by H. L. Logan
“Yeah… I didn’t come upstairs because I already had come upstairs. You saw me as I was leaving.”
I thought saying this would make everything click for her. She’d realize I’d seen her kiss her new (and old) girlfriend, and she’d know why I was so upset. But she seemed equally clueless.
“If you came upstairs, why didn’t I see you? Why didn’t you come to the door? Did you change your mind about wanting to see me?”
“I did. After I saw you kiss Julia.”
She looked shocked. She fell into my accent chair, mouth agape, it all clicking together for her.
“You saw me kissing my ex…” she said slowly. “That’s why you’re so mad at me.”
“Yes… I mean, no. I don’t care that you kissed her, Kaitlyn. I understand completely. We’re not together. I broke up with you. You have a right to be with whoever the hell you want. I only cared because I thought you knew I saw you, and I thought it was rude of you to come over here and ask me why I came over, even though you’d seen me run away. Because obviously, it hurt me, though that isn’t your fault, and the kind thing to do would be leave me alone. Especially if you’ve moved on to someone else. In fact, why are you even here if you moved on to someone else?”
“Moved on to someone else?” she asked with a furrowed brow. “So… you saw us kiss, and you didn’t hear any other conversation between us?”
“I mean, briefly, I guess. She said something about ‘she really wanted to,’ though I don’t know what she wanted to do.”
She suddenly burst out laughing. It caught me off guard, because nothing I’d said seemed too humorous to me.
“Is that what all this is about?!” she asked. “You’re just mad because you think I’ve moved on and am back with my ex? And that’s the reason you didn’t come talk to me?”
“Yes…” I said, still waiting to hear the humor.
“Emily, I’m not back with my ex!”
“You’re… you’re not?”
“No! Of course not! Even with you and me broken up, I’d never go back to her! Being with you showed me how much better a relationship could be. I could never go back to second best.”
Second best… the words made my heart soar for a brief moment. Her ex was second best, but I was first.
“But I saw you kiss her…” I said, still trying to fit the pieces together.
“No, you saw her kiss me. Very suddenly and a little forcefully, and as soon as the shock wore off, I pulled away. She came to my place totally unexpectedly. I had no idea she’d even be visiting. She just showed up, and I very coldly told her there was no hope for us and to leave.”
I couldn’t believe how wrong I’d gotten it. God, and to think, if she hadn’t seen me in my car in the parking lot, I never would have figured any of this out. I would have stayed clueless and believed her to be back with her ex and probably would never have reached out again.
“So you came here only because you saw me in the parking lot, and… and why did you come here, again?” I questioned.
“Uh, to know why you came to me, I guess. I saw you, and I really regretted missing you, so. Look, I know it’s kind of pathetic for me to be here. You dumped me, and the last thing I should be doing is coming to your house and asking why you wanted to see me, but I have to know. Why did you want to see me?”
This was it, this was my moment. This was the point when I could possibly change things, maybe even change the direction of my life.
“I came to see you because I had to…” God, how did I even word it? How did I even begin.
“Yes?” she pushed me.
“I had to apologize to you. I had to tell you that… that I was wrong to break up with you. Really, unbelievably wrong, and I’m so sorry for that. I guess, when I saw that failing grade, I just got so wrapped up in my perfectionism. I’ve always striven toward it, and the thought of being held down by anything, even you, seemed like an unbearable thought.”
“Is it still unbearable?” she asked.
“No,” I said definitively. “No, since leaving you, only one thing has been unbearable, and that’s been living without you.”
A smile appeared on her face. “Really?”
“Really. I’ve been studying every moment of the day. I’ve been in a constant state of busy, because it’s the only way I can cope with my feelings without you around. There hasn’t been a spare moment when I haven’t thought about you. And I know maybe it’s too late, maybe I can’t come crawling back to you now, but I’m not sure what else to do. I can’t not come crawling back, because maybe this is my only chance. Maybe this is the only shot I have to be with you, and if it is… I’m going to take that shot. If you can’t forgive me, I understand completely, but… Kaitlyn, will you take me back?”
She stared at me seriously for a second, and my heart began to sink. I thought from her smile a moment ago there had been a good chance she’d take me back, no questions asked. But the way she was looking at me now, I wasn’t so sure.
Then suddenly, she leapt from the chair and into my arms, planting kisses all over my neck and cheek.
“Yes, yes, absolutely yes! I’ve been so unhappy without you, Em, I really have.”
And just like that, in just a moment, it was like all of my problems had vanished.
“Can it really be that easy?” I found myself asking the question that was in my head out loud.
“Can what really be that easy?” she asked back.
“This… all of this. Can it really be that easy to just have you back into my life? We can just get back together just like that? No resentment, no pain between us?”
She shrugged. “I’m sure we might have some issues to work through, but what couple doesn’t? And there is still the issue of you and school, which is the whole reason we broke up.”
“Right… yeah, speaking of that, I’m probably not going to be able to hang out with you as much as we had been before we broke up. I’m going to need to set aside more time for studying. The good news is, I’ve been doing a ridiculous amount while we were broken up, and I’m already almost through most of my textbooks, so that should make the rest of the semester easier. But still, school is still important to me. Maybe not more important than you, but a close second.”
She grinned. “Baby, I will support you one hundred percent. I promise I won’t tempt you to hang out with me extra nights. I won’t so much as text you while you’re studying. I’ll totally push you to do your absolute best.”
As she said that, I felt guilty. Because, really, it likely could have been this easy from the beginning. We could have been like this from the start, had I not messed it up.
But I wasn’t going to dwell on it, not now that I had her back. Like Abby had said, we all made mistakes in life. I couldn’t be a perfectionist in everything. I had to accept that I was going to make mistakes like everyone else. This was definitely one of them, but I was fixing it. It was all going to be better from here.
“Thank you,” I said to her softly.
“For what?” she asked.
“For being you. For forgiving me, for loving me, for everything you’ve done in the past and everything I know you will do in the future. Thank you for all of it.”
She kissed me on the cheek. “You’re welcome for all of it.”
And with her arms by my side, with the warmth of her kiss on my cheek, I knew we were going to be okay. It was all finally going to be okay.
Epilogue
Kaitlyn
I looked over at Emily in the driver’s seat, decked out in her graduation gown and cap that she hadn’t taken off, even though the ceremony had finished an hour ago. But I didn’t mind. She was excited, and she looked so good in the black robes.
“Congratulations, baby. I always knew you could do it. Even with a giant distraction like me by your side.” I was mostly teasing her about that time she’d broken up with me because I was setting her back in school, because really, ever since that break up, I’d been anything but a di
straction.
She rolled her eyes. “If anything, you helped push me to this. By constantly denying me extra date nights and reading flashcards to me, you kept me focused.”
“I know.” I grinned cockily, as she took the keys out of the ignition.
“And I really thank you for that,” she told me. “With my disinterest with school this past year, I don’t know if I would have done without you.”
“Speaking of that disinterest,” I said, “how do you feel about getting out into the engineering world?”
“Not bad at all!” she said quickly. “I’m not sure how I’m going to love it, only time will tell, but even if I don't adore my job, I think it’s going to be okay. I mean, I’ve got you to keep me company at night, whether my job is good or bad. For now, I think that’s enough for me.”
I kissed her softly, letting my lips linger on hers.
“You know what’s so great about this day?” I asked her.
“No, what?”
“Well, on top of you being a student superstar and getting out into the job market, I never have to deny you date nights again. I never have to say we can’t spend time together, because there’s no more studying! It can just be me and you all the time.”
“Trust me, baby, that’s all I’ve been thinking about this week,” she said, as she kissed me back.
“Come on,” I urged her, “let’s go inside. I’m sure everyone’s waiting for you.”
“Ugh, do I have to? You know how I hate being the center of attention.”
“And you know how Abby loves putting you there! So yes, for her, you have to.”
Abby had insisted on throwing Emily a graduation party. It really wasn’t her style, and honestly, it was going to be mostly her friends and only a few people from her engineering program. But this kind of thing made her happy, and she’d blown off way too many of her events to blow this one off, too. Especially when it was for her!
“Come on, I’m the designated driver tonight. If you absolutely hate it, just get drunk.”
“Can’t argue with that. Alright, let’s go.”
We entered the King’s Tooth and saw Abby had had them put a few tables together to accommodate all the people who had come. There were cupcakes on the table and pitchers of beer waiting for us.
She squealed when he finally came in. “Finally! You took forever! Congratulations, Em!” She gave her a cheek kiss, and she was then bombarded with a series of congratulations.
I took a step back and let her be in the spotlight, though I knew she didn’t want to be. Ah, well, she’d be able to deal with it for just a few hours.
I grabbed two glasses from the bar, one with a straw for me and Emily, though, in order to start drinking, she’d need people to stop talking to her, which they hadn’t yet. So I pulled up a chair at the table and poured a beer for myself, the only beer I’d be having for the night.
“Hey, Kaitlyn,” I heard a familiar voice from behind me.
“Hey, Brianne.”
Over the past year Emily and I had been together, we’d spent a fair amount of time with Abby’s friends, including Brianne. Not only had she become significantly less obnoxious since that day she’d seen me perform, she and I had actually become friends! Like, of all Abby’s friends, she and I became the closest.
And we didn’t just hang out at events with Abby’s group of friends. Brianne came up to me one day and told me how much she’d respected my street performance and how she really wanted to see what it could be like to connect to an audience that was so close to you. So I invited her to perform with me, and to my surprise, she took me up on the offer. We played together twice a week when she didn’t have classes.
Honestly, they were two of my favorite days of the week, too. It was really fun to experiment with different song covers together, and I made double the money when we played together. She wasn't too bad for conversation, either.
“So, since I’m also going to be graduating here pretty soon, I had a proposition for you,” Brianne told me.
“Oh, what’s that?” I asked.
“Well, now that my schedule is going to be free, I was wondering if I could perform with you every day.”
“Yeah!” I said excitedly, eager about the proposition of more money and some company. “Absolutely, that would be awesome.”
“Perfect!” she said, “because there’s a part two to this proposition.”
“Part two?” I questioned.
“I was wondering what you might think of trying to recruit some other people into our performance group. You know, see if anyone else would be interested in going out and playing with us. We could possibly make more money… we could set up flyers, hold some auditions, I think I already know some perfect fits from my music program.”
I hadn’t even considered this before. And I didn’t know why; the thought should have entered my mind as soon as I’d learned I made more money playing with Brianne. Of course, adding more instruments and being an actual band might bring in even more attention.
“That’s not a bad idea, Brianne!” I said, as I patted her on the shoulder. “I mean, who knows if we’ll find the right people for us, or if there’s even that much interest, but yeah, I’m totally down to try. And I think if it works out, it could totally work in our favor.”
“Awesome!” she said with a grin on her face.
Our conversation ended abruptly when Emily came to my side, clearly done with the excess conversations.
“Beer, please!” she said with a cheeky smile.
“So bossy,” I teased her.
“You love it,” she shrugged.
I did. She was adorable when she was making demands.
“Alright, one second.”
I took the beer with the straw in it and turned my back to him to pour it so he wouldn’t see me pull something out of my front left pocket.
“Here you go!” I said, handing him the icy glass. She immediately laughed.
“A straw? Babe, why the hell would I need a straw to drink a beer? Am I a kid who—”
But she stopped teasing me suddenly when her eyes caught a glimpse of what was hanging off the straw.
Before she had a chance to react, I got down on one knee in front of her. Abby’s group of friends gasped.
“Emily, I know you have to have everything on your schedule, which was how I knew that I didn’t want to propose to you until after you graduated. But, now that you have, I want to make this official. I knew from the moment I met you that you were someone special, that I had to hold onto you. And a year later, I’m more sure than ever. You’re the one for me. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
“Yes!” she chirped and jumped up and down, spilling her beer slightly.
I stood back up and took the ring from around the straw and slid it onto her finger. The rose gold seemed to gleam even in the dark lighting of the bar.
Everyone erupted into claps and cheers. And not just Abby’s friends, but bystanders from the bar, as well. The room seemed to fill with warmth and joy as I kissed Emily.
When I pulled my lips from hers, I could see a tear dripping down her cheek, and I took my thumb and slid it away.
“I can’t believe this! Seriously, babe?”
“Seriously. You wouldn’t have wanted me to propose before you graduated, right?” I nudged him.
“Of course not! And you’re right. This timing is absolutely perfect. But, uh, you’ll understand I need to settle into a new job first and improve my savings before we start wedding planning.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course I know that, my little type-A personality. I wouldn’t expect anything less than perfection when it comes time for us to marry.”
“And you’ll get nothing less,” she said with a smile, “at least during our wedding. Expect a little imperfection in the actual marriage, because, as I’ve proven, I’m not the best at avoiding mistakes.”
I kissed her cheek. “Baby, I love every small imperfection you throw at me. And I�
�m prepared to work through all the bumps in the road of our relationship for the rest of our life, as I always have been.”
She set her beer down for a moment so she could wrap her arms fully around me, more tears welling in her eyes.
“I love you. I really love you so, so much.”
“And I love you. From now until the rest of my days. I will always love you.”
More from H.L. Logan
More From H.L. Logan
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Reunited
19
Preview of Lost Hearts
Chrissy
I’d driven west across nearly the entire country to leave my hurricane flooded home behind, and of course I end up smack dab in the tail end of the biggest monsoon that Arizona had seen in over fifty years. That was just my luck the past month, I guess. My “career” was going nowhere (if an entry-level job working in a soul-sucking call center could even be called a career), my apartment complex had turned into a submarine, and my parents stopped returning my calls ever since they found out the reason why I wouldn’t be getting a boyfriend any time soon. But hey, at least I had Henry.
“Right, Henry?” I stole a quick glance down at the space in front of the passenger seat where the little black cat was huddled, his eyes like giant saucers and the fur poofed up on his arched back. The poor guy was terrified of the rain, which was drumming madly on every window of the car, seeming to pound in from all directions. We hadn’t encountered any rain at all in the four days since leaving Georgia until today, when we entered the northern part of Arizona. Not only was it a surprise to get soaked, it was a shock to go from miles and miles of flat desert, to seeing trees and forests again. I hadn’t done much research before setting out on this journey, and so I’d expected to see nothing but barren landscape in the west all the way to California.