Home

by Lynn Rider

  Ashton quietly guides us to two seats near the door. My eyes immediately land on Austin sitting in the front row. He’s listening attentively to the man at the front. Similar to the day when Austin talked about what his addiction cost him, only this man is talking about promises of a brighter future and thanking Austin for that. My heart swells with pride as he recounts conversations they’ve had. Person after person stands to take the stage, expressing their gratitude for the selfless acts of kindness Austin has shown them since entering their lives.

  When the last person steps down, I stand on wobbly legs and walk past him, taking the small stage. Austin’s eyes are trained on me when I turn. There’s a hint of surprise lingering in the adoration reflected at me. I want to run to him, tell him everything will be okay, but I need to find the strength to do what I came here for. I smile softly.

  “Hello, my name is Amber West and I’d like to share my story.” I take a deep, calming breath, biting back the emotion that threatens to carry me away. “I grew up in St. Louis. Down the street from Austin. We grew up poor, very poor. I didn’t have the best home life, and the only parent who was capable of showing me love died when I was thirteen, leaving me with an abusive, alcoholic father. He wasn’t as strong as all of you. He didn’t seek help. He didn’t think he needed it.” My voice is small as my focus drops to my folded hands. I take a deep breath before lifting my eyes to find strength in Austin’s.

  “Austin saved me. He helped me to forget the pain. We were just kids, powerless to change anything, trying to figure out the world ourselves, but he managed to be the bright light in my dark world. Even when his was just as dark.

  “He had been my best friend for years, but then one day everything changed. He slid into the seat next to mine and asked me on a ‘real date’ as he called it. I accepted.” I see the crinkling around Austin’s moist eyes with his smile. “He said I was the girl of his dreams, and he treated me as such until he got swept away with his other dream—being a rock star. It’s a hard life, full of excitement and temptation.” I blink, causing the tears to fall down my cheek.

  “When he entered rehab the first time, we were naive enough to think that was all he’d need. That somehow, someway, he’d be cured upon his release.” I glance around the room. “Looking at the skepticism in all of your eyes, you can appreciate our inexperience for what it was. It wasn’t the end, it was only the beginning. I know you know Austin’s struggles. He’s shared them with all of you. For that, I couldn’t be prouder of him.” My eyes find his again.

  “He recently lost a friend and I feel like I lost Austin. Each day he slips further away. I thought I was powerless to stop it, but then I had this idea.” I look around the room, giving myself a minute to clear the thickening emotion from my voice.

  “I had this idea to show him that although her death was tragic, life goes on. Looking around this room, I’ve never been more certain of that. You’re all fighting your battles with addiction, and you’re winning. He’s winning. Everyone in this room should celebrate those successes and gain strength from each other.

  “I’ve not always been perfect. I get scared and feel like I’m not strong enough. But I’m here today, begging Austin to let me prove that I am strong and I’ll fight like hell for him. He’s the only man in this world I’ve ever loved and I’m not willing to let him slip away.”

  Austin stands and has me in his arms in less than a second. “Thank you. I love you so much it fucking hurts.” His voice carries more emotion than I ever recall hearing.

  I squeeze him tight. “I can’t lose you, Austin,” I whisper.

  “Never, babe,” he says before crashing his mouth to mine. Holding my face between his hands, he kisses me without regard to anyone in the room. I’m lost, consumed by his touch. With a gentle suck of my bottom lip, he pulls away from my mouth, leaving me breathless and dizzy as he trails kisses down my jawline. “Thank you,” he whispers in my ear.

  “Austin,” I say, remembering we’re not the only two in the room. I push from his chest. “Introduce me to your friends.”

  His smile widens before he tucks me under his arms and turns toward the group. They’ve all gotten up from their seats and despite our exhibition, they’ve begun talking among themselves. I hadn’t noticed the small hum of chatter until now.

  One by one, Austin introduces me to everyone in the room. As if on repeat, the appreciation flourishes from everyone as they recount their stories of meeting Austin and the impact he’s had on each of them.

  “I’m proud of you, Austin,” I say quietly as we walk away from an older couple. The husband was the recovering addict, but the wife was insistent on being here because she felt her husband being saved ultimately saved her and her family too.

  Austin stops walking. “They’re doing all the hard work,” he insists, scanning the room with his eyes.

  “They are, but so are you. I hope you believe me when I say I have faith in you. My heart swelled with pride tonight hearing their stories. It was another reminder of how different this time has been for you, for us.”

  “All I want is my family, babe.” His eyes scan the room once more. “Speaking of, where’s Sophia?”

  “Aunt Meagan.” He smiles before his eyes scan the room and land on Ashton.

  “I think Ashton is in trouble. Meagan’s gonna want one of those for herself.” He laughs.

  Ashton walks toward us. “I’m proud of you, man. I knew you were doing some good work down here since you came back, but damn. I’m overjoyed at the impact you’ve had. I hope all these people go on to great things and are able to help a fraction of the people you have,” he says before reaching out and grabbing Austin into his arms.

  I hear the deep murmur of their words, but I’m unable to make out their meaning as they hold one another in an embrace. Ashton claps him on the back and releases him, then he grabs me and pulls me in tight. “Thank you,” he says roughly, then pulls away. “When are you going to marry this guy?” he asks, shocking me. Austin’s stern expression says he’s just as shocked.

  “I… I, uh…”

  “Ashton, don’t you have a beautiful wife to get home to?” Austin asks with an authority in his voice that tells me he wants Ashton to shut up. A jolt of disappointment hits me with his obvious avoidance.

  Ashton smiles mischievously in Austin’s direction before he speaks. “You’re right. I’m sorry Meg and I are going to miss your first show. I don’t know why you’re doing this kickoff show in St. Louis, three weeks before the actual tour kicks off,” he says to Austin.

  “Because it’s where it all started, and it’s the only time we could fit it in.”

  “Austin where are we going?” I ask knowing the answer. I couldn’t forget these streets if I tried. And believe me, I’ve tried. He grins as he easily navigates the back roads, telling me they’re just as familiar to him.

  “This is where it all started. It only seems fitting to start our day here,” he says, stopping at the end of our old childhood street. “This street holds such good memories for me,” he adds wistfully.

  He stops the truck in front of my old house. I study the once vibrant yellow paint that has faded to an almost white over the years. “Remember how bright the house was when I moved in?” I say, pushing my sadness away and focusing on the run down state the house sits in today.

  “Yeah, it looked like the inside of a fucking pineapple.” He laughs.

  “We called it canary yellow,” I say wryly.

  “I called it the house where my future wife lived,” he says, pulling my attention from the street over to him. I smile when he nods confidently. “I used to dribble my basketball by your house a hundred times a day hoping to catch you outside.”

  The truck begins to roll again. He stops in front of Kyle’s house. “Remember that old garage and all the lyrics and big ideas we dreamed up in there?” he asks, looking at the old building sitting just behind the small house. The concrete driveway is cracked into nothing larger than a b
rick and the roll door is gone, making a large hollow opening. I smile, remembering countless hours listening to them sitting in there.

  “Remember that old flowered couch?”

  “Yeah, I remember how proud you were when you guys saved it from the garbage truck and carried it from the next block.” I laugh.

  “Hell yeah, we were certain we were going to get laid on that couch.” He smiles.

  “You did get laid on that couch.” I shudder at the thought of how nasty that couch was.

  “Yes, I did.” He smiles naughtily and begins driving slowly down the road. We pass where Kelly’s house once stood. It burned down years ago and is now a vacant lot, overgrown with weeds and trees. We stop once again in front of his old house. Its white siding is dingy and molded like all the others, but it still comforts me. A broken down car on blocks sits where the lawn used to be. He doesn’t say anything as his green eyes stay fixated on the house. “You okay, Aus?” I ask, putting my hand over his.

  He pulls his gaze from the house and smiles over at me. “This was my favorite house on the block,” I say quietly.

  His smile tilts, giving me his crooked grin that I never seem to get enough of. “Why’s that?”

  “It was the house where this really hot guy lived. I just knew we belonged together.”

  He cocks his head sideways. “I doubt that. I chased you for years.” He tucks his hand under my chin. “I’ll always chase you, Amber.”

  “You don’t have to, Austin. I’m right here,” I say before he presses his lips softly on mine.

  “That makes me the happiest man on the planet,” he whispers before righting himself in his seat.

  “On that front porch I had my first kiss—”

  “Not true, baby. Adam Reynolds gave you your first kiss.” He interrupts.

  I shake my head. “No, he didn’t. I couldn’t tell you the truth after you thought that. I didn’t want you to think I was some inexperienced little girl,” I admit bashfully. His shocked expression makes me laugh. “Can I continue now?”

  “By all means.” He grins.

  “See that big tree? It used to have a tire swing, and no matter how old I was, when you pushed me on it I felt carefree. And that window right there,” I say pointing to the side of the house. “I used to climb in that window.”

  “I remember.” He winks.

  “I always felt safe in your house,” I say thoughtfully. “I wasn’t haunted by the memories of my own. When I was here with you, I was free of all that.”

  “Amber, if I could take it all away I would.”

  “I know you would. But as tragic as it was, it made me who I am today. I’m stronger for it. This entire street holds a little bit of who we all are. We’re all pretty tough and turned out okay, I think.”

  “I’m a little flawed. Working on that,” he says with a shrug and a grin. “But you are perfect, Amber.” He leans over the console and kisses me softly.

  “I think people are getting curious,” I say when I straighten in my seat.

  “They’d shit if they knew who was sitting behind these tinted glass windows.”

  “They probably think you’re a dealer.” He cocks his head to the side with disapproval. “What? That shit happens here.” I laugh.

  Austin….

  We arrive at the arena and I’m high as I’ve ever been, but not an artificial high like all those times when using. This one is a natural high. This is my first official tour as part of a headlining band and I feel like a kid at Disney World. I’ve dreamed of this moment for years, and tonight I’m living it.

  I glance over at Amber, who is on the phone, no doubt with Dave’s mother. She’s only checked on Sophia five times since leaving her this afternoon. I inwardly laugh, thinking of the other dozen or so times where I made her put the phone down. The apologetic grin she flashes my direction confirms my theory and manages to put a smile on my face at the same time.

  “You ready to rock this place?” Kyle says excitedly as he and Kelly walk in.

  “Hell yeah!” I say, sharing his enthusiasm. Trevor and Ben walk in with wide grins and a blonde between them. My nervous eyes look to Amber. She’s still on the phone, but watching the blonde with intrigue. The groupie is now sitting on Ben’s lap, but her hand is in Trevor’s.

  “That’s just plain nasty,” Amber whispers in my ear as she climbs onto my lap. I laugh at her assessment.

  “Yeah, babe, it is,” I say, kissing her chastely on the lips.

  “Am, I ordered us a bottle of wine,” Kelly calls out, ignoring the groping session going on in the corner. Amber’s face pales with alarm before she notices my gaze.

  “Babe, you can drink around me. It’s fine,” I say.

  “No, I don’t want to,” she says without hesitation.

  “Really, Amber, I’m fine. That stuff is going to be everywhere while I’m on tour. I’m okay.”

  “Thanks, Kell, but I’m not drinking tonight,” she says in Kelly’s direction, closing the conversation.

  “I love your tough-ass attitude, babe.” She smiles sweetly before I cover her mouth with my own.

  The door opens and Charlie walks in with three women. My nervousness notches up a level and my eyes flit to Amber’s again, but she’s mid-eye roll with Kelly. I see something silent pass between them before they break into laughter. Kyle and I look at one another and shake our heads, knowing we’ll never understand their language.

  “Kyle, Austin,” Dave says brusquely from the doorway. “The guys from Pillar are here.” Kyle nods and Dave steps to the side, allowing them in. It’s funny to see him in this authoritative roll. He talks a mean game, but I know he lives for these tours.

  We sit and talk animatedly to Pillar about the next six months on the road as Amber and Kelly listen attentively. I keep my arms wrapped around her, offering comfort and reassurance as we talk about life on the road. I was relieved as shit to learn Amber donated most of her shit, packed up what she wanted, and the movers are bringing it to New York as we sit here tonight. I’ll sleep better on the road knowing that she and Sophia will be living in my secured building in New York, surrounded by friends and Ashton.

  “Where’d you go, babe?” she whispers in my ear.

  “I was just thinking that I’ll miss you. That I’m happy you’ll be waiting for me in New York in our home. That I’m a lucky son of a bitch to have you.”

  Her lips slam to mine, not allowing me to say all the things that are running through my head. Her mouth devours mine in an anything-but-chaste kiss, and I feel her smile before she pulls away. She looks a little embarrassed as she scans the room to see if anyone noticed.

  “Don’t be embarrassed. You’re mine.” I smile.

  “And you’re mine. Remember that while you’re away,” she says, crinkling her nose at the girls who are entertaining Charlie, Trevor, and Ben in the corner.

  I laugh and pull her closer. “Those girls have nothing on you. No one does.”

  Amber…

  “You ready?” Dave flashes a rare smile our direction when he steps back into the room. He’s just escorted the band candy from the room to who knows where.

  Kelly jumps to her feet excitedly with a clap of her hands. “Let’s do this,” she says with the same enthusiasm. I giggle as I rise to my feet and we follow Dave’s large frame down the long corridor where scantily dressed women line the halls, hardly sparing us a glance our direction until we’re bypassing security and passing through the backstage door.

  “Stay close to me,” Dave says, lowering his tall frame to our level.

  Kelly and I both nod. She’s been through this before, but I’ve never been to one of their concerts. It was always too painful. I’d always dreamed of the day Austin would take the stage with his band, and it never felt right when it was his brother standing up there in his place. We follow Dave diligently through the dimly lit area, navigating around boxes of sound equipment and thick cords. The music from another band is screaming through the arena, and I fe
el the energy of the crowd from back here. The colored glow of the stage lights come into view as we near the opening, allowing us a peek at the action. I squeeze Kelly’s hand, excited to finally be here.

  Dave’s large body stops and leans down to us again. “It’s about to go dark. This is their last song. I need you to stay close,” he insists again. Kelly and I huddle together, mocking him, which earns a sarcastic snicker and a headshake. His large beefy arms circle our shoulders just as the lights go out.

  “We’re fine, Dave,” I say, looking up at the dark, brooding man.

  “As long as you’re with me you are,” he says matter-of-factly.

  The lights come on, drawing my attention to the stage, and Dave’s hold disappears. Kyle and Austin stand, looking out to the crowd. The crowd goes wild when Charlie’s drum starts, leading into the first song.

  Kelly and I watch, fixated on our men as they pace around the stage for the next hour. We dance and sing along like we had so many times when we were younger. A jolt of jealousy hits me when I peer around the wall and see thousands of faces, mostly women, looking as excited as I am at being here. I push away my unease when I notice the army of bright staff shirts protecting the wide barrier between the mass and the stage.

  “There’s always extra security now,” Kelly yells into my ear. I glance back at her. “After Meagan’s attack,” she adds sadly. I know she still feels terrible about that night. Meagan was attacked, but the woman thought she was attacking Kelly. She had been stalking Kyle for months.

  I hug her and force her attention back to the stage. My voice is hoarse with exertion, but as they lead into one of their original songs we sing as loudly as we can while dancing around.

  When the music stops, Austin steps forward, taking the stage front and center, but his attention is on me. The crowd falls close to silent as they anticipate his next move. I feel the burn of Kelly’s gaze on the side of my head, but I can’t take my eyes off Austin.

  “Hello, St. Louis!” He turns and shouts to the audience. Their screams are deafeningly wild. He waits for them to quiet down before he speaks again. “It’s good to be back. And I mean that in more ways than one,” he says with a crooked grin. “This is where it all started, so being my first tour, this is where it had to start again!” he says with an excitement that instantly energizes the crowd.