by Megan Smith
“Do you know when he last ate?” I asked CC while she lay there with her eyes still squeezed shut.
“No, but that’s why Lynn was in here.” She lifted her head up and looked over at her son.
“Do you want to feed him?”
“Umm,” she grabbed the hairbrush and started playing with the handle, “no, you can do it.”
I got the baby’s bottle ready, scooped him up and started feeding him. As soon as the nipple was in his mouth he was a happy little man again.
I was sitting in the recliner, feeding, when Lynn came back in to check on things. She took CC’s temperature and blood pressure. “On a scale of one to ten how is your pain level?”
“It’s still about an eight. I have a really bad headache.”
She typed it into the little computer she had, “Would you like something for the pain? You’re due for some relief.”
“Yes, please.” CC said.
She glanced up at me feeding the baby, a small smile breaking out on her face. Now that CC had pointed it out, I started to think maybe Lynn did like me. I wish she wouldn’t make it so noticeable. She was nice to look at – one of those pretty, girl next door types; nothing over the top about her. She was a little shorter than CC and had those doe eyes that made her look innocent. Her blonde hair was pixie styled, and I hate short hair. Her only really good feature was her tits. She was nothing compared to CC, not even a blip on my radar.
“I’ll go grab you something.” She rolled her cart out of the room and shut the door.
I gazed over at CC watching me feed our son and a sense of relief washed over me. A feeling I had been yearning for during the longest week of my life. My family is complete; we’d made it over this hurdle and could overcome everything else that was thrown at us.
When Lynn walked back in with the medicine I sighed in relief. I knew Hunter would catch on to what I was doing eventually, but I was going to hold out as long as I could. I felt like the worst mother in the world, I knew the baby wouldn’t understand but it was really bothering me.
“Here you go; this will probably make you sleepy.” Lynn explained to me while she injected the medicine into my IV.
Even better. “Thanks.”
She threw the trash in the bin, smiled over at Hunter who smiled back at her, then she left the room. There was an uncomfortable quietness that fell between us when we were alone.
Hunter placed the bottle on the tray table, lifted the baby to his shoulder and started burping him. He peered over at me and our eyes locked. Hunter was the one for me; I thought I knew it before, but the feeling that I had in that moment, observing him take care of our son, just sealed the deal. Watching his six foot two frame, two hundred and thirty pounds of solid muscle with tattoos everywhere, had me in tears.
“CC, what’s the matter?” he asked, sorrow deeply set in his eyes.
I wiped my eyes with my one hand, and then tried to force a smile. “Nothing, just these hormones have me going all crazy I guess.”
He smirked at me, “Is that the only reason?”
He can read me like a book, I shrugged my shoulders. “I love watching you with him. It’s like you already have the father-son bond down.”
“Yeah, we’ve had some time while we were waiting for you.” Just as he finished saying that, the baby puked all down the back of his shirt.
Without moving the baby he tried to look behind him, “Did he just puke?”
I started giggling, who would have ever thought we would be dealing with this so soon? “Yup, little stinker got you all down your back.”
Hunter swore under his breath, lifted the baby off his shoulder and practically threw him into my arms. I froze and Hunter immediately noticed.
“You haven’t even seen him yet have you?”
Even though I was holding the baby, I couldn’t bring myself to look down at him. I didn’t trust my voice so I just shook my head.
Hunter took a deep breath, reached behind him and pulled his shirt off, then threw it on top of the diaper bag. Seeing him standing there in a black wife beater, my favorite pair of plaid shorts and his black Yankees hat, I blushed. I would have thought I’d be over that by now. Maybe I never will be; he was gorgeous. His eyes were my favorite; they’re like the ocean. You could see every emotion crash, every storm brewing. Every brainstorm he had was like lightning hitting the sand; he always made it out to be incredible. His eyes showed me everything his heart was saying.
Very carefully, he shifted us over in the bed just a little so he was able to lay on his side with us. “CC, I know this is hard for you, but babe you need to do it. He’s a part of you, of us. I know you probably feel like all this is your fault. I felt like that too, I should have protected the both of you that day, but there wasn’t anything anyone could do.”
I sniffled, “I can’t Hunter, I feel like a horrible mom.”
“Stop this shit now, you are not and you never will be. Just look at him CC, he’s perfect.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Hunter rested his head on my shoulder and then the butterflies started.
“Come on, just look, he’s watching you.”
The moment I looked down at my son, I knew right then, I would never be the same. His little eyes were wide and staring right at me. He looked like he didn’t know whether to cry or stay quiet. Hunter was right; he was perfect, beautiful even. I thought for sure he was going to be bald but Hunter had called it; he had a head full of dark curly hair. He had a cute little button nose, just like I did when I was born, right along with the chubby cheeks.
Hunter reached over and ran his pointer finger down the side of the baby’s face and his little eyes closed. He repeated the comforting action until eventually, quietly, the little one fell asleep.
“So I think it’s time we named him.” Hunter said, smiling at our son.
“Yeah, I think you’re right. How come you didn’t before now?” I secretly kind of hoped that he wouldn’t.
He smirked at me, “Really? You’re asking me that? You would have kicked my ass if I picked something you didn’t like.”
“What if I didn’t make it?” I asked seriously.
The smirk fell from his face, “Don’t talk like that.”
I frowned, “I love you.” I loved him more than he would ever know.
“I love you more.”
“So a name, any of the ones we picked work for you?” We had a list of ten names but to me none of them fit now I’d seen his face.
“I like Ryder.”
“Ryder?” When I said it the baby sighed and I giggled.
“I think he likes it.” Hunter said, kissing my shoulder.
“I’d say so. You like that name do you?” I cooed to our son and he sighed again. Maybe this mom thing was going to be okay after all. I still felt like I didn’t deserve to be his mom after the accident, but just sitting there staring at him did something to me. I’d never wanted to protect anything or anyone more than I did then.
“Ryder it is. I still really like Chaos though.” Hunter said and Ryder smirked.
Hunter and I both started laughing. “Ryder Chaos McCormick.” I liked it and was sure Cooper would be thrilled that we kept the name he picked out.
“Ryder Chaos McCormick.” Hunter repeated.
“I think Coop’s going to be happy we kept his silly name.” I kind of liked it too though, and I would make sure I told Cooper.
Hunter and I chatted for a little while before my eyes grew heavy. He grabbed the baby from my arms and placed him back in the bassinet before climbing back into bed with me.
I was lying in bed with CC, holding her while she slept. I knew she was in pain and I was glad they were giving her medicine to make her comfortable, but I wanted to keep talking to her. I’d missed her so much. I was glad she’d gotten over her fear of Ryder, when I handed him over to her I hadn’t realized it was the first time she had seen him. I’d just assumed, and you know what they say about people who assume shit.
There was a tap on the door and Dr. Stopper walked in with Lynn behind her. “Just wanted to give you the paperwork for the baby’s release, but we need a name before we can do that. Have you and MacKenzie decided on one yet?”
I untangled myself from CC and sat up. “Yes we have.”
Lynn smiled at me and handed me the paperwork. “You’ll have to fill these out and get them back to me. I’ll get Dr. Stopper to sign off and then you can take him home.”
I shook my head and took the paperwork, “Okay, thanks.”
Ryder was just having his final checks, so I took the opportunity to ask Lynn if she knew anything about MacKenzie’s release.
She frowned but seemed to catch herself and changed her expression quickly, “I’m not sure, but Dr. Clearly should be making his rounds soon. How is she?”
I knew what she was really asking, “She’s better. We worked through it.” That’s all she needed to know. I didn’t want her to think any less of CC.
When Dr. Stopper was done with Ryder he was kicking his little legs and waving his little fists everywhere. I’m not sure how CC was sleeping through all of this, that medicine must have really knocked her out.
“As soon as the paperwork is filled out, he can go home with you today.” Dr. Stopper informed me before she turned the water on and started washing her hands.
I stood up from the bed to shake her hand, “Thank you so much for all that you’ve done for us.”
She grinned, “You’re welcome. Take care of your family, Hunter.”
“Will do.”
Both the doctor and Lynn left the room and I went over to Ryder to settle him down. I saw CC stir in the corner of my eye and turned to her as I picked up our boy.
“Everything okay?” she asked, yawning.
I snuggled Ryder in my arms, “Yeah, Dr. Stopper was here to give us the release paperwork.” He wiggled his little hands out of his blanket and started crying even louder. I laid him down on the foot of CC’s bed and re-wrapped him like Lynn taught me. “Daddy’s gonna make everything better.”
CC sniffled; I looked over at her, “Everything okay with you?”
She tried to smile but it wouldn’t come fully, “Everything is perfect, Hunter. I can’t wrap my head around this, it’s so surreal.”
I knew exactly how she was feeling because I was feeling it too. I knew this probably wasn’t the best time to bring this up but I wanted to do it as quickly as possible. “I know you said you wanted to wait until after the baby to get married, but I want to do it as soon as possible now. I don’t want to wait another day to marry you.” I reached over and brushed the tears under her eye. “I want us to be a real family. I want you both to have my name.”
I saw it in her eyes, the wheels were turning. I knew she was going to try to talk her way out of it and I wasn’t going to let her. I didn’t give a shit if I had to carry her down the aisle. She was mine; she always has been and always will be.
“Don’t you think we should wait until I’m better?” Her voice was shaky when she spoke.
“No. Not at all. I almost lost you; I don’t want to wait another God damn minute.” I stated.
There it was; I saw it. Her mind was made up. “Okay.” She whispered. “But,” Damn, almost, “I want to be able to walk down the aisle.”
I smirked at her, “Or you can just let me carry you.”
She laughed, “You’re crazy.”
“Only about you.”
Our little banter was cut off by Ryder crying, “You want to give him his bottle this time?”
I saw the panicked look on her face, the same one I’d had when Lynn asked me that first time. “It’s ok, I’ll be right here with you.”
She nodded her head. I propped a pillow under her arm so she wouldn’t struggle so much with the broken wrist, then handed over Ryder and beamed as her face lit up when she held him close to her heart. “See, you’ve got the touch already.” I winked at her. “I’ll get the bottle and we’ll sit here and do it together.”
As CC and I fed our child, we talked about the upcoming holidays and how different they were going to be now. We talked about dressing the baby up for Halloween even though he was too small to take out; she really wanted to get pictures of him. Who was I to deny her anything after everything she’d been through? I’d give her the world if I could. We were going to keep our normal routine and spend Thanksgiving and Christmas together with our families.
“So, what about New Years? Think it will be too soon to leave Ryder with your mom?” I really wanted to plan something for us alone. I knew we wouldn’t get a lot of that time together anymore.
“Do you have plans?” she asked playfully. Now wasn’t the time or the place for this but my pants started shrinking. Think of something else, anything else.
CC started laughing. I glared at her, “What’s so funny?”
She looked down at my jeans and before she could notice, I quickly adjusted myself. Cooper chose that moment to walk in.
“Damn dude, keep that shit in your pants. You’re going to scar my nephew.”
This time CC, Cooper and Jaylinn were laughing. I glared at all of them and walked over to the door, counting backwards.
“How’s Chaos doing?” Cooper asked; taking the seat I’d just vacated next to CC.
“Chaos, huh?” CC asked. I turned to look over at her, wondering if she was going to tell Cooper that we’d decided to keep the name.
Cooper smiled, “Yeah. You know he was born in complete chaos.”
CC winked at me before looking at Cooper, “Well Coop, meet Ryder Chaos, Ryder meet Uncle Coop but please, Mommy is begging you, don’t grow up to be like him.”
Jaylinn started laughing, “Yeah, please don’t.”
Cooper stood up and came to stand by me, glaring at the girls. The door hit me in the back and I stepped forward for Mason to stick his head in.
“Yo, I need to talk to you for a minute.” He said to me and then glanced over at CC. As soon as she felt his eyes on her, she looked up and I could tell she sensed something was about to happen.
I went over and kissed her head, “I’ll be right outside the door.”
Cooper held the door open for me and then followed me out, leaving the girls alone. “What’s going on Mase?”
Once the door closed behind Cooper, I glanced at Jaylinn, “Jay, what’s going on?”
She wouldn’t look at me; she wouldn’t want me to worry so she wasn’t going to say anything. I hated that everyone was always hiding shit from me; I’m not a God damn kid anymore. I’ve had a baby, I’m about to get married, and I think I can handle shit.
“Jay, if you aren’t going to answer me then leave.” She tensed before her eyes shot up to mine. I didn’t want to be a bitch to her but enough was enough.
“Kenzie, don’t worry about it right now. It’s not a big deal anyway.” She was desperately trying to make me believe that things weren’t about to blow up behind that door.
“Really? If it’s not a big deal then how come they wouldn’t talk in here?”
“I don’t know, I guess because of the baby and no one wants you to worry.” Her eyes were pleading with me to drop it.
I tried to shift myself and sit up more but with the baby resting on my arm and my wrist so injured, I just couldn’t move. This was so frustrating! I couldn’t do anything for myself and my damn headache was coming back. I wasn’t going to tell the nurse until I got some answers from someone though.
The guys walked back in as I was still trying to shift myself, Hunter noticed and came over to help me right away. “Can you just take him?”
“Are you in pain?” Hunter asked while taking the bottle from me and picking up the baby.
I winced as I tried to move again. “Just a little, I’ll be fine though.”
He turned to his sister, “You want to feed him the rest?” She grabbed Ryder, not needing to be asked twice, and sat in the chair beside Cooper.
“So what’s going on?” I looked direc
tly at Mason. I could read him better than I could Cooper or Jackson.
“Nothing much, how are you feeling?” he said casually.
I glared at him and Cooper started laughing. Mason looked over at Hunter who was standing next to me and it was like they were reading each other’s mind.
“Hey assholes, I’m right here.” I wasn’t hooked up to the monitors anymore, but if I were they’d be going crazy.
Hunter shook his head and sat on the bed next to me, Mason sighed loudly before he finally answered me. “There was a detective here that wanted to talk to you about the accident. We asked him if he could give you a few days.”
Hunter reached over and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. “He’s telling you the truth. I know we haven’t talked about the accident and I really didn’t want to bring it up until you did, but,” he shrugged his shoulders, “you’re too damn stubborn.”
I squeezed Hunter’s hand back and he looked at them, entwined on the white sheets. I glanced over at Mason who had moved to sit next to Cooper and Jaylinn. “Both of you, no all of you, please don’t keep things from me. I can handle shit! I’m not a little girl anymore. It’s time for me to start fighting my own battles.” I was still looking at Mason but I saw in the corner of my eye that the other two were nodding.
Hunter kissed the side of my head then let go of my hand to reach across and grab the paperwork on the table. “We need to get these filled out so the doctor can sign off on them.”
“Right.” This was going to be rough on me tonight; I didn’t want to be left alone. I would figure out a way to get the doctor to release me tomorrow.
I worked on filling out the paperwork with Hunter while everyone else just hung out and spent some time with us. I missed this; I wish I wasn’t stuck in this damn bed though. I just wanted to be in our home.
As we were finishing up, Chloe and Jackson showed up with flowers and balloons. “Hey, sis!” Jackson said, coming over to place the flowers on the bedside table.
Hunter got up off the bed, “I’m going to find Lynn and get these to the doctor so we can get things moving.”