by Kayn, Debra
"I don't want to, but I need to. I only have four more days to work, and I have to make a decision on what I'm going to do." She slipped her feet into a pair of Vans. "I haven't contacted the Network yet. I should've done that last week."
"You need to stay here with us. I'll help you find a house to buy if that's what you want, but you've been away from your family too many years. We all need each other. I need you."
"Let me see how it goes with Emmett first. If he decides to cause trouble after I explain things to him, planning for anything next week would be unnecessary." She walked toward the door of her room. "I need to show up at dinner with the others. I'll see you later tonight."
"Okay. Bye."
"Bye." She disconnected the call and slid her phone into her pocket.
Emmett's reaction to her coming clean could bring trouble down on Tiff, and that's something she'd never want to happen. There was a real purpose for bordellos within communities. One person going to the cops endangered everyone remotely involved, including her.
She'd need to feel out Emmett first and go from there whether she told him the truth or not. It was probably too late, and if that were the case, she'd visit with her cousins. There was nothing more she could do.
She walked out of the room and down the upstairs hallway. The other ladies probably beat her to the kitchen, and yet she couldn't force herself to hurry. Instead, she strolled down the hall as if saying goodbye would be hard. Maybe leaving the Network right now would be the wrong choice while she recovered from losing Emmett. She no longer knew what was in her best interest.
The ladies looked up from the table. She sat down and grabbed the untouched plate they'd set out for her. With no appetite, she forced herself to take a bite of the chicken and vegetable stir-fry. She'd need all the strength she could get if she planned to survive tonight.
"Now that you're all here." Tiff stood from the table. "I want to remind you that there are only a few more days of working at Red Light. It's important to follow the rules. You must come in off the roof, or the balconies before Silver Girls closes and the customers leave the building."
"What's going on?" Tawny wiped her mouth with a napkin. "Did someone break the rule?"
"No, you've all done exceptionally well and are one of the quieter bunch of ladies who have worked here." Tiff looked around the table and smiled at each of them. "But, our security camera has picked up on someone lurking in the alley after Silver Girls closes and before daylight. There's nothing to worry about. The building is secure, and the bikers are here to make sure any trouble stays outside."
Nova pushed a piece of broccoli around on her plate. The security system needed to be upgraded, and the bikers needed to stay more attentive. She'd slipped past them many times.
"Who is it?" asked Kathryn. "Are they going to catch the person?"
Tiff flipped her hair behind her shoulder. "We're tightening security until we know for a fact that it's nothing to be alarmed about. Since the building is in town, people have a right to walk down the alley and around the block at all hours. That's why we have it set up so Red Light employees can be on the roof and the balconies during certain hours when security is in place around the building. I only mentioned the need to follow curfew because it's good to be aware of your safety after two o'clock in the morning. I'm sure it's someone from Federal who must enjoy walks when no one is around or a miner who is walking home from carpooling back from the silver mine."
"That's a relief." Tawny bunched her napkin.
Nova threw her napkin on her plate to hide her uneaten food. "I can't even stay awake past ten o'clock, so no worries about me."
Tara laughed. "That's because you're getting old."
Nova threw her a feigned glare. "No old jokes. I'm already tired, and I'm going to call it an early night. I'll see you all tomorrow."
She made her escape and laid down on her bed in her room. In an hour, she'd sneak out despite the warning. She'd gotten lazy a couple of times coming back from the trailer park, but she'd stay aware of her surroundings, the cameras, and go talk to Emmett and end the nightmare of the last week.
Chapter Twenty Eight
The crowd in front of Emmett's trailer turned toward the noise of the car. Shayla turned off the engine.
Nova stared out the car window. "I can't tell Emmett the truth."
Shayla reached over and squeezed Nova's hand. "Yes, you can. I'll support you."
"No." She dragged her gaze away from Emmett standing in the mix of people and pleaded with Nova. "I can't tell him with everyone around to overhear us. I don't know how he'll react or what he'll do. The most important thing I need to do is protect the Network, Red Light, and everyone involved with the bordello. What's happening isn't just about us or me. A lot of people could get arrested if he blows up and goes to the authorities or tells anyone."
Shayla remained quiet.
Nova looked at her and whispered, "I messed up."
Her cousin nodded. "You followed your heart."
"You have no idea how bad I want to slap you for saying that." She groaned. "I never set out to fall in love. Not now, and definitely not while I'm working. I never thought ahead and realized that visiting you would put me right in the center of everyone at the trailer. I've been lucky so far that none of the people here can afford me or my cover would've been blown on day one."
"Don't think about what could've happened or what might happen." Shayla shook Nova's arm. "Let's do this."
Nova exited the car. For how much support Shayla brought with her, Nova had to do the talking on her own, alone with Emmett and hope by four o'clock in the morning she had fixed everything before she had to return to Red Light.
Caren danced her way over and intercepted Nova. "Where have you been?"
"Busy. It's good to see you." Nova leaned to the side and caught Emmett watching her. "Excuse me."
"Come over and catch up with me when you have time," said Caren to Nova's back.
She walked a straight path to Emmett, who hadn't moved away from the crowd of friends around him. Her pulse beat in her throat, and she swallowed. He looked tired. The lines at the corner of his eyes deeper than normal and he hadn't shaved lately.
"Can I speak with you? In private?" She inhaled a shuddering breath.
"In the house or do you want to walk? He lifted his beer to his mouth.
"Um..." She gazed around. Everyone's attention focused on them. "Do you think we could take a drive in your car?"
"Sure," he said.
His hand went to her lower back and her stomach fluttered. She wanted to turn and hold on to him. All the promises in the world wouldn't justify what she'd done.
Inside the 'Cuda, she fastened the seat belt. Emmett sped away from the trailers and instead of taking the interstate, he stayed on a backroad. She hadn't even had time to prepare how she'd broach the subject of what she was doing here in Federal when Emmett pulled off the road.
She rolled down the window and the rushing sound of the river came into the car. They had to be close, though she couldn't see the water in the darkness.
"I wanted to talk to you, too." Emmett let his hands fall to his thighs.
"Please, before you say anything, let me go first." She shifted on the seat and sat sideways facing him. "Please."
He dipped his chin in agreement.
"I need to start at the beginning, and it's going to take me awhile to get everything out. I think when I'm done, what I've told you, will answer all your questions you have right now and open up a different kind of confusion that centers around us. I'll give you time to think things over and decide what you want to do. But, I need to know you won't share what I'm going to tell you with anyone else or go off in a huff and talk to anyone about me. If you need any questions answered afterward, I promise to tell you the complete truth. Even if you hate me." Her hands shook, and she shoved them under her thighs.
"I'm already confused." Emmett clamped his mouth together and exhaled through his nose.<
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"I know." She softened her voice to hide the tremor.
"Nova, what happens between us stays between us. It's nobody else's business. I thought you knew me well enough to trust me, but if you're having doubts, those insecurities fall on me for not showing you I'm a man of my word," he said.
She knew from the first time she met Emmett that he was a good man. He'd shown her in every way that he respected her.
Her stomach rolled, and she bit her lip to keep from getting sick. "You already know how my mom left me with my aunt and how she had promised to come back and get me, but she never did. Over the years, I stopped waiting, and I grew up in a trailer park much like the one you do now. Maybe it was all the disappointments in my life that made me want to leave our home or maybe like all kids I thought life would be better if I experienced different people, different cities. By the time I was sixteen, I was running the streets, hanging with the wrong crowd of kids, and vandalizing the town with my street art. Around twenty years old, my life wasn't going anywhere. I worked part time jobs that never amounted to anything. I finally convinced Shayla to go away from the park with me. I had heard from a friend who was also a street artist about a company that hired women to work for them. They offered a full-time job, medical benefits, and every three months I'd be sent to a different city or town in the United States to work. To a girl who grew up in a trailer park, I hope you can imagine how much that appealed to me."
A short rundown on the beginning of her life told him nothing about her. He'd never know the trust issues she had, the anxiety of failing everyone in her life, the panic of loving someone because she feared them voluntarily leaving her. Every day she wondered what it was about her that made her mom walk away and never look back, to never return like she'd promised. Was she not smart enough, funny enough, good enough? Could she have changed the outcome of her life if she'd been a better person?
Emmett studied her. "I think any kid growing up as part of a close-knit community in a trailer park would view that offer as an opportunity. Hell, even the adults. But, jobs like that are usually too good to be true for someone without an education or certified skill."
She smiled sadly, knowing once he heard everything he wouldn't agree. There were jobs available to those who wanted to better their life, but they came at a price that few were willing to pay.
"I signed on with the company, and when it was Shayla's turn to write her name on the contract, she decided not to work for them. We went our separate ways. I went on assignment, and she went back to the trailer park. I was disappointed in her, and I guess I wanted to prove that I'd made the better choice, so I made a clean break from my family. The rawness of that first year away from Shayla and Nick, my home, made me terribly homesick. I cried myself to sleep most nights and hated myself during the day for agreeing to work for the Network."
"The Network?" Emmett frowned. "What kind of company is that?"
"Give me a minute." She held up her finger. "Actually, can we step outside the car?"
She needed to distance herself from Emmett. While she believed he'd never willingly hurt her, at least not physically, she wasn't sure she could look at him once she told him the truth.
"Sure." Emmett opened his door.
She followed him outside and stood in the grass while he leaned against the front of his 'Cuda. For six years, she'd kept her occupation a secret, never imagining having to tell someone what she'd gone through and what she'd done to the men who paid for sex. In her head, if she ever found someone to love, she had pretended her past wouldn't matter. It was the only way to protect herself and maybe even allow herself to believe what she had done was normal and accepted by society. All the customers viewed her as normal. The madams treated her respectfully. Even Shayla came around to accepting her occupation and stopped judging.
"Nova?" Emmett hooked his finger in her belt loop and held her still in front of him. "If you don't want to tell me, it's okay. I don't want to bring up any bad feelings."
"No, I have to tell you and the only way to do it is to put it all out in front of you." She shivered in the night air. "I'm scared..."
He shook his head. "Of me?"
She nodded. "Of how you'll react and what you'll say. I'm scared you'll think less of me after you know the truth and everything you've felt for me up until now will no longer matter. I don’t want to lose you. I've told you so many lies, it's unfair for me to even ask you to believe me now."
"I'll believe you." His mouth tightened in frustration.
She wanted to reach out and smooth his mouth, to comfort him. Shayla had told her that Nick explained the cover story to Emmett and had him believing she was an abused woman on the run. She also knew Emmett was standing here hurting for her fake abusive relationship she never had and by not telling him the truth right away, she'd let him continue feeling sorry for her.
She inhaled deeply and forced herself to continue so as to ease his suffering. "The Network is a company that employs women to travel around to illegal bordellos and have sex with men. I'm a prostitute. I'm here in Federal working upstairs in the Sterling Building. As far as those in the community know, I'm seeking shelter from an abused relationship. Only the male customers who visit Red Light know what happens upstairs."
Emmett stared at her without any hint of what was going through his head. She held her breath and waited for the questions from Emmett to come. Each second without any response, any reaction, any anger over the complete fabrication of her life and the harsh reality broke her heart in more pieces until she believed there was nothing left of her but an empty shell, finally stripped of any emotion that had survived her childhood.
"I-I want to tell you what was expected of me when a customer pays for sex. There are rules—"
"Stop." Emmett growled and lowered his gaze.
"I understand, Emmett." She squeezed her eyes shut to clear her vision and opened them to plead with him to not jump to conclusions. "Everyone imagines that sex is a wonderful thing with feelings and—"
"Shut. Up." Emmett pushed off the car and walked away from the car.
She hugged her middle, helpless to stop him or protect him from the myriad of reactions attacking him. The rage and conflict in his eyes felt like a punch to her stomach. He'd lost all respect for her. The more he refused to acknowledge her, the more desperate she became to make him understand she had few choices in her life when she'd selfishly made the decision to become a sex worker. She could either struggle living under her cousin's roof for the rest of her life or leave and better her life.
Poverty was all she'd seen growing up. People stuck in the park, working to pay the bills, and never digging themselves out of the pit that lack of money had dug. She often believed her mom escaped and left her behind because she wanted a chance at making something of her life and she couldn't do that with a young daughter.
That was what she believed when she felt generous toward her mom. The other times, she hated her for what she'd done.
For her, at the time, she had no one to leave or hurt. It was her one chance to try to make something of herself before she was stuck.
If she would've had any idea she'd someday meet the man of her dreams and fall in love with him, she'd redo her life over. She'd never willingly put Emmett through the pain he found himself in right now.
It was too late.
Money wouldn't heal Emmett's view of her. Money wouldn't buy his love. Money couldn't stop people from leaving her.
Emmett walked back and stopped a few feet away from her. The muscle of his jaw twitched in tension, and he held his fists at his side. "The whole time you were seeing me, you went back and fucked other men? Not one man, but lots of men?"
She bit her tongue and nodded.
"Jesus Christ," he mumbled, looking away from her.
"Emmett, please let me explain how rudimentary my job is—"
"Stop. Damn." His lip curled in disgust. He fiddled with the bill of his cap and backed away from her again. "I don't even
know what the fuck that means. I've been waiting and aching to have sex with you, and all this time you're..."
She willed her body to stop shaking. The harder she tried to stand still, the harder she shook.
"If you would hear me out and let me explain," said Nova.
"Hear you out?" He held still, looked at her, and shook his head as if ridding himself of everything to do with her.
"Emmett, please?"
"Get in the car." He rounded the front of the 'Cuda and stopped beside the driver's door and looked across the roof of the vehicle at her. "I fell in love with the woman I thought you were, and it was all a lie. This. You. You're a stranger to me."
She leaned against the car. "No, Emmett. You're wrong. I lied about my job and where I was staying and the reason I only came to see you at night. But, I am the woman who was with you. That's why I wouldn't have sex with you. I would never do that to you without you knowing the whole story. I planned to stay here, quit the Network when my contract ended because I want to be with you."
"No." He shook his head.
"I can tell you—"
"No," He muttered looking away from her. "It's too late. It's too much."
His head disappeared over the car and the door shut. She pulled on the handle and slid into the passenger seat. Emmett took off his cap and threw it on the dash, then started the car.
She stared out into the darkness, not knowing where he'd take her, and not caring. Emmett listened. He understood everything. He'd made his decision.
They'd come to the end of their relationship in the worse way possible.
"Please, don't go to the authorities with the information I gave you. Your anger at me doesn't involve the others," she said.
Emmett continued staring out the windshield. His usual hurry gone, the car crept along slowly on the backroad. She gave him time to answer, and he refused.
His judgment and punishment toward her settled in her bones. At least, this time, she understood why someone would walk away and leave her. Having the answers only made the pain worse.