretty hurtful things about her. I got most of it on recording, but I wanted to let Noelle know before her mother contacted her about anything.”
Contacted me?
“Contacted me? I just called her a few hours ago. All she did was yell at me and tell me how worthless I was. How she only was with you for your money and tried to get you to believe that I was yours when I wasn’t.” Even bringing up the conversation in my mind was like hearing her say the words all over again.
Mark looked sad, as if he wasn’t sure what to say. “I’ve got enough evidence that I can finally divorce her, so I won’t have you listen to the recording. Just know that I offered her a lump sum of cash to leave you and Royal alone. She let me know she was accepting it when I got off the plane.”
Olivia walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my small frame. I should have been more hurt than I was, or maybe I was just used to it by now. Used to the pain because it was a constant in my life.