Compass

by Jeanne McDonald

  “Does everything I do have to have a motive?”

  Ryan twisted his mouth, analyzing her. “You forget I know you. I know you better than you know yourself.” He grabbed her by the neck and mussed her hair.

  “You don’t know crap!” she screamed, smacking his hands away.

  He released her from his grasp and picked up the box of Cracker Jack pouring some into his hand.

  “Believe what you want. But I know you, Alexis York. No matter how far away you are, no matter what you do, I’ll always know you.” He popped the handful of caramel corn into his mouth and nodded proudly.

  “Stalker much?”

  Alexis struggled to hide her smile from him because she didn’t want to confirm his accusations, even though they were true. He did know her better than anyone. He’d been there for every major event in her life. From the day the doctor confirmed that Cora had Leukemia, to the day they put her tiny lifeless body in the ground, to the day she walked in on her father kissing Cora’s nurse and unveiled the lying, cheating bastard that had helped give her life. Ryan had been there, seen the pain, and never let her go, no matter how much she begged to be left alone. Ryan knew her and she knew him. And now, that would be gone.

  “I can stalk you as much as I want once I become a pilot.”

  The mention of his obsession made her smile. For as long as Alexis could remember, Ryan had wanted to be a pilot. His passion for flying was immeasurable. He could tell you every make, model, and statistic on every plane ever made.

  After Cora passed away, Ryan spent many nights holed up in Alexis’ bedroom with her, putting together model airplanes. With each piece, he would explain the importance of flying and how it was man’s way of defying the laws of nature. It consumed him.

  Ryan cupped his hands around his mouth, muffling his voice to sound like he was on a radio. “Pssh, Pilot to co-pilot. Come in, co-pilot.”

  Alexis laughed, imitating his actions. “Pssh. Co-pilot here.”

  “Our flight pattern is set. Are we ready to embark on our new adventure?”

  Alexis looked over at him and smiled. His eyes bright with excitement and humor. “Oh, no, captain. There’s something wrong with my readings. We’re going to crash and burn.” She whistled loudly, dropping her hands from her mouth, then made a massive explosion sound while extending her fingers wide.

  Ryan dropped his hands, suddenly very serious. “No, we’re not. We’re going to have everything we’ve ever dreamed of and more. Just you wait and see.”

  She breathed in deep through her nose. “I’m glad you think so.”

  Ryan shook the box of Cracker Jack at Alexis. She opened her hand to which he poured the remainder of the box in her palm. Along with the popcorn, the red and white package that held the toy tumbled into her hand. He extracted the package from the sticky popcorn mix. Alexis poured the handful of caramel corn and peanuts into her mouth. Ryan watched as she chewed the last bite. Once she had swallowed, he ripped open the package and pulled out a tiny red object. It was small and circular. Alexis assumed it was a game of some sort.

  “I know so,” he proclaimed.

  Ryan turned to Alexis and studied her for an impregnated moment. The way he looked at her left Alexis feeling warm all over. She tried to remind herself that he’d rejected her only moments earlier, but that didn’t matter. This tall, skinny boy, strange and yet wonderful, captured her heart and held on tight.

  “Lex, promise me that we won’t lose touch. Promise me that you won’t forget about me.”

  Alexis reached for his hand, ignoring the tingle in her body as their skin touched. “Of course, I promise. How could I ever forget you? You’re my best friend in the whole world.”

  Ryan smiled and turned her hand over in his placing the red toy in her palm. “It’s a compass. Keep it with you always. In those moments when you feel lost, alone, or confused, pull it out and let yourself remember. Let this compass lead you back home. Let it lead you back to me. Forever and always, okay?”

  His eyes burned into hers as he closed her hand around the piece of plastic.

  “Forever and…”

  Alexis woke with a jolt. Her brown eyes opened wide as she took in her surroundings. For the most part, all of her belongings were boxed up and ready for the movers the next morning. Fifteen years had passed and once again, she found herself leaving her home to embark on her next adventure.

  She sighed realizing her moment with Ryan had all been a dream, a memory. She lifted her head. A page from the book she had been laying on followed her. She stripped it away from her left cheek, wiping her hand over her face. The glossy page reflected the soft glow of the lamp that hung over the desk.

  There before her was her old high school yearbook. She had dozed off while looking over the tattered pages. Her left hand pressed down on the sheet, smoothing it out while her right clutched tight. She smiled when she noticed the handsome face shining back at her. There was a picture of her and Ryan at a Pep Rally. She was wearing her cheerleader uniform and he was dressed in a pullover sweater, baggy jeans, and aviator sunglasses. Under his picture was a note he had written before she left for New York.

  Lex, you’re my best friend in the whole world. Just remember, every time you feel off course, follow your heart. It’s your compass. It will always lead you to where you belong.

  Flying high, Ryan

  Alexis opened her right hand, and there rested the faded red compass. The once clear plastic face was now clouded with age. The red encasement scratched and marked with time, but the navigational piece withstood anything that came against it. The compass may have been devoid of actual feelings, but for Alexis, that compass felt every bump, every scratch, every inkling of the time it wore.

  All those years it had rested in a box with the reminders of her once best friend. Only then had she pulled out that box because Ryan had recently accepted her friend request on Facebook. The moment she saw that smiling face in his profile picture, she felt her heart pump again. It was a strange feeling that drove her to look through the old box of memories.

  She rubbed her thumb over the tiny compass surprised that it still worked. With her eyes closed, she let the memories wash over her. She would never forget the look on Ryan’s face the day she left for New York. It was one of the few times she had ever seen him cry.

  “Call me every day,” he pleaded in her ear, as he hugged her close. The smell of his skin still lingered in the recesses of her memory.

  “You, too. I mean it. I expect to hear about all of your adventures.”

  “You will. You’re my best girl. I could never go without hearing your voice.”

  Alexis closed her eyes tighter, feeling the sob strangled in her throat. They had both broken their promise. Time passed, life took over, and she and Ryan lost touch over the years. From what she could tell, after looking through his Facebook page, Ryan had accomplished everything he wished for and more. He’d grown up. Made a life for himself. Something about that made her feel happy and lonely at the same time.

  A light thud reverberated as she closed the yearbook. The faded burgundy cover was worn and tired having been a lifeline of memories. Alexis gently dropped the tattered book back into the box on her desk and closed the lid. One last time she rubbed her finger over the soft plastic of the toy compass. It too had been a reminder of all she lost but that home was always just within reach.

  She placed the compass in her wallet for safe keeping followed by a flick of the switch, exterminating the single light illuminating her tiny, rent-controlled apartment before resting into bed. There she lay in the darkness for the last time in her little New York hovel, wondering where Ryan was and what adventure he was embarking on at that moment.

  Alexis sat in the front seat of her mother’s sedan staring down at the picture on her phone. Ryan’s Facebook page was vague. There was very little indicated about his personal life, but there were ample amounts of pictures of him ─ tall, lean muscled, rich jet-black hair, and a smile that
haunted her dreams. The boy she knew was gone, leaving in his place a man.

  Photo after photo revealed a very full and happy life. There was one that made her heart flutter that she rationalized saving it on her phone. It was a picture of Ryan with another pilot in the cockpit of a plane. They were both leaning in, wide smiles, and twinkling eyes. She told herself that she saved it because it was a reminder that Ryan had accomplished his dreams. He was in fact a pilot. It didn’t hurt that he looked amazing in his uniform, either.

  She scanned each picture but she stopped when she came across a photo of Ryan standing in front of an IronMan pavilion. He held up a medal, pointing at it with pride. She thought back to the boy who was sort of clumsy and a bit nerdy, which caused a chuckle to bubble in her throat. If only she could tell her seventeen year old self about thirty-two year old Ryan. Neither of them would ever believe that scrawny, adorkable Ryan would turn out to be an athletic stud.

  “Are you even listening to me?” came her mother’s voice with a hint of annoyance. “Earth to Alexis!”

  Alexis jumped, almost dropping her phone but recovered it before it hit the floor. “What?” She snapped her head in her mother’s direction, catching a glimpse of what she would look like in twenty years. Melanie York’s chocolate brown hair was cut into a long pixie cut, with her bangs hanging over her brow. Streaks of silver highlighted her dark locks and eyes, a lighter brown than Alexis’, sparkled in the afternoon sunlight.

  “You haven’t heard a single word I’ve said, have you? What’s got you so enamored over there?” Melanie dropped her gaze down to the phone in Alexis’ hand before returning it to the congested freeway. “Who’s that?”

  “Ryan Fisher,” Alexis responded, using her index finger and thumb to zoom in on his face. That sweet smile of his hadn’t changed. His eyes showed age, a life well lived, but his smile carried the same boyish charm she’d loved so much as a young girl.

  “Wow. He’s grown up. He was always a cute kid, but damn.”

  “Ew. Mom!”

  “All I’m saying is he turned into a good looking man. I’m not blind, you know. Geez.”

  “This coming from the woman who hasn’t had a date in fifteen years,” Alexis droned. She clicked her phone off and dropped it into her messenger bag that sat at her feet.

  “You’re wrong.”

  Alexis jerked her head in her mother’s direction. “How so?”

  A smirk twisted Melanie’s lips. “I guess you should’ve been listening to me.”

  “Fine. I’m listening now.”

  Melanie tapped her thumbs against the steering wheel. “I said I’ve met someone.”

  Alexis’ mouth popped open in shock. This news came as a complete surprise. After leaving her father, Miles, in Edenton, her mother seemed to ward off men. Not that Alexis blamed her. Between her adulterous father, the string of unfaithful boyfriends her best friend Doctor Jenna Harmon dealt with, and her no-good bastard of a former boss, Alexis had witnessed enough cheating men to know she never wanted to commit to one. She’d taken a vow of commitment celibacy. Alexis liked men and she enjoyed sex but she didn’t trust the male gender what-so-ever.

  Alexis rolled her shoulders. “You’re choosing now to tell me this? When I’m about to move fifteen hundred miles away! What do you know about this guy? Where did you meet? What does he do? How do you know you can trust him?” Alexis spouted off.

  “His name’s Dan Stevens and I met him at my book club. He’s a retired firefighter and a widower. He has a son about your age who lives in California with his wife and two children. He asked me out for coffee and we sort of hit it off.”

  “Hit it off? Is that old person code for gettin’ bizzy?” Alexis teased.

  “Alexis!” Melanie’s face turned a bright shade of fuchsia.

  “Mom!” Alexis pressed her fingers against her eyebrow. “Does this have anything to do with the fact that I’m moving near Dad?”

  From the corner of her eye, Alexis could see her mother slump her shoulders. Melanie shook her head, her smile disappearing. “No, and speaking of your father, you really need to ease up on him. It’s time to forgive him. I have.”

  Alexis shrugged. “There’s nothing for me to forgive, Mom. He moved on. I get it. But at least he could’ve waited until Cora was cold in her grave before banging her nurse.”

  “Stop it!” Melanie slammed her hands against the steering wheel. The vein in her forehead popped and pulsed against her creamy, smooth skin. “If you can’t show some respect for your father, then show it toward your sister. You understand me?”

  A lump formed in Alexis’ throat at her mother’s outrage. They didn’t argue often, even when she was a teenager. Alexis never wanted to put her mother through anymore stress than she’d already endured with the loss of Cora and then her father’s infidelity. So when they did have a row, it left Alexis feeling guilty and ashamed. “I’m sorry.” The words sounded hollow coming from her lips, but there was nothing more that she could say. She never meant to slander Cora. Not a day went by she didn’t think of her. Each patient she handled, every case, reminded her of her sister.

  “I know, honey,” Melanie whispered. “I’m sorry, too.”

  They sat in silence for a moment. Alexis twisted the hem of her black I Heart New York t-shirt around her index finger. The shirt did not lie. From the moment she arrived in New York City, she couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. She loved the sights and smells of the city. Day or night, there was always something to do, some place to go, and interesting people to meet. The only thing missing was Ryan.

  To say she would miss New York was an understatement. With a heavy heart, she was leaving it all behind to embark on yet another adventure in her life. Alexis was moving to Texas where she’d accepted a fellowship in the oncology department at Agape Medical Center in Grapevine, a suburb of Dallas. This was an amazing opportunity for her, but there was one major drawback as her mother pointed out ─ she would be much closer to Miles and Kellie.

  Four months after Alexis and her mother left Edenton, Miles married Kellie, Cora’s former in-home nurse, and moved to Texas. Alexis always hated the humid state because she’d been forced to visit her dad and his new wife there. She’d vowed to stop visiting Miles on her eighteenth birthday, but her plan was thwarted when Kellie got pregnant. Alexis wanted to hate her half brother, Henry, for existing, but her heart wouldn’t allow it. That innocent little boy had nothing to do with her father’s betrayal, but it still stung that Miles started a whole new family after abandoning hers.

  When she received the fellowship offer, she almost turned it down for the simple fact she hated the idea of living in Texas. It didn’t matter that she would enter at a PGY-5 salary, which was unheard of for a fellow, or that she was promised an actual position at the hospital once her fellowship contract was complete. As much as she hated the thought of being any closer to her dad than necessary, this was an opportunity of a lifetime and allowing the past to negate her future was out of the question. Granted, it still took her mom and Jenna talking her through the decision for her to see what she’d be giving up if she didn’t take the position.

  Alexis rested her head back against the headrest, as Melanie maneuvered slowly through traffic. Her mind drifted to Ryan and what adventure he might embarking on. Her fingers twitched to grab her phone and check out his profile again. What were the odds of finding him on the eve of her move?

  Just one more peek. He did accept my friend request, after all. That gives me the right to look, right?

  She leaned forward; ready to snatch the phone from the bag when she realized what she was doing.

  A small laugh bounced in her chest at the realization that she was behaving the same way Jenna did when she discovered a new suitor online. Jenna would spend days stalking their Facebook page, learning every minute detail about the guy, which was one reason why Alexis had refused to create a Facebook account before now. Alexis sat back up, leaving her phone in the bag. Facebook stalking a
guy was not a healthy pastime, and she wouldn’t fall into that trap. Just because she wanted to know more about Ryan didn’t give her the liberty to invade his life.

  I’ll just private message him when I land. Yeah. That sounds good. Not nearly as stalkerish, she convinced herself.

  “Remind me.” Melanie scratched her nose.

  “Hmm?” Alexis perked up. “About?”

  “When do you start again?”

  “Monday.”

  Melanie let out a heavy breath, blowing her bangs upward in the process. “What were you thinking? The truck doesn’t arrive in Dallas until Sunday. That won’t give you any time to unpack. Can’t you take a week off to settle in?”

  “I could’ve, but I don’t want to. That’s why I paid extra for a furnished apartment and all I need to last me for the next week is packed in here,” she patted her leather messenger bag, “and in those two suitcases in the trunk.” She hooked a thumb behind her toward the back end of the vehicle.

  Melanie shook her head. “You’ll never change, will you, my darling girl?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do you remember the time you talked Ryan into jumping off the house with you?”

  “Yeah,” Alexis snorted, “he broke his leg.”

  “Remember why you wanted to jump off the house?”

  Alexis clicked her tongue, trying to recall why her eight-year-old self wanted to jump off a house. She remembered the pink tutu she wore and the amount of trouble she got into after Ryan was rushed to the hospital, but for the life of her she couldn’t recollect what led her to suggest such a reckless activity. “Not off hand,” she admitted.

  Melanie laughed. “Ryan wanted to fly so bad he could hardly see straight. It was your belief that if you jumped off the roof, the two of you would be able to fly.”

  “Oh, yeah. I remember now.” Alexis let out a soft laugh. Neither her mother nor Ryan realized that she orchestrated that stunt, not for Ryan to fly, but for her to not be afraid of flying. Needless to say, it didn’t help. “But what does this have to do with me starting my new job on Monday?”