Another Fine Myth

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Another Fine Myth Page 7

by Robert Asprin


  "It… ah… must have slipped my mind," I mumbled.

  With a massive exertion of self-control, I shot my most withering glare at the Imps, forcing myself to ignore the menace of the cross-bows. I was rewarded by seeing them actually look guilty and avoid my gaze.

  "Slipped your mind! More likely you were trying to hold back a bit of information from me," Aahz said accusingly. "Well, now that it's out, let's have the rest of it. What about this Deveel?"

  "Ask Brockhurst," I grumbled. "He seems to be eager to talk about it."

  "Well, Brockhurst?" Aahz turned to him.

  The Imp gave me an apologetic shrug as he started.

  "Well, I guess I've already told you most of it. There's a Deveel, Frumple, in residence in Twixt. He goes under the cover of Abdul the Rug Merchant, but he actually maintains a thriving trade in the usual Deva manner, buying and selling across the dimensions."

  "What's he doing in Klah?" Aahz interrupted. "I mean there's not much business here. Isn't it a little slow for a Deveel's taste?"

  "Well. Throckwoddle said…." Brockhurst broke off and shot me a look.

  "Go on, tell him." I tried to sound resigned.

  "Well," the Imp continued, "rumor has it that he was exiled from Deva and is in hiding here, ashamed to show his face in a major dimension."

  "Barred from Deva? Why? What did he do?"

  I was glad Aahz asked. It would have sounded strange coming from me.

  "Throckwoddle wouldn't tell us. Said Frumple was sensitive on the subject and we shouldn't bring it up."

  "Well, Throckwoddle?" Aahz turned to me.

  I was so caught up in the story it took me a few beats before I remembered that I really didn't know.

  "Urn… I can't tell you," I said.

  "What?" Aahz scowled.

  I began to wonder how much he was caught up in the story and had lost track of the realities of the situation.

  "I learned his secret by accident and hold it as a personal confidence," I said haughtily. "During our travels these last few days, I've learned some rather interesting items about you and hold them in the same esteem. I trust you will respect my silence on the matter of Frumple as I expect others to respect my silence about those matters pertaining to you."

  "Okay, okay. You've made your point," Aahz conceded.

  "Say… um… Throckwoddle," Higgens interrupted. "I would suggest we all shed our disguises like our friend Perver… um, Pervect here has. No sense in using up our energies keeping up false faces among friends."

  His tone was casual, but he sounded suspicious. I noticed he had not taken his hand off his crossbow.

  "Why?" argued Brockhurst. "I prefer to keep my disguise on at all times when in another dimension.

  Lessens the chance of forgetting to put it on at a crucial moment."

  "I think Higgens is right," Aahz stated before I could support Brockhurst. "I for one like to see the true faces of the people I'm talking to."

  "Well," grumbled Brockhurst, "if everyone is going to insist."

  He closed his eyes in concentration, and his features began to shimmer and melt.

  I didn't watch the whole process. My mind was racing desperately back to Garkin's hut, when Aahz held up the charred face of the assassin. I hastily envisioned my own face next to it and began working, making certain obvious modifications to its appearance to repair the fire damage.

  When I was done, I snuck a peek out of one eye. The other two had changed already. My attention was immediately drawn to their complexion. Theirs was a pinkish red, while mine wasn't. I hastily re-closed my eye and made the adjustment.

  Satisfied now, I opened my eyes and looked about me. The other two Imps now Showed the apparently characteristic pointed ears and chins. Aahz looked like Aahz. The situation had completely reversed since the Imps had arrived. Instead of being normal surrounded by three disguised demons, I was now surrounded by three demons while I was disguised. Terrific.

  "Ahh. That's better," chortled Aahz.

  "You know, Throckwoddle," Higgens said, cocking a head at me. "For a moment there in the firelight you looked different. In fact…."

  "Come, come, gentlemen," Aahz interrupted. "We have serious matters to discuss. Does Isstvan know about Frumple's existence?"

  "I don't believe so," answered Brockhurst. "If he did, he would have either enlisted him or had him assassinated."

  "Good," exclaimed Aahz. "He could very well be the key to our plot."

  "What plot? "I asked.

  "Our plot against Isstvan, of course."

  "What?" exclaimed Higgens, completely distracted from me now. "Are you insane?"

  "No," retorted Aahz. "But Isstvan is. I mean, think! Has he been acting particularly stable?"

  "No," admitted Brockhurst. "But then neither has any other magician I've met, present company included."

  "Besides," Higgens interrupted, "I thought you were on your way to help him."

  "That's before I heard your story," Aahz pointed out. "I'm not particularly eager to work for a magician who pits his own employees against each other."

  "When did he do that?" Higgens asked.

  Aahz made an exasperated gesture.

  "Think, gentlemen! Have you forgotten our stony-faced friend there?" He jerked a thumb at the figure on the unicorn. "If you recall your tale correctly, his words seemed to imply he had been sent by Isstvan to intercept you."

  "That's right," said Brockhurst. "So?"

  "What do you mean, 'So?' " Aahz exploded. "That's it! Isstvan sent him to kill you. Either he was trying to cut his overhead by assassinating his assassins before payday, or he's so unstable mentally he's lashing out blindly at everyone, including his own allies. Either way he doesn't sound like the most benevolent of employers."

  "You know, I believe he has a point there," I observed, determined to be of some assistance in this deception.

  "But if that's true, what are we to do?" asked Higgens.

  "Well, I don't have a firm plan of action," Aahz admitted. "But I have some general ideas that might help."

  "Such as?" prompted Brockhurst.

  "You go back to Isstvan. Say nothing at all of your suspicions. If you do, he might consider you dangerous and move against you immediately. What's more, refuse any new assignments. Find some pretext to stay as close to him as possible. Learn all about his habits and weaknesses, but don't do anything until we get there."

  "Where are you going?" asked Higgens.

  "We are going to have a little chat with Frumple. If we're going to move against Isstvan, the support of a Deveel could be invaluable."

  "And probably unobtainable," grumpled Brockhurst. "I've never known a Deveel yet to take sides in a fight. They prefer being in a position to sell to both sides."

  "What do you mean 'we'?" asked Higgens. "Isn't Throckwoddle coming with us? "

  "No. I've developed a fondness for his company. Besides, if he doesn't agree to help us, it would come in handy to have an assassin close by. Frumple's too powerful to run the risk of leaving him unallied to help Isstvan."

  As Aahz was speaking, Brockhurst casually leaned back out of his line of vision and silently mouthed the word "Pervert" at Higgens. Higgens quietly nodded his agreement, and they both shot me sympathetic glances.

  "Well, what do you think?" Aahz asked in conclusion.

  "Hmm… what do we do with him?" Higgens indicated the Quigley statue with a jerk of his head.

  "We'll take him with us," I chimed in hastily.

  "Of course!" agreed Aahz, shooting me a black look. "If you two took him back to Isstvan, he might guess you suspected his treachery."

  "Besides," I added, "maybe we can revive him and convince him to join us in our battle."

  "I suppose you'll be wanting the antidote then." Higgens sighed, fishing a small vial from inside his cloak and tossing it to me. "Just sprinkle a little on him and he'll return to normal in a few minutes. Watch yourself, though. There's something strange about him. He seemed to be able
to see right through our disguises."

  "Where's the sword you were talking about?" Aahz asked.

  "It's in his pack. Believe me, it's junk. The only reason we brought it along was that he seemed to put so much stock in it. It'll be curious to find out what he thought it was when we revive him."

  "Well, I believe that just about covers everything," Brockhurst sighed. "I suggest we get some sleep and start on our respective journeys first thing in the morning."

  "I suggest you start on your journey now," Aahz said pointedly.

  "Now?" Brockhurst exclaimed.

  "But it's the middle of the night," Higgens pointed out.

  "Might I remind you gentlemen that the longer you are away from Isstvan, the greater the chances are he'll send another assassin after you."

  "He's right, you know," I said thoughtfully.

  "I suppose so," grumbled Higgens.

  "Well," said Brockhurst, rising to his feet, "I guess we'll be on our way then as soon as we divide Garkin's loot."

  "On the contrary," stated Aahz. "Not only do we not divide the loot, I would suggest you give us whatever funds you have at your disposal."

  "What?" they chorused, their cross-bows instantly in their hands again.

  "Think, gentlemen," Aahz said soothingly. "We'd be trying to bargain with a Deveel for his support. As you yourselves have pointed out, they are notoriously unreasonable in their prices. I would hate to think we might fail in our negotiations for a lack of funds."

  There was a pregnant silence as the Imps sought to find a hole in his logic.

  "Oh, very well," Brockhurst conceded at last, lowering his crossbow and reaching for his purse.

  "I still don't think it will do any good," Higgens grumbled, imitating Brockhurst's move. "You probably couldn't buy off a Deveel if you had the Gnomes themselves backing you."

  They passed the purses over to Aahz, who hefted them judiciously before tucking them into his own waist band.

  "Trust me, gentlemen." Aahz smiled. "We Pervects have methods of persuasion that are effective even on Deveels."

  The Imps shuddered at this and began edging away.

  "Well… umm… I guess we'll see you later," Higgens mumbled. "Watch yourself, Throckwoddle."

  "Yes," added Brockhurst. "And be sure when you're done, the Deveel is either with us or dead."

  I tried to think of something to say in return, but before anything occurred to me they were gone.

  Aahz cocked an eyebrow at me and I held up a restraining hand until I felt them pass through the wards. I signaled him with a nod.

  "They've gone," I said.

  "Beautiful!" exclaimed Aahz gleefully. "Didn't I tell you they were gullible?"

  For once I had to admit he was right.

  "Well, get some sleep now, kid. Like I said before, tomorrow's going to be a busy day, and all of a sudden it looks like it's going to be even busier."

  I complied, but one question kept nagging at me.

  "Aahz?"

  "Yeah, kid."

  "What dimension do the Gnomes come from?"

  "Zoorik," he answered.

  On that note, I went to sleep.

  Chapter Ten

  "Man shall never reach his full capacity while chained to the earth. We must take wing and conquer the heavens."

  -ICARUS

  "ARE you sure we're up to handling a Deveel, Aahz?" I was aware I had asked the question countless times in the last few days, but I still needed reassurance.

  "Will you relax, kid?" Aahz growled. "I was right about the Imps, wasn't I?"

  "I suppose so," I admitted hesitantly.

  I didn't want to tell Aahz, but I wasn't that happy with the Imp incident. It had been a little too close for my peace of mind. Since the meeting, I had been having recurring nightmares involving Imps and cross-bows.

  "Look at it this way, kid. With any luck this Frumple character will be able to restore my powers. That'd take you off the hotseat."

  "I guess so," I said without enthusiasm.

  He had raised this point several times since learning about Frumple. Each time he did, it gave me the same feeling of discomfort.

  "Something bothering you, kid?" Aahz asked, cocking his head at me.

  "Well… it's… Aahz, if you do get your powers back, will you still want me as an apprentice?"

  "Is that what's been eating at you?" he seemed genuinely surprised. "Of course I'll still want you. What kind of a magician do you think I am? I don't choose my apprentices lightly."

  "You wouldn't feel I was a burden?"

  "Maybe at first, but not now. You were in at the start of this Isstvan thing; you earned the right to be in on the end of it."

  Truth to tell, I wasn't all that eager to be there when Aahz confronted Isstvan, but that seemed to be the price I would have to pay if I was going to continue my association with Aahz.

  "Urn… Aahz?"

  "Yeah, kid?"

  "Just one more question?"

  "Promise?"

  "How's that?"

  "Nothing. What's the question, kid."

  "If you get your powers back, and I'm still your apprentice, which dimension will we live in?"

  "Hmm. To be honest, kid, I hadn't really given it much thought. Tell ya what, we'll burn that bridge when we come to it, okay?"

  "Okay, Aahz."

  I tried to get my mind off the question. Maybe Aahz was right. No sense worrying about the problem until we knew for sure it existed. Maybe he wouldn't get his powers back. Maybe I'd get to be the one to fight Isstvan after all. Terrific.

  "Hey! Watch the beast, kid!"

  Aahz's voice broke my train of thought. We were leading the war unicorn between us, and the beast chose this moment to act up.

  It nickered and half-reared, then planted its feet and tossed its head.

  "Steady… ow!"

  Aahz extended a hand trying to seize its bridle and received a solid rap on the forearm from the unicorn's horn for his trouble.

  "Easy, Buttercup," I said soothingly. "There's a good boy."

  The beast responded to my coaxings, first by settling down, pawing the ground nervously, then finally by rubbing his muzzle against me.

  Though definitely a friendly gesture, this is not the safest thing to have a unicorn do to you. I ducked nimbly under his swinging horn and cast about me quickly. Snatching an orange flower from a nearby bush, I fed it to him at an arm's length. He accepted the offering and began to munch it contentedly.

  "I don't think that beast likes demons," Aahz grumbled sullenly, rubbing his bruised arm.

  "It stands to reason," I retorted. "I mean, he was a demon hunter's mount, you know."

  "Seems to take readily enough to you, though," Aahz observed. "Are you sure you're not a virgin?"

  "Certainly not," I replied in my most injured tones. Actually I was, but I would have rather been fed to vampire-slugs than admit it to Aahz.

  "Speaking of demon hunters, you'd better check on our friend there," Aahz suggested. "It could get a bit grisly if an arm or something broke off before we got around to restoring him."

  I hastened to comply. We had rigged a drag-litter for the Quigley-statue to avoid having to load and unload him each night, not to mention escaping the chore of saddling and unsaddling the war unicorn. The bulk of the gear and armor was sharing the drag-litter with the Quigley-statue, a fact which seemed to make the unicorn immensely happy. Apparently it was far easier to drag all that weight than to carry it on one's back. "He seems to be okay, Aahz." I reported.

  "Good," he sneered. "I'd hate to think of anything happening to him, accidental-like."

  Aahz was still not happy with our traveling companions. He had only grudgingly given in to my logic for bringing them along as opposed to leaving them behind. I had argued that they could be of potential assistance in dealing with the Deveel, or at least when we had our final showdown with Isstvan.

  In actuality, that wasn't my reasoning at all. I felt a bit guilty about having se
t Quigley up to get clobbered by the Imps and didn't want to see any harm befall him because of it.

  "It would make traveling a lot easier if we restored him," I suggested hopefully.

  "Forget it, kid."

  "But Aahz…."

  "I said forget it! In case you've forgotten, that particular gentleman's major pastime seems to consist of seeking out and killing demons. Now I'm aware my winning personality may have duped you into overlooking the fact, but I am a demon. As such, I am not about to accept a living, breathing, and most importantly, functioning demon hunter as a traveling companion."

  "We fooled him before!" I argued.

  "Not on a permanent basis. Besides, when would you practice your magik if he was restored? Until we meet with the Deveel, you're still our best bet against Isstvan."

  I wished he would stop mentioning that. It made me incredibly uncomfortable when he did. Besides, I couldn't think of a good argument to it.

  "I guess you're right, Aahz," I admitted.

  "You'd better believe I'm right. Incidentally, since we seem to be stopped anyway, this is as good a time as any for your next lesson."

  My spirits lifted. Besides my natural eagerness to extend my magical abilities, Aahz's offer contained an implied statement that he was pleased with my progress so far in earlier lessons.

  "Okay, Aahz," I said, looping the unicorn's reins around a nearby bush. "I'm ready."

  "Good," smiled Aahz, rubbing his hands together. "Today we're going to teach you to fly."

  My spirits fell again.

  "Fly?" I asked.

  "That's what I said, kid. Fly. Exciting, isn't it?"

  "Why?"

  "Whadya mean, why? Ever since we first cast jealous eyes on the creatures of the air we've wanted to fly. Now you're getting a chance to learn. That's why it's exciting!"

  "I meant, why should I want to learn to fly?"

  "Well… because everybody wants to fly."

  "I don't," I said emphatically.

  "Why not?"

  "I'm afraid of heights, for one thing," I answered.

  "That isn't enough reason to not learn," Aahz scowled.

  "Well, I haven't heard any reasons yet as to why I should." I scowled back at him.

  "Look, kid," Aahz began coaxingly, "It isn't so much flying as floating on air."

 

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