He liked her, which was stupid. There were so many reasons a woman like Mara would be wrong for him. If only he cared about any of them at the moment.
Chapter Five
Mara led the way toward the picnic tables situated under a canopy of Douglas firs not far from the creek’s edge. Although the area was often crowded on the weekends, today they had the path to themselves.
The girls chattered happily behind her, but it was Parker who held her attention. When he hadn’t emerged from his fancy SUV after Anna got out, she’d approached the driver’s side to find him staring into space, his hands clenched around the leather steering wheel. The side window was tinted, but she hadn’t been able to miss the pain marring his movie-star-handsome face.
Damn the man for being human. She hadn’t doubted he had a pulse...but his heart was another story. It had been so easy to make him the bad guy along with her ex-husband, worse than her ex, even. She’d chosen Paul, or at least allowed herself to be chosen by him. If he was the driving force behind her life being ruined, what did that say about her ability to be in a successful relationship? Not much, which offered her little hope for the future.
It served her to believe that Paul’s ruthless attorney had goaded him into smearing her character, destroying her career and making her doubt herself on every level. She knew that wasn’t true. Her ex had wanted to bring her low and perhaps to punish her for deviating from the path he’d laid out for both of them.
But he was still the father of her child, although he hadn’t seen Evie since last Christmas and rarely bothered to call and check on her. Mara couldn’t help but blame herself for marrying someone with whom she was totally incompatible. If she’d done better, Evie would have a true family right now, the kind of white-picket-fence life Mara wanted for her. Instead, she was a single mom, overworked and sleep deprived, doing her best but always worried it wasn’t enough. That she would never be enough.
She’d gotten through the sorrow and anger of the past two years by compartmentalizing her emotions. Things had become black and white for Mara. People were good or bad and she had no room for gray in her world. The shaded parts made her question, made her feel, made her want things she’d tamped down in her effort to get on with life.
Parker was the epitome of gray for Mara. She felt more comfortable with him in the black-and-white category. Somehow she knew this afternoon together wasn’t going to help keep her feelings for him any clearer.
Drawing in a deep breath that she hoped would help loosen the knots in her stomach, Mara turned and smiled at the girls. “I hope you’re both hungry.” She added a wink for Anna. “We can use lunch to teach your uncle about the food groups. Wouldn’t want him thinking Goldfish are a protein.”
Both Evie and Anna giggled while Parker thunked the heel of his palm on his forehead. “Not even the extra-cheesy Goldfish?” he asked.
“Nope,” Mara answered, trying to keep her lips from twitching.
One broad shoulder lifted and lowered. “I guess you learn something new every day. Girls, I need you to show me the way.”
Yeah, Mara silently agreed. Like the fact that the man you thought was your sworn enemy might not be so bad after all.
It didn’t matter, she reminded herself. Her attraction to Parker aside, Mara wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship of any kind with any man. She barely had time to shower every day. Between her shifts at the coffee shop, taking care of Evie, helping Nanci with the shop’s books and doing the baking she loved, Mara fell into bed exhausted every night, lucky to remember to wash her face and brush her teeth. Making an effort to attract a man didn’t begin to appear on her list of priorities.
“I assume you like peanut butter and jelly,” she told him to a round of cheers from the girls.
“From what I remember when I was a kid, I do.” He placed the bag of food and the cooler on the wooden table side by side. “I have to admit it’s been a while. If I’d known about the menu, I would have brought milk.”
She reached into the bag. “I’m joking. It’s PB&J for the girls and chicken salad for us.”
“Is it strange to say I’m oddly disappointed?”
“You won’t be after your first bite of my chicken salad.” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Although there are plenty of stranger things about this picnic.”
“Aunt Nanci says Mommy’s chicken salad sells out every day at Perk,” Evie announced, climbing on the bench seat on the opposite side of the picnic table. “All her stuff is super yummy.”
“Then I can’t wait to try it.”
“She bakes better than Aunt Nanci, too,” Evie continued, and Mara marveled at her shy daughter’s suddenly chatty nature. Evie usually said as few words as possible to adults, especially men. It had taken her months to make eye contact with Josh, and he was one of the easiest going men Mara knew.
Quite the opposite to his brother.
“Daddy loves her muffins,” Anna added, never one to be left out of a conversation.
Mara heard Parker’s muffled snort and swatted him on the arm. “Your mind is in the gutter.”
“More like on your muffins,” he said with a chuckle.
“Blueberry’s my favorite.” Anna reached for a grape from the container Mara set on the table.
“Mine are chocolate chip,” Evie offered.
Parker tapped a finger on his chin as if deep in thought. “I wonder which ones I’ll like the best?”
“I’m not giving you any muffins,” Mara muttered under her breath.
“You can buy them at the coffee shop,” Evie said helpfully. “Mommy bakes on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday or whenever she’s in a grumpy mood.”
“Good to know.” Parker handed each of the girls a juice box.
“I bake when I’m happy too,” Mara protested, feeling her brows draw down when Evie’s gaze dropped to the table.
“You aren’t happy very much,” her daughter said and the quiet admonishment was like a dagger to Mara’s heart. Her pulse thrummed in her throat. How did her daughter pick up on that? Mara did her best to be cheery with Evie. She read books and sang songs and played games. She smiled even when she wanted to cry, and apparently all of her “fake it ’til you make it” efforts at positivity had been for nothing.
Before she could form a coherent response, Parker made a show of taking the bag of chips from the tote, pretending to lose his grip and sending the bag flying in the air.
Evie and Anna squealed with delight as he hopped up onto the bench, continuing to bobble the chips before finally cradling the bag like it was a precious baby. “We don’t want potato crumbs,” he said, stroking the foil wrapper. “I’m not letting you go again.”
Mara forced a smile as she distributed sandwiches, appreciating the distraction he’d provided while trying to overcome the sting of Evie’s words.
She was happy. Happy-ish, anyway. Her mind whirred with ideas for how to put on a better face for her daughter. She’d make up silly dances while cooking dinner. She’d laugh harder at the stories Evie told about her adventures with Anna on the playground. She’d smile even when her cheeks ached with the effort of it.
She would not allow her daughter to see her unhappy.
“Soda or sparkling water?” Parker asked, his tone soft, like he understood how fragile she felt in this moment without needing to acknowledge it.
“Water,” she answered, picking up the chip bag. She opened it and peered inside. “I think you managed not to crush a single one.”
“I have gentle hands.”
Her stomach pitched at the low timbre of his voice, and she almost dumped the entire bag onto Anna’s plate.
The girls were engaged in a weighty conversation about the best shade of magenta in the crayon box at school so didn’t seem to notice. Evie had moved on from the happiness comment as if it had been nothing more than
pointing out a gray hair or something equally as trivial.
Mara was the one left stuck in the emotional quagmire, one that couldn’t be easily remedied by a box of hair dye.
“As long as we’re clear that those hands aren’t getting anywhere near my muffins,” she told Parker, striving to keep the conversation light. She took a seat on the bench next to him, making sure to keep as much physical distance between them as she could manage.
He leaned in closer. “But I’d be so good at cradling them.”
Her throat went dry and she realized she’d chosen the wrong tactic for casual conversation. Flirting with Parker was a terrible idea. “Who’s excited for the soccer game this weekend?” she asked Evie and Anna.
“Me,” Anna said around a bite of sandwich. “I’m gonna score three goals. Daddy said I’ll get a hat that does tricks.”
“Three goals in hockey is called a hat trick,” Parker explained.
Evie frowned. “But we play soccer. I don’t know how to ice skate.”
“People use the term for any sport when you score three goals in one game.” Parker popped a grape in his mouth, not making a big deal over either girl misunderstanding the term or what it meant. Mara would have expected him to react differently—with impatience or patronizing them for their lack of sports lingo knowledge.
“I won’t score,” Evie said, placing the uneaten half of her sandwich on the plate.
“You have to have faith,” Parker assured her.
“Evie’s afraid of the ball,” Anna told him matter-of-factly. “She hates soccer.”
“She doesn’t hate it,” Mara said quickly, her heart sinking when Evie’s rosebud lips thinned. “Do you hate it, sweetheart?”
“I’m bad at it,” Evie mumbled. “The worst on the team.”
“Daddy will put you next to me on the field,” Anna said, patting her friend’s shoulder. “I’ll cover your position and mine.”
“Josh coaches the soccer team?” Parker grabbed another handful of chips.
Mara nodded. “The parents asked him to step in when the dad who was supposed to coach took a new job with a lot of travel.”
“I bet you’re not bad,” he said to Evie. “Some athletes take longer to develop than others.”
A wisp of a smile crossed Evie’s face before she shook her head. “I’m bad,” she repeated.
“We’ll practice more,” Mara offered immediately. “I’ll order a goal for the backyard with two-day shipping. Maybe you’ll be off school for the rest of the week and you can take a ton of shots.”
“Maybe,” Evie agreed but she didn’t look convinced.
Mara took another bite of sandwich. She’d perfected her chicken-salad recipe shortly after moving to Starlight, and the coffee shop sold wrapped sandwiches in the deli case. They were one of the most popular items, but right now the food in her mouth seemed to have all the flavor of cardboard.
“I’m done, Mommy,” Evie said after one last grape.
“Me, too,” Anna announced. “Wanna fro rocks in the creek?”
Evie shrugged. “I’ll watch you.”
Anna beamed, as if Evie’s attention was her due. The difference in personalities suited both girls. Despite having gone through months of cancer treatments, Anna remained confident and outgoing. Evie was happy to tag along in Anna’s shadow, as much as Mara would have liked her daughter to realize how talented and special she was in her own right. But the dynamic suited the two of them so she didn’t push for more.
“Please play in the clearing where I can see you,” she told the girls. “And remember to stay a few feet back from the creek.” Meadow Creek was little more than a babbling brook at this time of year, so she felt safe supervising the girls from the picnic area. “I’ll be down as soon as I clean up from the picnic.”
“I’ll help,” Parker offered, standing as the girls skipped away. “Unless you want me to go along?”
“They’ll be fine for a few minutes. We have a clear view of them from here.”
“They’re so different,” he said, lifting the soda can to his mouth. “But neither of them seems to care.”
“Not one bit,” Mara agreed, feeling her shoulders relax a bit. She might have messed up a lot of things in her life, but she knew in her heart that settling with her daughter in Starlight wasn’t one of them. “We moved here right before the start of the preschool last year. Anna had just finished chemo treatments, so she was totally bald. She’d also lost a bit of weight and looked...well...”
“Sick?” Parker asked softly.
“Yeah. It was her second year at the preschool and should come as no surprise that she’d been the most popular girl in her class the previous year. But when the new year started, some of the kids were freaked out by the way she looked.” She shook her head. “The teacher tried to make the cancer seem like a part of life, but you know how kids can be.”
“Little jerks,” he muttered.
“Some of them, although in my opinion the parents could have stepped in more to help lessen the stigma. It was rough on Anna.” Mara turned to him. “Hasn’t Josh told you any of this?”
A muscle ticked in his jaw, and he focused on collecting the empty drink containers. “I didn’t know about Anna’s cancer until I was here over the summer for a friend’s funeral.”
“Brynn’s late husband?”
“Yeah. Daniel and I went to high school together. We were all friends.”
“Brynn is a great person and so positive despite what she’s been through. I admire her for that. I’m kind of jealous of her for that, as well. Based on what my daughter just said, I need to work on my attitude.”
“I like your attitude,” he told her. “You don’t take crap from anyone.”
Mara felt her cheeks heat at the compliment. If only it were true.
“How often do you come back to Starlight?” she asked but kept her gaze on the two girls playing near the water. Somehow it seemed less prying when she wasn’t looking into his blue eyes.
“Never.” He grimaced. “I’m not proud of it, but before now I didn’t think my presence, or lack of a presence, mattered.”
“You matter to Josh,” she said, placing a hand on his arm. The muscles bunched under her fingers, and she pulled away like she’d accidentally touched a hot coal.
Arm’s length. That was a safe distance.
“I’d do anything for him,” Parker said, falling in step with her as she walked toward the edge of the creek. “And for Anna. I might not have been around, but they’re my family. If I’d known they needed me...”
“You know now.” She ran a hand through her hair, wishing she had a scrunchie to pull it back. “You’re here. Give yourself a break, buddy. Until you know better, you can’t do better.”
“I guess.”
“Trust me. I’m an expert at self-flagellation. It doesn’t help anything.”
“Although I have no problem with your attitude, I’m curious. Why you aren’t happy?” he asked suddenly, and Mara’s spine stiffened.
“I am.”
“That’s not what Evie said.”
“I’m a single mom working to support my kid. She confuses unhappiness with exhaustion. Like I said, I’m going to work on it.” Mara flashed her cheesiest grin. “Ignore the bags under my eyes and focus on my jubilant smile.”
“Jubilant,” he repeated, one corner of his mouth kicking up in a way that made her pulse quicken. “That word suits you.” He picked up a stone, rubbed it between two fingers and sent it skipping up the shallow creek.
The two girls clapped and squealed and begged him for more. Parker obliged then squatted down near the water’s edge and chose two stones, handing one to each girl. He explained what made a skipping stone a good choice and the best arm motion for a successful throw.
Anna danced in circles as he spoke, seemingly
unable to contain her enthusiasm. Evie, on the other hand, listened intently, her chubby fingers gripping the stone she held in the exact way Parker demonstrated.
He went first on the next toss, over exaggerating the flick of his wrist in order to make the action clear for his pint-size pupils. His stone skipped three times across the calm water before sinking under the surface.
Anna stepped forward and hurled her rock so far it landed on the opposite bank. “I’m strong,” she said with a laugh, lifting her arm to display her tiny muscle.
“You are indeed,” Parker agreed before switching his gaze to Evie. “Are you ready to try?”
Mara held her breath as her daughter nodded. It was silly, of course. The small act of skipping a stone meant nothing in the grand scheme of life. Mara hadn’t mastered it the few times she’d tried.
She could see how badly Evie wanted to get it right. Her daughter bit down on her lip and scrunched up her face.
“Relax,” Parker said quietly. “You’ve got this.”
For a moment, Mara imagined he was speaking to her. Then Evie lifted her arm to the side, flicked her wrist and sent the stone soaring toward the creek. The dark rock skipped twice in quick succession, eliciting cheers from Anna and Parker.
“You did it, Ev,” Anna shouted, hugging her friend. “You skipped.”
Evie’s smile was so bright and true, it made Mara’s heart ache.
“Nice work, girl,” Parker said, patting Evie on the back. “You’re a natural.”
Evie beamed even more if that was possible. Mara’s heart thudded with joy in response. Talk about jubilant.
“Let’s look for centipedes now,” Anna said. “I bet there are some under the rocks.”
“Okay,” Evie agreed, and with a last glance at the water, she followed her friend away from the creek.
Parker watched them go then picked up another stone and held it out toward Mara. “Want a turn?”
She shook her head. “I’m happy.” She pressed two fingers to her chest. “Right now, at this moment, I’m really happy. Thank you.”
The Last Man She Expected Page 6