“Yeah, it does. It’s hard work, especially because a lot of shifters don’t want to steer away from traditions still. They don’t want to lose their power, or to have to answer to anyone. We’re getting there, though.”
Nuallan and Neriah laughed, getting Ethan’s attention again.
“He’s lucky to have found you,” Kameron said.
Ethan shook his head. “I’m lucky to have found him. I’m not going to lie and say my life is all rainbows and sunshine. I’m getting older, and I’ve never had a real relationship, at least not one that actually lasted. I’d kind of given up, but finding Nuallan—well, it makes me hope again. It’s kind of scary, actually.”
“You know he’s not a shifter.”
“Yeah, but that’s not what’s scary.” No, what scared Ethan was the idea of the intimacy he’d eventually share with Nuallan. Nuallan would be the one man who’d know Ethan inside and out, who’d always be there for him, at least if Ethan played his cards right. He intended to, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t afraid of what the future would bring him and Nuallan.
What would happen if Nuallan wasn’t satisfied with what Ethan could give him? If he wanted more? Ethan was a simple guy, a human guy, and he wasn’t sure he could compete with all these shifters.
Kameron squeezed Ethan’s shoulder. “Nuallan’s been through a lot. He needs to feel safe and secure, and from the little I know about you, you’ll be perfect for him.”
“I sure hope so.”
“What will you do tonight? I know you probably have a place in town, but you’re welcome to stay here if you want. You can either share Nuallan’s room or have your own room in this house.”
“I should probably go home and think about everything. About the future.” Ethan and Nuallan needed to talk, even though he’d rather have Nuallan in his bed for something else.
“You need some time alone.”
“Yeah. That, and I want to talk to my mother. She was in the town hall today, but since I left early, I have no idea how she took the news. I haven’t answered her phone calls yet because I don’t know what to tell her.”
Kameron laughed. “Talking with parents is always the worst thing. Once you’ve got that down, everything else will be smooth as silk.”
Ethan sure hoped so. He didn’t want to lose either his mother or Nuallan, but it might just come to that, and he wasn’t sure how he’d deal with it if it did.
Chapter Five
Nuallan peeked out the window of his cell and wondered when Ethan would be back, just like he had the other ten times he’d looked out.
Alex chuckled in his corner, but he didn’t look up from the book he was reading. Nuallan turned to glare at him, even though he knew it wouldn’t work.
“You should focus on packing your stuff instead of staring at the snow,” Alex said.
“I’m not staring at the snow.”
“Oh, sorry. Instead of staring at the path that leads here. It’s not like it will bring Ethan sooner. Besides, do you really want Ethan to see you in here?” Alex flipped a page as if he didn’t really care, but Nuallan knew he did.
Alex thought of this place as a cell, and it was, in a way. But Nuallan viewed it more as his safe place. He now knew that Titus wouldn’t have hurt either him or Neriah, but when he’d arrived in Gillham, he’d been scared of both that and Kameron’s reaction to his murder attempt. Being locked up in a cell that was really a comfortable cabin with bars on the windows had made him feel safe from the world, no matter who’d put him in it. It wasn’t like Kameron had ever tried to hurt him.
Nuallan looked around. He’d already put most of his things in boxes, but there were still a few of his books on the coffee table, his pajama pants on the unmade bed, his slippers by the door. He knew he needed to finish, but he didn’t want to. It felt like too big a step to take, especially on his own.
He wanted Ethan to be there, but he wasn’t.
Nuallan sighed. He might have found his mate, but it didn’t mean he had to be stuck to Ethan’s side all the time. Ethan would think he was too needy. Nuallan was surprised Alex didn’t. Unless he did and had never said anything, of course.
He glanced at Alex. He was still reading, apparently uncaring about what Nuallan was doing. Nuallan wasn’t a prisoner anymore, so Alex didn’t even have to be there. He was with Nuallan as a friend, not as a jailer, and Nuallan loved him for it. He still couldn’t help but have doubts, though.
He sighed and pressed his palm against the cold window. “Do you think I’m needy?”
Alex didn’t answer right away, so Nuallan looked at him. He was staring at Nuallan, a frown on his face. His thumb was stuck between the pages of his book so he wouldn’t lose his spot. “Why are you asking that?”
Nuallan shrugged and looked outside. It was easier than facing Alex. “I want to be with him.”
“He’s your mate. I’d be worried if you didn’t want to be with him.”
Nuallan played with the bottom of the curtain. “Yeah, but I want to be with him always. I miss him. How can I miss him already when we saw each other last night? We don’t even know each other. We barely talked. Isn’t it weird?”
Nuallan heard Alex move, but he still didn’t look at his best friend. Sometimes he still had a hard time believing Alex really was his friend, really wanted to be around him. How could he after what Nuallan had done? It didn’t matter why Nuallan had done it, really. He’d still tried to kill someone, the pack’s alpha. How could anyone forgive him for that? He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to understand that, and thinking about it made his head hurt. He could never come up with an answer anyway, so he probably should stop trying. It would make his life easier.
Two hands landed on his shoulders and squeezed. “You know more about Ethan than you think you do, even though you met him yesterday. You saw how he behaved in a difficult situation. He found out about shifters yesterday, then that he’s your mate. He didn’t run away. He didn’t even look hesitant about it. He was there for you while we went to get Neriah, he sat next to you when we talked, when you explained what you’d done. I noticed how he looked at you when you talked with your brother.”
Nuallan shook his head. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
“He’s calm, isn’t prone to react aggressively. He’ll be there for you if you need him, he’ll stand by you and be your rock. He’s not one to panic even in bad situations. He clearly didn’t want to leave you yesterday, and he promised you he’d be back today to see you.”
Nuallan knew all of that. Even when he’d been talking to Neriah, his mind had never been far from Ethan. Nuallan had known where his mate was in the room, what he was doing, and if he was looking at Nuallan. “I already know I like him. That’s not the problem.”
Alex used the hold he had on Nuallan’s shoulders to turn him around. Nuallan kept his gaze on Alex’s chest, but he should have known Alex wouldn’t let him. He wasn’t surprised when Alex put a finger under his chin and tilted his face so they could look at each other. “What’s the problem then?” he asked, and Nuallan suddenly felt stupid.
He wasn’t even sure himself what the problem was. Why did he doubt himself? Why did he doubt Ethan? Ethan was an adult. If he didn’t want Nuallan, if he didn’t want to associate with shifters, then he’d say it. Nuallan knew enough about him to be sure of that.
He sighed. “I don’t know. I’m not sure.”
“Do you want to try to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“But you will.”
Nuallan sighed again. “You know what I did. It’s not normal. How can Ethan want someone who did what I did?” Nuallan pushed his chin down and Alex removed his finger. Nuallan swallowed and tried to put his thoughts in order.
Alex was silent the entire time.
“I don’t have anything to my name. I came here, tried to kill Kameron, got locked up. I tried to kill myself. I have nothing, Alex. I don’t know how to do anything. How am I suppo
sed to earn money? How am I supposed to help Neriah if I can’t even help myself? Why would Ethan want someone with so many problems?”
“Okay, first, you need to put the past where it belongs. You won’t ever forget what happened and what you did, but you need to stop thinking about it. No one blames you, especially after finding out about Neriah. If Kameron doesn’t care and he’s the one you tried to kill, then why should anyone else care? Second, you might have been locked up for a few weeks, but you know as well as I do that the time you spent in here recently was your decision. Kameron offered you a room in his house weeks ago. Third, Neriah doesn’t need you to help him.”
“He’s my brother.”
“Yeah, he is, and he needs you to be there for him, but he’s twenty. He’s more than old enough to start earning his own way, even if he’s going to live with you. I understand you two only have each other, that you only had each other for many years, but it’s not like that anymore. You have friends now, people willing to help. You only need to ask. I’m here, my family is here. Ethan is here. We’ll do whatever we can to help. We want to.”
Nuallan knew that, even though he still had a hard time believing it. How could the worst thing he’d ever done have this kind of results? He’d tried to kill someone, and he’d been rewarded with friends, a house, and a mate. How was that even possible?
“Yeah, okay.”
Alex nodded. “And you can do whatever you want to do. You’re young, Nu. You can learn.”
Nuallan knew it was true. He just wasn’t sure he fully trusted everything not to disappear. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe he’d never actually woken up after he’d slit his wrists. Maybe he was still in the infirmary, with Dallas looking over him.
If that was the case, he never wanted to wake up. He wanted to stay right where he was and live this life, even if it wasn’t his to live.
* * * *
Ethan looked around his bedroom. He’d packed a bag, had taken enough clothes for a few days. He wasn’t sure how long he’d stay in Kameron’s house, but he’d been invited there, and he wanted to spend more time with Nuallan. He’d still have to open the shop, of course, but maybe Nuallan could come with him. Ethan just knew he’d belong in the flower shop.
But first, Ethan had to go to his mother’s house and talk to her. He still didn’t know how she’d taken the shifters are real news. He hadn’t answered any of her phone calls. He’d just texted her to tell her he was fine and that he was too busy to talk to her, and he had been. He’d dedicated yesterday to Nuallan, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted more.
The feeling made him smile. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted to spend time with someone so much. It wasn’t rational, but then what was in this situation? He knew it was partly due to the bond between him and Nuallan, and he didn’t care. Whatever had made him end up being Nuallan’s mate, whoever had matched them, he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. He knew he could walk away if he wanted to, but he didn’t. As mushy and unrealistic as it sounded, he could see himself living with Nuallan and sharing a life with him, growing old with him.
He was probably too old to think like that, but did it matter? Nuallan was his chance at being happy, at feeling complete. He wasn’t going to step away from it.
He grabbed his bag and walked to the living room, checking that everything was locked up. He wouldn’t be far, and he could come back any time he needed to, but once he was with Nuallan, he didn’t want anything to distract him.
He locked the door and jumped into his car. His mother’s house wasn’t far, and he parked in her driveway ten minutes later. She was already by the door waiting for him when he got out of the car, and he smiled at her.
“Were you in the town hall yesterday?” she asked as soon as Ethan was close enough to hear her.
“Of course I was.”
She stepped aside to let Ethan in. He stomped his boots and left them by the door. “So you know about those wolves.”
“Yes, Mom, I know about them.”
“And what do you think?”
Ethan cocked his head. His mom wanted to know what he thought about shifters before she told him her own opinion. That meant she thought they’d clash. That was the last thing he wanted, considering Nuallan and what they were to each other. There was no way out of it, though.
“Let’s go the kitchen. I could use a cup of tea.”
She nodded and Ethan followed her. He sat at the table as she got out the chai tea he liked and got a cup ready for him. She stayed silent as she placed the mug in front of him, along with the creamer and a spoon.
“I know some of the people who were in the town hall yesterday,” Ethan began. “I talked with them.”
“Are they shifters?”
“Yes. I actually talked to Kameron yesterday evening.”
Ethan’s mom stared at him. “There’s a story there. Did you know Kameron Rhett before yesterday?”
“I knew of him, but I’d never talked to him.”
“Why did you yesterday then?”
Ethan sighed. “I need to tell you something, but I don’t want you to freak out. Can you listen to everything I have to say before protesting?”
“You do know that telling me this is only going to make me freak out even more, right?”
Ethan chuckled. “Of course it will. Look, it’s nothing bad, but since you didn’t tell me how you feel about shifters yet, I don’t know how you’re going to take it. I’m very happy about it, so I hope you will too.”
“Just say it, Ethan.”
“Right. So yesterday, I was in the town hall with everyone else. I noticed a guy and followed him out, and, well, the thing is, it looks like I’m his mate.”
Ethan’s mother blinked at him. Ethan didn’t miss the way her hands tightened around her mug, but she just nodded. “Tell me more?”
“Of course. Nuallan isn’t a shifter, so he can’t become anything. He’s a Nix. It’s a kind of fairy from what I understand, but like I said, we met only yesterday, so I’m not an expert yet.”
“Does the stuff Kameron Rhett said about shifters apply to him? He’s not dangerous, right?”
“No, Mom, he’s not. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.” There was no way Ethan was telling his mom about Nuallan trying to kill Kameron. She didn’t need to know. It was Nuallan’s story to tell anyway, and Ethan had no doubt Nuallan would once he was ready.
“So what does this mean for you? What are you going to do?”
Ethan wrapped his hands around his mug and let the warmth seep into his flesh. “Well, I’m going to go spend some time with him. I’ll stay over at Kameron Rhett’s house with Nuallan for a few days, and we’ll get to know each other. I don’t know how much Kameron told everyone about mates, or even if he said anything.”
“He mentioned some things, but I’d like to hear it from you.”
Of course she would. She probably didn’t trust what Kameron had said. She wasn’t stupid, and she knew Kameron had told the town people only what he had to.
“Nuallan’s it for me, Mom. That’s what it means. He’s my soul mate, and there’s no way I’m saying no to that.”
Ethan’s mom snorted softly. “I know you’ve always been a romantic, and I know the mate thing makes it look like there’s truth in the soul mates idea, but I’m not sure about this, Ethan. I don’t want you to get hurt. Maybe you shouldn’t get involved in this, at least not until we know more about the shifters.”
Ethan shook his head. “I might not know much about shifters, but I’ve seen some of them with their mates. I’ve seen how they behave around each other, and no matter what you think about soul mates, the really love each other.”
“It can’t be that easy, Ethan. Life isn’t easy. Love isn’t easy.”
“And I don’t expect it to be, but if Nuallan really is the perfect man for me, the man who’ll complete me, then I’m not letting that go. Look, I’m not saying we’re going to get married tomorrow,
okay? I might be a romantic, like you said, but I’m not stupid. I want to get to know him before making any important decisions.”
“You’re moving in with him already.”
“I’m not. I’m just going to spend a few days there, with the pack. I won’t be far from home, so I can come back whenever I want. It’s not like I’m selling everything I own to run away and elope, Mom.” She also didn’t need to know that Ethan and Kameron had already talked about him moving in with the pack. Kameron had told him about the houses he’d had built recently, and that he was welcome to move into one of them if he wanted to. Apparently, his being Nuallan’s mate made him a pack member even though they weren’t mated yet. Ethan wasn’t sure what he thought about that, but he was grateful Kameron seemed to accept him without problems. Everyone did, or at least everyone Ethan had met the day before.
Ethan’s mom stared at him. “You’re really going to go through with this, aren’t you?”
“If you mean dating Nuallan and eventually mate with him, yeah, probably. I already feel so close to him, Mom, closer than any other guy I met.”
“Maybe it’s just because you think you have to feel that way, because you know about mates.”
Ethan shook his head. “No, it’s not that. I felt close to him even before I found out about mates. When I first saw him in the town hall... I don’t know how to explain it, but I felt like I needed to be close to him. That’s why I followed him when he left. I needed to know who he was, where he lived. I needed to spend time with him. I couldn’t let him walk away, and I didn’t even know his name then.”
Ethan could see his mother still wasn’t convinced, and he didn’t blame her. He was the only family she still had, and she’d be alone if she lost him. He was an only child, not because his parents had wanted it that way but because they hadn’t been able to have another child. His father had died several years earlier, and it had been only Ethan and his mother since then.
She was scared. She was frightened of losing her son, or even having him wounded, physically or mentally. He was scared, too. He still wasn’t going to stay away, though.
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