by Anna Paige
It was one of my favorites, as well.
My heart hammered in my chest and I watched with absolute glee as Kade strode onstage and stepped up to the mic.
And just like that, I was transfixed.
I didn’t move, couldn’t if I tried.
My feet stayed rooted to the floor and even my voice abandoned me, leaving me doing the only thing I could, mouthing the words along with Kade, listening to the most powerful music I’d ever heard, the most beautiful lyrics ever written, all performed by five immensely talented men who considered me their friend.
I felt Brant’s hands against my hips and abdomen, rubbing, comforting, propping me up as I swayed on my feet.
The concert seemed to simultaneously go on forever and end too quickly. The last chord of the last song still rang in my ears as the stage lights faded out. I turned to Brant with the biggest smile of my life plastered on my face. “That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”
He leaned down and kissed my nose. “It’s not over yet, gorgeous.” He said against my cheek. “Look.”
I turned back to find the lights coming back up, a small spotlight this time that illuminated all five band members as they stood center stage, waiting for the noise to die down.
“But they never do encores.” I muttered to no one in particular.
Brant’s arms wrapped around me from behind, his cheek pressing against my hair. “They do tonight.”
Kade pulled the mic from its stand and looked out over the crowd. All five men were empty-handed, no instruments. Just them standing together in front of a crowd of thousands. He lifted the mic to his mouth and raised a hand to silence the stadium, some of whom had already begun filtering out, given that the band never did encores anymore.
“Hey, everybody. You all know our thing about encores, right? I’m sure everyone remembers the riot a couple years ago when a crowd decided two encores wasn’t enough and rushed the stage, trampling a lot of people along the way. Since that night, there hasn’t been another encore. We’ve added extra time to the overall concert, extra songs, but when it’s done, it’s done. Right?”
“Right!” the crowd shouted, all smiles and hopeful faces.
“Well, tonight is a special occasion. Aside from it being Thanksgiving—thanks by the way for emerging from your turkey comas long enough to be here—” Laughter surrounded me from all sides but my eyes were on Kade, on the way his eyes kept flashing in our direction. All of them were casting glances our way, actually. “But more importantly, at least for us, it’s the twenty-ninth birthday of a close friend of the band. And yes, it’s her first twenty-ninth birthday but even if it wasn’t, we’d still love her just as much.”
Oh. My. God.
He’s not.
If he points me out I’ll die of embarrassment.
Please, please, please don’t call me out in front of all these people.
“Now, she’s special to us so we were really fucking honored that she made the long journey to be here with us tonight. In honor of her birthday, and how amazing it is that she chose to spend it with us, we’ve decided to do an encore just for her. A cover.” His eyes flickered to mine, drawing the attention of those around me as they followed his gaze. “An amazing song for an amazing woman.”
He handed the mic to Kane and stepped to the far side of the stage, disappearing into the heavy shadows. Kane, Ethan, Lennox, and Jared all crowded the mic and said, “Happy Birthday, Lauren. We’re your biggest fans.”
Kane then shoved the mic at Lennox as he, Ethan, and Jared left the stage. Lenn laughed, telling the rest of us, “He’s pissed because he didn’t get to stay. I won out and got the honor of accompanying Kade on the guitar.”
Several fans shouted their love for Kane, which seemed to bolster his mood as he left the stage. He chose to ignore the shouts of love aimed at Lenn, which were just as loud and numerous. For his part, Lennox took it all in stride, winking in the direction of his most vocal admirers with a hilarious smirk.
Kade made his way to center stage, acoustic guitar in one hand and a bar stool in the other. He handed the guitar over to Lennox, who pulled the thick strap around his neck. After a second, Lenn looked at me and waggled his brows as he took a step toward the shadowy corner that held the rest of the band and pointed. “Kane also had to lend the lowly bassist his precious Gibson.”
“That’s because I felt sorry for the lowly bassist. Everyone knows bassists aren’t as good as us real guitarists,” Kane called from the shadows.
Lenn shot him the bird and announced into the mic, “I can play every instrument on this stage, asshole. And I can do it a hell of a lot better than you. I just let you glory hogs have your way so you don’t whine like little bitches, but I can do it all.”
Kade stepped up behind him and cleared his throat loudly, signature menacing stare locked on the back of his spiky, blond head. “That so, Reid?”
He spun with mock fear and held a hand up. “Naw, brother. Your job is fucking safe.” He turned to once again flip off Kane, who was howling with laughter.
“Would you shut up and get to work, Lenn. We’re waiting here,” Brant yelled from behind me, shaking his head.
He just laughed and gave him that odd chin tip guys do.
Kade took a seat on the stool and the lights zeroed in tight on him and Lennox.
His deep, brooding voice rang out clear across the hushed audience. “Happy Birthday, pretty lady. Brant—whose idea this was—is one lucky bastard.” Brant’s arms circled my shoulders from behind, locking around me so tight I couldn’t turn to say anything. He didn’t want me to miss a second of whatever was in store, so I just dropped my head slightly and kissed his arm, holding onto it with both hands as I trained my eyes on the stage.
I was watching Kade so closely, waiting for him to say something else, that the first few notes caught me completely by surprise. I shifted my gaze to Lennox’s hands and watched him slowly strum the intro to one of my favorite songs of all time. A song I only ever mentioned to Brant once. A song from my childhood that defined my longing to be cared for when no one on earth loved me. A song that I knew I would never hear the same way after this night.
“Time After Time.”
You could have heard a pin drop as Kade began to sing, his gravelly voice giving new life and timeless meaning to the iconic lyrics. He kept his head tilted slightly down through the first verse, angled away from the crowd. As the chorus approached, his head came slowly up and his eyes scanned the crowd earnestly.
Time stood still for me as that chorus started, my heart hammered in my chest and chills skittered over my flesh. As much as I loved the sound of Kade’s voice and the haunting melody, those things weren’t what took my breath. Not by a long shot.
It was hearing Brant’s voice as he sang along, his lips so close to my ear that I could feel every word as he sang.
And sing he could.
His voice was beautiful, reverent, and unwavering.
He was singing the lyrics as if he’d written them himself just for me.
My body began to shake and I couldn’t even hope to stop the flood of tears that welled in my eyes and spilled over my hot cheeks. I wanted to close my eyes, block out everything but the sound of his voice, push everything and everyone from my awareness except for him. Only him. Always him.
The second verse came and went with him holding me there, rocking me side to side as I fought for control. But just as before, he softly sang along with the chorus and my tears flowed freely.
I’d seen this type of thing in movies, grand gestures and professions of love that made me roll my eyes. Shit like that didn’t happen in real life. That’s what I thought.
And maybe it didn’t happen much in ”real life.”
But it happened in real love.
It happened all the time. Big things and little things, over the top gestures and reminders so small you might miss them if you weren’t paying attention. Whether it’s making you a cup of tea and w
rapping you in a blanket on a cold night or remembering your favorite song and getting the most popular band on the planet to sing it to you for your birthday, it was all real life.
It was all love.
Kade finished singing and all eyes turned to Lennox, his slow strumming of the final chords, head turned to watch Brant and I as the last note floated across the hushed crowd.
One full second of complete silence followed… then the entire place erupted.
I was shocked to look around and find more than one person swiping at tear-streaked cheeks, blinking away the emotions that the song evoked. I couldn’t help wondering what memories were conjured for them, and silently hoped that they were good ones. They hadn’t been for me, not back when I first fell in love with the song. But now… now the song was so much more, held so much hope and love that it overshadowed the longing of the past.
That was the real gift.
Never again would I be that frightened, neglected, abused little girl when I heard that melody. I would forever remember this moment, this night, whenever I sang along with those iconic words. They would wash over me, warm me, comfort me in a way they hadn’t before. With one incredible gesture, my favorite song was elevated to something so much more, better than I could have ever expected.
It was the best present I’d ever been given.
From the best man I’d ever known.
Sixteen
The drive back to Denson was quiet. So much had happened since we left, it seemed we both were taking the opportunity to silently process.
After the concert, we’d visited with the guys for a while. Kane and Lennox tried again for birthday spankings. Kade threatened to neuter them both with a couple of guitar strings and some pliers. Ethan played referee. Jared was quiet as usual but offered me several friendly smiles from his perch across the room.
By the time we got back to the hotel, we were so amped up that we practically jumped each other before the door to our room was fully shut. Brant kept every promise he’d made in the limo. Repeatedly. By the time the sky began to lighten with the approaching dawn, we fell into a satiated sleep that overtook us until we nearly missed our flight.
Fast forward through the horribly crowded airport and unremarkable flight home—we were too damn exhausted to break in another airplane lavatory—and we found ourselves back at his parent’s place for one more day. Before we knew it, we were loading a huge insulated tote of leftovers into the truck and playing ‘one more hug’ with his mom until Will finally dragged her into the house so we could slip away.
Brant had the best parents ever.
I was still pretty jealous but I was also so freaking glad he had them. He was amazing, and that was largely because of them. I owed them a lot for giving me someone so incredible to love.
Three hours later, we were midway to Denson and the only sound between us was the rumble of the engine. I stole glances at him every once in a while and usually found him smiling by one degree or another. Sometimes a small satisfied smirk, usually just a slight upturn of his mouth, and once, a full-on grin.
I had a feeling I knew what he was thinking about that time. I grinned when I remembered it, too.
And blushed.
Which was much rarer for me than for him.
I was glad he was so content. I was too, but I also had something to say that might not make him very happy. I didn’t want to upset him or make him angry but I had the distinct feeling that it was coming.
No reason to go into this an inch at a time. I was more of an ‘all in’ kind of girl.
I took a deep, fortifying breath and turned to look at him, his strikingly handsome profile making me smile despite my pensiveness. “Brant?”
He looked over at me with a grin. “Yeah, gorgeous?”
I hesitated, pursing my mouth and trying to remember the speech I’d been practicing in my head for the last fifty miles. His eyes on me always robbed me of coherent thought.
His brow furrowed, smile slipping. “You okay?”
I nodded, pasting on a smile I didn’t really feel. “I’m fine. I just wanted to talk to you about something before we get back.”
“Okay, shoot.” He cast me a worried glance before returning his eyes to the road.
“When we get back, after I check in at the diner, I want to go back to Teach’s house.” I spoke quickly, nervously.
“That’s fine. I’m sure you want to check the place out, though the security guys already did when they installed the new system. Or is it that you need to pick up some of your stuff? Either way, that’s fine. We’ll head over there as soon as we finish at the diner.”
“I don’t want to pick anything up. I want to stay there. Alone.”
His head jerked in my direction, eyes wide as he fought to understand. He glanced at the road and back to me so many times he reminded me of a bobble-head doll. “What? Why?” There was hurt in his voice. He didn’t understand. “I thought you were going to stay at the cabin with me.” He turned back to look through the windshield again, this time with an air of finality like he couldn’t look at me.
“I want to stay with you, honestly I do.”
“Then why…?” He trailed off, still not casting a glance my way.
I’d hurt him.
Dammit.
“A lot of reasons. Christmas is coming and, even though Teach isn’t here, I want to put up a tree. He and I made a ton of book-themed ornaments a few years back. We turned his favorite passages from the novels he taught into bulbs and ribbons. He loved those things and I want to have them on the tree just like always. I want to go through the silly rituals we used to have, even though he’s gone and Marilee has decided to stay with Bonnie through the holidays. I need to do that.”
“Then I’ll stay there with you. I’ll help you.”
I reached out and pulled his hand into mine, threading my fingers through his as I shook my head. “It’s not just that. I need to do all of this on my own. To prove it to myself that I can.”
He drew in a long, slow breath. “Isaac knows where that place is. He’s been to that house.”
“And no one knows where he is. I know that. That’s the point.”
His eyes narrowed as he watched the road. “You want to what? Play decoy? Bait? Try to lure him out? That’s crazy, Lauren. And I won’t fucking allow you to put yourself at risk like that.”
“You won’t allow it? Have we met?” My tone was sharper than I intended but dammit, that was the wrong thing to say.
He blew out a frustrated breath. “You know I didn’t mean it like that. But your safety has been my number one priority for months and now you expect me to just throw my hands up and watch you step right into the line of fire? What was the point of leaving to begin with? Why did we spend all these weeks at Kade’s? Because I thought this was about avoiding danger.”
“It was about avoiding danger. At the time. But things are different now.”
“How?” He gritted out between clenched teeth. “How is it different? Because I fail to see the distinction. He’s still on the loose. You’re still in danger. What am I missing here?”
“It’s different because I’m different. I’m not the same person I was when he showed up at the diner and sent me into a tailspin behind that goddamn dumpster. I’m not the same girl who frantically sliced him with your utility knife at that gas station. And I’m not going to let that son of a bitch scare me away from my life. Not anymore. If I’m ever going to be okay, I have to take that power from him. I have to stand on my own, if only for a while.”
His voice was pleading, afraid. “And if he finds you again? What then?” He slammed his fist into the steering wheel, startling me as tears welled in his deep blue eyes. “What if I let you do this and he ends up taking you away from me forever? How can you ask me to take that risk?”
“Because I need to know that this new inner strength I feel is genuinely me and not a reaction to knowing I have you. I love that you want to be there to catch me if I fall,
like the song says, I really do. But I’d rather not fall in the first place. I need to stand on my own, lay my head down at night without the locks or your arms protecting me. I need to beat the fear and that’s a fight I have to win alone. For the sake of my sanity, my pride, and our future. I don’t want you thinking I love you because you saved me. I want you to look at me and see a woman who can save herself. Then you’ll know that what I feel for you is about you and not about fear or the need for security.”
“I would never think that.” He promised, squeezing my hand. “Ever.”
I squeezed back until he met my eye. “I need this, Brant. Just give me until Christmas. Your mom expects us on the twenty-fourth. When we come back from there, I’ll move back into the cabin.”
“That’s almost a month.” His lips were pressed together into a thin line. “Isn’t that a bit much? How about a week? I can deal with a week, I think. I’ll just send a security guy to keep an eye out during the day and I’ll stand guard at night.”
“No security guy, no standing guard.”
“Bull. Shit.” He growled. “I’m not leaving you completely unprotected. Absolutely not.”
“There’s an alarm. I’ll be vigilant about setting it. I’ll check the cameras before leaving the house and never enter after dark without taking in my surroundings. He won’t catch me unaware ever again. I’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, you said that about going to that gas station too, as I recall.”
My heart squeezed at his words. “That was a cheap shot.”
He took his hand from mine and scrubbed it over his face, mussing his hair as he pushed it off his forehead. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be an asshole. I’m just scared.”
“I know. And I love you for that but…”
“Zoey died at Christmas.” His voice was flat, hollow.