by S E Brower
“I do not know, but my intention is to find out,” he said, gently touching her hand to calm her. They were both somehow involved and running out of time. Determined to understand how to help her, he took both of her hands in his. Sitting still, he whispered, “Jessica, think very hard now, this is important. If I am to protect you, I need to know what you know. I cannot fight that which I do not understand. You have abilities which make you different, and you must tell me about them, now.” He was adamant.
Jessie’s heart raced, “How do you know?” Filled with fear, she pulled her hands away from him.
“I have had reasons to suspect, but was uncertain until now, and still I know nothing, until you tell me.”
“I don’t know, Dax… I’m not sure what you want from me.”
“The truth,” he implored her, “tell me the truth about yourself. Things considered not normal for most humans.”
So, there it was. Not normal. For years Jessie harbored feelings of becoming a freak or crazy or both. Now, he just confirmed it. She bowed her head, looking down at the deck, shoulders slumped. With nowhere to hide, she would have to talk to him. Not raising her head, she sat in silence. After a long while, she stood and walked to the edge of the deck, looking up at the stars. She took a breath and braced herself for the opposition she was sure would come.
He followed her to the railing, and she recounted the episodes, beginning when she was thirteen. She told him of unexplained seizures, and fragmented visits to somewhere outside the realm of humanity. Things she didn’t understand. She told of headaches, increasing nausea, and endless questions for which she needed answers. She gazed up at him. “The place I saw was the Guardian Library. The night my mother died, you showed me your memories. I saw the Library. I knew where I was because… because, I had already been there.”
This admission shocked him. “Are you certain of this?”
“Oh yeah,” she bit her lip, “the things I saw were fragments of scrolls and books. The writing was nothing familiar. But yes, it was the Guardian Library.”
“How did you travel there? The Guardian Library exists in a realm between Heaven and Earth and is not accessible to humans.”
“I don’t know, Dax.”
From his tone, Jessie could tell his frustration with her had reached a pinnacle. His voice softened once more, into the mesmerizing tones to which she had grown accustom.
“Think Jessica. You must tell me what happens.” He was calm, but she knew he would not stop asking questions.
“I didn’t go there. It was just my mind that went. Does that make sense?”
“Yes,” he nodded, “it makes more sense than ascending to the Library. Please, how did you make your mind travel there?”
The assumption she had control of this power annoyed her. “For your information, I didn’t make my mind travel there!” she snapped, “it just happened. I told you, it started one day after school. I passed out on the kitchen floor. While I was out, my mind saw flashes of a place. I didn’t understand what it was I was seeing.”
“And you saw nothing else?”
“No, nothing.”
“Are you certain?”
She thought hard, looking up into the night sky. “Wait, I may have seen a spirit. It was not human, just a dazzling light, but alive. You know? So beautiful. That’s a spirit, right?” she looked at him, “there was another one... spirit, I mean. That one made me uneasy, I don’t know why.”
“Because,” he smiled at her, “you are very perceptive.”
“Maybe, I don’t know.” She told him of her mild clairvoyant tendencies, foretelling danger to those she loved. He said nothing, but she detected a slight rise to his eyebrows. She hated discussing these things with him. She didn’t know why, but it made her feel self-conscious, ashamed even. When she finished, he gave her a stern look.
“What?” she glared at him. Knowing he was judging her, just as she feared. “You think I’m a crazy person, don’t you?”
“No Jessica, I think you are a person who conceals something,” his voice was even, “I can only help you if you tell me.”
Jessie’s heartbeat now was pounding in her eardrums. What terrified her most, was what she knew about an alternative history, and she didn’t want to tell him about it.
Every time she ever tried to broach the subject with anyone, it ended horribly. She was tired. She’d endured way too much and wasn’t interested in arguing. Besides, she had no proof. He would most likely not believe her.
“Jessica,” his voice was soft again, “if you have information, no matter how strange it might seem, please…”
“Okay, fine,” she gave in. He would not stop asking until she did.
“I suppose it’s not weirder than anything else we’ve discussed. I just don’t want to argue.”
“Why would you think we would argue?”
“Trust me. I’ve had plenty of bad experiences with this.”
He reassured her to continue, and she described the small discrepancies in past events. She told of how she tried brushing it off, and how ugly it had gotten, fighting with her brother over the name of their childhood dog. After that, the discrepancies became more pronounced, but she didn’t elaborate.
“You conceal something more. Speak.”
“Dax, I don’t think you will believe me.”
“I am a Guardian only. I do not judge.”
She paced as she talked. “You believe in The Father, you’re an Angel. You know he had a son, a mortal son, right?” she paused to face him.
“Yes,” he whispered.
“Great,” she said, as she continued pacing, “you have no idea how happy I am to hear that.” Jessie closed her eyes, breathing a sigh of relief that someone, anyone besides her, remembered.
“Well, they hung him on a cross to die. Three days later he arose from the dead. Where I come from, we call that Easter, which kind of devolved into a weird holiday, with Easter baskets, bunnies, colored eggs, and jelly beans.”
The blank look on his face reminded her of the phone conversation with Travis. Now she was annoyed with herself for even mentioning it.
“Never mind that part,” she said waving her hands, “it doesn’t matter. Just know that Easter, all versions, have disappeared from everyone’s memory. Everyone’s but mine.”
Neither of them said a word for a long while, until Jessie blurted out, “Say something. I can’t take it.”
“I know not what to say, Jessica.”
“What do you mean? You must have something to say? How does a thing like this even happen? You promised you would believe me,” she was yelling now, despite herself.
“I believe you,” he said, but his voice held a terrifying sadness. “If what you say is true, the trouble in which you find yourself, has multiplied exponentially, to include all of mankind.”
If Jessie’s heart raced before, it now dropped to her feet, her worst fears materializing. Wrapping her jacket tight around her, more to keep out the unwanted feelings than the night air, she rocked herself back and forth.
“This can’t be happening,” she thought, “is this my fault? I must’ve pissed off the universe.” It was a lot to absorb. Remembering he wanted to tell her something, she figured whatever it was, couldn’t be worse. “You have something to tell me, and please don’t say I have to save the world.”
“Jessica, you said you remember the images I shared the night your mother passed.”
“I will never forget it as long as I live.”
“Do you recall also, the Rogue Soul, not blessed, not assigned a Guardian, with no Book of Life pre-ordained, or recorded in the Guardian Library?”
Jessie’s eyes opened wide, wild with fear. “Yes… I remember. What are you saying?”
“I am so sorry to inform you, dear Jessica. You are a Rogue Soul.” Jessie was speechless. Though she didn’t grasp the ramifications of being a Rogue Soul, she figured it couldn’t be anything good.
“What does that mean?” she d
emanded.
“I know not. I am trying to understand.”
“If you don’t understand Rogue Souls, then maybe you’re wrong. Why do you think I’m one?”
“The reasons are many, and indisputable.”
“Tell me, I want to know.”
“Your birth is absent from your mother’s Book of Life.”
She walked back across the deck, sitting down on the bench with a plop. “Okay, that’s a big one, and it kind of explains why The Author didn’t notice that Mom’s life got derailed, doesn’t it?”
“That was my assumption as well.”
Jessie sat there a while thinking hard when she blurted out. “I wonder if this all is happening now, because Mom was to marry a minister. That’s what she told me, anyway. That didn’t happen. Mom and the minister should’ve had a son together. I remember that from the mind movie thing you did to me. What if the minister had no children at all? If his son had a destiny to fulfill and didn’t, maybe that’s when The Author noticed me.”
Drummondax smiled at her. It made perfect sense. She was right. The child who was never born went unnoticed because of Travis. But years later, when that child’s destiny did not come to fruition, it garnered The Author’s attention. The lapse in judgment Drummondax made during Faith’s childhood ultimately led to Jessica Elaine, and The Author’s wrath.
Jessie frowned, “Keep talking, give me another reason you think I’m a Rogue Soul.”
“You are without a Guardian.”
Jessie thought about this, then suddenly laughed out loud. He did not understand the humor. “I have a Guardian. I’ve got you, right?” He smiled, pleased she thought of him as her protector. “There’s more, what else?”
“I cannot read your thoughts, and I should be able to hear the thoughts of all humans.”
“Ugh, creepers much?” she added, making a face.
“When I make it so, you can hear mine,” he reminded her.
“Yeah, now that you mention it, I have heard you talking in my head.” She knew he was hiding something. “What?” she scoffed, bracing herself for the worst.
“I cannot see your soul.”
This final one bothered her. “Do I have a soul?” she asked. The thought of being soulless was terrifying. Feeling alone is one thing, having no soul was something else. It was a valid question.
“Yes, you have a soul.”
“How do you know?”
“I can sense it, but I cannot see it.”
“You see souls?”
“Yes, I am a Guardian, the soul is what we are sent here to protect.”
“Hmm… I suppose, makes sense.” She sat there for the longest while taking it all in, when she said out loud, “I Am A Rogue Soul.”
As the words left her lips it was as if someone had flipped a switch inside her. No longer afraid, she felt calm, her defiance emerging. She decided she didn’t care what the reasons were. If the universe was conspiring against her, so be it. She was a Rogue Soul, and she would own it.
Chapter 11
Office of Brotherly Love
The term Rogue Soul was as unclear to Jessie as it was to Drummondax. He left in search of answers, saying he would return as soon as he knew something more. Jessie, never one to wait around, wanted to act, but didn’t know where to begin. “Travis,” she thought, “if anyone could help me, he can.”
Early the next morning she sat down at the kitchen table across from her dad. “I’m thinking of having lunch with Travis today. If you drive, you could take the kids to the zoo, my treat. I could meet up with you later.”
He looked up from his book, “Sounds like a good idea. I would enjoy it, I think they would, too.” He smiled his old smile for the first time since her mother passed, and she knew it was not the right time to confide in him. Someday, maybe she would, but not today. She stood up to go get the kids ready.
Horrendous traffic slowed them as they snaked their way into the city. Pulling into the TV station parking lot, Jessie jumped out of the car and waved good-bye. Philly was an old city. Many buildings located there started life as something else and were re-purposed over the years, this one was no exception. It was a grocery store before it was a TV station. Before that, she wasn’t sure, but she knew the building was originally a church.
The sound of a buzzer opened the heavy glass door to the building. She entered the lobby where a girl seated at the front desk looked to be just over 18. Jessie cringed feeling ancient. The weight of the world on her shoulders magnified the feeling. The young girl looked up, “Can I help you?”
“Yes,” Jessie smiled, “I’m here to see my brother, Travis Barrett,”
The girl smiled back, “His office is on the fourth floor. His name is on the door, you can’t miss it. There’s an elevator down that corridor,” she pointed to the left.
“Thank you,” Jessie told her, “it’s been a while, but I think I remember the way.” She walked past her, to the elevator and upon reaching her brother’s office, his secretary, Arista, greeted her.
“Jessie, it’s nice to see you again.”
“It’s nice to see you too, Arista.” Jessie noticed a lovely bouquet of red roses on her desk. “Those are so pretty, is it your birthday?” she asked.
Arista shook her head no, “Let’s just say I had a very nice date a few nights ago and leave it at that,” as her face colored up.
“Good for you,” Jessie told her with a pang of jealousy. She missed Mike so much. “I’m here to see my brother.” Arista gestured for her to go right in, and Jessie smiled when she saw Travis. Casual Friday had dressed him in jeans, and a black super hero Tee shirt.
“Hey,” she called over to him, moving in for a hug. Instead, what she got was an attempt at a spear strike to the solar plexus, which she deflected, followed by a few more quick hits, and blocks.
“Humm, still got it I see, huh, huh, huh,” Travis smiled at her, “good to see you.” Jessie stared at him.
“What was that about?” she asked, still needing that hug.
“Nothing, just… testing,” he said, “what brings you by?”
“Do I need a reason to see my big brother?” He eyed her over the top of his glasses. “Don’t worry. Dad took the kiddos to the zoo, so we could have lunch together that’s all,” she told him.
“Mine too?”
“No, just mine, sorry.”
“I see how it is,” he laughed, stepping around his desk, to press a button on his phone. “Arista, hold all of my calls please.”
“Sure can.”
“Thanks Arista,” he looked over at Jessie. “Have a seat. I am finishing a few thoughts for our last segment. Be right with you.” He motioned to the chair opposite his desk as he sat down, tapping away at his keyboard. Jessie had a seat, dropping her purse on the floor beside her, surveying his office while she waited. She hadn’t been there in ages.
The space was quirky, covered with TV and comic book memorabilia collected over the last few years. His office was an interesting reflection of her brother’s personality, and achievements. Growing up, he had always been her super hero, and now she needed his help.
Jessie wanted to relay details of her celestial visitor to him but couldn’t find the words. She was waiting for him to finish and bounced her heel to calm her nerves, when he looked up from his computer.
“So, what really brings you by?” He knew this wasn’t a social visit.
“I need to talk to you, it’s important. I didn’t want to do it over the phone.” His stare questioned her when the intercom buzzed, cutting through the tension. Jessie jumped.
“What’s up, Arista?” he said.
The secretary’s disembodied voice once again filling the room. “Did you email those contracts to Mr. Vincent?”
“Just did. Am I done?”
“Yes,” Arista giggled.
“Oh Arista, I’ll be out for lunch with my sister. Tony can handle any problems that crop up this afternoon.” As soon as the office was quiet, he loo
ked at her. “Okay, I’m listening. I’m all ears.”
Jessie bit her lip. “I need your help.”
“With?”
“Keeping me alive,” as the words left her lips, unstoppable tears filled her eyes. The color drained from his face.
Reaching across the desk, he handed her a tissue. “Tell me what’s wrong. Are you dying?”
“No, no, I’m not sick, nothing like that.”
“Okay. What is it like, then? You have my complete attention.”
She hesitated not knowing where to begin. Travis picked up on her reluctance. “Whatever Jess, just tell me.”
“Fine, but promise you will believe me, and don’t talk until I’m done.”
“I promise,” he leaned forward, elbow on his desk, chin resting in his hand, waiting.
“The night Mom passed away, you and Dad left me alone with her, and time stood still for me.” Confusion spread across his face, but as promised, he said nothing. “Mom and I had a celestial visitor.” For the next several minutes her story unfolds as Travis listened. She finished by saying, “We are not bound by time and space when we are with a celestial being, and Mom forgave Drummondax.” The tears began once more.
Losing their mother was still new and hearing her re-hash their mother’s death caused him to choke back a few tears of his own. For a long while he stared at his laptop in silence. Jessie sat clutching the tissue, dabbing her cheeks.
“Say something,” she pleaded.
“Look, I know you’ve been under a lot of stress.”
Jessie sat up straight, her frustration plain in her tone. “My life is being threatened. I’d say stressful, all right.”
“So, you’re telling me you’ve been talking to an Angel, who’s boss wants him to kill you,” he leaned back into his chair rubbing the back of his neck, clearing his throat, “that’s tough for me to swallow, Jess.”
“Yeah, I know how it sounds. You think I’m nuts, right?”
He measured his words before answering. “You are not nuts,” he coughed, “certifiable maybe,” he grinned. “No look, this story of yours is hard to understand. You come here dropping this bomb on me. I have no words, Jess. Give me time to think.”