by Lynn Rider
“Reeder!” Emma interrupts him with a scolding tone.
He looks at her and smiles. “She’s my biggest fan,” he says as he winks at her and flashes a smile that I’ve seen sent exclusively in her direction a few times tonight. “We’ve been playing random shows and bars here in Seattle for a couple of years. We just got our first steady gig at a local place downtown a couple of months ago. Our following is getting a little better. The manager says his sales are highest on our three nights and they exceed the last band that was in there. You should come out to see us.”
“I’d like that. Tell me when and where and I’ll figure out my work schedule and be sure to come.”
“Have you started work?” Reeder asks.
“No, tomorrow actually. I’m a little nervous. I hate change.”
“You’ll be fine. You were doing the same thing in New York,” Emma says confidently.
“I was. This is just a new market, new manager. I really clicked with the manager during the interview, but she’s been moved, so I have a new one I’ve never met or even talked to.”
“Yeah, Muffin can be pretty tough to work for too,” Reeder says with a laugh.
Emma rolls her eyes. “Yeah, Amber, while you and I are working hard for our money, this one lounges around playing guitar and watching TV all day. Oh, the rough life he has.”
My head turns to Reeder, who wears his crooked grin, looking at her as she speaks. “Reeder, I never pegged you as a kept man,” I tease.
He laughs. “I like that. I’m kept, baby. You take care of your man.” He looks in Emma’s direction with a satisfied grin.
“Sadly, he makes more than me and he only works only three nights a week. It just doesn’t seem fair, does it?”
We spend the rest of the night talking about nothing important, but the laughing and teasing continue. The more time I spend with these two, the more they remind me of Kelly and Kyle. I silently hope that if his band does take off, it doesn’t cost them what it cost me.
I take a deep calming breath as I walk through the front entrance of The Stanford. I’m feeling excited, and it’s the first time in weeks.
“Miss West?” I hear my name being called from the concierge desk. I can’t help to compare the differences between Henry and the young man as I’m nearing. Henry is older and proper whereas this man is attractive, young, and by the twinkle in his green eyes, playful.
“Good morning,” I say as I approach the dark wood counter.
“Good morning. I’m Robert, but my friends call me Rob. Arthur Yelverton wanted me to tell you that he’s waiting for you in your office.” He smiles kindly and points to the door behind the front desk.
“Thank you, Robert.”
“Rob!” he counters as I walk away. I glance back with a quick smile.
I smile proudly when I see my name and title displayed on the wall plaque next to the large, elaborate, wooden door. Do I just walk in or knock? Deciding on having only one chance to make a first impression I politely knock on the closed door of my office, then open it a few seconds later. I peek around the large door to see who I presume to be Arthur Yelverton, sitting behind the desk. He glances up from the manila folder and gives me a halfhearted smile.
“Mr. Yelverton?” I question as I step into the office and quietly close the door behind me. “I’m Amber West,” I continue cheerily, despite the odd glance he’s giving me.
“Mr. Yelverton,” he says as he stands. “Forgive me, but I didn’t expect you to be so young.” His apologetic tone sets my nerves at ease.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” I shake his hand, holding my smile.
“Have a seat.” He extends his hand toward the chairs in front of the desk and I settle on the leather.
“I’m sorry we didn’t get to meet before today. I was staying at the hotel until my things were delivered to my apartment, but our schedules never seemed to work out.”
“Well, as you can imagine I’m a very busy man. We’ll start with going over what I expect from you.” He looks down at the file that he was busy with when I came in.
I nod as I reach in my bag for my pad and pen.
After two hours, my head is spinning. He’s listed things that we had staffers doing in both St. Louis and New York. I dutifully wrote everything down. Determined not to rock the boat, I bite my tongue… for now.
“Let’s take a tour.” He stands and I follow his lead, taking my paper and pen with me. We don’t spend much time on the tour and before I realize it, we’re back at my office. He shows me where his office is before leading me back into mine. He sits behind the desk—my desk—making me feel like a visitor.
After another hour of ‘what he expects from me,’ I surface, hoping to do a less official tour to get to know the employees.
“How’s the ass?” Rob says subtly from his post on the other side of the desk.
“He’s interesting.” I laugh.
“That’s something I’ve not heard him called yet,” he teases.
“I guess it wasn’t just me then.”
“Oh no, he’s an equal opportunist when it comes to his dickness.”
“Dickness?”
“Yeah, my word. I make up a lot of them. Get used to it,” he says playfully.
I can tell that we are going to be good friends.
Austin…
“You ready, man?” Ashton asks as he stands in the doorway of my room.
“Yeah, take a look at this.” I push the computer screen in his direction. He lowers himself squinting at the screen. “Shit, old man, do you need glasses?” I joke.
“I may be older, but I’ll still kick your skinny ass.”
“Not for much longer. I’m getting my fitness on,” I say, flexing.
I watch his grin turn into a full-blown smile. “That’s fucking awesome, Austin. I’m proud of you,” he says enthusiastically.
One of the songs I wrote hit number one. Unfortunately, Silver Knight didn’t record it. Kyle and Ashton both agreed they couldn’t do it justice. Maybe they were right. I glance proudly back at the screen before shutting my laptop.
“Another positive of rehab,” Ashton singsongs as we walk down the hallway and out of the apartment.
My phone rings as we pull into Kyle’s driveway. Ashton flashes an irritated look in my direction until I hold out my screen from my face enough so that he sees it’s my probation officer.”Go inside. I’ll be right in.” He nods, leaving the engine running so I don’t freeze to death.
When I step from the car, I see Amber’s car in one of the open garage stalls. A jolt of excitement runs through me before I remember it’s a lease and the dealer is coming to get it next month. Ralph and Meagan’s words echo through my head countless times a day, keeping it in perspective. Amber could never rely on me; I know that now.
“Aus!”
I turn to see Kyle standing there with his head poked out the front door. “You all right, man?” he asks. Kyle and I have been best friends since we were six. He’s put up with a lot of my shit, and never once complained. “Austin!” he yells again and starts outside into the cold with only his T-shirt and jeans on.
“I’m good, Kyle,” I say as he trots across the driveway.
“What are you doing out here?”
“I don’t know. Driving myself crazy,” I confess with a sad smile. I glance back at Amber’s parked car. “She’s gone.”
“Yeah, Kelly’s going out of her fucking mind. Amber quit returning her calls the day after she left. I don’t know what’s going on. The last text she got said reception is patchy for her phone and she’s been busy. Kelly still doesn’t know what happened between you two recently. Amber never told her or if she did, Kelly’s keeping it quiet.”
I glance at him with a cynical look.
“She never told her,” we both say and laugh.
“Are you doing okay with it?” he asks.
“I don’t know, but I think I finally get it. The alcohol, the drugs… I let the lifestyle
get in our way.” I shake my head, disgusted with all the ways I’ve hurt her. “I’ve broken every promise I ever made her.” I think about all the shit I’ve put everyone through, and how they view me today as a result.
“She didn’t want promises, Aus. She only wanted you… without the drugs.”
“I know. It was supposed to be different. When the band took off, it was faster than I realized and I got caught up in it.” I glance back at her car. “I lost myself when I lost her that first time.”
“Well, find yourself because we need you.” He smiles.
“I’m sorry,” I say, looking at Kyle.
“For what?”
“Putting you through so much shit. I think Amber has helped me to see what the long-term impact is.”
“There’s no long-term impact, Aus. Just keep your shit clean and we’ll have a great life. Believe me. Believe Ashton. What we have is so much sweeter than what you had. Drugs are not where it’s at, man.”
“I know. I truly know this time,” I say with conviction.
“Well, I’m hoping to fucking god that the third time is the charm. We need you, Austin. My family needs you. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and this was our dream. Don’t waste another opportunity to live it with me,” he says sternly.
“I know. I’m not letting anyone down again. I’m sorry I failed so many times.”
He laughs. “The only thing you should be sorry for is sounding like a pussy. And having me come out here in the fucking cold to have this little heart-to-heart.” He claps me on my back and strolls to the door.
Amber…
I wipe the tears from my face when I hear a sharp knock on my door.
“How was your first week of work?” Emma asks excitedly when I open the door. She holds up a bottle of wine with a wide smile. My gaze falls to the floor, attempting to hide my unhappiness. Her smile fades to a frown as I step back into the apartment, silently inviting her in.
“Amber, have you been crying?” Her tone dips with concern as she closes the door.
“I’m fine.” My tone is flat as I continue toward the kitchen, stalling for time before I have to face her.
“You don’t sound fine, Amber,” she remarks softly.
A sob bubbles from my mouth and she gathers me in her arms. “It’s okay, Amber. Everything will be okay,” she says soothingly. I nod against her shoulder because I want to believe it. She holds me while I cry for several minutes before I push away slowly.
“I’m sorry.” I sniffle.
“Don’t be. We all need a good cry sometimes.” She smiles reassuringly.
“I just don’t know what to do.” I blot my eyes with a paper towel through my cries.
“Listen, you’re not alone and whatever it is, you’ll figure it out. I’ll listen and help in any way I can.” I don’t look at her, I can’t yet.
“Amber.” She packs that one word with so much compassion that it has me sobbing again. “God, honey, I didn’t mean for you to cry harder,” she pleads, tightening her arms around me again.
“I’m pregnant, Emma, and I don’t know what to do.”
“It’ll be okay. I promise,” she says softly as she holds me. I’ve bottled it up for so long not telling anyone—not Austin, not even Kelly—and despite my lapse in composure, it feels good to let it out.
I pull away slowly, taking a slow, deep breath and allowing my eyes to meet hers. “I’m pregnant,” I say again, this time more confidently.
“So I’ve heard.” She grins and my lips twitch into a smile.
I wipe my tears from my eyes again. “How do you do that, Emma? I’m falling apart and you manage to get a smile from me?”
“It’s a gift,” she says wryly, pushing my hair from my damp face.
“Am, everything will be okay. You’ll find your way and you have me. You can cry on me, yell at me. You can’t punch me, but I’ll offer up Reeder.” She teases. “Since you can’t get drunk, can I?” She holds up the bottle from where she left it on the counter.
“Yeah.” I manage a small laugh as I get the wine opener and a single glass.
She leads the way to the couch with wine in hand. “Austin’s?” she asks as she sits, tucking her feet under her body on the couch next to me.
“Yes.”
“Is he in rehab again?” I hear the hesitation in her words, but it’s a valid question.
“No, not that I know of anyway. He got out earlier this year.”
She sighs heavily before studying me. “Does he know?”
“No,” I whisper. I brace for the judgment that will surely follow.
“Were you two back together?” she continues, showing no reaction to my comment.
“No, it was a one-night stand.” I pause, thinking of how that doesn’t adequately describe what Austin and I are. “No, it was the ending of an era.” I correct with a sarcastic laugh. “Austin and I are toxic, Emma. Or maybe I’m just toxic for him.”
“No, you’re not, Amber. You’re a good person. One of the best I’ve ever met,” she says confidently.
“I’ve pushed him into rehab on three separate occasions.”
“Bullshit, Amber! You’re not a drug dealer.”
“I know I don’t supply them, but I tend to push him in that direction.”
“You didn’t force him, Amber. There are very few occasions where someone legitimately forces anyone to do anything. Rape, molestation, yes, but not drugs, Amber. If he was using, he did that to himself.” There is a seriousness in her tone that I’ve never heard her use before.
“I know, Emma. It’s just that anytime we’re together and we have a problem, he reverts right back to using. It makes me think that if I can just stay away, he’ll get clean. And if I’m not there then he won’t go back to using.”
“One can only hope, Amber, but it doesn’t work that way. If that’s his safety net, it will be for anything or anybody until he figures out how to control the urges. It’s not you. It’s just seems that way because you impact his feelings. For a user, feelings are hard to manage.”
“How’d you get so smart?”
“I’ve had my share of exposure. But we’re not talking about me right now.”
“Is it Reeder?”
“God no! He won’t even smoke a cigarette. Despite his beer drinking ways, he’s the most health conscious person I know. Well, outside of his brother. Drew takes the cake.” She smiles.
“Okay, I won’t ask then, but I’m here if you need me, Emma.”
“Thanks.” She pauses. “What are you going to do, Amber?” She looks down at my belly.
I sigh heavily. “I don’t know. After we slept together, I requested a transfer here. I didn’t know I was pregnant. I just needed distance between us because we can’t stay away from one another. I didn’t know that I was pregnant until after I was told I’d be moving to Seattle. I was trying to find a way to tell him that I was moving with his unborn child without sending him into a tailspin, but when he heard I was moving, he showed up at my apartment. He was drunk… or high, I don’t know, but I couldn’t tell him after that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know why I was so surprised. It’s always been a fucking disaster.”
“It’s not always been a disaster, Amber. You and I both know better. Maybe the distance, the starting over, will help you gain perspective and finally move on.”
“I don’t know, Em. There’s a connection that I haven’t been able to break. No matter how long we’re apart or how much we hurt one another, I find myself still loving him.” I see the concern in her eyes. “Now I’ll have our baby to always connect us.”
“What’s Kelly say?”
My eyes lift to hers with regret. “She doesn’t know. I haven’t talked to her since moving here.”
“Wow! I’ll help the best I can, Amber, but Kelly knows him. She can probably lend better advice.”
“You obviously don’t remember Kelly very well.” And she probably
didn’t. Kelly didn’t go to college. She traveled with the band and got married right out of high school. Kelly only visited me when she wasn’t on the road with the group.
“She’s still insistent that you belong together, huh?”
“Yep, she thinks all would be right if we just get married. I can’t take that right now. I need to get my head centered on me so I can be a good mom,” I say sadly.
“You did the right thing. Maybe one day he’ll get his shit together, and he can be a part of the baby’s life. You did the right thing,” she repeats, reaching out and squeezing my hand.
“Thanks for listening,” I say before taking a deep, cleansing breath.
“Anytime. You’re not alone, Amber. Reeder and I—”
A knock on the door stops her mid-sentence.
“Speak of the devil. It’s probably Reeder with our dinner. You want company if I provide the pizza?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
“You came!” Reeder says from behind me. I turn, seeing his genuine smile while closing the last few steps between us. His snug, ripped jeans and tight black tee have women turning in their seats to catch a glimpse of his front and backside. I don’t miss those days.
“Of course, my only two friends in Seattle invited me.” I smile.
“Well, we’re going to fix that tonight. The whole gang is here.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and guides us deeper through the crowd toward the stage. “How do you feel today? Is it behaving?” His eyes playfully dip to my stomach.
I smile at his concern. He’s stopped by to check on me every day since Emma and I filled him in last week. “Yes, it’s behaving. Only made me throw up once today.”
His arm tightens around my neck as he leans down. “I could have gone all night without knowing that.” He laughs. “Everyone, this is Amber. She’s new to Seattle. Ladies, be nice. Men, she’s off-limits.” He chuckles, grabbing a bottle of water from an iced-bucket on the table and handing it to me.
“Amber!”
I turn, seeing Emma’s steps falter with a sway to the side before Reeder wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her in and kissing her softly on the temple. He whispers something in her ear before her smile widens. Forgetting all about me, she turns in his embrace and kisses him like they’re the only two in the room.