by Jenna Kernan
He changed course and lifted himself up, with a groan, leaning back against the wall behind his head. The pain squeezed through him and then was gone. He’d been lucky—very lucky.
“My sister, Cassie, will be ten in March. She should be in school now.” A public school, he imagined. Quite a shock after attending a fine private school. She’d been on track to attend Wells College, like Mother, when their fortunes turned. “My mother’s family owned a pharmacy in Rochester. It’s how she met father. My grandfather wanted him to learn the ropes, so he sent him off on the road. When he brought mother home there was a row, but they came around. My mother is beautiful and accomplished and it wasn’t as if she came from nothing. Her father owned his business, after all. The funny part was that her family did not approve of dad. Can you imagine? They wanted a professional man, not a salesman, and had no idea who he really was. Well, that turned the matter and my grandparents went to see Mother’s parents. After that it was all smooth sailing.”
He finished his story and smiled at her. His smile faded by slow degrees as he realized too late that he’d insulted her again. He cleared his throat and fell silent.
Lily picked at her fingernail, head lowered. “It’s a pity you lost your pa, Jack. It’s a hard thing.”
He clenched his jaw. His father didn’t deserve Lily’s concern. His father had abandoned them in every sense of the word, and Jack was tired of keeping up appearances.
That half-truth, told by instinct to protect the family name, now became intolerable. It didn’t sit right to lie to Lily. He wanted her to know everything, even something this dark, for it was as much a part of him as his skin. So he straightened, preparing himself to tell her that his perfect little world was as cracked as an eggshell dropped on a stone floor.
“He wasn’t lost, Lil.”
Lily’s eyes fixed on him, cautious now, for she knew him well enough to recognize his change in mood. Lily folded her arms protectively about her middle and lowered her chin before speaking. “He wasn’t?”
“He left in the most cowardly way possible.”
Jack wondered what she’d think after he told her. At home the news had spread like a breaking tidal wave, washing through the community. Jack had learned during that dark time that there was nothing so unforgivable as losing one’s money, unless, perhaps, it was losing one’s fortune and then putting a bullet in one’s forehead.
In the end, the only visitors were the creditors who appeared with a speed of buzzards smelling a corpse.
“Jack?”
He lifted his chin from his chest and met her worried gaze.
“When my father learned we were ruined, that he’d lost everything, he…he killed himself, Lil.”
She gasped, holding her hands over her mouth in shock, but he forged on, needing to get it all in before he watched her walk away like the others.
“He went into his study, used a revolver. I heard the shot and found his body.”
Lily pressed her fists to her cheeks. “Oh, Jack, that’s a terrible thing.”
“Yes. Terrible.” He looked up at her, holding her gaze. “Do you know what was worse? No one came to the house to pay their respects. Not one of my mother’s close friends or a single member of any of the societies to which she belonged. It was as if we were contagious. I wonder if he knew what would happen, if he understood just what his actions would bring. He was a coward, taking the easy way out and leaving us to face the consequences.”
He waited for her condemnation at speaking so frankly about his father or for her to remind him that his father burned in hell. She did neither. Instead, Lily slid her hand along the blanket until it rested on his.
“What about your friends?”
“I left school without telling them. Too ashamed to face them.” He drew a breath, steadying himself to tell her the rest. “I was engaged back then, Lil. She was the daughter of one of my father’s business associates. I went to see her just after I returned from college to tell her the news. She cried, of course. So I tried to reassure her, comfort her. It wasn’t until later that I realized she wasn’t crying for me but for what she had lost. She waited until after the funeral to return the ring.”
Lily blew out a long breath. After a moment she said, “She’s a fool.”
“She knew enough not to wed a penniless man.”
Lily’s smile seemed sad and wise all at once. “There’s worse things. Like not having the decency to give your sympathies when a man has lost his father.”
She was right again. He shouldn’t care what they thought. He was lucky to learn so early just what kind of people they were. Unlike his poor mother who was still devastated by their swift rejection.
It was on her account, mainly, that he plotted his revenge.
“I still want to prove to them that my family doesn’t need them. If I can make this work, my mother and sister won’t have to suffer for something that was none of their doing.”
“I would think there would still be talk.”
“Don’t fool yourself. Money is all that’s needed for them to reenter society and those bastards will pretend that Mother was just in Newport for the season, instead of returning from exile.”
The thirst for a triumphant homecoming still burned his throat. But now it was tempered by the knowledge that he didn’t like them. He’d be well rid of the lot.
She squeezed his hand. “If you’re needing to spit in their eye, Jack, well then, I’ll help you all I can.”
He should have expected it from her. She didn’t turn her back on trouble, wouldn’t judge him or think less of him for his need to set things right. Jack wondered if Lily had any idea how precious she was becoming to him.
Jack thought of his mother’s telegram and frowned. When he’d come north, he had wanted to make good so they could reenter Society. He’d fought and struggled, determined not to give up. Now he didn’t even know if he wanted to go back to New York. But he had to, because he’d not abandon his sister and mother as his father had done.
Now he dreamed of Lily at his side. But each time he tried to imagine her there, presiding over his household, overseeing dinner parties with business partners, he felt queasy. There must be a way to have her.
Chapter Seventeen
Lily stayed at his side while his body healed. Jack had been damned lucky. Cuts and bruises were all he had suffered. That evening Lily snuffed out the light and lay beside him, fully dressed, keeping him warm through the long night. He relished holding her, inhaling her sweet scent with each breath and snuggling safe and warm beneath the blankets.
He’d missed this intimacy.
Thursday morning he’d managed to get up on his own two feet and make it outside to relieve himself. The food and drink that Lily had been forcing down his throat had bolstered him more than he could have imagined, and he no longer seemed weak or confused. He had some spectacular bruises blossoming like purple roses on the backs of his legs and his torso. He guessed the fact that the collapse had been mostly loose gravel had saved him. Had there been a good-sized rock among the load he’d be dead, or worse—paralyzed.
By the afternoon he was well enough to sit at the table and share a meal. He loved playing house with her; Lily brought life even to this crowded, tiny cabin. No, he thought, she brought life back to him. He hadn’t realized that part of him had died with his father. Jack had been so focused on his own mission that he’d had no time left to enjoy living. He’d built his machine and set it to use on his claim, working like a demon, going days without even seeing the sun rise or set. But all that had changed with Lily.
He knew she had to go back to town, but he wanted to keep her here. As he grew stronger and no longer needed her, he felt her restlessness and recognized she was preparing to go.
He knew he should let her.
Lily cleaned up after supper and poured the remains of the coffee into two battered tin cups. It had become their habit in the evenings to take turns wash
ing up and then sit together by the stove with the last cup of coffee before bed. He coveted the time with her, talking about nothing and everything.
Lily went out first, leaving Jack with a gold pan full of warm water. The steam curled up into the dry air as he stripped and scrubbed himself with a rag and soap. He tried to ignore the hitch and tug of his stiff muscles as he forced them to move. Afterward he set his union suit aside, opting for only his jeans and soft blue flannel shirt.
Lily returned and he stepped out into the night.
The nights were growing longer now but the sun only receded for six hours, dropping from sight and then reemerging in the Northeastern sky.
He finished his business and retraced his steps, returning to her.
She handed him the wash basin, smelling of soap, her cheeks glowing bright from scrubbing. He tossed it out in the yard and entered, finding Lily now in the chair near the stove.
“It’s getting darker again. Soon we’ll be able to see the Northern Lights again,” she said.
Jack nodded and then added more logs to the fire, in preparation for the night.
“We don’t have anything like that back home. Can you see the lights in New York?”
“No, but I understand they do see them on occasion in the Adirondacks.”
“I love them. I love everything here, and I’ve decided to stay.”
He paused, crouching beside her. Did she mean here in his cabin? His heart accelerated at the thought of having her here.
“After all, what better life could I hope for? There are so many opportunities in the north for me and the land is so beautiful. I’ve never seen a prettier place on earth than here in Dawson. And I love the people. They’re from everywhere and all with the same desire to make something for themselves and their kin. Self-made men—it’s thrilling.”
Jack frowned. He didn’t like that plan; it would separate them. He stared at her bright smile and the vitality twinkling in her eyes. Why did she have to be Irish? Why couldn’t he stay?
He hedged. “It’s an interesting place. Likely change when the gold runs out, though. Might not be so easy to make a living.”
Lily nodded. “I don’t need much and there’ll still be trappers and the lumber is good while it lasts. I just wish I could make everything stop and be the way it is right now.”
Jack nodded and then retrieved his cup, not wanting to say anything that might break the quiet harmony.
“I think I’ll be heading back to town tomorrow,” she said.
Jack winced. Of course, her job was there and she was doing well with her singing. If his machine paid off and he could provide for everything she’d ever need, would she move in with him? His stomach knotted as he stared at her, wondering how to broach the subject that plagued him.
As silence stretched, Lily’s eyes grew worried.
“I’ll stay if you need me.”
He did need her, but not in the way she meant.
It wasn’t right to keep her here now that he could get by without help.
“I can manage.”
She dropped her gaze and nodded. Had he said the wrong thing?
“All right, then,” she said.
“I’ll take you tomorrow.”
“You don’t need to.”
“I need supplies and I’ve got to see about investors, then get about building my engines. Sooner is better for me.”
She held her cup in her hands, not looking at him as she spoke. “Well, if you think you’re strong enough.”
“I’m strong enough.”
Lily stilled at that, the cup poised halfway to her lips. She lowered the coffee as she wondered if he had meant to imply what she thought.
She pushed the cup across the rough-hewn table as her desire for him gurgled up from inside. Don’t you do it, Lily.
But she knew she would, knew from the intent possession of his gaze and the slow steady pulse down low in her body.
She’d do it again and consequences be damned.
Jack held his breath as she sat still as ice waiting for the kiss of the sun. When she lifted her gaze he saw the desire flash, but she remained motionless, her fists flanking her coffee, her knuckles white from clenching the cup. He watched the battle between body and mind as she looked at his hands cradling his cup, his mouth and finally his eyes.
“You’re black and blue from your shoulders to your knees.”
That was her mind talking now. Her body spoke as well, her chest rising and falling with the increased speed of her breathing and the lovely flush of desire spreading up her neck and into her face. Her pupils dilated until they were dark circles ringed with brilliant blue.
He gave her a half grin. “Only on the one side. The other didn’t get a scratch.”
She captured her lower lip between her teeth and his breath caught. Now his fists were clenched as well. He could almost hear the debate in her mind. Should she come to him or not? He stared at her mouth and prayed.
At last she stood, crossed the room and set the lantern beside the bed. Then she turned to him.
“But you want me to stay?”
He nodded slowly, afraid to go to her. Like a hunter sighting a deer in a meadow, he made no quick movements.
“More than anything.”
Her smile lit up her beautiful face. She’d come here and saved him, stayed to nurse him and here he was planning to be a cad by taking advantage of her the minute he was well enough. That was no way to repay her kindness.
But he didn’t want to let her go. If he could just think of a way to have her, just find some means to make her stay, not just for the night, but forever.
“The night then,” she said and snuffed the light.
Jack settled back upon the mattress, taking nothing for granted. She’d slept with him since his rescue and he’d done no more than hold her. But he was stronger now and his body pulsed with blood and desire. He prepared himself to resist her enticing fragrance, soft skin and warm body.
She lay half against him as she had the first two nights. The mattress was too small for them both to lie on their backs and so Lily had spent the first two nights on one side or the other. When she faced him, her arm went about his middle in a relaxed hold that felt just right. But when she turned away, she pressed her back against him. Even on that first night, the contact of his hip with her soft, round fanny was a nearly irresistible temptation.
He lay still and stiff as a chunk of wood, waiting for Lily to settle. Listening for the soft breathing that would tell him she slept.
Instead, he felt her fingers unbuttoning his shirt.
“Oh, thank God,” he breathed as he took her in his arms and kissed her. She accepted him, letting him explore her sweet mouth before pulling away. Next came the soft rustling of fabric and in a moment she was beside him, naked, her skin already beginning to grow chilled.
Jack stripped out of his clothing and slid in beside her.
“I’ve been dreaming of this every night,” he growled, drawing her in.
Her throaty laugh was arousing as hell.
“I’ve missed you, too, Jack.”
Tomorrow she’d leave him again, but tonight she was all his.
He held one hand on the center of her back, guiding her until she came to rest on top of him, stretched out from his chin to his ankle.
Lily settled her hips against him and made a sound of satisfaction in her throat as the soft curve of her belly pressed to his erection.
He leaned close and whispered in her ear. “You’re driving me mad.”
With exquisite slowness she trailed one finger over his chest and down his belly.
“Do you remember the first time I touched you?”
He did—that first day he’d arrived in Dyea, wet, cold, after Lily had rescued his dreams with his gear. He nodded, his chin brushing the top of her head. Lily’s finger continued its maddeningly slow descent from his chest.
“You asked
me why I did it. And the answer is, because I can’t bear not to.”
Chapter Eighteen
Her finger continued its torturous descent down his abdomen sending flames of desire licking down his belly to his groin. His hand stole up the warm velvet of her thigh.
She used her toes to shift her body upward until her lips were beside his head and her tongue caressed his ear. Jack groaned in delight.
He breathed in the spicy scent of her as she shifted to his side, giving herself access to all of him. Her fingers played along his skin, stroking his belly, teasing the fine hairs and following them south. He gritted his teeth at the sweet torture she wrought. Her hand moved to the base of his erection and his breath caught. He longed for her to wrap her fingers tight about his shaft.