by Lynn Rider
“I’m home. She’s playing on the floor here near me.”
“Damn. Too bad she isn’t taking a nap. I think we could be creative.” He chuckles.
“I’ll call you back when I put her down. Will you still be up?”
“I’m always up for you.” He laughs. I don’t miss the double meaning in his comment and laugh myself. “Let me talk to Sophia. Hold the phone down to her ear,” he demands softly.
I slide from the couch to sit on the floor next to her.
“Hold on, here she is.” I put the phone near Sophia’s face. She pulls away at first until I hear the muted sounds of Austin’s voice over the line. “It’s Dada, Sophia,” I say, encouraging her to listen.
“Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada…” Tears burn my eyes. I keep the phone up to her face, moving it every so often to keep her from putting it in her mouth. I hear Austin’s voice once again and she pauses. “Dada.” My tears of happiness turn into laughter. She finally said it for him.
When she crawls away after several minutes, I put the phone back to my ear. “Did you hear it?” I ask excitedly.
“I heard it.” His voice is packed with emotion and my heart bleeds for him. He’d got his moment, but he wasn’t here to bask in it.
My heart rate accelerates when I see the rented black Escalade parked next to me. I waste no time getting out, unbuckling Sophia, and darting toward the stairs. He’d said last night that he was trying to wrap things up so that he could spend a couple days with me before needing to be back in New York for the final promotion on their tour.
“You wanna see Dada, Sophia?” I ask as I climb the stairs quickly. The scent of garlic and tomatoes fills the air of the apartment when we step inside. “Daddy’s home, Sophia,” I say almost giddily as we walk the short hall toward the living area. He’s so busy stirring and tasting some sort of red sauce that our arrival goes unnoticed.
Despite knowing Austin since we were kids, it still gives me pause knowing he’s a member of the hottest band on the airwaves yet he’s in my humble kitchen cooking us dinner. Sophia squeals, garnering his attention. He smiles wide as he sets the spoon in the pot and drops the handful of pasta into another of boiling water. His long, denim-clad legs stride toward us.
My breath hitches when his lips land on mine. Hard.
“I fucking missed you,” he says against my lips.
“Language, babe,” I remind him as he pulls away and our eyes land on Sophia. He kisses Sophia’s head sweetly before scooping her from my arms.
“Come see Dada,” he says as he snuggles her.
“Dada, Dada!”
They play the dada game until Sophia grows bored with the word. He carefully places her in the walker before turning back to me.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I say sweetly as I place a chaste kiss on his lips.
His hand snakes around my neck as he steps closer, fusing our bodies together. His mouth works with mine until I can’t catch my breath and I’m in need of his strong arms to support me. With a gentle pull on my bottom lip, his mouth breaks free of mine, travels down my jaw and gently nips at my neck.
“Me too,” he says huskily, sending goose bumps across my skin.
Austin…
The soft feel of her skin pressed against mine has me wanting to be inside her again. She looks like a fucking angel. She’s what dreams are made of, that’s for damn sure. When I was in rehab the first time, she begged me to get healthy and come home. I don’t think we understood the depth of that word back then, but I do now as she lies peacefully next to me. Home really is where the heart is, and I’m a lucky fucking man that she loves me.
“What are you looking at?” her raspy voice asks when her eyes flutter open to find me watching her.
“You,” I say, unable to stop the smile from forming when I see her bashful eyes look up at me. “You’re beautiful, do you know that?”
“Austin, quit being so sweet,” she says but I know she doesn’t mean it. She likes the new and improved Austin.
“Not gonna happen. I’ve waited a lifetime to be right here with you. Everyday I’m going to remind you that you’re where you belong. I don’t want you to ever doubt my love for you.”
Her eyes soften as a slow smile takes shape on her perfect face. “I love you, Aus. I know this is where I belong. I always have.”
I pull her tighter to me, and her fingers drag down my bare chest and under the sheet to my dick. It’s hard as a rock already.
“You need help with this?”
“I was hoping you’d ask.”
She softly strokes from the base to the tip, then rolls over, straddling me and rubbing herself on the girth of my dick. I could probably come just from the sight of her naked body over mine. Her blonde hair falls long enough to hide her perfect tits, but with each rotation of her hips her hair sways, teasing me with quick glimpses of her perfect rose-colored nipples.
I reach for her hips, guiding her up and over my dick. Once I’m deep inside of her, she begins rocking against me. Her body arches and her head falls back, taking her hair with it so that her perfect erect nipples are on full display, beckoning my hands. With a gentle squeeze and a flick of my index finger, she moans in ecstasy as her body shudders and then wilts over mine. “I’m sorry I couldn’t wait for you. I got greedy.” She giggles against my neck.
“You can get greedy anytime you want.” I wrap my arms around her back and hold her tight against my chest. I begin thrusting inside her until she’s breathing heavy and moaning in my ear. When I feel her clench around my dick and release, I meet her and we fall together.
I hated having to drop Sophia off at daycare this morning, but I have to do this. Ashton’s words haunt me. I spend hours talking to people about my addiction and theirs with no judgment. I fully understand where they are and how incredibly painful that dark place can be. The helplessness, the want for more, and the overwhelming loneliness that surrounds you when using, it’s a feeling I know all too well. So how is it that I can’t manage to offer that same understanding to my own mother?
The same nurse from my last visit greets me as I walk in, allowing me through security quickly. I’m told she’s in a group session, so I make myself comfortable outside. Tilting my head back, I soak up the sun’s rays. The skies are blue, a contrast to what they were the last time I was here. Maybe that’s a sign.
I don’t know my mom’s story. I’ve never known her on that level. She was always high, drunk or passed out growing up. Occasionally, she’d shuffle through the house and observe what we were doing, but she never said anything. She was never a parent or a friend.
“Austin?” I hear my name carried by the wind. I turn and see her standing there, wearing the same apprehensive expression as last time, and I smile. It’s guarded, but it’s a start.
“Mom.”
I see her body sink with relief as she walks toward me. She flashes another smile my direction before we both sit on the bench. “Nice day,” she says softly, bending her face toward the sun. “I was beginning to think they didn’t exist in Seattle.”
“I hear you. It rains all the time here. Dave doesn’t want to come here with me anymore. He hates the rain.” I laugh, thinking of the last tantrum he threw in front of Amber’s apartment.
“You come here a lot?”
“Yeah, my girlfriend lives here.”
“What’s she like?” she asks with a hint of a smile.
“She’s beautiful, strong, ambitious.” I pause. “Like sunshine on a rainy day.” I laugh at myself. When I glance her direction, she’s quietly laughing too. “Probably a little overboard, huh?”
“Just a tad, but I’m happy for you.” She reassures with a full-blown smile. When her eyes lock on mine, I realize how similar they are to mine… and Sophia’s.
“I’m sorry how things ended last time I was here,” I say sincerely. She reaches out and wraps her fingers around my hand.
“Me too, Austin. If I could take back all that I did and didn’t do
, I would.”
“I know.” I sigh heavily with the weight of my knowledge.
“I’m proud of you, Austin. You’ve grown into a wonderful young man. You’ve defied the odds that I helped to stack against you.” I hear the sadness in her tone.
“What happened to you? When did you lose your way?” I ask, looking in her direction again. I need some understanding of how it all went astray.
“I don’t have a good enough excuse, Austin.” Her gaze drops to her lap.” I felt like I lost my world when your father left me.” Her words are so thick with regret that I look away, wanting to give her a minute. “I wasn’t strong enough to realize my world was right there in my two little boys. I fell into a dark place that I couldn’t crawl out of. After a while, it was easier to lie there than be beaten down by the failure I suffered with each attempt to get clean.”
She wipes at her eyes with her fingers and I wrap my arm around her, pulling her tight under the crook of my arm. The sound of her soft sobs shreds my insides and I pull her tighter, knowing I’ll always let her lean on me. I hold her until her sobs calm to sniffles.
“When I lost Amber the first time, I felt like I’d lost my world. Hell, I did lose my world. She was everything to me. I’ve had a hard time finding my footing since. I know how you felt, Mom.”
Feeling high from my visit, I turn on my phone to call Amber. She hasn’t said it, but I know she wants me to try with my mom. After today, I want that too.
The constant vibration of my phone alerts me to numerous messages. I press the voicemail icon, hoping to hear Amber’s beautiful voice. I’m quickly disappointed when the slurred speech of Katelyn Days fills the cab of the SUV.
‘Austin, I need you. Why do you never answer my calls?’ Click.
‘Austin. I can’t do this anymore.’ Click.
‘She’s beautiful, Austin. I’ve been watching her.’ Click.
Who is she watching?
‘I lost my movie roll. I got fucking cut, Austin. My career is over.’ Click.
I know exactly what she’s talking about. I heard a couple days ago. The studio cut her because of suspected drug abuse.
‘Austin… good-bye.’ Click.
I find her name in my contacts and dial her number. The ringing stops, but no one says anything.
“Katelyn?” After several seconds of silence, I hang up and redial.
Voicemail.
What the fuck? I hang up and toss my phone in the passenger seat. I’m pissed off with her games, but something in her tone haunts me. Grabbing the phone, I dial her again.
Voicemail.
I sigh heavily. I don’t know why I care. Yes, I do. I’ve been there and don’t wish that on anyone.
I dial Katelyn’s manager. “Hey, you know where Katelyn is?” I ask when he answers.
The sound of his heavy sigh fills my ear. “She’s in Seattle, hiding from her humiliation.”
“Seattle!” My foot guns the accelerator.
“Yeah, she’s staying at The Stanford. Insisted on being by herself.”
I know he’s had a rough time, and I’m honestly not sure why he hasn’t dropped her, but his neutral tone pisses me off.
“Mitch, I think something’s wrong. She left some cryptic messages on my phone.”
“Probably drunk, man.”
“Yeah, probably,” I say sternly before hanging up on the dirt bag and dialing again.
“Hey!” Amber answers cheerily.
“Babe, is Katelyn Days a guest at your hotel?” I ask hurriedly, hating myself for putting her in the middle of my shit.
“Yes,” she answers after several long seconds of silence.
“Have you seen her today?”
“Austin, what’s this about?” I hear the weariness in her words like a punch in the gut.
“Amber, I need you to look up her room number and go to her room.”
“Austin, I’m not getting in the middle of this. She spent almost all of yesterday sitting in the lobby staring at me. I don’t even want to go into the near impossible demands of the staff here.”
“Amber, please. I think she’s in trouble. I need you to get Dave or one of those big ass bodyguards from the entrance and go to her room.”
“Okay,” she says quietly.
“Thanks, babe. I’ll be there soon.”
Amber….
I type in my password, pulling up the guest list. I know her suite number, we all do, but I have to pull it up to program the access card. When her name flashes on the screen, I’m pissed. Pissed that she came here, and pissed that Austin somehow knows she’s here. This is completely against the rules, but the near panic in his voice tells me it’s important enough to risk it.
I slide the card through the programmer and find a member of security. I don’t need Dave getting involved. It’s bad enough I’m involving another hotel employee; I’m not about to subject Dave to her.
“Why are we doing this exactly?” Matthew asks as we climb into the elevator.
“A friend called and is worried about her. I just don’t want any problems, so I’m gonna knock and hopefully she’ll answer,” I say casually, not wanting him to know more than necessary.
I approach the door with butterflies in my stomach, and not the good kind. I know there must be trouble or Austin wouldn’t ask this of me. He treats me like expensive china, protecting me from everything and everyone. This is my chance to show him I’ve changed. I’m stronger than I was years ago and realize he’s worth fighting for, even if that means fighting Katelyn Days.
I pound on the door sternly with no answer. Matthew looks at me with a shrug. “She’s not here,” he says, stepping back.
I pound again. “Miss Days, this is Amber West from hotel management. Will you open up, please?”
“Come on, Amber. I don’t think she’s here.”
I pound harder. “Katelyn, I want to talk to you about Austin Harris,” I call out, thinking that’ll get her attention.
Matthew’s brow line pinches as he stills his retreating steps. “Is that the friend who called?” he whispers.
I nod before pulling out my access card and tapping it on the panel. I push the door open before he can stop me.
“Amber!” Matthew whispers tersely as I step into the suite.
My thumping heart stops for what feels like forever when I see her body lying on the floor. He flies by me and crouches down on the floor, grabbing her lifeless arm. “Call an ambulance. Suite E,” he calls into the miniature microphone attached to his collar.
I’m stunned motionless. I follow his line of sight as he frantically looks around the suite at the coffee table. The dark wood is speckled with different colored pills, and an empty vodka bottle lies on its side next to her pale, lifeless body.
I don’t know how much time goes by as I watch him push on her chest and blow in her mouth. I barely register the gentle nudge of the paramedics that brush my shoulder as they rush to her aid.
“Come on, Am,” Dave’s deep, solemn voice says as he gently wraps his thick arm around me and leads me from the suite.
“Is she dead?” I croak out when it’s just me and Dave.
“I don’t know. Hopefully, she’ll make it.” I bury my head in his large chest and cry. With careful steps, he leads me from the elevator and into the lobby. Everyone’s looking at me curiously, knowing I’m a piece of the spectacle that’s happening. I take a deep breath, pulling myself from Dave’s steady grip, knowing I have a job to do.
“Amber!”
I hear Austin’s voice above everything else. I turn to see him running across the lobby in my direction. “Fuck, I was so worried,” he says, enveloping me with his body. “I wanted to be here.” The faint sound of sirens brings me out of the dark recesses of my mind.
“I thought I could be strong. I thought she was dead.”
He tightens his embrace. “Shhh. Babe, you are strong. The strongest person I know.” He frames my face with his hands and runs his thumb across my cheeks. “I�
��m so sorry.”
“Aus.”
Dave’s looming voice catches our attention. Flash bulbs brighten the lobby before Austin pushes me behind him, shielding me with his body. Matthew runs from behind the desk, grabbing the photographer from Dave’s firm hold and escorting him outside.
“We need to go. This shits gonna be on every news outlet tonight,” Austin says, turning to me.
“I can’t, Austin. I have to do my job,” I say, looking around the lobby that’s completely in disarray with the commotion.
“Fuck your job, Amber. I need you safe.”
“I am safe.”
His jaw tightens as he surveys the lingering spectators. “I’ll wait in the bar.” I see the conflict dancing in his eyes before he leans in and kisses me sweetly. Pulling away, he rests his forehead against mine. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
My mind wanders to Katelyn again. “Do you think she’ll be okay?”
He draws me closer, smashing me to his chest. “I don’t know, babe, but I’m more worried about you.” He kisses the top of my head.
“Get out of here!” Dave’s deep growl drowns out the static conversations of the lobby. Austin pulls me from his embrace, moving me behind him as the camera shutters rapidly.
“Is this the woman with the baby, Austin?”
“Get the fuck out of here!” Austin lunges toward him before Dave’s firm arm covers his chest, stepping between them. He proceeds to push the photographer out the front door. Rob’s tall, lean figure comes through the entrance with Mr. Holt closely behind.
“Jesus, Am!” he says, running to me. I extend my arms in anticipation of his embrace before his body is jerked and turned. I see rage in Austin’s eyes as he cocks his arm back with a clenched fist.
“No!” I scream, trying to stop him, but I hear the contact of his fist against Rob’s jaw before Rob’s head turns with the force of it. I scream again before lunging forward as Rob stumbles back holding his face. Dave steps between as security surrounds Austin.
“Damn!” Rob says, testing his jaw opening and closing it several times before rolling it beneath his hand.
“Austin! I’m so sorry, Rob,” I cry.
Rob’s eyes dart to Austin before looking at the front door. “Get them out of here!” Rob demands angrily, nodding toward the photographers lined up with their cameras, greedily capturing every horrible moment.