Wild Ride

by Jennifer Cruisie

  “DAVE CHEATED ON HIS GIRLFRIEND,” Tura was saying, her voice like syrup with a reverb. “PUT HIM DOWN. BUT NOT ASHLEY. SHE'S NOT BAD.”

  “BRING THEM ALL,” Kharos commanded. “WE'LL FEAST ON THEM ALL.”

  “That wasn't the deal,” Young Fred said, coming in out of the darkness, his voice shaking but rebellious. “You said we'd all be free. You didn't say anything about sending people to hell. I did my part, you're free, let them go -”

  “I WILL SPARE YOU, BOY, IF YOU LEAVE NOW,” Kharos said. “STAY AND YOU DIE WITH THE OTHERS.” He raised his arms again. “AND NOW WE WILL FEAST!”

  “NO,” Fun said, and Kharos jerked back. “YOU'LL FEAST, WE WON'T. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GORGES ON DESPAIR. ME, I LIKE HAPPINESS. I VOTE NO.”

  Good for you, Mab thought. Kharos rose up over Fun and Young Fred, larger, redder, angrier.

  “THERE IS NO VOTE.”

  Young Fred slunk back into the darkness, but Fun stared up, defiant, as Mab crept up behind Ethan, and somebody moved in behind her, and she realized it was Cindy, the Guardia forming a new line to take the place of the old.

  That's gonna be a nasty surprise, she thought, and began to feel better, although she was definitely going to hurt Young Fred when they were done.

  Assuming they survived.

  YOU WILL OBEY ME!" Kharos raged.

  “OH, ALL RIGHT, THEN, TAKE ASHLEY,” Tura said, petulant, her massive tail lashing in the air as she folded her arms. “BUT IT'S A WASTE. SHE WAS A GOOD RIDE.”

  “MAYBE IF I WAS DOWN THERE WITH THE SOULS,” Vanth said, gliding closer to Kharos. “TO TAKE CARE OF THEM, SHOW THEM THE WAY. THEY LOVE ME WHEN I'M WITH THEM.”

  “NO,” Kharos said, and Vanth pulled back from him, frowning. “SHOW THEM THE WAY TO WHAT?” Fun said to her. “HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN HELL? ALL THAT'S DOWN THERE IS COLD DESPAIR.”

  “It's cold?” Ursula said, clicking her pen nervously. “I thought hell was hot, burning fires.”

  “YOU'D PRAY FOR FIRES DOWN THERE,” Fun said, and he sounded sick as he said it.

  IT SEEMS CRUEL TO SEND THEM DOWN WITHOUT US,“ Vanth said. ”WE'RE THEIR GODS. I'M THEIR GUIDE.”

  'WE'RE THEIR DEMONS,“ Fun said. ”WE'RE THEIR WORST NIGHTMARES. YOU THINK IT'S BETTER IF YOU GUIDE THEM THROUGH HOPELESSNESS?"

  “IT'S WHAT I DO,” Vanth said, her voice virtuous.

  “IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!” Fun snapped, and Vanth jerked back again, scowling at him, while Mab thought, I'm not forgiving you yet, but you're getting closer.

  “ENOUGH.” Kharos spread his arms. “BRING THEM TO THE FEAST.”

  Ursula clicked her pen again, put it on the clipboard, and laid it down. She took a tracking collar out of her bag and strapped it around Ashley's neck, ignoring Ashley's sobs. “Come on,” she said, and Ashley tried to pull back, her face twisted with fear. “I'll just take your purse,” Ursula said, reaching for the bag on Ashley's shoulder, “and any identification you have. Don't worry, the United States government will know exactly where you are.”

  Ashley crossed her arms in front of her, too terrified to let go.

  Ursula tugged on the bag. “Give me that purse. As a government official, I command you to let go!”

  Ethan moved forward, and Mab followed him into the light. He grabbed Dave by the neck and thrust him behind him, taking his place in line, and Mab shoved him behind her where Cindy caught him and passed him to Weaver and then he was gone into the darkness, as Ethan pulled his knife and moved up behind Ashley, who was crying in big gulps now.

  “Please,” she sobbed. “Just let me go. Whatever I did, I'm sorry, just let me go, please -”

  “Give. Me. That. Bag!” Ursula snapped, greed in her eyes, her lips pulled back over her teeth, and then she gave one final, huge yank on Ashley's bag just as Ethan cut the strap with one smooth move.

  Ursula staggered back a step - the suddenly freed bag clutched to her chest, her mouth a perfect round 0 - and then another flailing step and then one last step into the pool, where she dropped straight down as if in a vacuum tube, sucked into the dead purple nonmatter of that hell, nothing left but her echoing scream as Ethan yanked Ashley behind him into Mab's arms, and Mab passed her on to Cindy and then stepped up behind him.

  Ursula's scream continued as if she were falling a great way, but the rest of the room was silent as Kharos faced Ethan across the gate.

  “YOU,” Kharos said.

  “Yep, me,” Ethan said. “Now we can do this the hard way or the easy way.”

  “What?” Mab whispered behind him.

  “I've just always wanted to say that,” Ethan said over his shoulder.

  “WHAT?” Kharos roared.

  Ethan spread his arms, the knife still in his hand. “It's like this: You can agree to go back in your box, or we'll kick your ass and put you back. Your choice.”

  “Are you nuts?“ Mab whispered behind him. ”That's the Devil."

  Kharos snarled and flung his hand toward Ethan, and even standing behind him, Mab felt the force of the blow.

  Ethan rocked back on his heels and bumped into her, and then he straightened. “That's all you got?”

  But Mab had felt him shudder with the impact, and his voice sounded gaspy, as if he'd had the wind knocked out of him.

  Kharos raised his hand again, and Mab said, “Wait a minute,” and circled around Ethan to stand in front of him. "I think if we just talk this out -,'”

  “Damn it, Mab,” Ethan said, trying to pull her behind him.

  Mab pushed him off. "- we can find a good compromise here.

  Deep in the pool, Ursula screamed on, her voice growing hollower and fainter as she fell, but the Untouchables all ignored it to close in around the pool, staring at Mab.

  “DARLING,” Vanth said to Mab. “YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T GET INVOLVED. THIS IS MEN'S WORK.”

  “WHO ARE YOU?” Kharos said, and then he looked at Vanth. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'DARLING'?”

  “I'm Mab,” Mab said. “And here's the thing. We're not going to let you put anybody else down there. No souls in hell in Dreamland.“ She cast a cautious look at the still-screaming pool. “Aside from Ursula. You can have her.”Kharos lifted his hand to strike her, and Fun said, “HOLD IT. WE HAVE A DEAL.”

  “I DON'T DEAL,” Kharos snarled, and threw his hand at Mab just as Fun stepped in front of her.

  A bolt of red slammed into Fun, ripping through the golden curls on his chest, and he took it, staggering sideways into the edge of the darkness, bumping into Young Fred, who ducked behind him, using him as a shield. Coward, Mab thought, and then Kharos threw another bolt, and Fun evaporated, turning into a golden mist so that the bolt slammed into Young Fred.

  He went down without a sound.

  “No!” Mab said, then Oliver was there next to her knees beside him.

  “He's breathing,” Oliver said to her, ignoring the murderous demon and the gate to hell to concentrate on his patient. “But he's not responsive. Is he in there?”

  Mab reached inside Young Fred and felt only emptiness and a dead brain. No, she thought, and searched harder for a spark, and then she heard Weaver say, “No,” and looked up to see Ethan moving toward Kharos. Mab thought, I hope he knows what he's doing, and then she bent closer to Oliver, concentrating on finding some kind of spark that would bring Young Fred back.him, and she went to

  I have no idea what I'm doing, Ethan thought, as Kharos roared, “PUT THEM ALL INTO HELL!” and Vanth said, "WELL, NOT MAE, SHE'S OURS.

  BUT I SUPPOSE THE REST -"

  ALL!”

  Vanth put her hands on her hips. “NO.” She walked up to him, her glowing blue edges crackling in the cold air, and smiled, leaning into him a little. “MAE'S OURS, DARLING. WE MADE HER. SHE LOVES US!”

  Kharos stopped in midroar, and Ethan thought, This isn“t good, just as Young Fred heaved in a breath behind him and tried to sit up. He heard Oliver say, ”You stay down, you treacherous bastard," and then he felt Mab stand behind him again, and thought, That's better.r />
  If he had to face the family from hell, it was good to have a sister by his side.

  Weaver with a demon gun would be even better.

  "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?' Kharos said to Vanth, confusion mixing with rage, and Ethan realized that Vanth was Kharos's weak spot.

  “MAB'S OUR DAUGHTER, Vanth said, delight in her voice. ”ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?”

  “NO,” Kharos said, really taken aback now. “SHE ISN'T -”

  “Hold it,” Ray said, coming into the purple light looking mad as hell. “We had a deal. I get the park. If Mab's still alive, I don't get the park. So Mab goes to hell. Even better, just kill her, so the coroner can rule it a natural death. I'm going to need a body.” He looked down into the pool where Ursula was still falling, her screams much fainter now and growing hollow with despair. “If you put her down there, I have to wait seven years to declare her dead.”

  “You bastard,” Mab said, trying to see around Ethan.

  “NO,” Vanth said. "NOT MAB -

  "Look, lady, I don't have much time, seeing as your husband is gonna take my soul whenever he feels like a snack, so Mab's gonna have to die now. It's her own fault, she should have given me the park when I told her to -

  “No,” Vanth said.

  Ray waved that off. "Oh, the hell with it, throw all the Guardia in. Starting with Mab. I have things to do.”

  Vanth drew herself up, a tower of blue rage.

  “What now?” Ray said, taking the cigar out of his mouth, and she raised her arms and a wind blew up in the room, and Ray said, “Now, wait a minute,” and she threw the full force of the storm at him, and he screamed as his hair blew back and then off, as his skin stretched as if he were in a wind tunnel and his screams sharpened, and there was a tearing sound and blood flew and only his skeleton stood there until it, too, was blown into pieces to clatter against the wall.

  Vanth drew the storm back to herself. “THAT'S FOR MY DAUGHTER, YOU MINION,” she said in the direction where Ray used to be, and turned back to Kharos.

  Mab stood openmouthed with horror.

  “You okay?” Ethan said, not so good himself.

  “That's my mother,” Mab said.

  There was a click and the lights came on, illuminating the entire basement with the exception of the pool, which repelled all light.

  Four of the Untouchables stood there, bigger than life but a little tawdry looking, as if they needed the shadows to impress.

  “The darkness was giving me the creeps,” Cindy said from over by the light switch. “Did I miss anything? What was the screaming about?”

  “Ray's dead,” Weaver said. “Mab's mother grounded him.”

  Mab moved closer to Ethan. “Now what?”

  “We put the easy ones back in the chalices first,” he said, not feeling as confident as he sounded.

  Kharos stepped forward, seething at them. “YOU TOOK THE CATTLE SOULS AND YOU THINK THAT WILL STOP US? WE WILL FEED ON YOU FIRST, BOY -”

  “Kharos!” Glenda said from the door at the top of the stairs. “Ethan is your son!”

  “Oh, crap,” Ethan said. “Mom, go home.”

  “NO,” Vanth said, stepping closer to Kharos, glaring up at Glenda.

  “MAB IS OURS, BUT THAT MAN ISN'T.”

  “Mab is yours and Kharos's,” Glenda said, coming down the stairs, and as Mab watched, she grew younger with every step until she reached the bottom and was twenty again, with a face like an angel and a killer body and a smile like a razor as she looked at Vanth. “Ethan is Kharos's and mine.”

  She doesn't haven't any power, how did she do that? Mab thought, and then saw Cindy concentrating very hard.

  “GLENDA?” Kharos said, sounding almost human as he stared at her.

  “WHAT?" Vanth said, her head whipping back and forth between them.

  YOU CHEATED?" Tura said, swimming closer, her tail lashing.

  Kharos blinked as the two demons drew closer. “I AM KHAROS! I TAKE WHAT I WANT!”

  “HOW COULD you?” Vanth said, her voice breaking as she shrank away from him.

  “ARE YOU KIDDING? SHE'S REALLY HOT, Kharos said, and then stopped,s tunned. ”I DIDN'T SAY THAT!'

  “OH!” Vanth said, and turned away from him, her face twisted with rage and hurt.

  "YOU CHEATER, Tura said, her voice snarling as she swam up in his face.

  “You're going back in your box, you bastard,” Glenda said, her voice sure as she took a chalice from Cindy and held it up.

  Selvans stepped forward, grabbing for it, and Cindy said, “No!” and the chalice turned into a wooden dragon that snapped at him and then flew up into the rafters.

  “Okay, we're gonna need that,” Glenda said to Cindy as Weaver came up behind Selvans with his chalice and tapped him on the back with it.

  “Frustro, Big Orange,” she said, and he turned and grabbed her by the neck and lifted her off the stone floor.

  “No!” Ethan said, but even as he lunged for them, seventy-five bucks' worth of velvet demon dragon launched itself from the landing above, chittering as it dive-bombed toward Selvans, followed by four ounces of angry raven, cawing his support. The demon looked up in confusion as he choked the life from Weaver.

  “BEGONE, MINION,! HAVE HER,” Selvans said to the dragon, and turned back to finish off Weaver only to catch the full weight of Beemer in the back of his head, which made him stagger, and then Oliver shot him, which made him loosen his grip, and then Frankie went for his eyes so that he had to drop Weaver to bat him away.

  Weaver fell to the stone floor, heaving in gulps of air as Beemer flew off then reversed direction in midair and came at Selvans again, chittering with rage.

  “MINION, I COMMAND YOU TO HALT, FOR I AM YOUR MASTER!” Selvans said.

  Beemer's eyes glowed purple as he dived into Selvans' face, blinding him as he staggered back, and Oliver shot him again, which made him scream, and then Young Fred stood up and said, “Frustro, meathead,” and Mab said, “Specto!” her voice like a lash, and Ethan said, “Capio!” and took all that orange rage inside him.

  Angry orange mud again, everything about him stowing and thickening as he felt himself dragged down into a paralyzing stupidity until Cindy said, “Redimio!” and pulled the sludge out of him and into the chalice Weaver was holding, and Weaver clapped the lid on and said, “Servo,” her voice raw and rasping from being choked, and the chalice sealed.

  Weaver put it on the floor.

  The little wood dragon flew down from the rafters into Cindy's arms and turned back into a chalice, and Weaver said, “Good boy,” as Beemer flew down with it and tried to wedge himself under her arm.

  It all had taken less than ten seconds.

  Kharos looked over the heads of Vanth and Tura and said, “No!” trying to throw his hand and stun them again, only to find himself blocked by demonesses as they screamed at him, their wrath rising in a blue-green fog around him, blinding him for the moment.

  Women, Ethan thought.

  They all looked shorter now, and Ethan realized they'd shrunk a good six inches with the loss of Selvans' power.

  “ENOUGH!” Kharos said. “GET ME THAT CHALICE!”

  “YOU SLEPT WITH HER WITHOUT ME,” Vanth snapped, and stormed off to the other side of the pool, her arms folded.

  Kharos looked confused, and Ethan almost sympathized.

  Then Kharos said, “TURA'S A BETTER LAY THAN YOU ARE ANYWAY,” and Ethan thought, Are you insane? as the real Kharos roared in anger.

  Vanth spun around to the mermaid, her face twisted in fury. “TURA!”

  “I DIDN'T,” Tura said, backing away. “I DIDN'T! I WOULDN'T!”

  “Frustro! ”Young Fred said at the same time Kharos said, “THAT WASN'T ME, YOU IDIOT, THAT WAS THE TRICKSTER!” but Mab had already specto-ed Tura, nailing her to the stone wall of the Keep, and Ethan said, “Capio,” and took her in again, all that blue-green screaming inside him like old times as Cindy said, “Redimio,” and bound Tura into the chalice, and Weaver sealed t
he deal.

  Tura's chalice went to join Selvans', and Kharos shrank down another six inches.

  “GIVE ME THOSE CHALICES,” he said, striding toward them, and Ethan thought, Oh, crap, and prepared to have the father of all Oedipal conflicts.

  Mab grabbed the two filled chalices and shoved them at Glenda. “Upstairs!” she said, and Glenda ran with them.

  Okay. If they took Kharos out now, while he was angry and confused, Vanth would go quietly, nothing to fight for. Ethan was standing braced for the devil's attack, but he wasn't going to be able to do it alone -