by Molly McLain
Adam lifts an eyebrow. “He fucked you over. Who cares?”
“I care!” I rasp, and point at my stomach as a reminder.
“Did you tell him yet?”
“In the first five minutes of him being here? Oh, sure!” How is it that men and women have co-existed this long? How?
Adam continues to stare. “He’s been here five minutes and you’re taking him to bed? Damn, girl.”
“To sleep, not fuck his brains out.”
My roommate lifts an idle shoulder. “Do what you want, I’m just saying the longer you wait to tell him, the harder it’s going to be.”
I bite back an impulsive response and force myself to think of the version of this man, who not even an hour ago, was far more compassionate. And to the man down the hall, who I’m fairly certain, has never walked away from a pissing match in his life.
They’re both trying to do what they think is right by me, failing to see that it makes them both look like complete idiots.
“I’ll tell him,” I finally answer. “But not right away. I want to hear what he has to say first.”
Adam pours the syrup over his waffles and chicken strips, shaking his head.
“What?”
“Remember what I told you last night?” he asks, his voice softening. “While we were on the couch?”
He said a lot of things last night. So did I, for that matter. “Refresh my memory.”
A grin slashes across his face as he gets to his feet and circles the island to wrap his arms around my shoulders. I want to shrug him off, but he’s back to kind Adam again, so I don’t. “You’re stronger than you think you are,” he says into my ear. “I know you love him, but don’t give in just because he showed up with his tail between his legs. Make him work for it.”
“That’s the plan,” I murmur back. I need to do what’s right not only for me, but my baby, too. That’s why I need to hear what Colton has to say. “Don’t worry—I know what I have to do.”
- - -
Colton
“Remember what I told you last night? While we were on the couch?”
“Refresh my memory.”
I clench my fists so hard, my knuckles pop.
Taylor’s got something going on with this guy, for sure, and the touchy feeling embrace they’re sharing right now? Makes me want to tear his fucking head off.
She steps away from him just as I shift forward, hell bent on making my lingering presence known. Yeah, I fucked up, but she belongs with me. I’ll be damned if I go down without a fight.
When she grabs two of the takeout containers and heads my way, I hold back. I’m too jacked up to pretend I didn’t see them all cozy, but I’ll give her a chance to explain before I go ape shit on his ass.
“Hey,” she greets me with a small smile when she enters the room with the food, casually closing the door that was never shut behind her. “If you’re still hungry, there’s plenty here.”
Oh, I’m hungry all right. But it’s not food I’m craving.
“Are you fucking him?”
Her eyes go wide. “Excuse me?”
“Answer the question.”
“No,” she replies, her tone clipped, as she sets the containers on her desk.
“Fine. I’ll ask him, then.” I start for the door, but she scurries across the room and blocks the way.
“Are you out of your mind?” she seethes.
“I don’t know, Tee, how about you tell me what you two were doing on the couch last night?”
Her dark eyes flash with rage as she pushes at my chest. “You’ve got a lot of balls asking me that question, don’t you think?”
“You’re more than friends. That much is obvious.”
She stabs a finger at my face, her eyes narrow. “If you must know, he consoled me last night. Dried the tears you made me cry.”
“I bet he did.”
She glares at me for a long moment before laughing softly. “You know what? Maybe I have changed my mind. Why don’t you leave, Col? And this time…stay gone.”
Fuck that noise. “Not a chance, gorgeous. I told you it wasn’t real with Bria. But this…” I wave my hand toward the kitchen, my jaw clenched.
“That…” She thumbs over her shoulder. “…is nothing. But telling you that I loved you? That wasn’t. Still, you chose her over me.” Shiny tears well up in her eyes despite her clipped words, and I want to rip my heart out and hand it to her on bended knee. How can she doubt how I feel about her?
“Tee, I didn’t choose her over you,” I plead, my throat suddenly raw. I’ve spent the last two months doing nothing but thinking about her. Missing her. Wanting more of her and those amazing moments we had together in Vegas. “You know I love you, too.”
“Yes, but there’s a difference between loving,” she begins quietly, “and being in love.”
“Believe me, I know.”
“Do you?” She folds her arms over her chest and her tank top rides up a little on her belly, flashing a narrow strip of skin. Instinctively, I want to kiss her there. And all of the other less erotic places on her body just to show her that this is about so much more than sex for me.
I take a tentative step forward. “How can you even ask me that?”
“How can you ask me if I’m sleeping with him?”
Because I’m an idiot. “I’m jealous, okay?”
“Yeah?” she challenges, with a sniffle. “Is it maybe because he’s here with me when you’re not?”
I open my mouth, then snap it shut again. Son. Of. A. Bitch.
“And he finally sees the light,” she laughs softly, through the tears.
This is the hell I’ve put her through. “Wow.”
“Sucks, doesn’t it?”
“Just a little.” I reach out for her, not surprised when she doesn’t immediately come to me. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
Biting her lips together, she nods. “You should be, because seeing you give her what I wanted? Just about did me in, Col. I can’t go through that again.”
And she’ll never have to. I swear on my friggin’ life.
- - -
Taylor
Col and I have shared a bed dozens of times before. We’ve even woken up with our legs tangled, or my head resting on his chest. On occasion, he’s even been hard against my hip or my backside, to which my response has always been something sarcastic. Usually a little harassing, too.
This is not one of those times. Not only does sleep allude me, all I can think about is the fact that he’s on the other side of my bed wearing nothing but boxer briefs. Will he wake up turned on again? Will he share that with me? If so, will it be inadvertent or intentional? Do I want him to, like he did in Vegas, when he hauled me across the backseat of the limo and showed me what I’d done to him?
Just the thought sends a wave of goose bumps down my arms and legs. My nipples tighten, too, which, given my changing body, is an experience all its own. I bite my lips together to keep from moaning, but I can’t stop the wave of pleasure that rolls down through my belly and heats my core.
I’m turned on just thinking about him, and he’s less than two feet away. Let’s not forget that he’s only been at my apartment for an hour and I’m still shook up by what I saw on TV last night.
Smart thinking, inviting him to bed, Taylor. Real freakin’ smart.
“Can’t sleep?” Colton rolls over to face my back and I shiver when I feel his fingers tease through the ends of my hair.
I want to turn, as well, but I know what’ll happen if I do. My body might be ready for another round with Col, but the rest of me isn’t. “Overtired, I think.”
“Want me to tell you a story?”
“What?” I laugh. “Like a bedtime story?”
“Yup.” The bed shakes as he shifts closer. Not enough to touch anything more than my hair, but I can feel his heat. His familiar, if not disconcerting, presence. “It’s about a boy and girl. From a little town in Wyoming.”
I smile to myself. “
Wyoming, huh?”
“Mmm-hmm.” His fingers delve a little deeper into my hair and I close my eyes at the subtle pleasure of it. He’s the only one, besides my mom when I was a little girl, who’s ever treated me to the simple, intimate gesture. “You want to hear it?”
As long as he keeps touching me, he can say whatever he wants. “Sure. Humor me.”
Giving his pillow a fluff, he settles in with a sigh. “Once upon a time, in the little town of Marion, Wyoming, a boy named Colin met a girl named Tara. He was ten and she eight, but he thought she had the prettiest chocolate brown eyes he’d ever seen.”
Oh, my God. I can’t help but smile.
“He didn’t tell her this—or anyone, for that matter—because everyone knew that girls had cooties. Especially the ones who liked to read and write with colored pens in glittery butterfly journals.”
My shoulders shake with silent laughter, but he continues on without a hitch.
“Before he knew it, Colin and Tara were inseparable. They made another friend named Mark, and the three of them did everything together, from riding dirt bikes to fishing at the old mill pond to pirating old school rap they couldn’t afford to buy.”
I snort so hard, my nose hurts, but he continues on.
“Something Colin never told Tara, was that when she was fourteen and he was sixteen, he made her a CD. He started out with a couple of her favorite rock songs, but then he snuck in a few ballads. Songs he’d lay awake at night listening to, while he thought about her.”
Sweet Jesus… “Really?” I ask quietly, as not to give away the sudden lump in my throat. “What did he think about when he laid there?”
“Mostly her tits. They were a new development and, while they weren’t really any different than the other girls, there was something special about hers.” He pauses and I can hear him swallow. “It took Colin a while to figure it out, but he finally realized that what made Tara such a fascination was that she was forbidden fruit. They were friends. He wasn’t supposed to check her out when she wasn’t looking. He definitely wasn’t supposed to ask her to the lake, just so he could see her in her mint green bikini.”
I flip over, mouth agape. “He did not.”
“Hell, yes, he did. Lots of times.” Col’s eyes sparkle with mischief.
“I had no idea.”
“Well, no. You’ve never heard this story before, remember?”
Smooth. “Go on.”
He smirks and sucks in a breath. “So, as time went on, Colin and Tara became closer and closer. Especially when Colin’s dad got sick.”
Oh, Col.
“There were some nights that his dad would be so sick from the chemo, that Colin couldn’t stay home and listen to it. Sometimes he’d go to Mark’s house, but more often than not, he went to Tara’s. Her parents knew how rough things were with Colin’s dad, so they never minded him showing up after dark and falling asleep on their couch.” Colton lifts his hand and brushes the hair away from my face.
“Always on the couch?” I whisper and he smiles.
“Colin and Tara kept it secret, but sometimes he’d sneak into her room and they’d fall asleep together. Or at least that’s what he let her think. Usually he stayed awake, just watching her. Wishing he had the balls to kiss her. Secretly hoping that she’d open her eyes just once and catch him. That way she’d know.”
“Col…” I reach out and lay my hand along his jaw, but he shakes his head.
“When his dad died, Tara was the only person Colin let see him cry. She was the only person he trusted not to judge him, even though he knew it was stupid to think anyone actually would. Regardless, he felt like he’d shared something really special with Tara,” he pauses, his voice cracking. “Something he’d never given anyone else, which, at seventeen, didn’t leave many options.” His gaze slips to my trembling lips, then back to my eyes again. He doesn’t bother to hide the guilt swimming in his own, and I suddenly forget how to breathe.
He loved me even then.
“Colin always wondered if Tara knew what that moment meant to him…” he says quietly, bringing my palm to his mouth for a soft, lingering kiss.
“She knew,” I whisper. And she was a fool to forget.
- - -
Colton
I’m not usually a sentimental guy, but Taylor brings out the softer side of me. She quiets the moody, usually pissed off beast living inside of me, and just thinking about her has gotten me through more than she’ll ever know. She’s the lioness to my lion. The angel to my demon.
“Colin got himself involved in some nasty shit when he left Wyoming to ride FMX. And though Tara had always been a quiet girl, she changed during that time, too. She became this strong-willed, outspoken woman who called Colin on all of his crap, and she told him, time and time again, how badly he was fucking up his life. She could’ve walked away. Told him to take his drinking, drugs, and women and go to hell, but she didn’t.” I trail my thumb to her cheek, then her lips, swiping away her quiet tears. “To this day, he’s not sure why she stuck around, but he’s grateful she did.”
“She promised him she’d always be there, and she meant it.”
“She didn’t have to.”
“She wanted to.”
“Why?” What the hell have I done to deserve this girl? Her welcoming arms, her love…
Her eyes search mine as she whispers, “He’d already overcome the worst. He was capable of anything after that.”
Doesn’t seem fair that such a perpetual screw up could be blessed with someone like her in their life, but I’m sure as hell not going to complain.
“Tara wasn’t the only one who’d grown up,” she adds. “Colin learned a lot during those rough times, too. Always came out stronger.”
I’d like to think that was the case, but lately, I have to wonder.
“Something Colin never told Tara…” I pause and swallow hard. “…was that a lot of his stupid decisions were intentional. He didn’t necessarily like that he had to make them, but he did it because he thought it would set him up better for the future. A future he wanted to give Tara.”
She bites her lip and sucks in a slow breath. “That’s incredibly sweet. I bet she never knew…”
“He hoped she’d figure it out.”
Taylor’s fingers spread wide over my chest. Coincidentally over my heart or on purpose? “You should’ve just told me.”
“I tried. Over and over again after Vegas.” Granted, I probably should’ve said the most important things sober, but when you’ve hid feelings for your best friend as long as I have, coming clean is a vulnerable place to be. “I can’t go back to the way things were, and that scares the shit out of me.” If she won’t have all of me, I’m fucked.
Her eyes flutter shut and another wave of tears slips down her cheeks. “We’re way beyond friends, Col. There’s no going back.”
No kidding. I’ve tasted her kisses. I’ve filled her body with my own. I’ve broken her heart.
“Everything’s changed,” she says, and I hope like hell the emotion I hear in her voice is the good kind.
I cover her hand with mine and thread our fingers. “Where do we go from here?”
“I don’t know.” Another deep sigh, followed by her mouth opening to speak, but quickly closing again, followed by more tears.
“What?” I pull our hands to my lips and gently kiss her wrist. “Tell me.”
“I just…” She pauses, her bottom lip trembling. “I can’t imagine my life without you, and that leaves us with only one option.”
Anticipation—hope—blooms in my chest. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
Her eyes crack open, gently meeting mine. “There’s so much we’ll need to figure out. Liz, Bria, school…”
“I know.” And I’m up for the challenge, as long as I have her by my side. “But right now I want to do more of this.”
She smiles mischievously. “Hanging out in bed?”
I’m twenty-five-years-old and my days of being
sexually shy are long gone. But her suggestive tone has me blushing like a damn virgin. “I meant talk. Connect…”
“Uh huh. Sure.” Her dark eyes twinkle up at mine and a zip of lust races down my spine.
“But if you want—”
“Col.” She presses a finger to my lips. “You’ve got a lot of making up to do before that happens again.”
Yeah. I mean, of course, I do.
“And I’m also really tired.” She gives a soft yawn, then snuggles close. “But not too tired for this.” Her lips brush across mine a second later. Slow and gentle, like she’s savoring every micro-second of contact.
I slide my fingers into her hair and hold her close, loving the sparks that fly so easily between us. Kissing Taylor is like jumping into a slow burning fire that creeps eagerly toward the gasoline. Anxious, but not greedy.
Just like the woman I love.
Chapter Six
Taylor
Colton haunts my dreams once again, only this time we do a lot more than kissing. When he leaves my body after reminding me just how good we are together…the condom is broke.
No analysis needed. I know what my conscience is telling me—he needs to know he’s going to be a father, and soon.
Still, uneasiness whirls in my stomach. Yes, he’s come to me for me, just like I wanted. There isn’t a single part of me that doubts what he says is true. He’s loved me as long as I’ve loved him, and we’re going to give this more-than-friends thing a shot.
I know it’s not fair that he’s only privy to part of what that commitment will mean for us, but, with all the chaos and uncertainty in his career right now, I can’t bring myself to add more weight to his shoulders.
Still sleeping, he shifts behind me and I close my eyes again with a sigh. His slow, repetitive breath is warm against the back of my neck and his arm, relaxed, yet protective, hugs around my waist. I’d stay like this forever, if we could. Just the two of us, in this quiet, uncomplicated little haven.
But that isn’t our reality. In fact, it’s anything but.
No one back home knows about the shift in our relationship, though I think Kara suspects. With Casey’s wedding just two weeks away, we’ll have a big decision to make—lay low or come clean. If we decide to come out, I’ll need to tell him about the baby first. I can’t risk him changing his mind about us after we tell our family and friends what we’ve done. I don’t think he would, but to my knowledge he’s never been told he’s going to be a father before, minus the charade with Bria. I have no idea what kind of reaction to expect.