“It’s holiday food in Japan,” he huffed, scrapping the veggies aside with his knife. He reached for his bamboo-rolling mat, laying it flat on the counter.
“Is that where you learned to make sushi?”
Ryan placed a slice of seaweed on the mat, smoothing sticky rice over the nori. “I’ve been to China, but not Japan. I’d love to go, though.”
“Me, too. All that culture and history,” she mused.
Ryan piled his favorite toppings onto what would soon be a sushi roll. “That would mean you’d have to fly.”
Alexis tenderly touched his jaw. “True, but then again, I’ll have my sexy pilot who promised to never let me fall.”
She locked her arm around his neck, pulling him in between her legs. Their mouths met in a kiss that ignited the room in passion. Gone was the need of her stomach. In its place was a longing, a deep desire for the man who’d held her captive, both in heart and soul.
Ryan dug his messy fingers into her hips. Alexis threaded her hands in his hair, attacking his mouth with vigor and insatiable need. Their tongues twisted and twirled, hungry for nothing more than the taste of each other.
Melanie, Alexis’ mother, entered the kitchen smacking Alexis on the knee. “Get a room, you two,” she chortled. Melanie snatched a cucumber from the cutting board, popping it into her mouth. She leaned against the opposite side of the counter as Ryan pulled himself from Alexis’ grasp and returned to rolling sushi. A tinge of red colored Ryan’s face, highlighted by the cocky grin drawn upon his lips.
“Mom!” Alexis screeched, her eyes bugging.
“Oh, stop it. I’m glad to see you so happy.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” chimed in Shannon, Ryan’s mother. She sauntered into the kitchen, wearing her traditional holiday sweater over her long, slender torso. “I always knew there was something between the two of you, even as kids.”
Declan entered the room behind Shannon. “Oh, yeah!” he exclaimed. “Now this is what I’m talking about. I want all the dirt you have on them as kids. They’re both very hush, hush about their childhood.” He grabbed a California roll that Ryan had just set on the serving plate. Alexis snickered at the irritated look on Ryan’s face. Declan shoved the whole roll in his mouth, his cheeks puffed out from being overfilled. He gave Ryan two thumbs up as he forced the food down his throat.
Melanie rubbed her nose, laughing. “Dirt.” She raked her teeth over her bottom lip. “What kind of dirt do we have on them, Shannon?”
Shannon rubbed her hands together; a sadistic gleam twinkled in her eyes. “Hmm. That’s a good question.” She turned to Declan. “What do you want to know?”
Declan leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “Anything. I’m sure you’ve got the skinny on all the good shit.”
Laughter bubbled from Melanie. “Well, let’s see. I bet you anything that Ryan has a box of Cracker Jack in the pantry right now.”
Alexis and Ryan cut eyes to each other, both grinning. Declan shoved off the wall, and opened the pantry, producing a bag of the delectable treat. “This is a given.” He shook the bag a time or two then threw it back in the pantry, slamming the door shut. “I want the good stuff. Stuff no one knows about but them.”
Melanie rubbed her hand along her chin. “Did either of them ever tell you they shared a bed almost every night until they were what…” she paused, her eyes shifted to the heavens as she pondered their age.
“At least sixteen,” Shannon inserted.
Mouth gaped open, Declan’s head jerked back and forth between Ryan and Alexis. “No!”
Ryan chuckled, starting his next roll. “Yeah. For awhile I had to sneak into her room.”
“For a while?” Shannon inserted. “Try forever. I remember the first night it happened, though. Ryan was five. Scared the bejesus out of Isaiah and me. I sent Isaiah over to your place,” Shannon nodded toward Melanie, “to ask Miles for his help in searching for Ryan. They decided to go upstairs to ask Alexis if she might have a clue where Ryan was, only to discover that he was in bed with little Lexi.”
Declan snorted in laughter. “Aw! How precious.”
“Yes, but at one point,” Ryan added, ignoring Declan’s remark, “I had my ladder to climb.”
“Until Mom and Dad took it away,” Alexis complained. “That’s when he had to start sneaking in.”
Melanie fanned her hand out in dismissal. “We always knew you were there, Ryan,” she noted, her tone teasing.
Alexis tilted her head, “That’s kind of cruel, Mom. The poor guy had to climb a tree to get into my room.”
Melanie shrugged her shoulders, the corners of her mouth turned up. “At least we didn’t put bars on your window like your dad had suggested.”
“Wait? Hold on?” Declan gesticulated. “You’re telling me you were in her room every night, and you didn’t even cop a feel? Not even once. What kind of an idiot are you?”
Alexis grabbed a carrot from Ryan’s cutting board, throwing it at Declan. “He’s a good guy, thank you very much. He took care of me.”
“Oh, so you did cop a feel?” Declan teased, a mischievous expression brightened his face.
“Maybe once,” Ryan muttered.
Alexis jerked her head in Ryan’s direction, astonished. She didn’t recall that ever occurring. Melanie, Shannon, and Declan burst into laughter.
“I think I accidently stumbled onto something here,” Declan jeered.
“Stumbled onto what?” Isaiah questioned. The much older version of Ryan, ambled over to his wife, bumping her in the hip with his. He gave her a little wink and turned to the crowd, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Oh, geez!” Ryan muttered, his eyes locked on Alexis.
“Only the fact that your son was feeling up my daughter when they were kids,” Melanie recounted, fighting to keep a straight face.
“As if that’s any kind of news. I would’ve been disappointed otherwise.” Isaiah gave Alexis and Ryan a playful wink.
Jenna stumbled into the kitchen, followed by Melanie’s boyfriend, Dan, along with Mary and her husband, Shane.
Alexis could easily understand her mother’s appeal to Dan. He was tall, towering Ryan and Declan, with thick bands of muscles outlining his body. For a man in his fifties, he was built like a rock and still quite handsome. His blue eyes brightened whenever her mother was near. For the most part, Dan was the complete polar opposite of her metrosexual father, dressed in his pressed jeans and fitted t-shirt that highlighted every ripple on his body.
Dan slipped around to Melanie, wrapping his arms around her. Alexis felt her stomach drop. It was nice to see her mother happy, but the nagging distrust of men left her unsettled. She wanted to like Dan, and she felt a semblance of fondness for the kind man, but she worried that Dan would hurt her mother just as her father had done. The thought sickened her.
“Sounds like the party’s in here,” Jenna announced.
Declan waved the rest of the dinner party into the kitchen. He reached into the fridge, grabbing bottles of beer and handing them out to everyone. Alexis popped the top off of two, giving one to Ryan. “Join us. We’re getting the skinny on these two.” He poked his thumb toward Alexis and Ryan.
Alexis took a long pull from her beer, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. She glanced around the room to those she held dear to her. Jenna, saucy, sweet, and once again single, kept making eyes at Declan. It came as no surprise that Declan returned the favor, bestowing cute little winks and sly touches on her best friend from New York. In Alexis’ opinion, Declan was a wise man for noticing the curvy blonde with a heart of gold. But as always, she had the urge to warn her friend that messing with Declan was like playing with fire. He would burn her.
“Oh, you mean,” Jenna cleared her throat, “I wonder what Ryan’s doing right now. Do you think he misses me?” she attempted an impersonation of Alexis.
“I didn’t sound like that!” Alexis screeched.
Ryan set his knife down, cocking hi
s head. “When was that?”
“Freshman year of college. If we weren’t talking about you, we were talking about Doctor Fuckable,” Jenna announced.
“Oh, yeah. Doctor Fuckable. I remember him,” Melanie included.
“Do tell us about Doctor Fuckable,” Mary hedged, slightly intrigued. Shane held her close to his side. Mary wore a red and green sweater matched with black jeans and boots. Alexis envied how she always looked so well put together. Even in scrubs, Mary managed to maintain a stylish flare. Shane stood an inch taller than his wife. He kept his head shaved to compensate for the balding pattern that had arranged itself over his skull. Most people might look at them as a mismatched couple, but in a strange way, they fit perfectly together.
Alexis covered her face with her hand, shaking her head. The conversation exploded and before long, laughter echoed through the room as Alexis’ life unfolded for all their friends.
It felt nice to be surrounded by those she loved, new and old. Ryan finished preparing dinner─a beautiful cascade of sushi and sashimi that was tantalizing to the eyes and enticing to the taste buds. As they ate, they broke off into a menagerie of conversation. Occasionally, it would all turn back into one, especially when Declan stabbed his chopsticks into his sashimi rather than grabbing it properly. Eventually he gave up and obtained a fork to finish his meal.
Empty plates and drained bottles of beer and plum wine mosaicked the table. Ryan rested his arm on the back of Alexis’ chair, leaning back as he discussed a book he’d recently finished with her mother and Dan. “If you like historically accurate Victorian fiction, I would highly recommend it.”
“I’ve never even heard of it,” Melanie admitted. “But it sounds amazing.”
“You’re welcome to borrow it. I have it in my room,” Ryan offered.
“Are you sure? I can download it later.”
“It’ll give you something to read while you’re in town. Let me go get it for you.”
As Ryan scooted his chair back to leave the table, there were three rapid knocks at the front door. He glanced down the table at Declan who was putting the moves on Jenna. “Were you expecting anyone else?”
Declan shook his head. “Not that I know of.”
Ryan lifted his hachimaki, scratching his forehead. He tilted his head to Alexis, smiling. “Would you mind grabbing that book for your mom while I get the door?”
“Sure. Where is it?”
“It’s either on my bookshelf or in the crate in my closet.” Ryan pressed a kiss to her cheek and bounced up from his seat.
Alexis watched as he made his way to the door before getting up. “I’ll be right back,” she announced to their guests.
She trotted down the hall to Ryan’s bedroom. The echoes of conversation faded into the background as she closed the door behind her. Her first stop was to the huge bookshelf that spread along the wall next to his closet.
She loved the way his room felt. It reminded her of a more grownup version of the one they’d spent so much time in when they were kids. Model planes worked as bookends on the shelves where books were stacked tall and wide.
It took some time, but after careful evaluation, she couldn’t find the title of the book he’d requested. She entered his closet, looking for the aforementioned crate. Her eyes darted around the small walk-in closet. Nothing was out of place, everything neat and tidy. His uniforms were hung with care, all lined up and evenly spaced. She slid her fingers down the arm of his jacket, bringing the cuff to her nose. Eyes closed, she breathed in deep. It smelled of him.
She opened her eyes, catching sight of the crate at the top of the closet. It was too high up for her to reach, so she grabbed a chair from his bedroom and hoisted herself up. She tugged on the heavy, orange crate full of books, and as she did, something flew over her head, landing on the floor in a strewed mess. Startled by the flying object, she let out a little yelp then laughed at herself. For all she knew, Ryan was hiding bats in his closet.
“I’m Batman,” she growled, again laughing at herself. Alexis glanced down at the floor to see the flying object was a box filled with papers.
She finished pulling the heavy crate down, careful not to fall backward in the process. Grunting at the object in her arms, she dropped the box of books on the floor and pounced down beside it. She knelt to the ground and began to clean up the mess she’d created. Scattered over the closet floor were postcards indicating various regions of the world. Alexis smiled at the realization that these were places Ryan must have visited.
She collected the cards from the ground, one by one, reliving his traveling experience through each picture. On the back of one, she noticed he’d written something. Much to her surprise, it was her name. One after another, she turned the postcards over to find they had all been made out to her. However, it eluded her as to why he never sent them to her.
So much confusion plagued her. Each little card was a secret that Ryan had kept from her. They’d been so open about their past with each other. She knew of his previous relationships, just as he knew of hers. All of their experiences were out on the table, or so she thought. Yet, in her hands she held proof of a piece of Ryan he’d refrained from sharing with her. To make things worse, the piece he held back was her.
“Lex, Baby, you in here?” Ryan’s voice reverberated from within his bedroom. Alexis sat still, her heart pounded in her chest. These cards were physical representation that he’d never forgotten about her. That he’d thought of her, just as she had him, all those years they were apart. Tears started to burn her eyes.
“Lex?” Ryan poked his head into the closet.
The smile on his face dropped at the sight of her crouched on the ground, clutching the postcards. “All these years?” she whispered, holding the postcards up to him. She pinched her brow, and her head slightly shook in a continuous motion.
Ryan dropped to his knees and focused on her. “I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry? You hid these from me,” she gulped.
“You don’t understand.”
“Make me understand, because I thought we promised no secrets.”
“We did!” Ryan implored. He rushed his fingers through his hair. “After we lost touch, I tried so hard to forget about you. To forget our plans to travel the world. But, no matter how hard I tried, you were always there in the back of my mind. It became a habit, almost an obsession, for me to collect a postcard every place I went for you.”
Alexis raised the cards in front of her face, fanning them out and waving them. “But why didn’t you send them to me?” she whimpered, brushing away her tears.
“I no longer had your address. I tried to find you online, but couldn’t,” he replied, taking the stack of cards from her, placing them on the floor. “And while it might sound crazy, I could never forget about you. Ever.” His eyes met hers, warm and caring. He reached for her hands, linking their fingers together. “Every place I went, you were there with me.”
The irony of it all wasn’t lost on her. She looked down at their clasped hands. “Answer me something. It’s been bugging me all night,” she inquired.
His brow pinched and his head cocked to the side. “Anything.”
“Tonight, when Declan asked if you ever touched me, were you joking when you said yes?” She sucked in air, her mind reeling.
A hint of pink colored his cheeks. His mouth twitched. “No, I wasn’t joking. Please don’t hate me for that.”
“Hate you!” she exclaimed. “All those years I thought you preferred girls like Stephanie Jargowsky. She was smart and pretty.” She dared to look at him. His green eyes were wide and brimming with tears.
“So are you, Lex. You always were. I thought you’d never want a scrawny guy like me.” He moved in closer to her, cupping her face. “If I’d only known how you felt.”
She rested her hands over his. The desperation in his eyes evident. “Ryan?” her cadence low, barely a whisper.
“Yeah?” His thumb traced the line of her bottom lip.
“How long have you loved me?” She met his eyes, searching for the truth. Ryan dropped his hands, running his tongue over his lips. He sucked in a deep breath, his hands clenching into balls in his lap. He tried to look down, but she refused to let him. She pushed up on her knees, tugging his chin upward to meet her gaze. “Please tell me.”
His jaw stiffened and his shoulders straightened. He looked at her, determination in his eyes. “For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved you.”
“Always and forever,” she breathed.
Ryan nodded. “Always and forever,” he repeated.
Tears burned down her cheeks as her wall of distrust disintegrated. All this time he’d loved her. That kind of love was impossible, only written in fairy tales, yet here it was. Right in front of her.
Unable to speak, she pressed her lips to his. She wanted so badly to tell him she felt the same way, but words weren’t enough. They would never be enough.
She wrapped herself around him, drawing him in. Her heart pounded in her chest. Her need for him burned hot. Ryan enveloped her in his arms, gripping her shoulders. Their mouths fused together, barely allowing for air. She didn’t need to breathe as long as he held her.
Pulling back, she cupped his face in her hands. “I’ve never told anyone this, but I blamed myself for my parents separating. After Cora died, I shut down. You remember how I was. Had I been a better daughter to them,” her brow furrowed, “I know this is childish to believe, but maybe Dad never would’ve cheated. Since then, I’ve allowed that experience to mold and shape me. I’ve let the fear of being hurt consume me. It’s prevented me from saying the very thing that’s in my heart.” She swallowed hard and those three little words fell from her lips. “I love you.”
Ryan inclined his head; his mouth twitching and his fingers brushing her hair back from her face. “You love me?”
“More than life itself,” she croaked. “You really love me?” Hope filled her timbre.
He released a heavy sigh. “With all that I am.”
She reached up and removed the hachimaki from his forehead, tossing it to the side. Sliding her fingers through his soft, dark tresses, she pulled his face to meet her lips. Soft but firm, their mouths bonded them together. In a single, graceful move, Ryan flipped her on to her back. He hovered over her, the look of pure love in his eyes. A gasp escaped Alexis’ chest as she wound her arms around his neck forcing him to press down on her. His body encompassed her, cradling her, protecting her heart as he promised he’d do.
Compass Page 21