by Leigh Lennon
“Just listen to me for thirty seconds.” I didn’t interrupt him. “We’re both going to lose her if we keep this up.”
“Yeah, if we haven’t already,” I agreed.
“You’re right,” he added. “Listen, I don’t know how we recover from this, but I want to. I will stop, I promise.”
My laughter had an almost deep, sarcastic tone to it, and in the way my voice hitched an octave or two, he had to hear it with my response. “I think we both know it’s not that simple for you, LT.”
“I know,” he countered, and his voice dropped. “Shit, Doc, I’m so sorry. How’s your face?”
I’d been so fucked up over watching Scar cower in the corner that I’d forgotten about my own injuries. “Um, haven’t really given it much thought. I’m sure it’ll hurt once the adrenaline wears off.”
“Yeah, me, too. I guess you know a good doctor who can fix it up,” he teased.
“Yeah, and you know a man who used to be a paramedic.” Levi laughed at my response. “Listen, LT, I need to go, but be sure to put some ice on your face.”
“I’m not as concerned for me as I am you. You took the brunt.” The smug fucker was right. I hated it—not as much as what we did to Scar, but it surely bruised the ego.
“Yeah, I heard the guy who clocked me is quite the asshole.” What was wrong with us? We basically put Scar in the hospital, and I was what, flirting? “Okay, gotta go.” And I hung up the phone without a goodbye.
36
Scarlet
Andrew had become my best friend. I knew he’d always been Ell’s bestie, but she’d been a little occupied with her men. Though he still held that title, it was equally shared with me. I knew this when he was pacing my living room with every curse word escaping his mouth when it came to his brother.
“I want to kill him, Scar! I think I just might do that or at least break his fucking arm.”
Brock was behind him with a small grin. Brock must have known, like me, Andrew could never or would he ever in his life take down another person. Though I would say Andrew had a hot body, I would have certainly sampled those goods if he had been into women. Andrew wasn’t much taller than I was, and the man had never played a single day of sports in his life. And though he worked out and ran, Jordan was out on the court a couple of times a week playing basketball. In the spring, he was on a baseball team, and he swam as often as he could.
Yeah, as pissed off as Andrew was, even in a rage with his adrenaline pumping, he couldn’t take on his brother, and by the look on Brock’s face, we both knew it. But we’d let him believe he could. Now, Brock, would do it solely on principle because his man was pissed and hurt by this turn of events.
“And fucking Levi, I’ll sic Arden and Daimen on him.” He stopped for a second only to continue with his thoughts. “No, better yet, I’ll sic his sister on him. That’s a fate worse than death.” It was certainly the truth.
“Um, you will not tell Arden or Daimen. I mean, it’s bad enough you two are about ready to kill them. I can’t handle the thought of Arden and Daimen in jail.”
Brock pulled Andrew into an intimate hug. “Whoa, killer. Give the poor girl a chance to breathe. Of course, we have righteous anger for her, but you’re typically the calm in the storm. The hurricane and earthquake known as Daimen Torano and Arden Blakely will only make matters worse for Scar.”
I knew there was a reason I liked our new CFO. He was a ball buster, but he was also sensible. Looking at Andrew, I was not sure he could be called the calm in the storm, not at the moment. Yet Brock was right; bringing Arden, Daimen, and even Elliot into this would upset the already bad weather I was experiencing with Levi and Jordan.
“Andrew,” I began, my voice low, controlled, trying to bring back his sensible side. “I’m okay. Sure, my wrist is broken, but physically, I’ll heal. But that stubborn brother of yours and Levi’s spontaneity are a combination I don’t think I can handle right now.” The idea of saying goodbye to them was what broke me and had my whole body erupting in a pain so intense I could feel it from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes.
A tear fell from my eyes when Andrew pulled me toward him with my good arm. “So what are you saying, Scar?”
“I don’t know. I mean …” And it hit me. Just as I was bounced from home to home, I would be left alone again. “What is wrong with me? What do I do to be left alone?”
When Andrew brought me to my apartment, he’d started toward my bedroom, but I stopped and took residence on the couch. I couldn’t go back in my room, not where the fight of the century had taken place and especially since that was where they’d split my heart in two.
“What can I do for you, Scar?” In Andrew’s eyes, I saw something I witnessed in myself when Elliot was hurt or Arden found out that his former best friend tried to kill her. Sometimes it was harder to watch your loved ones hurt more than it was when you yourself were simply the one in pain.
“I can’t go back in my room, not yet. The lamp is broken, there’s blood on the sheets from one or both of the guys’ noses. Can you pack me a couple of days’ worth of clothes and get me my toiletries? I’m heading to Arden and Daimen’s lake house, after all.”
I watched the interaction between Andrew and Brock. Before I could say anything, Brock had it all planned. “We will do you one better, Scar. We’ll take you up there.”
My bags were packed, and Brock had them in his Yukon before I knew it. But I’d talked them into giving me a couple of hours before we left. More so, I’d finally convinced Andrew to give me some space. He didn’t like my plan, not one bit, and he insisted he would be there for the showdown I’d plan to have with both guys, but in the end, after a stern talking-to, he’d given me my space.
I looked in the mirror I had hung on the wall in the hallway near the bedrooms. My left eye where Jordan’s elbow had landed and the red scrape below my right eye where Levi’s knee had hit me showed the outward damage of their fight. An inward destruction, my broken heart, could not be seen but it was undoubtedly the deeper issue.
When I heard a tap on the door, I smoothed my long shirt and leggings nervously. Behind the door, in the hallway, were both guys, with their bags packed as I’d requested in my text to the both of them.
I moved out of the way, motioning for them to come in. None of us had said anything when I turned to find them in the open eating area between my kitchen and living space. I didn’t even want them to sit, not yet anyway. Jordan opened his mouth to speak, and I silenced them with my hand as if I was a traffic cop.
“No, you’ll listen, and I’ll talk.” I stopped because I wondered if I had the courage to go through with this. Issue an ultimatum?
“This whole idea of the three of us being together started as a way to put me first.” My arms were folded over my chest as well as I could with my wrist in a cast. Both men fixated on it, as they should, because it was their fucking fault. “Let me be clear. I want the two of you together, like you are with me. I want it so much.” I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry. They didn’t deserve one more tear of mine.
It didn’t work, and when I wiped a few tears from my face, I winced in pain thanks in part to them. Jordan’s arm reached out for me, and Levi stepped forward to give me comfort. I backed up, my voice cracking when I began again. “You promised it was about me. I felt selfish having you two to myself. But you promised and I believed you.” I looked at Jordan, then Levi, then back at Jordan. “I can’t do this anymore. After what happened yesterday, I’m back to the scared girl in foster care who’d been placed in yet another home because I was not wanted.”
“Shit, Scar …” Levi began.
“No, shut the fuck up and let me finish. You pushed Jordan even though you told me that having the three of us together was solely about me.” I looked over at Jordan. “And you’re fucking lying to yourself if you say you don’t want Levi.”
A myriad of tears began to form in the corner of my eyes, I had to finish this quickly. “So h
ere’s the deal. You two are going to stay here at my place. You’ve taken the next four days off so we could get away for a while together, but I’m going, and you’re not. You’re stuck in my apartment, fixing the shit you broke and working out whatever the fuck is going on with you— together. You want to fight each other, have at it. You want to fuck like wild animals and get it out of your system, then do it. You want to ignore the chemistry you share, then figure out a way to avoid making me your punching bag. I’m giving you one last chance. Don’t fuck it up because I’m not sure I’d know how to survive.” I was at the door, my fingers gripping the knob, with my back to them. “To be clear, I’m not running from you. I don’t ever back down from a fight. But shit, you two have pushed me away!” My words were final, and I had thought I was done until I turned back around, not looking at them. “And you better take this time to think about if you even want me to be a part of your life. Because I’m sure as fuck going to be doing the same.” I slammed the door behind me, and before I could crumple to the floor, the strong arms of both Andrew and Brock scooped me up—leading me to the car and to the much-needed break I required from these men.
37
Levi
With the door slammed behind her, we were both left in utter silence. Jordan had not looked at me, but I could see the beginning of a bruise on his face. It was still black and not quite purple yet. I’d clocked him good. But he got me, too. Mine was on my cheek, though, and it split but not deep enough to need stitches. I’d gone to see the medic on duty this morning just to make sure.
“I’m taking the spare room.” It was what he said as he grabbed his suitcase, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I certainly wouldn’t be sleeping in Scar’s room. We left it a complete mess, and as she said, she expected us to fix it. Moving to her little home office, I put my suitcase on the floor next to the futon. Fuck, those things were so uncomfortable, but without Scar, I would not be sleeping in her bed.
It wasn’t my style to ignore the fucking walrus, elephant, and rhino in the room. Yep, it was so bad—the whole elephant wouldn’t be a good description of what had come between Jordan and me. Though the good doctor would probably camp out in the room he’d been smart enough to grab before I had.
When footsteps stopped at my door, I braced myself for anything. A little knock was all I got. “I’m ordering something. You want Chinese or Italian?”
“Um, how about Thai?” I suggested. It was his favorite, though I was not fond of it. But I was ready to extend an olive branch to this man.
With the door opened slightly, he asked, “Um, can I come in?”
I stayed seated on the uncomfortable futon and looked up at him. Pulling the seat from Scar’s perfectly clean desk, he sat. “What are we doing? Did you see her? Not just the fucking bruises, but she was broken.”
Yeah, Jordan could hit me a hundred times, and it wouldn’t have hurt as much as it had to watch Scar today, ready to kick our asses. She’d put on a tough exterior, but it was evident we had broken her.
I shook my head, looking up at him. “We can’t ever do that to her again.”
Jordan’s elbows were on his knees, his head in his hands. “Yeah, it broke me. I mean, fuck, I did this to her. Sure, it was the both of us, but I started it. Shit, I love her so much.”
Watching this man break in front of me hurt, too. “It’s hard to watch those you love in pain—regardless of what the pain may be.”
Yeah, I said it. It was time to get rid of that fucking rhino, walrus, and elephant and deal with the matter at hand.
A small grin appeared on his face. “Yeah, that was a little underhanded, but I guess I deserved it.”
“Jordan.” His hand popped up, and he stood quickly. Always so fast to walk away from the tough conversations.
“Listen, it’s a conversation that’s apparently overdue. I’m not avoiding it.” My eyebrows arched in a silent question. “Okay, I want to avoid it, but I won’t. Not after what I saw this did to Red. But if we are going to be honest, truly honest, I need food in my system. And the doctor in me needs to look at your cheek.”
It was my time to wave him off. “I had one of the medics look at it today.” I paused, walking by him. This tender side of him was one reason I wanted to pull him to me and give him the comfort he needed. Sure, sucking his dick would do it, too, if he would finally give in to what we shared between us. But no, I wanted to hold him. I wanted the hardness of his muscles against my own hardness, feeling that jolly roger of his come to life as only I could bring it. Well, Scar and me, that was.
No, I walked by, clapping him on the shoulder, and that little touch was enough to tell me I did not imagine this. Jordan cared for me as he did with Scar. But the question was would he finally give in to what all three of us knew would break us up if he didn’t.
An hour later, we had our Thai food along with some much-needed groceries delivered to Scar’s apartment. “Um, we need to make a list of all the shit we have to get at Home Depot. I’ll borrow a truck from Foster at the firehouse. He’s on tomorrow and won’t need it.”
When I took the vacation days, this was not how I imagined spending my time off. No, we were going to have the entire house on Lake Michigan at our disposal. I had planned on being naked the whole time with lots of sex, lots of fun, and yeah, a fuck ton more of sex. It wasn’t in the cards for us.
“Um, I don’t know much about home improvement,” he admitted, grabbing his food and a soda on his way past me to the couch. “The Cubs are on. Want to watch for a while before we get to the hard part?”
Hard part? It wasn’t hard for me. No, I was in love with the good doctor. There was no doubt in my mind.
“Um, sure.” With Jordan on one side of the couch, I planted myself on the other side. The Cubbies were playing the St. Louis Cardinals. I wasn’t sure if we’d tear ourselves away from the game. Yeah, those fuckers were our rivals, and I imagined most bars were jam-packed with a ton of people enjoying a brewsky and the game.
“We’re up two in the top of the third inning,” Jordan began. Yeah, I saw the score the second I sat down, but fuck, what else could he say. And knowing Jordan, turning on the game would give him time to mentally prepare for the talk and the three large as fuck animals still in this apartment of Scar’s.
At the bottom of the sixth inning and with the Cubbies up nine to three, I grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. The quick turn of his head and the out and out stare he gave me told me he was still working up the courage to chat.
“Look, we could ignore this all day long. For the next four days, with the time we took off to be with Scar, we could sweep this under the rug. But then we’re going to lose her.”
He stood but stayed planted. “You told me this was for her.” It was the first thing he threw out.
“Yeah, and I meant it at the time.” My hands found passage through my hair that was at
least three weeks overdue in getting a trim. “But here’s the thing. With even the best intentions, I could only be so good.” I gave him that panty-melting smile that seemed to work on many women and men alike, but it wouldn’t work with him, not this time. “Seriously.” I changed my tone. “I’m sorry, but I fell for you like I did with Scar, Doc. I mean, I fell hard.”
He turned away, and fuck, I had to battle everything within me not to go to him. “Can you honestly say you don’t care for me, not as Scar’s other lover but as more?”
He shook his head. “Is that a no, Jordan? In that you mean, you care for me more?”
He turned, his eyes down. “Yeah, you arrogant fuck. You have affected me more than I care to admit.” His admission was not a surprise.
I wouldn’t go to him. I wouldn’t make that mistake. This had to be all him. “Okay, so what does that mean for us, Jordan? If we don’t handle this right, we’ll lose Scar, and I can’t lose her.”
His eyes finally reached mine as I continued, “And losing her would be just as bad as losing you. It’s the perfect number, don’t you
see that? She needs us just as much as we need her. But I need you, too, Doc. We both do. And if I’ve read it right, you need me, too.”
“But what does it mean for me? Am I gay?” Ah, labels, they bit me in the ass every time.
“Why call it anything, Jordan? I mean, love is love. Attraction is attraction, and lust is lust. I feel all three with you, and I don’t care. Even my first time with a man was hot and passionate, and I was not expecting it. Hell, I was there to fuck his sister. You know the story. But when she stood me up, and the handsome bastard answered the door and invited me in for a beer, our chemistry was out of this world.”
He was still standing, and I was still sitting. The only thing that had changed was his hands were now balled in fists. “I don’t want to hear about this.” His words were more clipped than normal for the uptight doctor.
“See, the story would not affect you if you didn’t care for me.” Of course, he admitted it, but I had more of a point to prove. “Yeah, I get it. Hearing about this would be like learning about Scar’s sex life before us. I don’t want to know.”
Jordan was still so quiet. I still had the floor, apparently. “The point I’m trying to make is love is fluid. It’s not about body parts and gender for me. I love who I love. And fuck, I love you, Jordan.” The second those words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. But he only stared at me.
“Fuck, Jordan, that was not fair. I’m sorry.”
He continued to stare at me, but I stood by my decision not to go to him. He had to come to me. Right when I thought he was about to sit down, he took in a long, deep breath and then let it out. “I’m not sure what to do with all of this, Levi.”
I stood, turning the other way around the couch that was in the middle of the room. “Well, now it’s out there, so do what you will.” I walked away. He needed time, and I needed time. Pulling the door behind me, I stood against it, hoping that I did the right thing by laying it all out on the line.